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https://preview.redd.it/vgl1c2ebwdd51.jpg?width=258&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=08a0f4e42973f28d11159f0e097b4a3ee1678b36
submitted by adopt27JJul to u/adopt27JJul [link] [comments]

As a gay man, I’d gladly cure/turn myself straight. I hate being gay, and not because of homophobia

I came out a little over two years ago, and while my family accepts me and doesn’t care, I would love nothing more in the world than to be cured. This is a hugely controversial opinion with LGBT people; the last time I admitted it on Reddit, I was downvoted over fifty times. The truth is, to be gay is to be lonely. And I don’t want to be lonely anymore.
Being away from the rest of the world, living in quarantine with the rest of my family, has made me reflect on life more. Being gay feels more like a diagnosis than it does a sexuality. What’s frustrating to me is that this feeling isn’t respected. Even straight people I’ve told this to get angry at me, telling me “it’s okay to be who you are.” But being gay isn’t who I am. It’s not a physical condition like my brown hair and eyes, my height or my skin. My sexuality is just thoughts in my head, and I want them to go away.
The worst part of being gay is not the homophobes calling us names and dooming us to hell. The worst part is actually other gay men. It’s already lonely enough living in rural Iowa, but when I finally went to a bigger area with more gays- I felt even more judgement from the gays than I did with small town folks. Gay bars are supposed to make everyone feel safe and loved, right? The truth is, gay men are some of the shallowest people I know. Only caring about looks, how many followers on Twitter and Instagram you have, and whether or not you know so-and-so. Sure, straight people can be vain. But with gay men, it’s especially worse.
One of the worst parts of being gay is the sex. At 5’8”, I’m considered to be short in the gay world. Guys always assume that I want to be passive/the receiver in anal sex. I hate nothing more than being a bottom. I’ve tried multiple times, with lots of lube, rimming, and fingering. Whenever a guy is in me, it feels like I’m being torn in half. I’ll happily live the rest of my life without anal. But it will be next to impossible to find someone else that feels that way. It frustrates me, especially because it’s supposed to be so amazing. I once had a personal trainer that was 6’3” and super muscly, only to find out he was a total bottom on Grindr. I simply don’t get it. It just feels like my body wasn’t designed to be penetrated- probably because it wasn’t. It literally just feels like someone is trying to shove your shit back inside you, lol.
Anything sex strikes nerves with gay men. For an example, I’m in a Snapchat group with gay guys from Des Moines. They were still meeting up for hook ups on Grindr last week. I warned them that COVID-19 can be spread by even breathing. They got angry at me, saying not to repress them. Now one of their moms is in the hospital fighting for her life with the coronavirus. There’s no way to confirm it’s because her son couldn’t keep it in his pants, but it sure as hell didn’t help. Many of these guys are nurses, flight attendants, and some WalMart workers. They simply don’t care.
I’m not saying women are perfect by any means. But being in love with a woman sounds so much more meaningful to me. I recently read that thread with fathers explaining what it was like to hold their newborns for the first time. I’ll never get to experience that feeling with my own biological child. Sure, I can adopt..But the amount of guys that are family minded are next to none. Most of my straight friends (we’re 25-30) have married and at least have one kid. Elton John is literally the only gay man I know that has adopted children.
Before I went to Pride, I was expecting to see things focusing on love. I was expecting things to do with your partner, cute couple things, stuff like that. Instead, when I went to Minneapolis Pride, there were just lots of nearly nude men. Booths with whips, dildos, cuffs, penis-shaped suckers. Guys walking around in puppy masks (a kink thing, minus the sex appeal), and I saw some chastity too. Kink is something totally different than Pride, but they get angry when you mention that. I always find that hilarious- it’s not like some guy dressed up as a puppy threw the first brick at Stonewall.
I could go on forever about this. One of the things I hate about gay guys is that they’re still actively trying to cruise. Before gay sex with legalized, guys would literally have sex in public parks/bathrooms, waiting for the right guy to come along for hours. And they’re still doing it, just because they get a thrill out of it. Don’t believe me? Check out gaycruising. There’s billboards that advertise websites where you can find the closet park or Home Depot that guys use for sex. It’s messed up. Sure, straight people have sex in public too, but do they actively hunt for it while they’re changing clothes at the local YMCA?
I’m just honestly so tired of it. I’ve tried to make my peace with it, but these thoughts keep coming. I’d love to be straight. I’ve spoken to a therapist about it in the past. I explained how most gay guys hate the idea of being “heteronormative” but I don’t want to be “homonormative.” She just laughed. I wish people took my feelings seriously. No one ever does. She basically told me that I have to live with my feelings, no matter how other people make me feel.
I can’t help but to keep wishing it. I wish I could be straight. People always argue with me, saying “well it’s found in nature!” But some animals also eat their young, so to me, that argument is worthless. No matter how many years I’ve lived as a gay man, I’ll probably always feel this way. I sincerely feel like there’s something wrong with my head. To be gay is to be doomed. I wish there was a cure.
Edit: I’m currently getting a lot of messages from people telling me how they feel the same way about being gay too. I’m sorry to hear I’m not the only one that’s going through this too. If anything, remember if we could, we would change these thoughts- but we can’t. I love you all. We just have to take one day at a time. Don’t let this be a time of suffering, but of healing. Be kind to yourselves.
Edit 2: Oh my fucking god. I finished my homework only to find my inbox flooded. So many people are taking what I said the wrong way- I don’t care if a guy is “femme”- I’m not looking for guys that are only into sports. My last (and only ex) boyfriend loved Drag Race and we’d cuddle watching it. I wish I could reply to you all, but I simply can’t. I have to Zoom my class in a couple of hours and need some rest. xoxoxo
Edit 3: I’m in between classes right now- but I just want to point something out. It’s incredibly easy to get sex as a gay man. I’m not an incel by any means. I’m not complaining about the lack of men seeking sex. It’s easy finding guys that want to hook up. What I’m frustrated it is that there’s a lack of men that want something past that. I want something real, someone to share life with. Not a cum dump. Someone that wants to start a family. But the longer I meet other gay men, the more I realize no one really wants that. It just feels unnatural to be gay, in that regard. That’s why I’d rather be straight. A majority of women I know want to start a family. Most of my friends from high school already have. All of the gay guys I know are lonely. It’s maddening.
Also, many people are saying “I took a shit on the gay community.” Here’s the truth: there is NO GAY COMMUNITY. There’s only Instagram and Twitter accounts that get more attention because they have more followers. But the term “gay community” is useless. Gay men haven’t been supportive of each other since the AIDS epidemic. It’s such a shallow term, and worthless. It’s controversial, yes, but saying there’s a gay community is like saying there’s a community of people that like the color yellow. It’s all in your head.
Edit 4: I could go on forever about this. Most of you are focusing on how I’m complaining about gay stereotypes- but in truth, I don’t want to be gay because it feels unnatural. Putting my dick in a man literally serves no purpose. It’s not natural. We’re a hedonistic culture, and only care about ourselves, so no one cares about this. This why so many of you are angry. But as a gay man, I recognize my feelings, and want to be natural. Science has never proven people are born gay. And once they do discover a gay gene, it’s only a matter of time until homosexuality is preventable.
Edit 5/27: Many people are still reading this and sending me messages. Here’s some things to consider. Research has shown gay men are more depressed and suicidal because of gay men, and not only this, but would be happier in the closet:
The LGBTQ community has won the right to same-sex marriage and achieved unprecedented visibility in politics, media and entertainment. [...] Travis Salway is an epidemiologist trying to close this gap. In 2014, he discovered that in Canada, suicide had surpassed HIV as the leading cause of death among gay and bisexual men.
Why do suicide rates remain so high among the LGBTQ population?
The predominant theory is called “minority stress.” The idea is that sexual minorities accumulate stressors in multiple forms.
Source
For other minority groups, living in a community with people like them is linked to lower rates of anxiety and depression. It helps to be close to people who instinctively understand you. But for us, the effect is the opposite. Several studies have found that living in gay neighborhoods predicts higher rates of risky sex and meth use and less time spent on other community activities like volunteering or playing sports. A 2009 study suggested that gay men who were more linked to the gay community were less satisfied with their own romantic relationships.
“Gay and bisexual men talk about the gay community as a significant source of stress in their lives,” Pachankis says. The fundamental reason for this, he says, is that “in-group discrimination” does more harm to your psyche than getting rejected by members of the majority. It’s easy to ignore, roll your eyes and put a middle finger up to straight people who don’t like you because, whatever, you don’t need their approval anyway. Rejection from other gay people, though, feels like losing your only way of making friends and finding love. Being pushed away from your own people hurts more because you need them more.
Source
Pachankis and his colleagues found that the stress gay and bisexual men reported experiencing related to their community’s preoccupation with sex, status and competition, as well as racism within their ranks, was associated with compromised mental health, especially for those lower on the gay-status totem pole.
Local men in his studies rarely report, he says, “‘I had a really difficult week because someone called me a fag.’ It’s much, much more common that folks are talking about intraminority stressors of a lot of dating apps, judgment, and sexual racism within the community.”
Source

It's so draining on mental health to be part of the gay community that those in the closet are even happier than those that come out:

Closeted men were less likely to be depressed than out men. Men who were recently out experienced higher odds of major depressive disorder, and generalized anxiety disorder as compared to closeted men.
Source
That, to me, speaks volumes about the gay community
submitted by brunettedude to TrueOffMyChest [link] [comments]

By Far, Possibly the WORST thing my MIL has ever done.

First, I do NOT consent for ANY of this to be shared ANYWHERE. This is a post meant for /JUSTNOMIL ONLY.

Second, I'm sorry I'm on a throwaway, but there is too much identifying information on my main account and my other posts here. With the content of this post and the others, it would be too easy and this contains some SENSITIVE ass information. As a result, I will probably stop replying at some point today but I will continue to monitor this thread on my main.

Yall. I'm at a fucking loss. My mother-in-law took the cake with this shit.

Background. My husband is the only child from his parents marriage. My FIL is his stepfather. His brother and sibling (non-binary) are his half siblings from FIL. My FIL and JNMIL live several hours and several hundred miles away. I like her being that far away but the rest of the family being so far away is what makes me sad. I really enjoy AIL, GMIL, BIL, etc.

As I'm sure you wonderful people are familiar with, my JNMIL is a fucking attention whore. Don't get me wrong, I am too. I thrive from positive attention. Compliments. JNMIL? She gets off on playing the fucking victim. Something bad happens to someone in the family? Expect a vaguebook post asking for prayer warriors. Someone makes a post directed at not her? JNMIL goes crying to FIL about how that person is so mean and nasty to her. I'm not proud to admit that I went snooping through DH's iMessages on his iPad once and saw how she was trying (and succeeding) to emotionally manipulate him because I don't send her pictures of MY child.

This all started when BIL and his last boyfriend broke up last year (January-ish 2019). BIL spiraled hard. He became very depressed, but he did start dating another guy who was GREAT and the family loved. Well.... Then they broke up. As a result, BIL turned to drugs. None of us knew for MONTHS. He finally told my husband during a big family trip this past fall (2019). It took him a while to tell JNMIL and FIL after getting home from the trip. He then surprised us for our baby shower right before Thanksgiving. Between then and Christmas, BIL's life IMPLODED. His drug use got bad, he was suffering a lot at work and couldn't pay FIL and JNMIL rent for the house he was living in so he had to move back in with them.


I have LO in December and JNMIL invited herself to my house months before under the guise of "helping out" even though I told D(amn)H that I didn't want ANYONE here. He's a subject for a different sub all on his own. We get home and she tells, not asks, us, "Oh btw, we're going to pick up BIL." So during Christmas, I still look a billion weeks pregnant, I'm bleeding constantly, JNMIL refuses to leave my house for ANYTHING and expects me and LO to do the same while DH is fucking absent taking care of LO for a few days because he dragged ass on putting up the shed he bought 1.5 months prior even though we rent, I have a NEWBORN, and BIL is detoxing in my home. JNMIL is in EVERYONE's shit, rearranging my kitchen, getting in my way when I'm trying to take care of LO, refuses to get up and help in the middle of the night when I really need help because DH can't stay awake to save his life, telling me not to do this or that, doing things I tell her not to do with LO, etc. BIL is sulking and being a douche because meth is one hell of a drug.

Well, DH and BIL got in to a HUGE argument because of BIL's behavior and as a result, he hasn't really spoken to us. He's replied to a text or two from me, but that's it.


In February, MIL had a work thing in DC and decided she was going to spend the rest of her week here at my house. She texted DH, telling him this was happening and he was all, "Oh okay mom! Sunshine and fuckin rainbows fall out of your ass!" That trip ended with her calling me a gold digger, a liar, and a whore, basically because I expected DH to handle his mother with changing her profile picture to something that ISN'T my child. DH instructed both of us to apologize to one another, but I haven't heard one bit of apology so I'm essentially NC with her, and by proxy, so is LO. DH sends her pictures, but because I don't, I'm the bad guy and he refuses to stick up for me. Again, issues for JNSO.


Anyways, while I'm driving JNMIL to the airport with her, DH, and LO in the backseat, she apparently was going, "Oh I need to tell you something, but I don't know if I should." That bullshit. Either say it or keep your fucking mouth shut.

Well she didn't keep her fucking mouth shut. DH has been super stressed lately. He took a promotion at work recently because the guy walked out because he had to come back to work after the COVID-19 shutdown. DH is putting out the fires this guy let blaze for years. He's exhausted. On top of that, MIL has been calling a lot lately. This stresses DH out because he's in the FOG and knows I'm not gonna speak to his mother until she apologizes to me.


Yall wanna know what this bitch did?


She fucking revealed BIL's status and told DH not to tell BIL he knows. DH told me because he needed to share the burden and told me to act surprised if BIL tells me. She told DH that BIL has HIV like it was her fucking business. DH is at a loss because, you know, his little brother has a SERIOUS lifelong disease now. I'm just sad and angry. Sad because BIL had been getting tested regularly after he had made some dumb choices and ANGRY and JNMIL for telling the ENTIRE fucking family.

It's cemented my view of her. She is a fake ally and that makes me sad because BIL is gay and Sibling-in-law is non-binary and prefers to date other NB/AMAB people or men. One of the biggest thing I've seen in the LGBTQIA+ community is being able to be trusted. She's an attention whore. Anything that happens to her children happens to her. Everything they accomplish is because of her prayers. When I had LO, I gave her an grandchild. That whole line of gag worthy bullshit. I don't play that fucking game.
She broke BIL's trust. While I stopped trusting her a long time ago, I don't know how to impress upon my husband that this is a HUGE fucking problem. I know he's still trying to process the news, but this is a SERIOUS violation of another person. I am not okay with keeping my knowledge of this a secret if BIL comes to me.
submitted by NotYourStatusToShare to JUSTNOMIL [link] [comments]

I told him I'm falling in love

I met John (not his real name) at a monthly group we both went to for gay professionals. The group went to a different bar every month. There were 50 or 60 men some months. It was always a good, lively group. I can't remember how long ago we met. Years, I'm sure. We'd had conversations.
He's an easy talker. He's a Lutheran pastor but not uptight. He cusses appropriately. He has some interesting history. He got fired from the church for being gay while they were trying to figure out what to do about us gays. He worked in HIV/AIDS for a long time. Now, he's back at a church.
I'm a nominal Christian and go to the Episcopal church, which is extremely close to the Lutherans. I am very spiritual and meditate daily. I've done it for a very long time.
In February, he asked me for my number, and he surprised me by actually texting that week. We went on 3 dates, and then our state went into lock down. We continued to text daily, and we talked on the phone from time to time. We live in a state with very low numbers, and things began to ease. He invited me to come to his church where we could sit far apart on the patio and visit. We did that numerous times. When I had a dental procedure that made me anxious, he insisted on driving me.
My birthday was in early July, and he invited me to dinner at a nice Italian restaurant. They're now reopen with social distancing measures in place. He gave me flowers and 2 very funny cards.
We hugged on that day, and that's when I began to notice I was developing feelings. Last week, we had 2 long phone conversations, which were light and full of laughter. Our conversations always are. After a very good phone call, my feelings were unmistakable. It was obvious I was falling in love.
I had a long chat with my best friend. He urged me to put it on the table and let John know what was happening. He said he knew I was torturing myself wondering what John was thinking. He's right. I was worried that I'm rushing, which I've done in the past. I have an anxious attachment style due to no healthy love from my parents as a child. I want to grab any love I feel and latch on tight.
I was able to get a quick call with my psychologist who knows all about me and has heard the details of the growing relationship. He agreed that it was a good idea to tell John. If my psychologist agreed, I figured I was doing something right this time and not rushing.
Yesterday, we talked on the phone about our days and about an article I'm writing. Then I told John I wanted to change the subject. I paused and told him I thought I was falling in love. He paused and with his typical humor said, "You could do worse." We both laughed. The next thing he said was that he suspected it. He went on to say he's not falling in love, and he really enjoys our daily chats and phone calls and wants them to continue. He also said that he wants to see what's going to happen with this whole COVID19 thing. He didn't say he can't fall in love or that he won't and only wants to be friends. He said that's where he's at right now and asked if that was OK. I said it was.
Now I'm full of doubt. I have a history of childhood trauma that I've worked hard in therapy to heal. This is causing many of those old thought patterns of worthlessness to resurface. I feel raw and scared.
Can someone predict the future for me? Will he return the love? Have I dropped a bomb that's sure to ruin everything?
Men, I'm opening myself to strangers on the internet. I'm only doing it on this sub, because of your history, but there's occasional bluntness here that can be harsh. I'm asking you to remember I'm a real human being. I'm not words on a screen.
Thanks for reading.
submitted by imightbejake to AskGaybrosOver30 [link] [comments]

The vast majority of 'science' on trans people is garbage: a literature review

I've long had this feeling that 'scientists' were not on our side, even if they say they are. This first occurred to me when they would come to arrasktg and ask the most stupid inane questions and act as the paragons of lgbt acceptance. And if I dared to ask how their 'research' helped actual trans people I was chastised. I put those words in scare quotes because they make a mockery of the scientific method and empiricism. If someone did what I'm about to describe on a chemistry research journal they would be laughed out of the room. This isn't just a minority of trash papers, it's the majority.
I'm going to systematically analyze the literature. I'm going to do that by searching pubmed for articles that contain "transgender" in the title, published in 2019 (it takes some time for the articles to appear on sci-hub) sorted by date, so there isn't any selection bias in the articles.
Article 1: Is Research on Transgender Children What It Seems? Comments on Recent Research on Transgender Children with High Levels of Parental Support by Walter R Schumm and Duane W Crawford.
The first author is a professional homophobe. He authored a book claiming that gay people only want to get married so they can cheat on their partners. He says that based on interpreting gay people saying they want relationship stability as them wanting to cheat. This is a recurring theme with this guy, he's basically going to make the most spurious interpretations in the way that suits him best. He's also going to demand rigor of claims he opposes he does not provide for the claims he makes. The second author hasn't been the main author of any studies since 2009, when he authored "The Influence of Love, Equity, andAlternatives on Commitmentin Romantic Relationships" with two other. In this study he concludes " commitment was moderately associated with love, equity, and alternatives;". He co-authored many similar useless drivel studies. This is not an ad-hominem attack, it's an assessment of conflicts of interest. If academic homophobia ended tomorrow mr Schumm would be out of a job, and probably persona non-grata. His job, which he needed at least 7 year of education to get but probably over 10, depends on the perpetuation of academic bigotry and the writing is on the wall. Another conflict of interest is the fact that the study was sponsoded by the "alliance defending freedom", an american conservative thinktank.
The study is basically going to reinterpret the data from a famous study saying trans kids who have supportive parents have the same levels of anxiety and depression as "nontransgender" children (that's a good search term to find transphobic studies). This is the raw data, it basically says that when the children answered questionnaires on anxiety and depression they had the same scores, but when they asked the parents about whether their children have anxiety and depression the parents of trans kids said their children had more. The authors didn't consider that the parents' assessment could be less than completely objective. We all know that all cis people start drooling about a rugby playing manly cishet son the moment they see a penis on the ultrasound. Then they throw a huge tantrum when the kid says they want to transition, and some of them become "supportive" but the manly heterosexual rugby man fantasy never really goes away, therefore they project their own anxiety on the kids. The authors then basically concludes that transitioning doesn't work " This hypothesizes that even if it is assumed that the transgender children express a desire to transition and receive support for doing so, perhaps that transitioning experience is not as satisfying to them as they might have expected, leaving some of the transgender children with anxiety". They also include some typically cis-navel-gazing "Our thought is that many cis-gender boys have a hard time learning what it means to be a man, when they have the biological advantage of being natal males; how much more challenging would it be for a natal girl to figure out howto be a man, without the advantage of being a natal male?". I think it's abundantly clear from that last quote that they never actually talked to any trans people. They're just torturing the statistics for the money conservative christians pay for this shit.
Article 2: Chlamydia trachomatis Infection of the Neovagina in Transgender Women by Asa E. Radix, Alexander B. Harris, Uri Belkind, Jess Ting, and Zil G. Goldstein.
This is a very good article. I emphatically approve, as it is a preliminary but important step in understanding the manifestations of STIs in post-op trans women. It opens way for more research that actually improves people's lives.
Article 3: Breast augmentation in male-to-female transgender patients:Technicalconsiderationsandoutcomes by Travis J. Millera, Stelios C. Wilson, Jonathan P. Massiec, Shane D. Morrison, Thomas Satter White.
A meh study. It has lots of statistics about breast augmentation, but no control group comparing to breast augmentation in cis women, which makes it kind of pointless.
Article 4: Providing primary care to transgender patients by Catherine Frances Casey.
More cis-navel-gazing. Provides no new or useful or usefully compile information. This is basically a cis woman bragging that she accepts the trans. Completely useless.
Article 5: Lesbians - gays - bisexuals - transgender (LGBT) and healthcare by Alessandrin A and Bouchard JP.
This is in French, so I'm skipping but it doesn't look very good from the abstract.
Article 6: Transmitted, Pre-Treatment, and Acquired Antiretroviral Drug Resistance among Men who have Sex with Men and Transgender Women Living with HIV in Nigeria by Trevor A. Crowell, Gustavo H. Kijak, Eric Sanders-Buell, et al.
This study has nothing to do with trans women, or gay men for that matter. It's an interesting study about HIV drug resistance, but there's literally nothing about it that makes it about lgbt people. I see this as an attempt to paint lgbt people as dirty and HIV infected. This shit is why I can't do to the doctor without them demanding I take an HIV test, even though I'm nearly celibate.
Article 7: A New Era of Care for the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Community by Lauren Meshkov Bonati, Jared Jagdeo.
This is article 4 again.
Article 8: Incorporating Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Training into a Residency Program by Joseph W. Fakhoury and Steven Daveluy.
This is the article 4 pattern again, but mildly more useful. They also say "providers should ask gender identity and obtain a sexual history, which includes gender or genders of sexual partners" unqualified. In a dermatology consult??? What are you gonna do with that information? Again this is the whole wooo lgbt people are dirty and have hiv and you should pester them about that in every opportunity.
Article 9: Preexposure Prophylaxis for Human Immunodeficiency Virus Infection for Men Who Have Sex with Men and Transgender Persons:: What Dermatologists Need to Know. by Katz KA, Park AJ, Marcus JL.
Article 6 pattern all over again. This is an article about an infectious disease, it has nothing specifically to do with gay men or trans people. Guess what? Most people who have HIV are cishet, and yet this article is associating it with us all over again.
Article 10: Acne and the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, or Transgender Teenager by Ragmanauskaite L, Kahn B, Ly B, Yeung H.
This study actually has a reason for talking about trans people, so in this case it's the lesbian, gay and bisexual people who are thrown in unnecessarily. They say "Chest binding involves the use of ace bandages orelastic bands to tightly bind breasts in order toachieve a more masculine contour." and I'm a person who pads my chest, not binds it, but don't most trans men use binders?? I read somewhere that using bandages was dangerous. I would thank you if someone can help me with this in the comments. Otherwise it's a fairly good article.
Article 11: Update on Medical Education, Insurance Coverage, and Health Care Policy for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Questioning, Intersexual, and Asexual Patients by Tien Viet Nguyen.
Article 4 pattern all over again. Says there needs to be more education about lgbt people but does nothing about it.
**Article 12: The Patient's Perspective: Reorienting Dermatologic Care for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and QueeQuestioning Patients. by Ruoss AV, Short WR, Kovarik CL.
Article 4 pattern. Verbose even among its peers, very navel-gaze-y. Doesn't help anyone.
Article 13: Evaluating the perceptions of the transgender and non-binary communities of pelvic radiotherapy side effect information booklets by H Burton, P Pilkington , P Bridge.
This is an alright discussion on a booklet with information on radiotherapy for some types of cancer. Basically the booklets assumed the patients were cishet and they conclude that's a bad thing. Nothing exactly groundbreaking.
Article 14: A qualitative study of transgender individuals' experiences of healthcare including radiology by M J Floyd, O Martin, K J Eckloff.
Article 4 pattern again. I'm getting really tired of it.
Article 15: Promoting Affirmative Transgender Health Care Practice Within Hospitals:An IPE Standardized Patient Simulation for Graduate Health Care Learners by McCave EL, Aptaker D, Hartmann KD, Zucconi R.
I really like this one. This is basically what article 4 should have been. The only problem with it is that they have a video with a trans man being played by a cis woman. Basically the video depicts him receiving poor healthcare and then they discuss about it. They don't just say healthcare workers should treat trans people well, they actually go ahead and do something about it.
submitted by misses_tumblr to honesttransgender [link] [comments]

My (34 M) boyfriend (35) recently told me He's got HIV and my world is falling apart.

No. I do not have it. I'll explain later in this post. I (34 M) broke up with my boyfriend P (35) two years ago. Our relationship had gone sour for months so we decided to take a break and focus on ourselves instead. It was my first ever same-sex relationship. I hadn't known much what to expect really and we were both closeted (we still are) so maybe that's what had put more strains on our already fragile relationship.
I started dating someone else but soon realized I was still much in love with him and my current gf at the time could sense it too and she was willing to let me go. So two months ago we decided to rekindle our relationship and I moved in with him at his apartment. We didn't start having sex right away because I insisted, since we both had gone back to work amidst the pandemic, we should just take it slow.
A few weeks into our living together again since our break up, a good friend of us, J, suddenly passed away from a heart attack. It was a really horrible blow to us. He was our only gay friend and acted much like an older brother to us giving us advice etc. In fact he had been the one who made me realize how much I was still in love with P.
His sudden death was really affecting us both. He left us some of his possessions including some amount of money and other stuff. We grieved him for almost two weeks and it felt like we would never be happy again. And just when I thought things wouldn't get worse, last month P told me that he's got HIV. He had recently gone to his annual check up a few days earlier and told that he's got it.
My world was falling apart. I ended up crying for hours in his arms. He looked pretty calm and seemed resigned to his condition. But it was too much for me. I started yelling at him angrily for being reckless and irresponsible. He told me that during our break up, he once had a one night stand with a guy he had met online and was drunk enough to have unprotected sex with him. I was angry, hurt, disappointed, and devastated for him more than he could have ever imagined.
But just in case I went to have myself tested as well and the result turned out negative, which I am thankful for. He has told me many times that although he is heartbroken about him getting this disease, he's glad that he didn't infect me and he would have never forgiven himself if he had.
What makes this whole situation much worse for us is the fact that we have nobody to turn to for some comfort and advice. We're both closeted and live in a country where homosexual relationships are forbidden by law. We've posed as brothers or cousins for years to avoid suspicions from other people which is easy to do since we look quite similar. Talking to our family or close friends is out of the question. We have no idea how they would react to us being bisexual/homosexual.
I have reached out to some people online and they suggested we go to some AIDS/HIV therapy group for support, which he did. But according to him 'there were no homosexual people there'. Or if there were, they simply decided not to mention it for fear of being rejected.
I feel like I am alone in this. P doesn't seem like he's taking his condition seriously. I always have to remind him to take his meds regularly, eat healthy and take really good care of himself. This has led to us fighting many times. I feel like I am the one who has it. I am more afraid than he is. He doesn't seem to be really much affected at all like he is ready to die or something.
He has started to lose some weights which looks pretty obvious. When people ask him he tells them he's on a diet. I told him to take a few weeks off work so he can start eating healthy and doing some excercises to gain some more weights, but he refused. I want to take care of him but he is pushing me away.
His being stubborn is really driving me crazy. Once, out of desperation, I told him if he's so wanting to die, let's just go get a poison or a gun or something so we can both die together. He looked pretty devastated that I was willing to die with him. He said this disease was his punishment for everything that he had put me through in the past. And that I shouldn't be wasting my time with him and instead focusing on myself and my well-being.
I told him we're in this together and I will never leave him. But I am worried for my own mental health. This whole thing has been putting a lot of pressure on me mentally. And I honestly don't know what to do. I am afraid one of these days I would crack. But I don't want to look weak in front of him. Please help...
TL/DR; My bf's got HIV and seems resigned to his fate not caring at all about his health. We have nobody to talk to and I'm completely stressed out.
submitted by georgiehielo to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

Homophobes can't separate attraction with behavior

https://donotlink.it/6gm5p
And he is apparently gayer than springtime, because the comments are quite heavily sprinkled with references to "your side" - which is to say, those of us men who like dating, having sex with, and marrying actual women.
Homophobia is a hatred of gays, not heterosexuality. I am calling you a bigot for lying about gays.
Our side, I would remind you, is the overwhelming majority of all men - well over 95% of us are straight as a ruler, given that only about 4% of the general population is homosexual and vanishingly smaller numbers are part of the whole LGBTWTFISTHIS menagerie in the various other flavours of that particular sandwich.
Being pro gay isn't being anti straight. Enough with the false dilemma. And going "we are the majority thus normal thus right" is fallicious thinking: https://amp.reddit.com/philosophy/comments/24kqoe/is_the_appeal_to_normality_fallacious_in_ethics/
And second, his comments are full of classic examples of what we might call: http:\Idontknowhowtoembedhyperlinksin2018.com.
So?
"It is usually at this point that someone would attempt to counteract Ms. Barwick's arguments, based entirely on anecdotal evidence, by attempting to drown out such horrendous badthink by shouting about how THE SCIENCE IS SETTLED.
How is miss Barwick not anecdotal at all and somehow statistically representative?
Your reading comprehension is pathetic. What I actually said was related to Ms. Barwick's critics."
Really? You said her critics use anecdotal evidence ignoring that she does as well.
"I know how they operate. I worked in two such institutions - both of which were caught up in massive market-rigging and manipulation scandals dating back to 2008."
I used to work in a bank similar to JPM - located in a building not far away from their corporate headquarters in New York, actually. When Gay Pride month came around in 2016 and 2017, we were given little paper placards that we could display in our cubicles, proclaiming ourselves to be an "ALLY" of the LGBT movement. The more "virtuous" of us would display two or even three placards. (Like my last boss before I was let go, for instance - my opinions about him are well known by this point.)
My previous employer did something similar with a survey that they sent around in 2017. Needless to say, I dumped the placard into the bin and deleted that survey link right out of my inbox.
The idea that corporate America is not in thrall to the Rainbow Mafia is so ridiculous as to be unworthy of comment by this point.
Oh goody more ancedotal evidence to argue against facts when it is convient for you, but not others argumening against you. Show evidence of this surveys existence!
"First, Ryu238's preferred method of argument appears to be the standard Leftist "Appeal to Amenable Authority" - i.e. every single comment is liberally (see what I did there?) interspersed with links to Leftist clickbait rags like Vox and Salon."
That's an appeal to bias.
"That Salon article you linked to did not demonstrate that Ben Shapiro failed to "humiliate" a trans-woman (read: man) who calls himself "Zoey Tur". All he did was state openly that Zoey Tur is a man."
What were his exact words? "What are your genetics, sir?"
So he was being an ass about it.
If you watch a video clip of Little Benny's "failed attempt" to "humiliate" Mr. Tur, you will realise very quickly that the one who came across as an ass was the tranny.
That this is even open to question simply shows how degraded the Western world has become. Every single cell in Mr. Tur's body says that he is male, because he was born with an X-Y chromosomal pair. He might be mentally deluded enough to call himself a woman, but that does not make him one."
You think that Ben Shapiro was speaking truth, when he really wasn't. He insulted a Trans woman: https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/voices/stop-using-phony-science-to-justify-transphobia/
https://whatweknow.inequality.cornell.edu/topics/lgbt-equality/what-does-the-scholarly-research-say-about-the-well-being-of-transgender-people/
And this "every cell is coded" nonsense needs to stop: https://www.nature.com/news/sex-redefined-1.16943
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/30247609/
https://www.google.com/amp/s/theconversation.com/amp/how-genes-and-evolution-shape-gender-and-transgender-identity-108911
How do you know her genetics?
"Your link literally goes to a source about how JP Morgan Chase sent out an "anonymous response" survey to employees asking them whether they were LGBT allies. And JPM made it impossible to access that survey without providing your employee ID number. Thanks for proving my point."
Liar liar. Here is the link: https://www.truthorfiction.com/chase-gay-loyalty-survey/
And another: https://www.mediamatters.org/breitbart-news/no-jpmorgan-chase-doesnt-have-lgbt-loyalty-test-employees
"I never said they were, you moron. Read what I actually wrote."
Ok then: https://donotlink.it/kRQXJ
"Drag queens, aka transvestites, are not permitted at events celebrating gay "pride", because men dress up as women for a "hobby". But men who think of themselves as women, aka transsexuals, and who actually do claim to be women, like Bruce Jenner, are to be welcomed with open arms.
In other words, the only distinction between being a drag queen, a fairy, and a man with severe mental issues is FEELZ."
Sounds like you didn't think it was a distinction considering the tone here.
In fact if you showed my full original comment people could see that I quoted you vertibram
Oh and another thing from that link:
"But by their very extremism, their own intolerance for dissent, their own refusal to listen to reason, the gay "rights" movement is now revealing its true face. I would not be surprised to see a ruthless purging of "moderate" types from that movement in the near future. As the story above shows, that process has already begun."
Several years later, we now have drag queen story hour. So yeah this went nowhere.
"Have you ever actually bothered to read Charles Murray's work? I did. Try doing that, instead of quoting what liberal New York magazine writers think of him."
An ad homenin...really? How is my source wrong? It is an exchange between Murray and someone rebutting him. https://www.nybooks.com/articles/1985/10/24/losing-ground-an-exchange/?pagination=false
Stop appealling to bias asshole.
"Moreover: heterosexuals, and heterosexual couples, are normal. Homosexuals are not. And homosexuals, particularly homosexual men, are significantly more likely to molest and sexually abuse children, especially boys, than heterosexual ones."
Wrong: https://medium.com/@juliussky/gays-arent-more-likely-to-be-pedophiles-611a48469655
http://homoresponse.blogspot.com/2011/05/countering-heterosexist-arguments.html#11
https://psychology.ucdavis.edu/rainbow/html/facts_molestation.html
bishop-accountability.org/news2007/05_06/2007_06_29_Pietrzyk_HomosexualityAnd.htm
Why don't you learn how to debate like an adult, instead of a little bitch? You are engaging in what is known as the "genetic fallacy" - go look it up, you might learn something useful.
You were using it as the only bit of evidence for your argument. Off course I would attack it. Especially since it seems to still be wrong: https://web.archive.org/web/20080908043935/https://www.seductionlabs.org/2007/05/04/sperm-wars-the-science-of-sex-reviewed-and-appraised/
"My reference to Robin Baker's book had nothing to do with the link to the reddit post that you provided as an "argument". You attempt to discredit the whole book by looking at a few specific things that the authors got wrong - which, by the way, I will be happy to concede that they did.
What I was referring to, on the other hand, comes along much later in the book, and has to do with how gay men and women behave. That has nothing to do with whether or not men produce "blocker" and "killer" and "egg-getter" sperm."
So they get so much wrong but you still trust them? Off course you ignore what he really said about gays: https://robin-baker.com/books/sperm-wars/status/#Homo https://books.google.com/books?id=R_prQ-xUCNUC&pg=PA283&lpg=PA283&dq=sperm+wars+homosexuality&source=bl&ots=MnyTv2JOmx&sig=ACfU3U25eo5ItgeCyoQOtYAiazOeC4W9MQ&hl=en&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjlsLmm9_XnAhUdknIEHX7AA5oQ6AEwDXoECAcQAQ#v=onepage&q=sperm%20wars%20homosexuality&f=false
What did you say? https://donotlink.it/ErbOl
Homosexual couples, depending on the specific type involved (male-male or female-female), essentially act like extreme examples of the phenotypes upon which they are based. In simple terms, this means that male homosexuals generally act like extremely oversexed men, and female homosexuals act like extremely undersexed women. (I'm generalising significantly, obviously.) This observation has been borne out in several studies and was documented extensively in Robin Baker's groundbreaking classic Sperm Wars.
...why lie? He makes no such claims in his book
Neither extreme is healthy for young children. A household in which sexual promiscuity is normal is unlikely to result in normal children. A household in which there is no strong father figure present is unlikely to generate masculine sons or feminine daughters- as we have seen, repeatedly, in normal households the world over. A household with lesbian parents in which it is highly likely that one of the two partners involved is abusive toward the other, whether physically, mentally, emotionally, or all three, is NOT going to be a healthy environment for a child.
One,gays being promiscuous is an horrible exaggeration: https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.indy100.com/article/a-new-study-has-debunked-one-of-the-worst-misconceptions-about-gay-men-and-sex--ZJgoq0cO_W%3famp
Second, gay parents don't raise kids to be gay: https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.lehmiller.com/blog/2012/9/28/5-myths-about-homosexuality-debunked-by-science.html%3fformat=amp
Likewise single parents in general are bad for raising kids.
Finally you are wrong about how to raise kids to follow gender norms: https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theatlantic.com/amp/article/580366/
One that needs to end: https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0178534
"From the perspective of us normal people, we do not like your lifestyle and do not approve of it. We tolerate it as long as you keep it out of our faces and do not insist on special rights to legitimise your degeneracy. That tolerance has its limits, and you are going to find that out one way or another, very likely the hard way, if you insist on continuing to ram your rainbow agenda down our throats. We don't like it and we will not stand for it."
What do you think you know about gays? http://homoresponse.blogspot.com/2011/06/mental-health-and-substance-abuse.html
The link above presents extensive scientific evidence for the link between heterosexism/minority stress and a key LGBT health disparity which it impacts. These same disparities are frequently cited by heterosexists to demonstrate that the "homosexual lifestyle" is risky, unhealthy or dangerous. Ironically, given that heterosexism itself causes these disparities, rather than homosexuality, such criticisms are not only flawed but additionally, hypocritical and counter-productive.
"Let's see if you can follow this simple logical syllogism:"
Which doesn't match what we see in reality? https://whatweknow.inequality.cornell.edu/topics/lgbt-equality/what-does-the-scholarly-research-say-about-the-wellbeing-of-children-with-gay-or-lesbian-parents/
"I am aware of the problems with the Regnerus study about children raised by gay parents. Unfortunately for you, I mentioned nothing about that study in my post - and in fact that study has very little to do with the context of my statement."
Other than you are making the same mistakes Renguers made with his study. Thinking single parent outcomes can be applied to other family structures beyond "traditional"
"The first leg of that stool is empirically rigourous and well known. The second leg is a plain and simple fact. The third leg follows naturally through straightforward deduction."
The first leg is another fallacy also made by Renguers.
Furthermore, I did not state or even imply that single mothers are the same as a couple. Again, look at the syllogism above. It's very straightforward.
Yeah but all you data on fatherless couples come from single mothers Remember?
https://donotlink.it/NjNQk "The consequences of children, especially boys, being raised by single mothers are well known and well understood by now- and they are disastrous."
And as the data show companies gay or lesbian couples to say single mothers, is like apples to oranges.
But your syllogism goes first:
Children raised without fathers are statistically likely to have serious social and economic problems in later life.
Same without mothers either: https://brandongaille.com/19-compelling-motherless-children-statistics/
In other words having a single parent only is the problem!
Three women were "married" together into a "throuple" with no male presence involved in a parenting role.
Therefore, any children born or adopted into such an arrangement are likely to have significant social and economic problems later in life
Nope: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-polyamorists-next-doo201806/myths-about-polyamory
Here you go again comparing single parents to couples. Saying "children need a father" is wrong here.
Need to go on a tangent for context: https://donotlink.it/5MaNG
It is usually at this point that someone would attempt to counteract Ms. Barwick's arguments, based entirely on anecdotal evidence, by attempting to drown out such horrendous badthink by shouting about how THE SCIENCE IS SETTLED!!! about gay parents having no more negative effects on the cognitive and social development of children than straight ones. They resort to this line of argument because, well, it's the only one that they have. (Well, that, and the movie The Kids Are Alright, which I have not watched and almost certainly never will.)
They do this because it is the only way in which they can ensure that their FEELZ will remain unhurt by such chaotic badthink- how dare we cretinous knuckle-dragging mouth-breathing homophobic right-wing nutjobs question the idea that gay parents are just as good as straight ones?!!
Except... it turns out that the science is not settled. (Sounds familiar, doesn't it?)
This is what he links to: http://www.orthodoxytoday.org/articles/DaileyGayAdopt.php
It is wrong.
"First link has nothing whatsoever to do with the article I cited in my post; the name "Xiradou" does not appear once in any of the cited studies in that article"
Apologies, the first link got mixed up. Here is the one I wanted:
https://holybulliesandheadlessmonsters.blogspot.com/2006_09_11_archive.html
This shows how several studies were miscited.
"Second link goes nowhere. That was a particularly stupid and inept straw-man attack."
Here is the actual story: https://shadowproof.com/2013/12/10/family-research-council-distorts-researchers-work-a-decade-after-he-demanded-a-retraction/
"And all of that is before we get to the other major reason why people like me think that male homosexuality, in particular, is wrong and disgusting: homosexual men are vastly more promiscuous than heterosexual ones, and are vastly higher risks for disease transmission. The highest rates of HIV infections and disease transmissions, by far, are to be found among injectable-using gay men."
You first link misuses studies as shown here: https://holybulliesandheadlessmonsters.blogspot.com/2006_09_11_archive.html
http://www.boxturtlebulletin.com/Articles/000,017.htm
https://homoresponse.blogspot.com/2012/10/response-to-truth-about-homosexuality_2.html
Using a creationist site as a source...really?
The second one needs to learn that MSM behavior is not the same as gay orientation: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Men_who_have_sex_with_men#As_a_constructed_behavioral_category https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2009/aug/06/bangladesh-gay-sexuality
"That isn't my view - that's the WHO's view, and the CDC is calling the spread of HIV/AIDS an "epidemic". Since gay men, and specifically injectable-using gay men, are driving the vast majority of new infections, the conclusion follows naturally."
The CDC also says that stigma and discrimination is a big factor: https://www.cdc.gov/msmhealth/stigma-and-discrimination.htm
Same with the WHO: https://www.paho.org/blz/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=79:un-countries-must-eliminate-homophobia-curb-hiv-epidemic-latin-america-caribbean&Itemid=213
We can see this in Africa and Russia: https://www.reddit.com/askgaybros/comments/cc3gnv/how_do_you_prove_that_aids_is_not_a_gay_disease/? http://www.slowlyboiledfrog.com/2019/12/hate-groups-exploit-aids-to-disparage.html
Right, here are the relevant quotes from the link:
You mean this one? http://homoresponse.blogspot.com/2011/05/countering-heterosexist-arguments.html?m=1#08
Studies suggest that about 25% of homosexual males do not have anal sex, though representative lifetime prevalence rates are very hard to find:
  • In a U.S. survey, 50% of men who had had a same-sex partner since age 18 had never had anal sex (Laumann et al. 1994, "The Social Organization of Sexuality" table 8.6, p318).
  • The authors of the same study noted that "20-25 percent of the narrowest categorization of the men report never having had anal intercourse" (p320), regarding table 8.6.
  • A large Scottish study found that 25% of MSM had no anal sex in the past year, despite it recruiting from gay bars (Hart et al. 1999, Sexually Transmitted Infections, 75(4), 242–246, table 2, p244).
  • A CDC survey that also recruited from clubs/bars found that 38.8% of MSM reported not having had anal sex in the preceeding 6 months in 1997 (CDC MMWR Weekly, January 29, 1999 48(03):45-48).
  • 37% of the MSM in the Young Men's Health Study reported no receptive anal intercourse in the last year. No data is readily available for insertive anal intercourse. (Osmond et al. 1994, American Journal of Public Health, 84(12), 1933–1937, p1935).
Seems you forgot to mention these...why?
"First, these estimates are questionable to begin with. The CDC's data are based on a special tabulation done by the NCHS, not on raw data. Other sources put the prevalence of anal sex among MSM - men who have sex with men, which is a superset of the population of outright gay and bisexual men - at about 90%, and at 5-10% among sexually active women."
Again msm is not the same as homosexual orientation. Your link doesn't even say that msm is a superset of the gay and bisexual population. https://www.webmd.com/sex/anal-sex-health-concerns#1 And off course data needs to be tabulated! https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/nsfg/key_statistics/s.htm#analsex
It doesn't change the data! It puts it into a chart! https://www.vocabulary.com/dictionary/tabulate What is "raw data" to you?
"This alone illustrates why the Appeal To Authority is such an irritating and stupid debate tactic; you can find virtually any factoids you want to support your argument, but if they are not backed up by clear deductive or inductive logic as well, they are empty"
Like what you just did? Because you also didn't consider how often gays have anal sex: https://www.gaystarnews.com/article/how-do-men-and-women-prepare-to-bottom-for-anal-sex/
Far less than you think.
"Moreover, if we look at the quotes from the cited studies, the fact that men have anal sex with women has nothing to do with the question of whether homosexuality is wrong. The former is an empirical fact; the latter is a moral judgement. The latter can be supported by the former, but the former has nothing to do with the latter."
Beyond raising the question why the double standard that we ignore hetero couples doing it but not gays?
"Why do I consider homosexuality to be wrong and disgusting, particularly of the male kind? For several reasons - not least of which is the fact that the human body is not designed for anal sex."
Neither is the female body. Indeed reducing sexual orientation to sexual behavior is faulty because they aren't the same: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_identity
https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/Sexuality-explained
Sexuality is not about who you have sex with, or how often you have it. Sexuality is about your sexual feelings, thoughts, attractions and behaviours towards other people. You can find other people physically, sexually or emotionally attractive, and all those things are a part of your sexuality.
Get it? Homosexual identity is attraction and has a purpose, alloparenting: https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/147470491301100202
https://www.quora.com/If-homosexuality-is-innate-genetic-how-has-it-survived-evolutionary-selection-given-that-a-homosexual-couple-produces-no-offspring-Wouldnt-an-evolution-based-standpoint-argue-that-homosexuality-is-developmental/answeJames-Pitt-1
I didn't say that BMI is useless. I said that it is a problematic metric. As a very general guide, it has some uses, but for men like me, who work out frequently and have a decent amount of dense muscle, it does not apply very well.
It's not a "double" standard, it's just a standard standard. The distortions in BMI usually occur with people who have large amounts of dense muscle mass. That does not apply in the case of fat lesbians, or anyone else who is overweight/obese and does not have large amounts of muscle mass.
No the BMI is bs in general: https://fivethirtyeight.com/features/bmi-is-a-terrible-measure-of-health/ https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/265215.php It isn't just muscle mass that is a problem
Yet, overall, gay men act like women- the gay-fairy stereotype exists for a reason- and gay women act like men, as anyone who has ever had to deal with the distasteful aftermath of a gay pride rally has found out.
It is therefore unsurprising that gay men think that, like, they look totally fat in those jeans, darling- while gay women would be more interested in the donuts and Twinkies Danishes muffins pastries.
Really?
http://homoresponse.blogspot.com/2011/05/countering-heterosexist-arguments.html And this feeds back into body shaming...https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0361684316635529?journalCode=pwqa
In other words, stigma is heavily tied to obesity as a cause in lesbians. It isn't because they are lesbians, thus fat as you think it is.
Bonus! https://donotlink.it/LlKxG
You really need to keep up with the science: https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/environment/climate-consensus-97-per-cent/2018/jan/09/the-imminent-mini-ice-age-myth-is-back-and-its-still-wrong
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submitted by 27JJulenergetic to u/27JJulenergetic [link] [comments]

Salon

Hi all-
I stumbled upon this sub's existence a couple of weeks ago and my apologies in advance for the incoming wall of text. But hear me out.
I'd like to start a gay men's salon in the metro.
I'm well aware the word "salon" in the PH paints a mental image of blowdryers, curlers, and gossiping aunties. However, a salon is also, historically, a place where people gather to exchange ideas and increase participant knowledge through conversation.
It will be a monthly "intellectual" discussion about topics that range from political and social issues to cultural trends and personal growth. Many topics will have a gay focus, but not exclusively so.
We'll cycle through questions of belonging, coming out, monogamy and non-monogamy, impact of the internet on our lives, attraction, insecurities, body image, stereotypes, dating and relationships, love and romance, gay travel, aging and ageism, the gay loneliness phenomenon, navigating career, prejudice, happiness and positive psychology, legal issues, queer theory, economic inequality, commodification of sex in the gay community, friendships, allies and coalition building, dealing with parents and other family members, representation, substance abuse, HIV/STIs, ethical and unethical sex, living a satisfied life, going solo (or the art of being single), boundaries, kinks, fuck buddies, drag, elections and political choices, the "gay agenda", men having sex with men, men on the down low, and so on and so forth.
There’s obviously a lot to try and unpack. But it will be a discussion, not a debate. And we'll be there to listen, learn, and lean on each other.
I've sat on this idea for awhile now and there are three main reasons why I'm doing it.
First, I would have benefited immensely from having diverse gay role models growing up. Not that I'm insinuating I'm a "role model" because I'm really not. Lol. It's more of being able to have access to insightful gay perspectives, which could help with confidence-building and figuring "gay life" out.
Second, I think there's something about hearing stories in person--struggles, anguish, triumphs--that bind people together. While I'm thankful for online spaces such as Reddit, Twitter, Tumblr, etc, I find that lots of times, these avenues can come across a little cold, detached, and impersonal. Furthermore, I don't think they were ever meant to replace face-to-face interactions.
Third, I'd like to expand our space. A lot of people like to make us feel like we’re better off dead. Or that we don't exist. Our roads are often lonely and tumultuous, especially when starting out. I know this because I've lived it. It is also in this loneliness and confusion that we seek out company, often through sex apps and the internet.
I get it. At one point or another, we've experienced that heavy, sinking, bursting-at-the-seams kind of feeling. That yearning for warmth and understanding we'd take whatevewhoever was available. That quiet desperation we’d latch unto literally anybody who’d show the slightest bit of interest.
This isn't in any way to lay blame or guilt-trip anyone. I’m simply stating this is the experience for a great many of us because we didn't know where else to look. We had no idea if there were other safe channels we could take comfort in either. But it doesn’t always have to be that way. There's an opportunity for us to do better. For ourselves. For each other.
Now, I should probably clarify I support people having as much sex as they want (so long as it's safe, sane, and consensual). Sex is a perfectly wonderful, enjoyable activity and can be used to enhance relationships. It’s just that, like any other tool, sometimes we end up relying on it too much.
This is where the salon would hopefully come in. To be a safe, fun, wholesome, grounded alternative space. A sounding board. A nurturing institution. A place of solidarity.
If society at large and the government aren't willing to provide the social structures needed for us to thrive and live happy, fulfilled lives, I say we might as well damn build it.
And so, that my friends, is my pitch. Thank you for reading this far.
What follows are a couple of items I was hoping I could get help with.

  1. Venue - Is there anyone willing and able to host these monthly discussions for free? Or someone we could tap to help make this happen? The place doesn't have to be fancy but it has to be safe, secure, and accessible.
  2. Co-organizer(s) - As early as now, I'm already thinking about continuity and longevity. If you're sold on the idea and are willing to commit and help make a difference, let's talk. I can't promise an easy and smooth-sailing ride but it will likely be worth our while.
  3. Facilitators - Ideally, the discussions will start small. Maybe there's only going to be 3 or 5 of us. Doesn't really matter. We'll learn as we go.
  4. Volunteers - We'll likely be needing graphic designers, graphic artists, wordsmiths and social media managers. More info about that later.
  5. Supporters/Participants - If you can't be any of the above, I'm pretty sure you can be this.

P.S. A little info about me. I'm an early 30s guy working in one of the financial districts. I have some managerial experience. I also happen to be the guy who gave that TED Talk about gender in pre/early colonial Philippines.
P.P.S. For anyone wondering why I'm limiting the scope to gay men, my answer is not only do I not want to bite more than I can chew, but more importantly, I feel like trans folks, for example, are more qualified to lead discussions about issues concerning them because they can draw on their own experience. If you'd like help with setting up your own group, I'm down. Then we can all be one big, happy, queer salon family.
Ask me questions if you have any. Cheers.
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submitted by 27JJuldacket to u/27JJuldacket [link] [comments]

Do the cis really think we’re fetishists?

Hi. I’m a trans lesbian dating another trans lesbian who lives some 5000 miles away and our first date is very possibly going to be us moving in together. Now that my lesbian credentials are established, I want to get to the point: Do cis lesbians, cis gays, cis bis, cis pans, and cis queers of all stripes and types in some large number think we’re fetishists or just not really know?
I saw the recent announcement from the reddit mods (not this subreddit, they do a good job, I’m talking the announcements one) about their failures to address hate here. A whole discussion obviously needs to happen about how they post this shit all the time and never do anything meaningful and that actual action against racist and sexist hate is way overdue, but what really hurt me was where someone had brought up the blatant trans-hate subs. A lot of good comments agreeing were upvoted, but as soon as you go down another comment level it was wall-to-wall “TRA’s” “Stop forcing your genitals on us!” “You’re homophobic fetishists” “gender is nothing and sex can’t change”.
And I can handle a fair bit of that! Gender roles shouldn’t be enforced on anyone but anyone should be able to perform any role they desire and gender identity is real (IE: Abolish gender but not by forcing everyone to be agender), sex is real but a spectrum and even ignoring intersex individuals (which I know y’all are used to, sorry 😬) if you think someone on hormones is going to react to medicine based on their genitals or birth certificate instead you’re gonna have a bad time, likewise if you think a person on hormones has genitals or a body that act or smell or perform the same as the average cis person with those genitals you are in for a surprise, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen a mention of genitals and queer trans people that didn’t involve us repeatedly and almost fearfully insisting it’s okay to have a preference and not want to date/sleep with someone with the genitals you don’t want (and in fact I see that trauma get recognized and used by abusive transphobes online all the time).
And I know it’s not a fetish for a lot of reasons, most intimately because I’m a trans woman and being a woman isn’t something that feels “hot” or “sexy”, it’s something that feels right and like the world suddenly makes some kind of sense, like I was trying to climb a tree with two broken arms for decades and now I’ve finally got casts on. Everyone who knows me, whether I’m out to them or not, has noticed the positive changes and either commented on how much happier I seem or enjoyed how much more engaged with life I am (a good deal of that coming from people who are absolutely going to switch to calling me a mentally damaged pervert in need of Christ’s love the second they find out).
I can handle knowing some people are just wrong and hateful. What brings me existential terror is the idea that my queer friends, the chosen family I’m still finding and who I feel safest with, might think some of those things. And what really, really fucks with me hardest, what keeps me up at night and keeps me quiet and just slightly on guard and still at arm’s length from even the chosen family, is the fear that they’re not really sure. That the day a transphobe who didn’t ooze hate talked calmly about “trans-identified-females and trans-identified-males” and “the importance of differentiating sexuality from gender identity and having separate movements” my new-found family will, like the most cishet “rational” white boy imaginable, be willing to hear them out and play devil’s advocate. That “it’s only reasonable, what could it hurt, just sit there and we’ll let you defend your existence after they finish denying it and then it’ll all be even and we’ll go enjoy a cop of coffee together.”
I am PARALYZED with fear that I will need to be ready at all times to defend every aspect of the reality of my existence in a calm, rational, friendly, confident way and that my failure to do those will be a mental checkmark against me. That the conversation of my rights and existence will be had between people who deeply hate me from their own trauma and people who are willing to “be rational” and “find a compromise” and my role is to either plead eloquently enough or fail and detract from the final deal struck about my humanity and personhood.
That y’all are humoring us, but if someone calm started talking about our existence and how much of a problem it is and how really there ought to be a separate category of life labeled “Trans” where we could go be out of the way and you wouldn’t have to wonder if you’re interacting with a trans person instead of a real person you wouldn’t want to “make a fuss”.
So. Is it true? Because I think I might even be able to handle knowing it was true if I know now. If I learn it early enough I can still have time not to start really trusting the wonderful lesbian woman who’s becoming my mentor at the nonprofit, or to keep my soul distant from the awesome gay men running the HIV campaign, to stay arms length from my bi acquaintance and to stop feeling so happy when the pan people I know come around. If y’all just tell me now I won’t even be mad or more hurt, I’m already crying right now and it would just be almost freeing to know the actual lay of the land. A little more snot dribbling down my face and a few extra shaky breaths is almost no price at all to pay to find out the safety I used to feel in these spaces was kinda stupid and that the cishet guidelines apply in the home too.
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Gay and HIV Positive in Korea  THE VOICELESS #28 Study: Young gay men most at risk for HIV infections in PH Things Not To Say To Someone Who's HIV Positive - YouTube Man didn't tell partners he had HIV HIV - How it Affects Dating and When To Tell Your Partner

The Stigma of Dating Someone HIV-Positive. 08/22/2013 05:33 pm ET Updated Feb 02, 2016 To a certain type of gay man, the thought of dating someone who is openly HIV positive can feel like social suicide. They certainly aren't the best version of our culture, but any homosexual can attest to the reality of some sects of our society who view If you have HIV and don’t want it to rule your life anymore, then create and account with us today. We offer the chance to meet and date singles with HIV, such as you. All you have to do is make yourself a profile and add a few pictures as well and descriptions about you. That’s all it takes to start dating someone on our site. Dating and falling in love is one of the most normal of human behaviors, and for the most part, it's no different for someone with HIV. With some education on both sides, a lot of acceptance and loving understanding, you can indeed have a happy dating relationship with a man or woman who is HIV positive, and you can even marry and have a future. Some gay dating apps will also offer access to information about HIV or send reminders about HIV testing to make sure single guys keep themselves healthy and safe as they explore their sexuality. Not all singles feel comfortable sharing their HIV status on a gay dating app, but such features do exist on apps like Grindr and Scruff. To find someone HIV-positive, you need to visit places where people with HIV go. That could be an HIV support group or conference. Or you can use an HIV dating website that caters to both gay and

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Gay and HIV Positive in Korea THE VOICELESS #28

This is a tough question to answer, these are my personal beliefs and practices. YOU should do what makes you comfortable. Keep in mind disclosure laws may v... The Philippines is facing an alarming rise in human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) infections. The population most at risk for infection has now shifted from sex workers to young gay men. Young HIV Activist Hydeia Broadbent ... 'I’m Dating w/ HIV' Official Sneak Peek ... MTV Vault 191,164 views. 2:22. Terry McMillan Confronts Her Gay Ex-Husband Oprah's Lifeclass Oprah ... THINGS NOT TO SAY SEASON 2: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i__fBb2oSUM People who are HIV positive give us the run-down on some of the over-the-top and inde... Good for your health, and good for the sex you want! Studies show that people living with HIV who are on treatment and have an undetectable viral load do not transmit HIV to their HIV negative ...