The new reality of dating over 65: Men want to live
The new reality of dating over 65: Men want to live
3 Ways to Date If You're Over 65 Years Old - wikiHow
8 Things to Expect When Dating an Older Man
60-Year-Old Men in Relationships: What the Experts Say
Dating After 60: Rules, Advice & Tips | Midlife Divorce
IAmA 18 year old gold digger (not the manipulative/abusive kind) "dating" a 65 year old man AMA.
My short bio: I'm an 18 year old girl from Minnesota. I met my daddy about 6 months ago online and we've developed a relationship where he financially supports me. He gives me $5000 every other week while I go to school. There are a few things that I should clear up:
I am not a prostitute. I have not had sex, and do not ever intend to have sex, with him.
I pay proper taxes on all my money.
I'm not the manipulative kind of gold digger. I'm pretty straight forward on liking money.
EDIT: For clarity, we met online, but we do go on dates and stuff. We live in the same city. My Proof: I don't know how to prove this. My daddy gives me $5000 every 2 weeks or so, so I've attached a screen shot of my bank info showing that (blacked out personal info) http://i.imgur.com/tLN4xya.png I will provide more proof if you tell me what! AMA!
This 65 year old widowed man from California talk to a 13 year old girl from New York about reproduced with her and fallling in love and doesn’t have an issue of younger people dating an older person. Dude you have a 13 year old daughter 😡😡😡😡🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬
This 65 year old man from California is talking to a 13 year old girl from New York that he calls her angel and he wants reproduce with her and sees nothing wrong with dating a teen. The worst part is that he has a 13 year old daughter 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮
Help: My wife wants a divorce and despite all of the evil that she did I'm heartbroken and don't know if I can take it this time around. She's also speaking foul about me all over the internet. What can I do?
I posted before about this, but now the situation really hit rock bottom it seems. As mentioned before, I have OCD, generalised anxiety disorder and depression which can turn clinical, and I've had these problems since i was a child. I'll say the backstory again: I met my wife through where else but Yahoo Answers - we were "friends" back then - she's 26 years-old, from Spain, and was dating a 65-year-old man. She spoke vile things about him to me and to many others then. She left him and moved in with a 60-year-old man. The same thing happened. I mention the age due to the difference, but know that age doesn't always matter. Last year i suffered a broken ankle, and since my family did not help, as they're very wealthy and see me like a burden (even with my brother and sister telling me to go kill myself, and I'm not joking) - she sent me funds from the UK which I accepted only after she insisted many times. Then I became bait. One day she suddenly buys her ticket to where I live, and we move in together. Every day she wrote me very long emails saying how she wants to be with me for eternity, etc.. I knew that she had a pretty extreme way of thinking, as she's pretty much a militant vegan, believes that she'll live to be at least 200, and is not human, but from an extraterrestrial species - no joke. I did not know that she was being very serious about these last two points, and she seemed pretty sane when she said that. I was very emotionally vulnerable back then and accepted her coming over here. Then hell ensued. She would throw a tantrum every other day, tried to control me in every way she could. I could not get a haircut. I could only wear shorts, sandals, and a t-shirt. I had to eat exactly what she ate, etc.. I could not call my friends from within the house because she would hear everything. The situation got so bad that I started drinking heavily and gambling, and I'm not addicted to either. The latter I stopped completely, but I still have a couple of whiskeys or beers now and then just to forget. Anyway, this girl is clearly not emotionally/mentally stable in any sense. The foul things she tells me are horrible. I've never been told that "your family had to stand you all your life - poor them" or "I can't believe how your job put up with you for so many years". These words hurt horribly and despite this, I still love her (or I think I do) and now she wants to file for divorce, as I didn't change the way she wanted me to in 1 year. We've been married for about 5 months. I feel guilty. I started smoking more, drinking more, etc.. because she was making me lose my mind. Or because I let her make me lose my mind. She had huge tantrums - one in particular - where she started banging the walls and screaming like she was possessed after I told her - peacefully - that I felt like ending myself. That this is too much. Everybody advised me to call the police. I did not. Now she's abroad and extended her trip until the 6th. She claims to be asexual, and I know asexual people - I went through an asexual phase myself - and she's anything but that. She's probably getting laid by somebody else and this thought rips me to pieces, because if there was one good thing in our relationship it was sex once a month or once every two months. That's when one feels closer to the partner, and it's horrible to think this. Right now, she's probably fucking some guy on her trip and writing vile things about me to everybody. I never ever did anything wrong to her - my conscience is clear. On the other hand, she destroyed me, yet I still have feelings for this person. I feel used and trampled on, and the thought of her writing to a whole bunch of people - maybe even my more normal family members - made me literally vomit. I have a history of overdosing and once I almost jumped off a building. Now that I have the apartment to myself i feel like tying this nuzzle to the roof and just ending it, but I cannot pull through the act. I married her to rebuild my trust in people, as I've been used over and over agaii. I thought it would be different this time around. People let me down constantly, and I'm scared shitless of hurting myself beacuse It's been 35 years of hell. Any advice would be welcome, and no, I am not trying to play the victim. I'm on medication but don't have time to see a therapy due to all of the working hours.
Help: My wife wants a divorce and despite all of the evil that she did I'm heartbroken and don't know if I can take it this time around. She's also speaking foul about me all over the internet. What can I do?
I posted before about this, but now the situation really hit rock bottom it seems. As mentioned before, I have OCD, generalised anxiety disorder and depression which can turn clinical, and I've had these problems since i was a child. I'll say the backstory again: I met my wife through where else but Yahoo Answers - we were "friends" back then - she's 26 years-old, from Spain, and was dating a 65-year-old man. She spoke vile things about him to me and to many others then. She left him and moved in with a 60-year-old man. The same thing happened. I mention the age due to the difference, but know that age doesn't always matter. Last year i suffered a broken ankle, and since my family did not help, as they're very wealthy and see me like a burden (even with my brother and sister telling me to go kill myself, and I'm not joking) - she sent me funds from the UK which I accepted only after she insisted many times. Then I became bait. One day she suddenly buys her ticket to where I live, and we move in together. Every day she wrote me very long emails saying how she wants to be with me for eternity, etc.. I knew that she had a pretty extreme way of thinking, as she's pretty much a militant vegan, believes that she'll live to be at least 200, and is not human, but from an extraterrestrial species - no joke. I did not know that she was being very serious about these last two points, and she seemed pretty sane when she said that. I was very emotionally vulnerable back then and accepted her coming over here. Then hell ensued. She would throw a tantrum every other day, tried to control me in every way she could. I could not get a haircut. I could only wear shorts, sandals, and a t-shirt. I had to eat exactly what she ate, etc.. I could not call my friends from within the house because she would hear everything. The situation got so bad that I started drinking heavily and gambling, and I'm not addicted to either. The latter I stopped completely, but I still have a couple of whiskeys or beers now and then just to forget. Anyway, this girl is clearly not emotionally/mentally stable in any sense. The foul things she tells me are horrible. I've never been told that "your family had to stand you all your life - poor them" or "I can't believe how your job put up with you for so many years". These words hurt horribly and despite this, I still love her (or I think I do) and now she wants to file for divorce, as I didn't change the way she wanted me to in 1 year. We've been married for about 5 months. I feel guilty. I started smoking more, drinking more, etc.. because she was making me lose my mind. Or because I let her make me lose my mind. She had huge tantrums - one in particular - where she started banging the walls and screaming like she was possessed after I told her - peacefully - that I felt like ending myself. That this is too much. Everybody advised me to call the police. I did not. Now she's abroad and extended her trip until the 6th. She claims to be asexual, and I know asexual people - I went through an asexual phase myself - and she's anything but that. She's probably getting laid by somebody else and this thought rips me to pieces, because if there was one good thing in our relationship it was sex once a month or once every two months. That's when one feels closer to the partner, and it's horrible to think this. Right now, she's probably fucking some guy on her trip and writing vile things about me to everybody. I never ever did anything wrong to her - my conscience is clear. On the other hand, she destroyed me, yet I still have feelings for this person. I feel used and trampled on, and the thought of her writing to a whole bunch of people - maybe even my morwe normal family members - made me literally vomit. I have a history of overdosing and once I almost jumped off a building. Now that I have the apartment to myself i feel like tying this nuzzle to the roof and just ending it, but I cannot pull through the act. I married her to rebuild my trust in people, as I've been used over and over again by people. I thought it would be different this time around. People let me down constantly, and I'm scared shitless of hurting myself beacuse It's been 35 years of hell. Any advice would be welcome, and no, I am not trying to play the victim. I'm on medication but don't have time to see a therapy due to all of the working hours.
Help: My wife wants a divorce and despite all of the evil that she did I'm heartbroken and don't know if I can take it this time around. She's also speaking foul about me all over the internet. What can I do?
I posted before about this, but now the situation really hit rock bottom it seems. As mentioned before, I have OCD, generalised anxiety disorder and depression which can turn clinical, and I've had these problems since i was a child. I'll say the backstory again: I met my wife through where else but Yahoo Answers - we were "friends" back then - she's 26 years-old, from Spain, and was dating a 65-year-old man. She spoke vile things about him to me and to many others then. She left him and moved in with a 60-year-old man. The same thing happened. I mention the age due to the difference and her possible promiscuity, but know that age doesn't always matter. Last year i suffered a broken ankle, and since my family did not help, as they're very wealthy and see me like a burden (even with my brother and sister telling me to go kill myself, and I'm not joking) - she sent me funds from the UK which I accepted only after she insisted many times. Then I became bait. One day she suddenly buys her ticket to where I live, and we move in together. Every day she wrote me very long emails saying how she wants to be with me for eternity, etc.. I knew that she had a pretty extreme way of thinking, as she's pretty much a militant vegan, believes that she'll live to be at least 200, and is not human, but from an extraterrestrial species - no joke. I did not know that she was being very serious about these last two points, and she seemed pretty sane when she said that. I was very emotionally vulnerable back then and accepted her coming over here. Then hell ensued. She would throw a tantrum every other day, tried to control me in every way she could. I could not get a haircut. I could only wear shorts, sandals, and a t-shirt. I had to eat exactly what she ate, etc.. I could not call my friends from within the house because she would hear everything. The situation got so bad that I started drinking heavily and gambling, and I'm not addicted to either. The latter I stopped completely, but I still have a couple of whiskeys or beers now and then just to forget. Anyway, this girl is clearly not emotionally/mentally stable in any sense. The foul things she tells me are horrible. I've never been told that "your family had to stand you all your life - poor them" or "I can't believe how your job put up with you for so many years". These words hurt horribly and despite this, I still love her (or I think I do) and now she wants to file for divorce, as I didn't change the way she wanted me to in 1 year. We've been married for about 5 months. I feel guilty. I started smoking more, drinking more, etc.. because she was making me lose my mind. Or because I let her make me lose my mind. She had huge tantrums - one in particular - where she started banging the walls and screaming like she was possessed after I told her - peacefully - that I felt like ending myself. That this is too much. Everybody advised me to call the police. I did not. Now she's abroad and extended her trip until the 6th. She claims to be asexual, and I know asexual people - I went through an asexual phase myself - and she's anything but that. She's probably getting laid by somebody else and this thought rips me to pieces, because if there was one good thing in our relationship it was sex once a month or once every two months. That's when one feels closer to the partner, and it's horrible to think this. Right now, she's probably fucking some guy on her trip and writing vile things about me to everybody. I never ever did anything wrong to her - my conscience is clear. On the other hand, she destroyed me, yet I still have feelings for this person. I feel used and trampled on, and the thought of her writing to a whole bunch of people - maybe even my more normal family members - made me literally vomit. I have a history of overdosing and once I almost jumped off a building. Now that I have the apartment to myself i feel like tying this nuzzle to the roof and just ending it, but I cannot pull through the act. I married her to rebuild my trust in people, as I've been used over and over again. I thought it would be different this time around. People let me down constantly, and I'm scared shitless of hurting myself beacuse It's been 35 years of hell. Any advice would be welcome, and no, I am not trying to play the victim. I'm on medication but don't have time to see a therapy due to all of the working hours.
Adam Sandler said he would make a terrible film if he didn't win a Best Actor Academy Award for Uncut Gems. To help him out, I analyzed his films and their movie posters to come up with a perfectly bad Sandler film entitled 'Jacked Up'
Earlier in the year, Adam Sandler was a guest on Howard Stern’s show to discuss his starring role in the excellent Uncut Gems. During the interview, Sandler made a joke about what would happen if he didn’t win the Best Actor Academy Award. He told Howard: “If I don’t get it, I’m going to f–king come back and do one again that is so bad on purpose just to make you all pay. That’s how I get them.” In a bad news, bad news situation, Sandler wasn’t nominated, and he’s promised to make a terrible film (I’ll still watch it a few times regardless). In an effort to assist the Sandman with his terrible film, I dug through all of his films and analyzed their posters to come up with the objectively worst Sandler picture that could be made. Here it is:
Directed by Dennis Dugan
Written By - Tim Herlihy
Running Time: 135 minutes
Released on Netflix
Predicted Tomatometer score - 6%
Predicted IMDb score - 3.75
Adam Sandler plays a personal traineshoe salesman named Jack Goodheart who is married to Janet Goodheart (Also, Sandler, using a very off-putting voice). They travel to an exclusive resort in Costa Rica to attend his 30th high school anniversary during the fourth of July weekend. During the event, Rob Schneider (playing a terrorist) and his team of henchmen, hijack the event and take everyone hostage, including State Senator Chuck Finley (Terry Crews) and presidential candidate Casey Fitzpatrick (Maya Rudolph). During the melee, Jack and Janet escape, and the two use their past military experience and buff physiques to save the day. This PG-13 action-comedy is entitled “Jacked Up” and ends with a jet ski chase at the hotel’s lazy river pool that circles the hotel. The film is directed by Dennis Dugan, and co-stars Kevin James, Chris Rock, David Spade, Salma Hayek, Terry Crews, Steve Buscemi, Taylor Lautner, Luke Wilson, Peter Dinklage, Maya Rudolph, and Al Pacino. Here's the first fan made poster. I'll add as more people share. Thank you Kelkith Here is another fan made poster! Thank you TreMetal Another very fun poster! This is how I came up with the storyline. I pulled together his best and worst films to find patterns that appear. Here are Sandler's lowest rated films on Rotten Tomatoes and IMDb. I drew a lot of inspiration from them. Also, I tried to make this as objective as possible.
Jack and Jill (3% - 3.3 IMDb) - Two Sandler's - Jet Ski scene - Married - Holiday
Grown Ups 2 (7%) - Reunited with old friends - Married
Bulletproof (8%) - Action comedy
The Cobbler (9%) - Shoe repairman
The Do-Over (10%) - Action Comedy - Reunited with old friend - Married
Grown Ups (10%) - Reunited with old friends - Holiday - Married
Adam Sandler’s Eight Crazy Nights (12%)- Takes place during a holiday
Blended (14%) - He’s a dad who travels to Africa
Going Overboard (1.8 IMDb) - Lots of terrible boat action
The Week Of (5.1 IMDb) families get together for a wedding
Sandy Wexler (5.1 IMDb) - Sandler pulls a unique voice (which isn’t statistically a good thing
Here’s all I research I compiled to createJacked Up
A trademark of Sandler’s latest movies is that he likes to travel to beautiful locations to film (which is brilliant, and why not?). The Do-Over, Just Go With It, Blended, Grown Ups 1 & 2 and Murder Mystery are examples of his penchant for travel. The problem is, the films have a lower Tomatometer average (21.2%) than the films where he didn’t travel to nice locations (37.4%). This is why he travels in Jacked Up.
Sandler has several directors that he enjoys working with. Those Directors are Steven Brill, Dennis Dugan and Frank Coraci. Steven Brill (20%) has a lower Tomatometer average than Dennis Dugan (24%) and Frank Coraci (30%). However, Dugan is responsible for Jack & Jill, so I’m giving him the director’s chair. He did direct Happy Gilmore, so this could backfire on me. Frank Coraci directed The Ridiculous 6, but, I love the baseball scene and he also directed The Waterboy and The Wedding Singer.
His films featuring him as a married man have a 29% Tomatometer average. Movies featuring him as a single man have a 38% Average. Thus, the marriage to himself (think Jack & Jill) is included. It’s a double whammy
I picked Tim Herlihy to write because he wrote The Ridiculous Six, Grown Ups 2 and Pixels (8% average). I do love his Happy Gilmore, Billy Madison, The Wedding Singer and The Waterboy scripts though
His PG-13 (29%) rated films have a lower Tomatometer average than his R (51%) and PG-rated (45%) films. For Netflix, M rating = R and TV-14 = PG-13
Movies that feature Sandler doing a voice have a lower Tomatometer score (24.8%) than his regular voiced roles (36%).
None of his Fresh films feature a jet ski -50 first Dates(45%),Jack & Jill(3%) and You Don’t Mess with the Zohan (37%) are all Rotten
In The Ridiculous Six, Grown Ups, The Do-Over, and Bulletproof he plays a totally capable man who isn’t an underdog like he is in Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore. So, he can’t be a doofus during the action scenes.
Randomly enough, Rob Schneider shouldn’t adopt some kind of stereotyped character because his makeup-less roles have a lower Tomatometer average (27.6%) than his stereotyped roles (32%).
His lowest rated movies on IMDb are Going Overboard (1.5), Jack & Jill (3.3), The Ridiculous 6 (4.8), Sandy Wexler (5.1) and The Week Of (5.1) - These movies feature water exploits, gun fights, weird voices, two Sandlers, and large gatherings. These things are all in Jacked Up.
*Bulletproof (*$25 million), Little Nicky ($39 million) and Blended ($46 million) are a few of his lowest grossing comedies. In these films, he uses a wild voice, goes on vacations and engages in action shenanigans. I left out movies like Spanglish and Reign Over Me because they aren’t traditional Sandler comedies. Also, Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore weren’t huge earners. However, they established him as a force of nature.
His first or last name couldn’t begin with an “R” - Howard Ratner (Uncut Gems), Henry Roth (50 First Dates), Robbie Hart (The Wedding Singer).
WHAT DOES THE POSTER NEED TO LOOK LIKE?
He cannot be centered on the poster. His best films Punch Drunk Love, Happy Gilmore, Funny People and Uncut Gems feature him centered on the poster. The Wedding Singer, Reign Over Me and The Meyerowitz Stories don’t have him centered. However, the movie posters that have centered have a 48% Tomatometer Average. The Posters that have him on the left have a 30% Tomatometer average. I’m going with that.
There needs to be multiple people on the poster. When Sandler is alone on a poster, his movies have a 42% Tomatometer average. The movie posters with 4+ people have a 20% Tomatometer average. More is good.
In this poster he needs to be holding something random. In The Cobbler poster he is holding a coffee cup (this is important) and the movie has an 8% Tomatometer score. In The Wedding Singer (microphone) and Happy Gilmore (golf club) and The Waterboy (bucket, helmet) he is holding items related to his character. He needs to be holding something weird (like a can of sponsored coca-cola). Also, the posters that feature him holding an item (31%) have a lower Tomatometer score than the posters featuring him not holding anything (42%).
Customers loophole against “take-out only” policy does not go as expected
Posted earlier but it just went away. Never heard from mods, and wrote to them, so guessing it was a glitch? If I messed something up just let me know... * Weird one recently. We were still 95% take-out and delivery only because we can’t really accommodate outdoor dining at scale. When this happened my job was pretty much entirely processing takeout orders and handing bags to delivery guys, besides the occasional “Oh hey, we’re still closed, but we have take out and delivery options,” conversation. Up to this people had been really understanding about it. We did have some regulars though who were clearly getting impatient and came back every couple days, even when we told them “You’ll know you can eat inside the same time we know, as soon as the governor makes an announcement about it.” They seemed slightly annoyed with us for not flouting the public health mandates for their convenience. We always offered them one of the two tables we’ve crowded onto the sidewalk to try and make some money from outdoor dining, but unsurprisingly, no one ever wants to sit there. So that day I was taking orders, chilling. It was pretty slow, winding down between meals. An older couple, a couple men, came in and started pulling one of our tables in from the street. I called from across the room, “Oh, actually we aren’t doing dine in right now. Still pick up and delivery only, unless you’d like to sit outside.” One man said, “Oh, we have a take out order.” But his husband kept pulling the table inside and the other was going back for chairs. It was really hot out, so I figured maybe they’d only just called in the order, and wanted a place to sit in the air conditioning while we prepared their food. They did look to be at least 65 or 70, after all, and they had masks on so it was no big deal. I asked for the name on their take out order and they gave it to me. They had actually ordered quite a while ago and their food was ready. They’d paid over the phone so I handed them their bags and said bye. One of the men asked if I’d included plates and silverware. We haven’t been lately, because people are usually taking the food home, but whatever. We’re always happy to if asked. I grabbed them some. (Yah, I should’ve seen what was coming at this point.) So, of course, that’s when it got weird. They carried the bag over to their inside table, unpacked it, laid out their plates and silverware, and started eating the take out food in the restaurant. I couldn’t believe it at first, I thought I must be misunderstanding, and there’s no way they could be that brazen. Especially since not only do we have signs around, and no tables out, but these health mandates are in place especially to protect older guys like them. I stood up and said, “Excuse me, gentlemen, you can’t eat in the restaurant. We can set you up with outdoor dining if you want. Otherwise you have to leave now.” They stared blankly at me and, the gall of these guys, they went “No, no, it’s a take out order. We have a bag. You saw us.” They thought they were so smart with this loophole. The other guy even said “It’s not like we’re getting any service. You didn’t even offer us water or anything.” So I sighed and explained “Whether it’s take out from here or a sandwich from the gas station, we can’t have people eating inside our establishment right now. I don’t make the rules, so trust me, nothing is gained from making your case with me. Please just come back when we open. It should be any day now.” The guys continued ignoring me, and I don’t know what they thought that would accomplish. I got up and walked over there and explained, “Look, it’s not safe to have you guys in here eating without masks on right now. Not for us working in here, and definitely not for you either. Please leave.” They started giving this impassioned plea about “We haven’t had a proper sit down date in weeks,” and “We really just need to get out of the house and share a meal, but it’s so hot out. We are sooo sick of cooking.” Now, I understand why they wouldn’t want to eat outside on the crowded sidewalk in scorching hot weather, but in that case they should’ve just gone home, or sat in the shade in the park, or whatever the rest of the world is doing to cope. We could be audited by the state at any moment and if we are found to be violating the policies, we’d be fined heavily. And we’re already hemorrhaging money from lost business as it is. Plus, if my boss saw me letting people eat inside, he’d just fire me on the spot. Because if we got fined on his watch, his boss would fire him. I explained this to them, and when they realized their “Woe is me” sob story wasn’t working, their candor changed real quick to “Do you know how many people the flu kills a year? Do you see anyone shutting down their business over that?” And “If you can have people eating on the sidewalk there’s no reason you can’t have them inside.” “We’re the only ones in here. You’re discriminating against us because of our age and because we can’t eat comfortably in the heat.” “The news will hear about this!!” All the while, they were still eating. As the poet Robert Richie said, I was born at night, but not last night. I realized they were planning to argue with me until they’d finished their meals so they could stay inside. So eventually I stopped trying to go back and forth with them and just said “We’ve completed your transaction. I’ve asked you to leave. You haven’t. Leave now or I’m going to have to call the police and have you trespassed.” As I was saying it I realized I shouldn’t have, because on a regular non-pandemic day, I would have to check with someone more senior before calling the cops on a customer. But no one more senior in the FOH was coming into work, so now I wasn’t sure what to do. I decided to confer with the only real friend I have on the staff. I called into the kitchen for a line cook I’m tight with who has some bussing experience, so, kind of FOH. “LENNY! There’s some guys in here who dragged a table up and they won’t leave. Should I call the cops?” Lenny is as tall as a house and moonlights for an industrial moving company, so he’s got a massive build. I don’t know too much about where he comes from, I just know it’s pretty impossible to rattle him. He came out, I guess expecting to see some punk kids or scary meth heads. Instead he just sees these old coots eating salads. He looked at me like I was crazy. So I explained what was going on. Then, totally emotionless, Lenny barreled over, picked up their table, still covered in food, walked it right out the door and dropped it onto the sidewalk. The old guys were fussing and fighting, but however they tried to hold the table down didn’t wobble Lenny’s grip in the slightest. They ran out to drag it back in, but he locked the door behind them with the spare we keep close by. They pounded on the door for a while, and filmed me ignoring them, but eventually they just kicked the table over (with most of their own food that they paid for still on top,) and left. They’re banned now, more for the colossal mess they made on the sidewalk than anything else, and I bought Lenny a beer after his shift.
Who are the Andersons? or: Faithful World Baptist Church - an organised hate group (TW: Upsetting content)
I originally had about 10 pages in word for this so AMA if you wann know more. I hope all the links lead to the correct source, because my collection of data was a hot mess and sometimes I forgot to put the link down. I know it's a sub rule, so it shouldn't need to be stated again, but absolutely do not contact them on social media. For them being hated is a sign of godliness and even if you managed to show them proof that they're wrong, they'd probably believe you're just part of the worldwide shadow government that made that statistic up. Seriously, they are really into conspiracy theories. I sectioned this post into the following topics: The family - What they are known for - Their religion - Their homo- and transphobia - Their anti-Semitism and Holocaust denying - Raising the children - Gender roles - Home-schooling - Modesty/Dating/Marriage - Reproductive rights - Racism and Slavery The family Steven and Zsuzsanna Anderson have 11 Kids: Solomon (18), Isaac (17), John (15), Miriam (13), Rebecca (11), Anna (9), Stephen (7), Boaz (6), Chloe (4), Peter (2) and Eva (born September 2019). Steven and Zsu met in 1999 when Steven (then 18) was trying to convert heathens in Germany. Zsu (then 20) was not a believer, but since Steven was handsome they wrote each other for months. On July 28th in 2000 she visited Steven and was promptly converted. They married on August 13th that same year and instead of finishing her college degree (cultural anthropology/journalism/political science) she moved to the US in September. Steven is the pastor of Faithful World Baptist Church, a new independent fundamentalist Baptists (NFIB), KJV only church that is listed as an organised hate group by Southern Poverty Law Center. What they are known for Steven Anderson is banned from South Africa, the UK, Botswana, Malawi, Jamaica, The Netherlands (and thus the entire Schengen Area), Ireland, Canada, Australia and New Zealand because of his homophobic and anti-Semitic hate speech. The bush fires in Australia were God’s revenge for him being banned from Australia. In one of his sermons, Anderson publicly stated that he’s praying for Obama to die. This was supposed to happen due to brain cancer, so he wouldn’t turn into a martyr. Secret Service was worried enough to contact him. The three eldest Anderson boys (Solomon, John and Isaac) were part of a group chat that included girls as young as 13. There they shared their fantasies of choking, raping, beating and sodomizing these girls during sex. Solomon shared pictures of himself. There was talk of grooming the girls and they wanted to pay hookers with church funds to have sex with after praying for them. Anderson claims to have handled the punishment at home and banned both the families of the affected girls and church members who brought the topic up. He says it’s a private matter and the boys should be forgiven. When the Josh Duggar scandal broke, Zsu had different reactions: Paedophiles deserve the death penalty, there was no forgiveness for Josh and it should not have been kept private in order to protect other potential victims. A family that raised Josh is not allowed to pretend to be a moral upstanding Christian family, and bad parenting is the reason he turned out that way. Zsu once stated that she’d stop socialising with her children if they were gay or child molesters or mass murderers. Solomon had a courtship with a girl called Saer but I don't have a sourceBy 17 Solomon was engaged to a girl named Saer, thanks u/maggiemazz29. From what I have gathered, her parents used to be involved with the porn industry before getting saved, which was apparently the reason the relationship was broken off. However, on their blog there are still many pictures of the two of them together. Solomon seems to have been interested in Saer from when he was 14. There’s a blogpost about him liking a girl and wanting to marry her and she’s described as a good friend. Saer is called his BFF around that time. Their religion Despite the fact that they are fundies, they do divide the bible into biblical teachings and stories, the latter only record people doing things without saying they are right, so you don’t have to follow them. Earth is 6254 years old, give or take 25 years. Salvation happens through faith alone, no need to repent for sins, though it's nice if you do. They don’t believe in the prosperity gospel, but they don’t have a rainy day fund as God has them covered. The chain of command goes God -> husband -> Wife -> children. Created to be his Help Meet is a good book. They are part of the quiverful movement and believe God should decide how many children you have, even if having more kids might kill you. Evolution and the big bang theory are the same thing and are wrong, and dinosaurs and humans lived at the same time. Their homo- and transphobia Steven Anderson celebrated the Orlando nightclub shooting and expressed sadness over the fact that unlike in the past the victim’s families were not ashamed to claim their dead family members. He wants the death penalty for LGBTQAI+ and ministers that perform same-sex marriages should be stoned to death. AIDS is God’s revenge and will be cured by killing every single homosexual person. Gay people are paedophiles. IVF is used by the LGBTQAI+ community to have children to prey on. Homosexuality is Zsuientifically proven to be a choice and those “sodomites” recruit through rape and molestations in schools and day cares. Once you turned into an animal by choosing to be gay you can never be saved. Steven Anderson once held a Make America Straight Again conference and another time he told a gay reporter he hoped he’d die of brain cancer. Gay people run the US (but depending on who they hate more any given day, sometimes it’s the Jews/shadow government). Transgender people are an abomination. Their anti-Semitism and Holocaust denying Once, Steven Anderson tricked Holocaust survivors into appearing in an anti-Semitic and Holocaust-denying Film. Jews are not God’s chosen people, they are some of the most immoral people in the world. Dark forces were responsible for the founding of Israel While at one point Zsucifer acknowledged that the Nazi regime had murdered 6 million Jews, she later stated that there were no trains full of Jews brought to extermination camps and that there were no gas chambers. According to that statement, only a fraction of 6 million people died indirectly due to being mistreated during WW2, a mistreatment that was necessary and normal for war. Raising the children To Train Up A Child is unnecessarily tough is it breaks a child’s will. You are supposed to spank your child from at around age one (a guesstimate by me based on different posts). Zsu claims she dislikes spanking but is really blasé about it, casually mentioning that Isaac had a sore bum after trying to strangle John as a child. If they are out and the kids misbehave they get tallies put on their hands and spanked according to those at home. Zsu seems to feed her children a healthy amount of organic food, but the diet is quite carb heavy and their fridges and freezers are locked between meals. Sister mumming is done by both girls and boys and Solomon is Anna’s favourite parent. You should not teach your kids to share, because that teaches them to be communist. The child that has to share gets taught that stealing in form of taxes is okay, the one that gets to share will turn into a welfare recipient. Gender roles Women should not have the right to vote, to seek divorce or to work outside the home. It’s okay though for Zsu to work multiple jobs from home. In order to write a cook book, Zsu actually got a woman to move in with her and take care of the kids, but they are totally not affected by her working. A man’s work is much more important than a women’s. If your husband is abusive or threatening to kill you, you have to stay with him. It’ll teach your kids to make a better choice If the chores get too much, just have your kids do them. Once Miriam was brought on vacation with Zsu and Steven just so that she could mind the baby.In the words of Steven:
„If my wife asks me to do something like take out the trash, I tell her to have one of the kids do it. I didn’t sire nine children, so I could take out the trash or pick up after the family dog."
If your husband does something that falls into your jurisdiction you better make damn sure to thank him and don’t you dare criticise him for doing it wrong Girls should never become preachers, judges, police officers or military personnel, they should get married, have kids and be a stay at home mum. Dads and big brothers are there to protect a girls virginity, and Steven goes out on one on one dates with his daughters. Steven thinks women shouldn’t view it as their duty to have sex with their husbands but they need to help him avoid temptation by „being available to meet [their husband’s] needs“. Steven compares the relationship between husband and wife to that of employer and employee Home-schooling Day care/schools/counselling/Sunday schools are all run by paedophiles and child abusers; they are also full of drugs, alcohol and bad peers. Day care causes SIDS. You should not leave your children out of sight, but it’s okay to use church goers to look after your children and clean your house for free. For Steven, the avoidance of those institutions seems to be about control, as he can’t control what’s being said there. The bible commands you to home-school your kids. Traditional school work should be limited to 40 minutes a day and subjects the kids don’t like don’t have to be covered. There’s a three month break whenever a new baby comes along. Once your children are able to read you don’t have to actively teach them anymore College is overrated and worthless. Anything taught at college can be learned through apprenticeships and reading. If you do want to have a job that requires a degree, you should go to a private college without “diversity training” Modesty/Dating/Marriage Skirts only (PJ pants seem to be okay), shoulders may be shown. Modesty means you should blend into society. Girls have to have long hair and boys have to have short hair. Kids get to choose their own partners from a pre-approved pool. Zsu once mentioned she thinks it’s nice for girls to wear purity ring. Courting and dating are the same thing and unmarried couples should either be supervised or dating in public spaces. Their rule of thumb for what is okay before marriage is if you wouldn’t do it with someone of the own gender, don’t do it with the opposite gender. There should be no physical contact except for normal, everyday gestures. You should be in love with your partner prior to marriage. There are diseases that are not STDs, but are unheard of in virgins getting married - unfortunately Steven Anderson doesn’t name those. It’s okay to sleep with a few people if your spouse dies and you get remarried. However, sleeping with hundreds of people is wrong, because our bodies were not created to exchange bacteria with that many people. Reproductive rights A Zsucientifial Study proves that 90 % of OB/GYNs are male, 100 % of those are perverts, so 90 % of OB/GYNs are perverts. OB/GYNs only choose that career in order to prey on victims. But essential oils are the amazing. Abortion is the American Holocaust (though since the Holocaust didn’t happen according to them that leaves me a bit confused). Abortion includes IVF and birth control. IVF is perverse because you are getting impregnated by another man (a doctor). NFP is wrong because it defrauds your husband and he would have to abstain for longer than the bible allows. Condoms are unbiblical because they prevent husband and wife from becoming one flesh. Birth control is the reason for high divorce rates and leads to you choosing the wrong partner. Zsu doesn’t seem to believe in infertility, as in the bible every single woman that prayed for a child had one in the end. They openly admit to only care about unborn lives as Steven is in favour of cutting financial support for drug addicts and “whores”. He has to work for endless hours to pay “every lazy whore who lives on welfare” and “her bastard children” that obviously all have different fathers Racism and Slavery In the words of Zsucifer:
“People in Africa live like animals and sleep with everyone and everything that moves.“.
White people are not the dominant society in the US. POC are the racists. Black activists teach black people to be dependent on the government, they should just tell them that everyone has to work hard to make a living. POC should not hide behind being less privileged, believing in God would give them all the privilege they need. POC should accept that we can’t all look like God When one of Zsu’s readers told her it’s offensive to call Native Americans Indians and she should refer to them as „First People“ or „Native Americans“ she played stupid and said she didn’t recall Adam and Eve being Cherokee. Slavery is good, because the bible says so. If you have a slave, you should beat your slave. Slavery is better than sending debtors to prison. Their love for slavery might be the reason they hate Abraham Lincoln.
I Read It So You Don't Have To: Love Italian Style (by Melissa Gorga)
As much as I've been enjoying our literary exploration of RHONY's trailblazing cosmopolites, I think it's time to mix things up and travel approximately thirty miles down the road to get a taste of the suburban paradise that is the non-Jersey-Shore part of New Jersey. And since I'm sure we could all use a little bit of extra help keeping that spark alive -- especially in these trying times -- what better place to start than Melissa Gorga's 2013 relationship advice book, Love Italian Style: The Secrets of My Hot and Happy Marriage. If you were in any doubt as to our author's expertise on the particular issue at hand, never fear! You have only to flip the book over to its back coverto be thoroughly rid of any residual skepticism. What is love, if not those nuzzling noses, that slender hand thrown into contrast against a patch of coarse, hoary facial hair? However, I have to admit that my personal definition of love would probably have included a little help from my friendly neighborhood tooth-whitening app. Between an unfortunately positioned shadow and the striking contrast of Melissa's hyper-peroxided chompers, poor Joe looks like he got pulled into this photo shoot midway through eating a particularly unwieldy Tootsie Roll. In the introduction ("Blueprint for a Better Marriage"), Melissa primes us on her motivations for writing this book.
Since I entered the world of reality TV, the number one message I get from fans is, "I want your marriage!"
The number two message I get from fans: "How do you do it?"
I think a far more interesting question would be, Why do you do it, but that's neither here nor there. Melissa goes to empower the reader with the knowledge that, no matter the state of their marriage, there's always a way to turn things around.
If other women want a close-to-perfect marriage, they can have it, too. It's their choice. Even if they don’t think they are, they are in control. Women steer the ship. What they say and how they act towards their partner will directly correlate with his response.
I am breathless with relief, and immediately begin making plans to send a copy of this book to every domestic violence hotline in the nation. How silly of me -- the solution was there the whole time! How disappointing that all of those other women couldn't have just tried a little harder. With that selfless act of charity over and done with, I soldier on through the following paragraph, in which Melissa introduces her "overriding 'Gorganizing' principle" of a good marriage: "treat your husband like a King." As a side note, for what I can only assume is an incredibly well thought-out and heavily symbolic reason, the words "King" and "Queen" are capitalized throughout the book (or, at least, throughout this chapter). But treating your husband like royalty doesn't mean you have to be a subservient pushover! No,
In the game of chess, the King can only move one square at a time. The Queen can zip across the board every turn.
I realize how much my standards have been lowered by my recent run of Housewives memoirs, since my only reaction is to be decently impressed that Melissa got the mechanics of chess correct. However, the metaphor starts to fall apart shortly thereafter:
As the Queen, I create the playbook for our marriage. On our chessboard, I'm zooming up the iTunes charts and performing on concert stages, but I'm never more than one step away from being at my husband's side.
Take that, Bobby Fischer! We next follow Melissa back to her childhood to learn how she became the woman she is today, and she tells us about dating a series of bad boys as a teenager
My OCD kicked in, and I wouldn't let up until they'd transformed.
Despite a few failed relationships, Melissa continues in her unrelenting search for Mr. Right, but is dismayed to find that some men are hesitant to pay her attention -- "Maybe it was because I was sober and not dressed like a slut." We're treated to a family portraittenderly captioned, "Guidos in pastel" before jumping ahead a few years to the moment that changes it all. Of course, the responsibility of recounting the numerous details of such a monumental event would be too much for a fragile female constitution to shoulder. Thankfully, as we read:
Joe loves this story. One of the secrets of our marriage is to grant him his moments. I call them "Joements." Whenever you see bold type set in a box, like below, know that these are my man's words. For extra fun, read it out loud in Joe's voice. Hey ladies. It's me. The one and only Joe Gorga. I'm very proud of Melissa for writing this book. I'm honored she wants to hold up our marriage as an example for other woman [sic]. I knew she was the woman for me when I first laid my eyes on her.
Joe begins to tell us the story of meeting Melissa in Cancun while on vacation, but the couple loses touch when he gets "busy with business and with girls closer to home." Nevertheless, the stars align, the lovebirds reconnect, and the passion is unstoppable from there! Melissa encourages us to follow in her footsteps and adhere to the "100-date rule" for having sex. As she explains:
Even if sex with me turned out to be the greatest night of [Joe's] life, he'd lose some respect for me in the morning. I'm not going to apologize about how unfair that sounds, how sexist or old-fashioned. The fact is, a man won't fall hard if a woman is too easy.
Before I can formulate an argument against this, however, I read on to see that Melissa refers to Joe reaching climax as "releasing his poison." I now realize that delaying intercourse was probably the safest strategy for everyone involved, if only from a biosafety standpoint. She then quips:
Some women think waiting to have sex is just a strategy women use to trick a man into marriage. The opposite! For one thing, a "trick" is what whores do.
I have to admit, I wasn't expecting Melissa Gorga and G.O.B. Bluth to have this much in common, but it's always nice when multiple experts agree on a particular concept. Melissa goes on to reassure us that "it's like a math formula," so I'm pretty confident she's got things figured out. The couple quickly tie the knot and settle into a comfortable newlywed routine. Melissa shares some hard-earned words of wisdom from these early days:
You might think you and your new husband can just sit down with an iPad, and bang out your official policy on the biggies.
Alas, as our guide sagely informs us,
On day 1,001, you'll realize that all those plans you made on the iPad aren't worth a dime.
Considering my boyfriend and I don't even have an iPad, I’m frankly a bit nervous about where this leaves me. Thankfully, the next section of the book promises to teach me everything I need to know to be "a lady in the parlor," so I remain hopeful that I can learn the skills to compensate for these minor deficiencies. We begin with the topic of fashion, on which Melissa explains,
The one thing I've come to realize is that I need to take Joe into account when I get dressed.
After enumerating rules like "dress to please your man," "dress to please your man, part two," and "a King does not want his Queen to look cheap," Melissa informs us that
It's never appropriate to wear a super-short mini dress with a boob-popping, midriff-baring tube top. Absolutely not.
I agree -- absolutely not! A tube top on top of a mini dress? It wouldn't even bare your midriff at all if you wear it that way! Preposterous! She goes on to sternly remind us that "'I'm insecure and overcompensating' is not the fashion statement that you want to make." But as a matter of fact, I'll have you know that 'insecure and overcompensating' is exactly the aesthetic I've been trying desperately for years to achieve. Melissa tells us that Joe loves to see her in the color red, so she "[buys] every red dress or shirt I see." It seems like it would actually be incredibly debilitating to live life this way -- I picture Melissa Gorga, quietly sobbing in the checkout line at Kohl's, arms straining under a towering pile of red shirts, red dresses -- red, red, red. She pulls a cart behind her, overflowing with shades of crimson, scarlet, and maroon, as she frantically swipes credit card after credit card, desperate to claim her all-important bounty. Moving on to beauty tips, Melissa cheerily informs us that "the saltiness in sweat is an all-natural scrub." We next learn that Joe doesn't wear a wedding band, because he has "really chubby fingers" and "thinks that a ring is the most uncomfortable thing ever." Also that he is a "dedicated manscaper." And is "into feet." After reading this, I'm pretty sure it will be at least 100 dates until I have any desire to have sex again. The next chapter introduces us to the couple's experience with reality television, beginning with their recruitment for Real Housewives of New Jersey:
For the record, Joe and I never called a producer. They found us. If it had been the other way around, we probably wouldn't be on the show. If we'd shown any interest, we would have been ignored. Bravo's style is, the more you want to be on the show, the less likely you are to get on it. Like a house cat, if you grab at him, he'll run under the bed. But if you sit and wait for him to come to you, he'll jump right into your lap. I swear, if I ever get a cat, I'll name him Bravo. Although I'm deathly allergic to cats, so that may be a problem!
To illustrate the full depth of emotions experienced by a thoughtful, sensitive man in the cutthroat reality television industry, Joe Gorga returns and shares with us the toll this upheaval took on him. Per Melissa's advice earlier in the book, I suggest you read it in your best impression of his voice to get the full effect. .
I'm a simple guy. I go to work every day. We were married six years before we got on the show. I have a wife that doesn’t leave my side. We love to be together. She's my best friend. Every night, I come home. She's in the kitchen looking cute, in those tight pants I love, cooking my favorite food. It was my dream life. I was used to that. And then it started to change. I'm not going to lie. It took some time to get used to. I remember one time when Melissa told me that she would be out doing press for the show. When I came home, walked into the kitchen, and saw the babysitter holding little Joey, I felt a pit in my stomach. I knew who she was -- I'd hired her -- but I wasn't ready for the reality of not seeing my wife when I walked in the door. In that half second between what I was expecting and what I was actually seeing, I got a little nervous of what was to come. When Melissa got home, I told her that I was bummed out. I didn't want to make her feel bad, but it was all starting to hit me. She apologized, but there was nothing be sorry for. She did nothing wrong.
Melissa goes on to remark that "the spotlight has actually made me more humble and vulnerable." And perhaps this is why the less-than-scrupulous have always tried to take advantage of her -- "'Film at my store!' 'Plug in my business!'" But Melissa struggles on, and is soon offered the chance to fly out to California to shoot a magazine cover. Joe's response? "No. You can't just fly around whenever you want." You may find this attitude controlling or demeaning, but you would be underestimating the eternal wisdom of the Gorganizer himself:
After many honest and sometimes hard conversations later, I figured it out. Joe was worried. He was worried that if I was flying to L.A. to do a photo shoot on a Wednesday, then what was going to be on my schedule for a Thursday? How far would this go?
This is definitely a compelling argument, and not the literal definition of the slippery slope fallacy. Melissa effortlessly manages to slip in the fact that this episode occurred "around the same time my first single, 'On Display,' hit the iTunes charts." For a rigorous scholarly analysis of this lyrical masterpiece, I highly suggest you listen to the first segment of this week's episodeof So Bad It's Good with Ryan Bailey. The themes of Melissa's work can be quite dense and emotionally weighty, so it's in your best interest to have an experienced guide of Ryan's caliber to help walk you through her masterful prose. Rest assured, however, not all of Melissa's songs are so enigmatic:
My most popular song on iTunes -- "How Many Times" -- was written for and about Joe. It rose all the way up to number four on the charts. The reason it was such a hit? Fans had an emotional reaction to a song about my love for Joe.
The chanteuse goes on to share advice about how to keep stage fright at bay.
You know that old saying, "To get over stage fright, picture the audience in their underwear?" Well, I just picture Joe Gorga. I will leave the rest of the details to you.
I can only pray those details are ones like "fully clothed" and "giving an enthusiastic thumbs-up sign." And really, it's not like Joe is a mind-in-the-gutter kind of man. He stops by to share with us that, "A lot of my friends go to a strip club every night after work. I'm not that guy." As a matter of fact, as Melissa continues, "with one exception (guess), he never loves me more that [sic] when I'm making pasta and meatballs for our friends and family." She also suggests spicing up a party with "a few unexpected twists and turns." Past favorites of the Gorgonauts have included "an inflatable bull-riding ring" and "a whipped cream fight."
When our guests are doubled over laughing, and saying, "Only at the Gorgas!" I know we're a hit.
Above all, it's crucial to spare no expense when "the happiness of your family and friends is at stake." As Melissa reminds us,
Whatever you put out there in life or on the table -- kindness, love, and quality meats -- it flows right back to you.
I'm not sure if a flowing river of quality meats is the exact metaphor that I would have chosen to express this particular sentiment, but far be it from me to criticize someone so steeped in the romantic arts! What I am more than happy to criticize, however, is Melissa's subsequent revelation that she and Joe spend parties "sending sexy telepathic messages about what we'll do when everyone leaves." She explains, "parties are like extended foreplay for us." This certainly puts a different spin on the "quality meat" references, to say the least. However, I'm blissfully relieved to see "shower before bed" on the list of sexy tips for men that closes out this chapter. Melissa introduces the next section of the book by telling us, "It took me a while to get 'Gorga-approved.'" As part of the grueling authorization process, her mother-in-law would berate her cooking "for hours at a time " while Joe helpfully offered up "some constructive criticism. I'm pretty sure this is more or less the plot of the second Hunger Games movie, but please correct me if I'm mistaken. The chapter ends with a helpful reminder not to text at the dinner table -- "I don't care what carrier you have." In the book's next section, Melissa shares her perspective on her and Joe's relationship:
No marriage is perfect. No man is perfect. Joe has his flaws, for sure. I'm not perfect either. The flaws in ourselves and in our marriage cause us to fight. When we do, it's loud. He's a passionate man, and I'm a passionate woman. Our fights go from 0 to 90 in about 2.5 seconds.
And no, she's not just being a hysterical, overdramatic woman (this time!). Joe confirms:
I lose it. It's true. But I'd never let loose if I didn't believe Melissa understood me, and can handle me. It's another version of trust.
Exactly like how I only steal from people when I know they have enough money available for me to take. It's another version of trust. Melissa informs us that, when Joe is mad, "the only defuser that makes a dent in his sulk is to ask, 'Don’t you love me?'" I presume she says this while affecting the accent of a young Blanche DuBois and ostentatiously collapsing across the nearest piece of furniture. At this point in the book, I am caught off guard by the tragic revelation that Joe Gorga suffers from a serious medical condition that puts his life and livelihood at risk. As Melissa explains:
That's when he told me about his severe poison condition. He described the need to expel his junk like it's a real physical crisis. We all know that Blue Ball Syndrome does not appear in any medical textbooks. But for Joe, not having enough sex is detrimental to his overall health. He genuinely can't function otherwise. He gets fidgety and stressed, distracted and irritable.
But Joe isn't suffering alone. This devastating malady is indiscriminate, affecting innocent men around the globe and wreaking its ruinous consequences. As Melissa solemnly intones, "The general consensus though is that if men don't get their minimum of sexual activity (on a sliding scale), they go crazy." Or, as Joe puts it, "Refusing to initiate is a Top Three reason men cheat." We next learn about some of the expectations Joe has for Melissa in the context of their relationship. For example:
He wanted to make sure that I knew, for example, if I ran out to CVS and he came home from work to an empty house, he didn't like it.
I can only assume that this is because Joe Gorga is an infant child who lacks an understanding of object permanence, and becomes so alarmed at the prospect of an empty house because he is genuinely convinced that Melissa has disappeared off the face of the planet, never to return again. Plus, as she reflects, "In a way, it's flattering that he wants me all the time." Just like how kidnapping victims should be flattered that someone cared about them enough to take them for their very own! Of her initial response to these rules and regulations, Melissa recalls,
My independent side wondered if he was trying to control me. I tried not to be too analytical about it.
This is the correct response, because women are wildly irrational harpies who lack the intellectual wherewithal to contextualize Complicated Man Things. Before I introduce the next anecdote, take a second to imagine with me. You are writing a book about your fabulous, indescribably fulfilling relationship with the love of your life, thrilled at the chance to share your hard-earned wisdom with the eager audience. But what particular episodes truly capture the spirit of a marriage for the ages? How can one convey the innumerable intricacies of a decades-long relationship in something as hollow as the written word? After weeks of dogged pondering, you finally light upon the perfect sketch to illustrate your loving husband's tender devotion:
My girlfriend called me up one day from her doctor's office. She was getting her lips done. "Come over and try it!" she said. I was curious. I went over there. I didn't want huge big fake lips, so I just got a little done. Mistake! Just that little bit made me look like a duck. I hadn't told Joe what I was up to. That night when I was cooking dinner, I kept my back to him so he wouldn't see my face. He noticed, of course. And he was NOT happy. "You look disgusting! You're like one of those freaks from Beverly Hills! What are you doing to yourself? What are you turning into?" He started slamming the plastic tabletop on the high chair (obviously, the baby wasn't in it), and it cracked. Fat lips tell no lies: I hated the look, too. He didn't talk to me for two weeks, about as long as the bruising lasted. When they went back down to normal size, I was relieved, not only for his sake. Puffy lips just didn’t feel right for me. Lesson learned. I never got them done again.
Sorry kids, Daddy's not talking to Mommy this week because she made herself look like a rancid Beverly Hills slut. That's love -- Italian Style. Melissa tells us that she "[insists] on hiring all of Joe's secretaries at work" -- "If the candidate is over sixty, with an eye patch, a hump and a bald spot, she's hired." I can picture the Help Wanted ad now! But just because your husband has mercilessly established an immovable network of pointless and degrading rules that he forces you to obey for the sole purpose of making his life as pleasant and free from consequences as possible doesn’t give you an excuse to let yourself get overwhelmed, No,
When things get hot, we remind each other that it's all noise. It's a sandstorm. But in the middle of the storm, with the sand swirling around us, we stand together solid as a rock.
This is the alternate music video to Darude's Sandstormthat I never knew I always needed. We next learn that, "unwavering eye contact -- really staring -- is the test to a couple's comfort level." I've applied this principle in my own life to great positive effect, although my boyfriend was admittedly a bit concerned to wake up with my face inches in front of his own, my eyes strained open to ensure that I start my day with the necessary amount of close corneal contact. An Odd Couple for the ages, Melissa and Joe Gorga let us know that they deal with conflicts in different ways. Joe "is the Incredible Sulk," while Melissa informs us,
I'm witty to get my way. I'm sarcastic. If he yells and I say, "That's fascinating, Joe," or "You're a real tough guy," he gets crazy.
I'm truly awed by the piquancy of these verbal barbs! I can only hope to channel Melissa's sarcastic wit in my own writing from here on out. We learn that "men's attitudes are determined by their work and finances." In contrast to women's attitudes, which I assume are determined by how many dishes they have to wash and whether or not there's a coupon for their favorite brand of laundry detergent in today's circular. For this reason, Joe handles the finances for the Gorga household, and this system works exceptionally well. As Joe himself reports, "Our only glitch was when she questioned me about it." In a heartfelt tribute to the man who's never left her side, Melissa pronounces: "He never wavered, never stopped busting ass." She's also generous enough to include several financial tips to ensure that the reader's marriage has an equally solid fiscal foundation. For example,
Live as well as you can: Buy the best car you can afford. Stretch by buying a house in the nicest neighborhood with the best schools.
I've been grappling for a few weeks now over whether or not to pull the trigger on a $400 Lego Hogwarts, and Melissa has just, however inadvertently, given me the green light. Thanks, girl!! In the next section of the book, Melissa walks us through the timeline of her singing career, with a heavy emphasis towards the staggering toll her newfound success has had on her man at home. As she informs us, "Joe is empathetic. What hurts me destroys him." And ultimately, "having hit songs will not keep me warm at night. Joe will." Melissa lets us know that "women are multitaskers" and that "cleaning can be soul-nurturing and creatively productive, if you use it that way." She continues to say that, "anyone can fold laundry on automatic pilot." I have a sneaking suspicion that by anyone, she really means women. After all, everyone knows that if a man folds laundry, he automatically turns gay. It's just science! Again, you may be tempted to dismiss Joe as a chauvinist, an outdated relic of worldviews past. But that's why you're not the one writing a book about love and marriage, silly!
For Joe, it all comes down to respect. He was offended that I'd want him to waste even twenty minutes of our time together on a chore. Actually, Joe doesn’t want me to do chores either when he got home in the evenings.
And after all -- "Do you really want to see your man on his knees next to a bucket of sudsy water?" Real men should avoid kneeling at all costs, because kneeling is one step away from giving a blow job, and giving blow jobs is bad and gay and definitely not "Italian style." Again,
A man doing the dishes does not turn me on. Talk about crushing the fantasy of his being the big, bad protector.
And this isn't just Melissa making stuff up! She's got science on her side.
Anyway, a study came out recently that pretty much confirmed my belief.
As she elaborates: "When gender roles are confused, sexual roles are, too. If he's at the sink and then changing diapers, then who throws who down in the bed?" This makes absolutely no sense to me, from which can only assume I must have been doing sex wrong for all of the these years. As soon as I finish reading, I'm going to excuse myself to do some frantic and slightly embarrassed googling to clear up my confusion. Melissa and Joe don't just uphold traditional gender roles in the bedroom, but allow this perspective to perfuse every aspect of their life together. As an example, "he thinks I'm the worst driver in the world." Melissa tells us that
Joe and I are the King and Queen of the house. Antonia is our princess, and Gino and Joey are the little princes.
I can't help but notice that "princess" and "princes" are not capitalized like "King" and "Queen," although I'd be lying if I tried to pretend I had any clue what to make of this cryptic stylization. Joe writes a particularly meandering "Joement" in this chapter, in which he describes his response to the birth of his first son
"That's my boy!" I put a Giants jersey on him right away.
We should all be incredibly appreciative of Joe's quick thinking here. Without a Giants jersey, how would anyone would have known the baby was a boy? I can only imagine the horrors that could have ensued. Joe goes on to share his parenting philosophy with the reader:
My sons can have a separate entrance to the house. They can come and go as they wish. They can have anyone up to their room. I don't care. But I want to keep Antonia my little girl.
As he continues,
My wish is for her to have one boyfriend for a very long time. They have a mutual breakup with no bad feelings. Then she marries the next guy. That would be ideal.
It is totally normal and by no means invasive for a father to write what essentially amounts to elaborate mental fan-fiction about his young daughter's future romantic and sexual exploits. Joe signs off with the cheeky quip, "I know it's a double standard. But I just don't care!" Melissa shares the inscrutable observation that when she and Joe first met, "he was like Mussolini." What's more, "it's no secret that Joe is a sexually voracious man and a throw-down lover." It's this experience that empowers Melissa to share with us the tips and tricks she uses to make sure that her husband never goes unsated. For example,
Thick luxurious carpeting can turn the barefoot walk from the bathroom to the bed into an erotic journey.
Joe stops by to proclaim the (patently and demonstrably false) claim that "A man will never go outside his marriage for sex unless he's not getting it at home," before Melissa instructs us that "sex is a marital lubricant." As she lets us know,
I'm proud of how I look, and not embarrassed to say so. Caring about your looks is superficial only if you do it for shallow reasons.
Reminding us that "being his sex object takes effort," Melissa commands the reader to "treat your body like a sex machine." If you let your physical appearance slip, "he might not complain, but that doesn’t mean he's not thinking Ewwww." The next chapter boasts the vaguely terrifying title, "our version of foreplay." Melissa reiterates a message from earlier in the book, remarking that "Joe and I keep up the romance with extended foreplay." She also provides a helpful analogy to help delicate feminine minds comprehend the irrepressible male sex drive.
Most men are like pilot lights, always ready to burst into flame. They just need a blast of romantic fuel.
Melissa also tells us that Joe has "a tiny foot fetish." While I'm sure she means to imply that Joe's foot fetish is of a manageable intensity, I would much rather interpret this sentence to mean that Joe Gorga has a raging passion for full-grown women with teeny-tiny baby-doll feet. Chapter fifteen is titled, "Full-Body Gorgasm." And if the physical reaction I had to being forced to read the word 'gorgasm" is any indication of its definition, it's more or less the physiological inverse of a regular orgasm. Displaying a characteristically Housewives ability to completely ignore the canonical definitions of fairly common terms, Melissa explains,
The traditional definition of "open marriage," is when a husband and wife allow each other to have sex with other people. Our version of "open marriage" means open communication, especially about sex.
She remarks that, "I know so much about how Joe's mind works," and I can't say that I'm even the slightest bit jealous. However, the man himself is kind enough to deign to let us in on some of these inner machinations:
One of the ways my wife shows me respect is by making mad passionate love to me. When I knock on the door, it opens!
But don't think this means your sex life has to be boring and staid! Far from it:
When I gained weight during pregnancy, Joe was totally into it. He said it was like having sex with a different woman. He loves variety.
This isn't the only way you can incorporate variety into your sexual repertoire. As another suggestion, Melissa suggests that you "be loud on Monday and whisper on Wednesday." Sing on Tuesday, mime on Saturdays. Also Joe swings by again to remind us that "the little things, touching toes, matter." Sure, just a very minor foot fetish. Perhaps it's my fault for rushing so frantically through the sexual miasma of the previous chapters, but I'm surprised when I turn the page and am abruptly met with the book's parting words. Thankfully, trying to make sense of what lines like this actually mean will take up, I anticipate, a large part of the rest of my day.
Need is only a four-letter word if you don't accept it as another one: F-A-C-T.
At the back of the book, an exceptionally thorough index provides page numbers for a host of scintillating topics you will undoubtedly want to go back and reference. I'm sure that, generations from now, scholars will run their impatient fingers down this very list, thirsting for the lost vault of knowledge that only Melissa Gorga can provide.
children sex challenges, parental, due to, 225-26 Gorga, Melissa Marco, 48, 89 121, 229, 234 driving and, 179 stage fright by, 117-19 Nars products, 83, 85 Ralph (friend of Joe), 6 respect, 2, 4-5, 45, 52, 65 as cornerstone of marriage, 7-8, 9, 11-12, 186 in lovemaking, 223 sex, 217 faking orgasms in, 225 as marital glue, 11-12, 148-50, 195-96, 227-28 variety's importance in, 224 Short Hills Hilton, New Jersey, 53-57 Thoreau, Henry David, 109
See my comment below for more info on my future plans!
A Running List of Why People Hate Susan - Based off a comment I made
Edit: The only ones that are new (not from the original comment) are 91 down.
She was willing to outright murder a teen I believe after he had an alibi - after her daughter was nearly strangled
She interferes with her daughter attempting to put her kid up for adoption for completely selfish reasons without caring about what her daughter wants
She broke into Edies house solely because she thought Edie was sleeping with mike a man whom she had just met and had no claim to, then she burnt down Edies house WITH HER STILL IN IT and didn’t even bother calling the police
Decided to tell Edie that she burnt down her house in the middle of a lake while Edie was trying to bury her friend Martha because she just felt sooooooo guilty and couldn’t wait another day
Took issue with how Lynette was parenting her daughter because she couldn’t deal with Paige crying even after Lynette said let it be
Consistently involves herself in her grown daughters affairs - trying to find out whom she slept with and was impregnated by
Getting upset that Renee and Lynette weren’t considering her to be part of the business
Only after having mike work himself to the bone did she get a job
Expecting her friends to drop everything once she moved back to the lane
Using Julie to get to Zach Young then turning on Zach Young and forbidding Julie to see him
Having a massively inappropriate relationship with her daughter - her daughter parenting her not the other way around
Putting her cellphone in Juanitas backpack then saying Juanita stole her phone so mj could sell more candy without any care to how that could’ve impacted Juanitas education
Accusing orson of killing his wife as if mike hasn’t done shady ass shit and not letting it go when Bree asked
Getting mad at Katherine for watching mj and properly feeding him - SOLELY BECAUSE SHE WAS DATING MIKE
Accusing mike of spending money on Katherines pearls instead of their kid as if mike wasn’t a. Already providing for mj and b. As if who/what he spends his money on was any of her business as his ex wife
Refusing to get married so she can collect alimony
Selling her half of a stripclub/bar then blowing the money on god knows what
Using her moral high as an excuse to sell her half of the stripclub/bar when she could’ve use the money or put it into a trust for Julie
Telling people at a funeral that’s she’s dating the widower of the dead lady
Refusing to understand why the hell Katherine would be upset after mike remarried her when him and Katherine were supposed to be going on a vacay
Being upset people are asking how Katherines doing
Her feeling guilty for alejandros death but not Katherines ex husband
Her confession painting
Her essentially telling gabby that her daughter was slow because of the group she was in while proudly telling gabby her son was smartebetter then her daughter
Her allowing mj to act like an ass and refusing to punish him after mike died because he lost his dad
Her acting like mj was the only kid in the world to lose a father
Her getting upset at the teacher when the teacher tells her that mj isn’t special and people lose parents
Her deciding to end her marriage because mike wasn’t acting or feeling guilty enough for her liking over the dash deaths
Her slut-shaming Edie as if she isn’t constantly with a man
The severe lack of parenting skills
Her thinking that a sufficient apology is helping to clean up trash in her neighbors yard that was only there because of her in the first place - this AFTER she tried to murder the woman’s son
Her being the reason Julie ends up as a single mother
Her getting mad at Lynette for not wanting to raise her (their) grandkid because their kids were idiots
Her getting mad at Edie for Julie asking Edie about getting birth control when it’s her fault Julie felt the need to go to Edie instead of her
Her snooping thru her daughters diary to find out who the married man is
Her getting upset at Lynette that Julie went to Lynette to ask about her options (I think) then not liking what Lynette said
Her kidnapping a dog to make herself look better in front of her new neighbors who don’t like her because she made a horrible first impression
Her saying she’d watch bongo then bongo having to go to the vet because of something she did
Her getting jealous whenever mike attempts to move on even though she’s with someone else
That fucking painting
Getting upset that Bree, Gabby and Lynette didn’t tell her about the issues with Alejandro even though she kept going on and on about how the guilt from what they did was eating at her and how she wants to confess
Her guilt-visiting Alejandros family
Her writing a check to Alejandros family
Her finding her dad then getting upset that her dad doesn’t wanna spend time with her and have family bonding time/reunions as if a 40-something woman meeting a man who already had a family who didn’t know about her existence was gonna work out well anyways
Her being nice to Dylan after everything she did to her mother
Her being outraged about Ian’s parents asking for a prenup
Her need to meddle until she’s right
Her getting so upset at Edie burning down her house as revenge even though Edie made sure nobody was in the house unlike Susan
Her acting like how her daughter ended up was the result of her good parenting
Her being perfectly okay with her kid daughter not going and spending time with her dad and new girlfriend because she can’t be grown up enough to deal with it for the sake of her kid - yes Julie ended up going but it was clearly something that had happened before - Julie not seeing her dad because it hurts/upsets mom
When Lynette pointed out Parker was wrongly accused she said well I’m right or something like that.
Implied via dead hamster that just because Alejandro raped gabby (and his other step daughter) he didn’t deserve to die
Didn’t believe Alejandro raped gabby- Imo if she did then she’s NEVER would’ve felt as guilty as she did
Had an emotional affair with Carlos because he understood her guilt
Told mike everything that happened then justified it as mike “he’s my husband” or some other bs after they agreed not to tell anyone
Injured the teacher that told her mj wasn’t special just cause his dad died
Told Lynette that kids were a gift knowing how hard Lynettes life already was without the unexpected pregnancy
Chased Karl down the lane like a mad woman
The cleaning porn thing
Not telling mike she was essentially a pornstar
Her showing up to a strip club because she was hella insecure and ruining mikes night out and to prove a point
Her using her clumsiness as an excuse
The marriage/insurance scam with Karl when he was dating Edie
Her not stopping seeing mike while she was dating Ian even though that was his one condition to helping him
Her paying off Zach Young to go away
Her manipulation of Zach Young
Her inability to not have people like her -the cranky dialysis guy
Her using her dialysis to get what she wants or out of what she wants
Her ACTUALLY believing her mother was going on a cruise with her husband or bf and refusing to believe the fact that maybe just maybe her mother might have some other reason to not give her a kidney
Assuming that her mother could just give her a kidney - I know that family is her best option but she’s atleast 38-40 in this season idk how her mother was when she had Susan but let’s say 22 that means her mother is would be 60-62 which isn’t the best age to be having serious surgery. Let’s say her mom was 24-26 when she had her then she’d be around 62-66 again, major surgery and a kidney is pretty important but she had NO CONSIDERATION for the health risks associated with her mom giving her a kidney
How she thought trying a holistic approach was the best option completely disregarding her husbands wishes
How she dresses - she dresses like a child actually, I’m sure she raid julies closet - even gaby clothes are more grown up and sexy then I shop at platos closet but not for my daughter
How she completely disregarded mike not wanting her hanging around Paul young because ya know he tried to kill him
Couldn’t be bothered to put mj in therapy to process his dad dying
Never listened to mike when he told her to stay out of something
Told Julie that his (mjs) dad just died as if her dad didn’t die in a freak accident which is arguably worse than a gunshot - people die from guns quite frequently (bang) how many people die from an airplane crashing into Santa’s workshop at a neighborhood Christmas party... none
Told Julie she was disappointed in her for sleeping with a married man and she didn’t raise her to be like that as if she raised her at all
Couldn’t deal with the fact Julie bf wasn’t in her own age group - like you treated your kid like she was your peer during her formative years and you expect to date people her own age really?!
Basically glamorized Julie childhood as her being a fun parent and then growing up together
Couldn’t be a parent after her divorce
Couldn’t be bothered to learn how to cook for her kids
Expected her idiot son to get into that fancy smancy school
Extremely unprofessional when dealing with the nude artist
Having no legitimate concept of how finances work - EVEN GABBY GOT A JOB WHEN SHIT HIT THE FAN - PRINCESS GABBY GOT DIRTY
Thinking that living off alimony is a lifetime achievement award
Lived in an rv because she was broke instead of getting an apartment after her house burn down- like seriously a fucking rv/trailer
Allows Bree to move in temporarily then sabotages her once he can move out because Bree cleans which makes the house look pretty and cooks nice meals
Moved in with Bree for a time and definitely did something to fuck that up (I forget what will add when I remember)
Too damn peppy
Always criticizing and slut-shaming Edie when Edie is unapologetically Edie what you see is what you get while she acts holier than thou
Instead of telling mike “I can only talk in one tone that makes all dogs wanna go to heaven” deldumbass that Jackson already taught M “I’m just as insufferable as my mother” J how to ride a bike SHE LETS THEIR CHILD INJURE HIMSELF
SHE DEPRIVED MIKE “I only have one facial look” deldelusiono of the joys of teaching his kid how to ride a bike instead letting her bf teach him instead
She allowed MJ “I’ll never live up to Spider-Man MJ so I’m not gonna try at life even as a child” to get attached to Jackson - bond with Jackson then allow Jackson to flitter off to Canada like he a goddamn fairy godmother
Was the catalyst for Brees suicidal breakdown
Was the reason MJ “I suck like my parents” lost 2 dads - had Susan married Jackson MJackass wouldn’t have lost that father figure and hopefully would’ve been less annoying
Her affair with Karl while he was still dating Edie - sure he told her they were done but Karl was a known liar and womanizer and she just believed him
Uses the fact Karl cheated on her as an excuse for being a horrible mom to Julie - like guess what bitch, the only person who wasn’t cheated on (in some form) was Mary Alice - Gabby: Carlos - Xio Mae (idk hoe to spell her name - more of a revenge thing but still) - Lynette: He-Susan - Jane the Payne in my ass (they were in counseling trying to make things work and he already had a whole ass wife lined up before the tree that was used to make the divorce papers were cut) - Bree: REX LITERALLY CHEATED WITH A PROSTITUTE - DEALT WITH ANDREW “rosemarys baby on a Walmart budget” AND little miss “you can’t emasculate me like you did/do dad” Van de Tramp GUESS WHAT FUCKING BREE WAS JUST FINE AND GOT ON WITH HER LIFE AND WAS STILL A GOOD MOTHER. GABBY GOT ON WITH HER LIFE. LYNETTE ATTEMPTED TO GET ON WITH HER LIFE WAS STILL A GOOD MOTHER - yes, Julie was younger but still dealing with teenagers, and a cheating husband 😳 no thanks. FOR CONTEXT Carlos literally cheated with the woman carrying his child and gaby complains waaaay less than poosan.
The whole Jackson thing - a tale as old as time - he said he was falling for her - she didn’t want anything serious - he say okay let’s be open - she okay - he (or she believe he’s being open) becomes open - she gets jealous - they become couple. She allow this person to come into her life and mj - AND ENTERED THEIRS only to walk away at a critical point. Ya’ll was living together, he taught your kid to ride a bike, for all intents and purposes you were serious - serious enough for him to be confident in asking for get married for a green card, only for him to just go poof. I 10000000% believe that Jackson thought they’d end up an actual family he 1000000% loved her for whatever reason and he was nothing more than a boy toy and someone to play house with for her and she clearly didn’t care about how it affected mj
Ian - this woman helped Ian through the worst point of his life (up until his reflection on this thing with Susan) FUCKED UP HIS BELOVED DEAD WIFE funeral only to leave him in the lurch.
And we're live!! Ok, so here is how this will work. We have 80 participants! (up from 46 last year) I have randomized the list to create a turn order. I will post the turn order below and will keep it updated with which cards have been picked and how many times they've been stolen. When it is your turn to make a pick, I will tag you in a comment below. Please respond to that comment with either the card you want to steal or if you want a random unpicked card assigned to you. You will not know what unpicked cards are available. Note. A card can only be stolen 3 times. Once it is stolen a third time it is locked into that participant! There will be a 12 hour time limit, after that, I will just randomly assign you a card. If you have a card stolen, I will also tag you in a comment to let you know it's been stolen and what your new randomly assigned card is. New rule this year, the person with first pick, also gets the last chance to steal. A couple important notes. Listen, there is a disparity in the cards available. No one was cheap. I can ensure you that everyone gave what they could afford to give and some people just chose to be very generous. That being said, some people are going to end up with nicer cards than others. Just keep in mind, coming away with a great card is not the point. The point is to generate some fun in the sub. Which leads into my second point. Have fun!! Please don't be afraid to embrace the game and steal a card from someone if there is a card out there you want!! That's the fun of it! No one will get upset! Edit - Full disclosure there was one person who signed up in time who I originally did not put in the list, so i did a random number generator between 1-79, it came up 16, so I inserted them in spot 16. Game on!! Edit 2 - We are down to 79 participants. One person who had signed up got banned and cannot send their card. That person had not picked yet, but their card had been picked. It was not a card that had been stolen by anyone. I notified the recipient that it had been replaced with the 5cc Pink 2019 Boss Lyonie. The game continues!! Ok! The turn order and up to date results:
ohitsmark - Purple WoSW Jyn Sig
fasttrooper2 - Naboo 2018 - battle of Naboo award - 461cc.
stormshadow1997 - 236 cc Super Rare masterwork Quinlan Vos
camlov3 - 4 Making of Monday Awards
ndodpgk16 - Gold ANH Fractured Greedo
thegeek100 - Rose Tico Tunic Fabric Swatch
dark_cloak124 - 2016 Color Film Quote "I Hate You!"
starwarsmads - orange jarek yeager heroes
mcquarrieskid - Black WoSW Numa Sig
annominous27 - Hoth Prime
kasper11 - 2016 Red Physical Redemption Maul
robmfuller - 10cc Series 4 Purple Galaxy Baze Malbus
Xenoblade Chronicles is, unquestionably, a game that every JRPG fan needs to play. The combat is thrilling and thoughtful, and even though certain regions feel too large and empty, the world is gorgeous and delightful to explore. There is so much to do and see, and so long as you can hold your own in battle, you can advance at any pace you like. Shulk and his friends are unwavering in their optimism and integrity, and they make for a charming and endearing cast with a story that never fails to move and grow. Certain mechanics are a bit confusing and overwhelming to learn, but overall, Xenoblade Chronicles: Definitive Edition hits the nail on the head in almost every way and adds up to a beautiful adventure that thoroughly deserves your time.
Definitely the most beautiful version of the game with a lot of nice additions like a 10 hour long Epilog and some new modes. Newcomers will probably have some troubles to get into the old core elements of the game and the battle system but hardcore fans will have a lot do and explore in this Definitive Edition.
Xenoblade Chronicles Definitive Edition proves that it is still one of the best examples this genre has to offer. A new coat of paint and smart gameplay changes brings this classic up to date for a new generation of gamers.
Xenoblade Chronicles: Definitive Edition's appearance on the Switch has been a long time coming, but it couldn't have come at a better moment. It's the sort of immersive, feel-good experience that gels well with a modern quarantined life. It begs to be lost in, and boasts a phenomenal story, memorable characters, and a beautiful world to explore. Not even the periodically clunky combat can get in the way of that.
While certain elements haven’t aged as gracefully such as it’s bland quest design and sparse open world, quality of life improvements set to make the adventure as fluid and accessible as possible. If you’ve ever been interested in the series, this is the perfect entry point for a sweet and engaging adventure. Veteran players will no doubt find much to love in the expanded story with Future Connected.
Even if it didn't have an extra chapter to conquer, Xenoblade Chronicles Definitive Edition deserves a third release. The Switch version has united this modern classic with the TV mode of the Wii original and the fully portable nature of the New 3DS edition. It's truly definitive.
It's a little disappointing that the developers didn't take this opportunity to tackle some of the superfluous stuff that is at odds with the better elements, and I've yet to be won over by the new narrative arc and whether it does anything to actually build on what was already a perfectly dense work. However, the core of the game is that powerful that the main reason to buy into this - that visual re-working - is more than enough to be worthwhile in itself.
Xenoblade Chronicles is still one of the best games of the genre, which 10 years later continues to delight and surprise with a unique world, luxurious epic landscapes, an incredible sense of freedom, beautiful music and a really interesting story. Of course, it is a pity that the Definitive Edition has a technical limitation in terms of resolution, which does not allow the image to really shine in 2020, but otherwise it is a chic project that every fan of the genre of adventure and Japanese role-playing games should play.
This Definitive Edition transfigures Xenoblade Chronicles through a work both meticulous and respectful to the original. Some aesthetic, tone or even conceptual decisions may divide though, particularly along the additional chapter. Whether necessary or not, this extended conclusion proves interesting in many ways, above all for its deep sense. After the narrative dispersal and mechanics piles from the other episodes, this founding opus recalls the purest expression of Tetsuya Takahashi's saga, hence Monolith Software absolute accomplishment.
While I wanted a few more quality of life improvements and would've liked more visual improvements or consistency, what Monolith Soft have put out in Xenoblade Chronicles: Definitive Edition is nothing short of spectacular.
As the name says, Xenoblade Chronicles Definitive Edition is the best way to play and enjoy this terrific JRPG. But beyond all the welcome changes and QOL improvements, it's impressive how a lot of the original elements (like the story or the combat) are as enjoyable in 2020 as they were in 2011. Monolith Soft truly saw the future.
The new Future Connected story chapter isn’t particularly inspired, but the impressive graphical overhaul and welcome (if small) quality-of-life improvements make this the best version of Xenoblade Chronicles we’ve ever had.
Xenoblade Chronicles: Definitive Edition is a great JRPG, with a well told story, elemental gameplay and a dazzling world to explore. The massive epilogue, the excellent graphic upgrade and the lightening of some mechanics, make it a highly recommended game even for those who have already explored the original. If you know how to go beyond some hesitation in the pace and a video resolution not always up to date, you'll have in your hands a great JRPG.
The Definitive Edition of Xenoblade Chronicles is one of the best games ever made. The story, characters, gameplay, visuals, and music are all top-notch, and there’s a nearly endless amount of content in addition to the story.
Ultimately, Xenoblade Chronicles: Definitive Edition takes a Wii RPG that was years ahead of its time and gives it new life and the visuals it deserved a decade ago. This is a must-play JRPG full of iconic characters, immersive environments, and addictive combat. There may be some minor technical and visual issues with this re-release, but they're outweighed by the brilliance of the new content and the inarguable timelessness of Xenoblade Chronicles.
Sure, there were likely some expecting a grander visual overhaul, but that doesn't take away from the care put into the package. There is even an additional dozen-hour epilogue if you're in the mood for more Xenoblade. All in all, I am just happy that the game still grips me as much as before. Definitive Edition makes me remember why I love Shulk, his world, and all the wonders that come along for the ride.
It’s hard not to be awestruck by what Monolith Soft has achieved in revitalising this classic Wii title, bringing it to a new generation and giving it the tender love and care that it so obviously deserves.
After bouncing so hard off Xenoblade Chronicles 2, I really hoped that the Definitive Edition of this first game in the series might show me why the franchise has such a dedicated fan base. While it took a while to warm up to, by the end of the story I was absolutely invested in the ridiculous story of Shulk and his friends as they fight for the future of their world.
While Xenoblade Chronicles wasn't perfect and neither is Xenoblade Chronicles: Definitive Edition, they are two versions of one great JRPG. Xenoblade Chronicles: Definitive Edition lives up to its billing as the de facto best way to experience one of the most criminally underplayed titles of the last decade. With a slew of subtle ease-of-life additions and content that will keep fans hungry for even more, Xenoblade Chronicles: Definitive Edition proves that the great ones always find a way to stand up to the test of time.
Xenoblade Chronicles was a gem on the Wii and a good add to RPG collections even on the New Nintendo 3DS. We praised the 3DS re-release for its ability to be enjoyed on the go — something that’s great for any long-running RPG, to be honest — and the Switch version’s able to do that while adding a new coat of paint and content at the same time. The end result makes it an easy recommendation to Switch players and RPG fans alike.
Xenoblade Chronicles: Definitive Edition is a triumphant return for a JRPG classic. It doesn't change enough to attract previous doubters, yet enhances the foundations in a number of tremendous ways. It's never looked, sounded or played as good before, meaning it's the perfect time for eager newcomers and familiar adventurers to jump in.
Fans will love everything that Xenoblade Chronicles: Definitive Edition has to offer; Future Connected is a solid epilogue, and the quality-of-life improvements in the main game help make it a more palatable experience. But for the newer players, unless a good, solid combat system is all you need for your JRPG experience, this might be a tough one to recommend.
Xenoblade Chronicles: Definitive Edition is the best sort of remaster: its improvements may seem minimal, but it overhauls most of the tedium that once plagued the Wii RPG classic. While some things it can't fix with polish—the too-big environments, the boring side quests, its messy battle system—for fans or curious new players, Xenoblade Chronicles: Definitive Edition is easily the best Xenoblade Chronicles out there, even with its annoyances.
It’s true that some of the original game design frustrations remain untouched and performance is solid but sadly not perfect. These things barely matter, though; Xenoblade Chronicles Definitive Edition is easily a must-own for any RPG fan with a Switch.
While Xenoblade Chronicles: Definitive Edition doesn't entirely look like a new game, with remnants of Wii design clear to see, everything else about it stands shoulder-to-shoulder with modern JRPGs. Xenoblade Chronicles: Definitive Edition has an explosive story, mesmerizing worlds, dramatic cutscenes, and a lot of heart. If you're a JRPG fan and you haven't played Xenoblade Chronicles yet, you owe it to yourself to give this game a try.
Below is a table listing the reports submitted to rapetracker between May 31 and June 30. Since I had laptop issues in the first half of June, most of the news reports for that period were only submitted between June 16 and 21. It's likely that I've missed a number of reported incidents :(
This list is certainly not exhaustive as a lot of reports in vernacular media never make it to the English media. I do know that I also miss reports in a few papers as well.
As always, remember that this is a very tiny percentage of the reports that make it to the media from the police. The reports in the police are a minuscule percentage of the assaults that occur in India as most are never reported. If you go by the NCRB statistic from 2018, a rape is reported every 15 minutes in India. So a timeframe of 30 days would normally see 2880 reports made to the police. This list has only 166.
How to Date If You're Over 65 Years Old. Once you pass the age of 65, you may find the thought of dating more than a little bit daunting. If you're over the age of 65 and single, the mere idea of 'getting back out there' may be enough to... The ugly truth about dating an older man. By AMANDA PLATELL Jun 24, 2012. And, as one of my young friends revealed over dinner after her affair with a 65-year-old, the sex can be a nightmare. Here, a 25-year-old woman explains what it's really like dating an older man nearly 15 years her senior—and lays out the good and bad parts of dating older men. If you are an older woman browsing through profiles of older men on Match.com, and you see a 60 year old man who has an age preference of 33 and older, it is probably in your best interest to continue looking. However, if you see a man who is interesting in someone 50 and older, the this indicates he is more serious about finding a relationship. “The average 60-year-old woman dates 68-year-old men (and there are very few bachelors still alive and dating in this age bracket). The solution is to date younger, not older men,” says Gosse. 4. Be ready to ditch the old geezer stereotype.
If you are a senior dating again for the first time in years, you’ve probably overcome painful obstacles to get here. Do not bring your past experiences in the present time! • Leave your kids ... 50+ videos Play all Mix - 65 Year Old Man Marries 12 Year Old Girl! Child ... This 18 Year Old Girl is Dating a 68 Year Old Man - Duration: 7:10. Life of Luxury 3,208,412 views. If you're over 60 years old, you've probably been told that you're over the hill. Today's older generation will stop at nothing to change people's perspective. They'll prove that the over 60 crowd ... Here are my tips on dating, how I told my parents about my older husband, how we make it work with a 15 year age gap and why I think you should just do whatever you want! Thank you for watching XO ... This episode focuses on a relationship between a 25 year old woman and her 55 year old husband. As always make sure to subscribe for more funny videos to come! ... Man Lives with 12 Dolls ...