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ULPT: How to dispute medical debt the right, effective way. LPT deleted me because it's a "legal" thing but this is actually a life pro top with a shade of shady in here so I guess it fits better here anyway.
edit: stop giving me awards, donate your money to debunking flat-earthers or supporting lobbyists who are trying to fix this bullshit healthcare system. edit: I'm giving silver to every comment that rocks and would be helpful so look for silver comments. i'm not an expert but there are lawyers and credit counselors chiming in so check their content! edit 2: I kept getting asked questions about ambulance and I knew there was something I wanted to remember. I finally dug through the old training manual I had created and now I remember - Ambulance billing SHOULD work the same as those below as far as disputes etc.. The exception that I remembered was: the reason people were going into collections CONSTANTLY for ambulance visits, was because ambulance billing is different. They send the check for the ambulance amount to the patient directly, so the patient will pay the ambulance bill - and then the patients would cash that check, and never pay the ambulance bill, and then get put into collections. As far as insurance was concerned, they DID pay the ambulance bill and it's not their problem. But the ambulance company never saw the $ because the patient would spend it. So - before you cash a check, make sure it's really supposed to be kept by you. I got looped into a thread about medical collections that started with a very inaccurate "tip," and saw that there was a FREAKING TON of misinformation floating around about what to do when you have medical debt. So I thought I'd share the knowledge that I have on the topic from a few years as a trainer in a medical billing & collections agency. Disclaimer: I worked for one agency that had multiple sites nationwide in the US. I am not a lawyer, I am NOT giving legal advice. I am just sharing what I know from a few years in the industry including a competitor study that we did to find out how our competitors handle the same situations. I will not share the name of the company I worked for; they were most definitely shady in some areas and I am not looking to dox myself either. If anyone has more knowledge than me on the topic, please chime in. I am also not looking for a "Healthcare in the US is broken" because yeah no shit Sherlock; this isn't the thread where we can fix that. Oh also I will swear sometimes in this post. If you have medical debt, these tips may help you to negotiate down or get the debt written off, or to ignore bad advice from people telling you to do something that could have negative repercussions. I'll say "hospitals" below but this encompasses all medical providers as far as my experience goes. OVERVIEW OF HOW THE INDUSTRY WORKS: Your debt goes in stages:
Early Out - debt is still owned and usually managed by hospital; may be outsourced to an agency. This is the stage where they can fix any insurance issues as well so call as soon as you get the bill before it goes into collections! They're nice when it's still in Early Out; they have to be aggressive when it goes into collections. Some hospitals send their bills from EO to Bad Debt in 30 days; some wait years. So call right away when you get a bill because there's no way to know their timeline. Oftentimes if the amount is low, they will just write it off or take a small payment in the EBO stage. They will work with you. Once it hits Bad Debt aka Collections, the options can be limited. Additionally, the GENERAL rule in health insurance is that you have to resolve the claim within 1 year. Medicaid/Medicare/Tricare had different rules, but in general - getting your insurance to pay after 1 year is not going to happen. CALL WHEN YOU GET THE BILL!
Bad Debt Contractors - still owned by hospital but using collection agency for the work
Bad Debt Purchasers - sold off to very aggressive collection agency who has little hope to recover the debt.
There are 2 types of med collection agencies - I don't know if there's an official term for each type, but I'll make up my own.
Contract - the kind that I worked for, that has an active contract with the hospital and gets a small % of the collected amount.
And Purchasers - the kind that purchases the debts in bulk at a discount and tries to recoup that money and more from you. Facilities usually go through Contract agencies before Purchaser agencies.
MISCONCEPTION #1: Your medical debt cannot go to collections because it's medical debt.
Yeah, right. I wish this was true. However, without the collections world, hospitals would close - so it's a reality with our current healthcare system. Know that if you were insured and didn't pay your portion, or if you didn't have insurance AND didn't attempt to get state coverage that would cover those bills, OR were turned down for state insurance....the debt usually lies on your shoulders. They can reduce it, do payment plans, etc. but they can absolutely put you in collections for your car accident, and they will often be forced to do so.
MISCONCEPTION #2: Medical debt cannot have any long-lasting affects on my credit or property.
Falsity false, boys. It sure can. The only reason a hospital may not choose to report to the credit bureaus, seize property, or go after your income is usually because it makes them look bad to the community and it's expensive to do the above. But they can and do report to credit if they choose to. Oftentimes it's the last resort after a certain time frame, but "Sir, this can affect your credit score if not paid" can be the last option they can use in order to get payment from repeat offenders or low-income areas where the hospital faces a risk of closing if old debts aren't resolved - hospitals have bills to pay too, y'all. At my facility less than 10% of our providers reported to credit, but many still did and it's common.
MISCONCEPTION #3: Just telling the agency that you want an itemized bill will close out the debt.
Oh god, false but COMMONLY spread misconception. Per FDCPA (Fair Debt Collection Practices Act), it has to pause the collection process (stopping it from reporting to credit & stopping phone calls while they order it from the hospital), but that may be all it does. Once the IB is sent, collection can continue. On rare occasion, the hospital pulls up the IB and sees it was mis-billed or the insurance coding was wrong - but they don't go actively looking for problems at this stage, so don't expect that to happen just from your collection agent asking Sally Receptionist at XYZ Hospital to kick out an IB. You should have called sooner to get this resolved. If it's a low amount, (for us $50 to $100 or less), it wasn't worth the admin cost of requesting an IB. If it was over that amount, we'd always send it if we couldn't convince the client to pay in installments. It's worth the postage and admin costs to get hundreds of dollars in payments. You should know, though, that collection agencies ARE required to send you proof of the debt if you ask, and this is law per FDCPA. However, the statement that the collection agency sends technically counts as your 'proof of debt' because it will contain the date of service, provider name, facility name, and amount. It won't list out each service that was done. But the letter is technically enough to count as proof of debt. That's not as good as the IB so you should push for the IB. They don't want to spend the $ on postage so they will try to avoid sending ANYTHING, but push for it!
MISCONCEPTION #4: Admitting the debt is yours means they've got you! Hanging up on them stops the process!
Bitch, please. They know it's yours; they have your address and social security number and they got in touch with you today, didn't they? The only thing you're doing by acknowledging the debt, is confirming that they got the right John Smith on the line. But they pay for skip tracing systems and can and will find you, at every address you register to, and they can call your family as well at least once to get a better address or phone number for you. We paid a team of people minimum wage to sit and skip trace people all day, 40 hours a week. They can find you. They will find you.
MISCONCEPTION #5: Sending an IB is a violation of my HIPAA rights or Collection agencies collecting on medical debt are violating my HIPAA rights! Tell them that you didn't authorize them to collect the debt, and they're violating your HIPAA rights, and you get off free!
Shut your stupid mouth. Every provider in the USA is required to have you sign something called a Notice of Privacy Practices. You prob signed your NPP in the giant packet before your first appointment. That NPP has very intentional language that lets them use any biller that they choose, and they are permitted per federal law (both FDCPA and HIPAA) to see the bare minimum of your medical info from the appointment in order to collect. They're not violating that law because they can be fined tens of thousands of dollars per violation. Trust me, the paperwork is ironclad. And if my company was any indication of the industry, most of our hospitals did NOT share the reason for the visit, diagnosis, etc. because that was not needed info for collections. We could infer the reason if say it was a labor and delivery provider, but we didn't know why you went.
MISCONCEPTION #6: My medical debt has no real consequences on me if I ignore it long enough.
Eh, maybe. If that hospital does not report to credit, and the second agency does not report to credit, and the agencies that buy the debt off don't report to credit, then yes - you may not have your credit score affected. There's no way of knowing what agencies they use and what future policies they may follow when it comes to reporting to credit, though. My agency could legally tell you no, we don't report to credit on THIS account, if we didn't. But then we'd give the account back at 90 days, or 1 year, or whatever, and then the hospital would switch the debt over to our competitor for 1 year, and those bastards did report. So don't assume it will never report. Additionally you can be prevented from using that office in the future if you have outstanding bills. Some of our providers even allowed us to garnish wages.
MISCONCEPTION #7: Telling them to stop calling me stops all collections for this bill!
Telling them to stop contacting you stops them from contacting you. If you say stop calling you, they cannot call you ever again. If you say stop calling this #, they can never call that # again. If you say stop contacting me, they cannot call, write, show up, send smoke signals, use a voodoo doll, etc. This is per FDCPA and you can sue them for literally thousands of dollars if they violate this so go for it! But - just because they can't call/write/etc you, that doesn't stop credit reporting, wage garnishments, etc. if those are in the pipeline of the debt. It also legally prevents them from reaching out to you to let you know if they are offering a deal (we offered huge discounts during tax season, for example), it stops them from letting you know if you have future additional bills. Basically you're cutting off your nose to spite your face. Now, if you know 100% beyond a shadow of a doubt that this bill and all future bills for this hospital will not ever hit your credit report, or if you have a 300 credit score and plan to live in your mom's car forever, then go for it. But again, you may also be prevented from seeing doctors as part of this facility's network forever as a result. (The ER is required to take you regardless of your payment history; nobody else is).
MISCONCEPTION #8: They are asking for my information when they call me; that must be fraud!
In medical collections, they are bound by HIPAA in addition to FDCPA. They are allowed to ask for your name and give you the address they have on file to see if it's you. They are NOT allowed to mention that they're calling about a medical bill, details on the appointment reasons, or amount until they have confirmed your identity. They cannot tell your family member anything unless it's your legal spouse who verifies your info. ID verification varies but typically it's name/address/year of birth. The agency's lawyer may not be okay with them reading off your YOB so they may ask you to confirm what's on their screen. It seems shady, for sure. But it's for your protection. You can never be too careful. Ask for them to send a letter. Get company name. Ask them what their letter envelope looks like - the FDCPA makes it illegal for the letter to state "collections" on the outside of the envelope (for your protection) so it may look like junkmail that you threw out; they have to keep the envelope relatively generic. Ask for the rep's name. Ask to call back in and talk to someone else. Tell them you don't know if they're legit. If they are legit, they'll direct you to a website, a phone # for call-in, they'll resend a letter if you tell them you'll pay, etc. Look up reviews for the agency. But, be aware that the ignorance around collections is widespread and 99% of the bad reviews are going to be people who think it's a scam. That's the nature of collections. But they should be legitimate. They should have a web presence. They should have ads on indeed and other websites to hire people (Collection agents turn over more often than a sex worker in a threesome with one really tall man and one short fat man).
MISCONCEPTION #9: If you tell them you have a lawyer, the call is over and collection efforts stop!
Maaaaybe. We asked for the lawyer's contact info, advised the consumer to have their lawyer contact us, and immediately stopped all communication to the client and reached out to the lawyer. That stopped all calls and letters and stopped any credit reporting. That being said, if no lawyer contacted us after a certain amount of time, it could begin reporting again in the future. So it's not foolproof. If the lawyer you gave us confirmed that they do NOT represent you, we could legally reopen. If you hung up after saying you have a lawyer, we were stuck waiting to hear from them and if you were lying, well... we're not going to call back...but that doesn't always stop the process. I don't know the time frame on that because I wasn't in the Legal dept, but there was definitely a limit to how long we waited before reporting to credit. LIES COLLECTION AGENTS TELL YOU:
You have to go through us to pay this debt. This may not be true, if the debt exists back in the Contracted stage. The hospital MAY still talk to you about this debt if you call them directly. It's always worth a try. They tell you to go through them because they want their commission if you pay.
I cannot take less than $x per month for this bill. Nah fam, that agent is simply not going to hit their monthly bonus if they let everyone pay $25 per month on a massive bill. Their boss is going to mad if they take a low payment amount on a big debt. But they absolutely can take your payment of whatever amount you'd like. That being said, it doesn't automatically stop it from reporting to credit just because you're making payments. When you set up a payment plan, ask if it stops the credit reporting process just in case.
"This is a binding contract; if you miss any payments on this payment arrangement, the balance in full is due." Bro, the balance in full is already OVERdue....you're in collections. Like, duh. They are just trying to lock you in to the payment arrangement. Now if you do miss a payment, it can instantly report to credit - so don't miss a payment. But don't think that your $5000 debt that you agreed to pay out at $200/month is suddenly going to go back up to $5000 due tomorrow if you miss a payment. You already owe $5000. They can and will set up your payment arrangement again. Just call them and ask them to move the date if you need to; they're more than happy to do it. Especially since the new collector could get the credit for the new payment arrangement which goes toward their bonus - hooray for them.
MAGIC WORD:I DISPUTE the validity of this debt. Oh hell yes, use this phrase. It stops all collection efforts, stops credit reporting, and basically creates a full system shutdown on this debt. The agency should ask the reason for the dispute, but you do not have to provide it. They will then kick out an itemized bill to prove the validity of the debt. However - oftentimes if there was a dispute, we just closed out the debt altogether and were done, with zero negative consequences. I used to teach my agents how to tell the difference between a real dispute vs. a fake dispute, but in reality if the D-word is said, it's a dispute. Good, valid, morally and ethically positive reasons to dispute a debt: I didn't receive that service, the appointment was canceled, I never got a bill in the first place, someone else was supposed to pay (divorce or car accident), identify fraud, I was injured during this procedure. Bullshit reasons to dispute: The doctor was mean, I'm racist and the doctor was X ethnicity, I don't want to pay, my insurance should have paid this. But again if you say DISPUTE - they can ask more questions to see if it's a real dispute, but ultimately you CAN sue them if you tell them you're disputing it and they don't immediately pause reporting to credit while they investigate. THINGS YOU CAN THEORETICALLY SUE THE AGENCY OVER: -If you say dispute and they don't stop credit reporting to investigate - HUGE no-no; report per FDCPA. -If they give out your health information to someone who was not confirmed to be you, per their verification process. HUGE no-no; report per HIPAA. -If they say it's a debt before confirming it's you that they have on the line - FDCPA violation, do not pass go. What to do on every medical collections call: -Get the name of the agency and the representative you're speaking with; write down date and time. This may be needed in the future if they break FDCPA or HIPAA; it can also help with disputes or conversations with management later on. -Ask as many questions as you need to in order to help you learn if it's a valid debt. When was this, who was the provider, how much was my original bill, what insurance did you bill to, do I have additional bills in your system? -Ask what happened with your insurance. How much did my insurance pay, did they say why this amount was left over? -Call your insurance to see what happened if the agency isn't clear. There is a possibility that it can be re-billed even after it's in Bad Debt. -Be friendly and polite. Agents have a good bit of freedom to grant discounts and set up comfortable payment plans, and they'll only use those kindnesses if you're not a douche. Also, they're humans too, probably making $2 above minimum wage, and the job is really tough because people are mean and have heartbreaking stories. Be human. It helps.
AITA for calling my aunt a fcking idiot and searching her room?
My aunt and cousin are staying with my family for a little while. I have asthma, and I take pills for it every night. Yesterday morning my cousin came up to me and asked if I could stop taking my pills because it triggers her. Anyone else in the world, I would’ve said no. But my cousin is a recovering drug addict, so I said I can take it in another room but I still have to take it. She got mad but left me alone. Night came when I was supposed to take my meds, I leave my meds on my desk so I know where it is. I went to my desk to grab it and it was gone. I asked everyone in my house if they had taken it, and they said no. I had this feeling in my gut, like I already knew what happened. I went into the room my aunt and cousin were staying in, and started searching. Looked in the bedside table. There they were, my meds. My aunt walked in right as I was going to take them, and started screaming at me about going into ‘her’ room. (Last i check this was still my parents house) She grabbed the meds out of my hand and said it’s really difficult for my cousin not to relapse when she knows I’m taking pills (dude. They’re pink and bubble gum flavored; they’re barely even pills) She said that I’m going to have to do with out my meds while they were there. Now lemme just say, my aunt is one of those crazy, anti vax, essential oil, type bitch. She doesn’t believe in asthma. So, I snatched my meds out of her hand and called her a fucking idiot. Because I can’t breathe if I don’t take those meds. She got angry and told my mom that I called her a fucking idiot and searched the room. My mom took away my phone. AITA? (I take 5mg of montelukast for anyone wondering) (Mom and aunt are in their 40’s. I’m 14. My cousin is 17) Please don’t bash my mom. She’s punished me for the cursing, and I don’t think she got the whole story. Also for the people asking, my mom and dad were on a date when I noticed my meds were gone) (Update: i told my mom the whole story. She gave me back my phone then sent me to my room while her and my dad talked to my aunt and cousin.) (Update 2, my mom told my aunt to apologize or she’s getting kicked out) (Hey guys this is kinda unrelated, but there’s a little red checkered shield by my username. What does that mean?) (Thank you for the awards guys! )
Ghost of Tsushima has a distinctive aesthetic, after all, but it’s only skin-deep. The core game underneath that alluring exterior is a pastiche of open-world game design standards from five years ago; it lacks a real personality of its own. Ghost of Tsushima offers a lovely world to explore, and there’s value in that, but it should have been so much more than a checklist of activities to accomplish.
It's that explosive transformation from poet into warrior, from spiritual entity into the spirit of death. It just happens so fast and this game so perfectly captures that duality. In my own gameplay experience... Ghost of Tsushima is outstandingly good.
If you need to get lost in over 30 hours of heroic gameplay right now, in a single-player adventure with no online connectivity gimmicks or content locked away as DLC, Sucker Punch has you covered with an instant contender for 2020's game of the year.
It's definitely worth buying. I would say that this is one of the most enjoyable games I've played this year. It means a lot of the things I've wanted in a HUD and a system that I didn't even know I wanted. It pushes out that LOD and that draw distance to insane levels which really does make the world feel completely different. Graphically, it's got some issues, it's not exactly perfect, but there's this hypnotic quality right now in open-world games and I don't even hate any of them. It's just that they all feel pretty samey. This one certainly does have a structure that is somewhat the same, but a lot of things it tries to do, it allows you to at least experience what they want you to experience which is being that character a little easier. Lots of fun with this game and I will for sure be returning to it.
The world is enormous, filled to the brim with rich content to explore. It can be a bit much sometimes with the number of artefacts you can find or haikus to sit and devise bloating things a little bit, but players will be blown away by the deep storytelling and unbelievable style and personality that Ghost of Tsushima brings to the table.
Ghost of Tsushima perfectly balance an exquisite combat system that is easy to learn but hard to master, a complex and rich narrative ripped from the reels of Kurosawa and a free flowing picturesque world that matches the depth and mutability of story and combat. Simply put - Ghost of Tsushima is a perfect open world experience.
Undoubtedly, Ghost of Tsushima is the greatest game of the generation. With perfect storytelling, supremely satisfying combat, and an astounding world that's packed with content and gorgeous sights, it raises the bar for open world games.
With Ghost of Tsushima under its belt, Sucker Punch deserves to be in the same conversation as Insomniac, Naughty Dog, and Sony Santa Monica. If this generation is to wrap up soon, it's fitting that it'll end with Tsushima: one of its most beautiful games thus far.
Ghost of Tsushima is a fitting swan song for the PS4, and ends this generation of PlayStation on a triumphant note. Sucker Punch have to be applauded for once again creating a jaw-dropping open world with strong visual fidelity and some of the best art direction they've ever achieved.
If Ghost of Tsushima is the swan song game for the PS4, then it ends with a whirlwind of slashes, and it gives Sucker Punch the franchise it’s aiming for that stands toe to toe with the likes of God of War, Uncharted, and the rest of Sony’s impressive first-party studio games lineup.
Once I successfully reconciled my expectations with my reality, the game revealed itself as a compelling, masterful work of art. Nothing feels useless or extraneous. The story wastes little time, the fights are all exuberant and engaging, the exploration is addicting, and the entire game is gorgeous. I can think of no better game to be the swan song for the PS4.
A melancholic tale of war and a fitting epilogue to a current-gen era, Sucker Punch's latest effort is a slick showcase for the PlayStation 4 that draws you into a world that never fails to impress. Ghost of Tsushima is a masterpiece of precise gameplay, emotional turmoil and powerful world design.
A game full of meaningful moments, of quiet contemplation and brutal, savage combat. A game about family, tradition, honour and change that comes at a significant point of change in Sony’s videogame strategy. A more hopeful and less alienating experience than The Last of Us Part II and a step back to a more gentle and inviting form of open world adventure, Ghost of Tsushima is both a celebration of the past and a look towards the future, and is a fitting first party swansong for the PS4.
Ghost of Tsushima elevates the existing open world adventure template with a fantasy-free Samurai adventure that deftly pays loving homage to the Samurai cinema of old. While your mileage may vary according to your level of open world fatigue, Ghost of Tsushima undoubtedly remains not only one of the best open world romps money can buy and a stunning PlayStation 4 exclusive, but also Sucker Punch Productions finest effort to date.
Ghost of Tsushima is a joy to play and a joy to behold. Sucker Punch has crafted one of the most memorable open world games of this generation, buoyed by an immensely satisfying combat system and an engaging, dramatic story.
While Ghost of Tsushima has a few of the standard pop-ins and visual glitches that are common to most open-world games this is still one of the most beautiful and fluid titles I’ve ever played. While I did have a few moments of frustration, usually brought on by camera angle issues, they are almost completely forgivable when I look at the overall package. There’s just too much here to like and none of it feels tacked on or a time-filler.
Ghost of Tsushima features a level of charm that gives it a soul and personality lacking from so many AAA games lack these days. Even if it ultimately suffers from repetition by the game’s end, and despite a lack of variety in its quest, the magic of that initial exploration and the beauty of its world will stick with me for a very long time.
Ghost of Tsushima is Sucker Punch's best game yet and a great open world title capable of measuring to some of the biggest names in the genre. The excellent rendition of feudal Japan, along with its well-written characters and story, make Ghost of Tsushima stand out as the last must-have PlayStation 4 exclusive.
Ghost of Tsushima is irresistibly enchanting but just shy of perfection because it never pushes its narrative or gameplay to the cutting-edge. Sucker Punch’s latest tries to do a lot, and it slam dunks a vast majority of its narrative, design, and stylistic choices. Sure, the game could have leaned more aggressively into some of its best features. But I’ll happily take Ghost for what it is: an incredible showcase of everything great about this generation of video games.
Ghost of Tsushima is a great experience, telling the tale of a lone individual that’s trying to hold together the idea and honor of what it means to be a Samurai despite the odds requiring new methods of engagement.
Ghost of Tsushima offers a well-designed open world that combines great combat with enticing exploration. The excellent art style brings this unique historical setting to life, and smart design choices help the game overcome its minor flaws.
Ghost of Tsushima is an excellent open-world adventure from Sucker Punch Productions which adds some innovative ideas to a fairly stagnant genre. The game's depiction of the time period is generic and inoffensive, but that doesn't prevent it from being a stunning visual showcase and a worthwhile swan song for the PS4
Ghost of Tsushima is a very well-made game that does exactly what it says on the box. You get the hands-on experience of samurai life in a beautiful environment with some very rewarding gameplay and fighting styles.
Tsushima doesn’t really do anything poorly, but it also doesn’t try to do anything that we haven’t seen before. It’s a well-produced B movie of a game that lifts the look of actual art—a slick, commercial piece of work using Japanese cinema as set dressing.
As an earnest, respectful tribute to Jidaigeki dramas and the films of Akira Kurosawa, Ghost of Tsushima fares well enough. It creates a fictionalized account of the Mongol Invasion and weaves the tale into the most videogamey of videogame things – an open-world sandbox filled with straw-hat wearing ronin, mischievous foxes, hot springs, and meditative haiku. It’s easily the most ambitious output from Sucker Punch Productions to date.
Ghost of Tsushima is an artistically creative game that often feels like a realistic Zelda game. The minimal UI, clever use of wind and beautiful environmental details make exploration rewarding on its own. When it comes to combat, the game falls flat. With a huge number of combat games to draw inspiration from, it is a shame this game is more like Dynasty Warriors than it is Ninja Gaiden. Endless button mashing with no way to ever pull off slick combos will have you feeling bored very quickly. You never feel like the powerful warrior the story tries to make you believe you are. Combat feels like you are trying to beat a screw into a piece of wood using a hammer.
To conservative-minded guys that expect sexual exclusivity in relationships and aren’t interested in promiscuous-types: we’re in the minority, our views are increasingly considered antiquated, and the the types of women we’re interested in for LTRs belong to a rapidly-shrinking minority
Conservative estimates place roughly 1-in-5 women getting married nowadays as having had Double Digit Dicks prior to marriage compared to 2% in the 70’s—a ten-fold increase. Source In regards to infidelity: cut and paste
Among ever-married adults ages 18 to 29, women are more likely than men to be guilty of infidelity
One of the more interesting facts in Esther Perel’s new book, State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity, comes near the beginning. Since 1990, notes the psychoanalyst and writer, the rate of married women who report they’ve been unfaithful has increased by 40 percent, while the rate among men has remained the same. More women than ever are cheating, she tells us
According Tammy Nelson, a couples therapist and author of When You’re The One Who Cheats, there’s a reason to suspect that women may be not only cheating more, but also getting away with it a lot more often. Sex therapist Candice Cooper-Lovett agrees with Nelson that women’s ability to hide infidelity is at least somewhat adaptive. “A lot of women in my practice have shared that cheating was something that you take to the grave with you because men can’t handle cheating in the way that women do, or are expected to,” she explains.
Vinopal, L. (2020, May 06). Do Men Cheat More Than Women? Retrieved July 19, 2020, from https://www.fatherly.com/health-science/do-men-cheat-more-than-women-infidelity-data/ X I was recently in a thread with a dude talking about sharing a girl with a friend and two other guys, before his friend LTR’d her, thinking “Christ, what world does this guy live in?” before realizing that I (and we) are the abnormalities, not this guy.
It wasn’t necessarily an abrupt process, but here we are. The desire for a non-promiscuous and faithful partner is becoming increasingly unrealistic, antiquated, and it will be unfeasible for people born this decade, who will be even more accustomed to infidelity having been habituated to it by their parents and non-traditional upbringings. The sliding scale of what’s considered promiscuous for women has increased to the extent that having partners in the low double digits is considered tame. Consider this:
Previous research has found that female sociosexuality is more responsive to environmental shifts than male sociosexuality [4,22], and our data confirm this: while both sexes exhibit a shift (towards a restricted strategy in males, but towards unrestricted in females), the magnitude of the shift is larger in women than in men. While there is strong evidence that additive genetic factors best predict adult sociosexuality , differences in behaviour are in part likely to reflect cultural or environmental fine tuning of underlying genetic strategies in response to local circumstances as each sex tries to maximize overall fitness.
Wlodarski, Rafael & Manning, John & Dunbar, Robin. (2015). Wlodarski R, Manning J, Dunbar RIM.. Stay or stray? Evidence for alternative mating strategy phenotypes in both men and women. Biol Lett 11: 20140977. Biology letters. 11. 10.1098/rsbl.2014.0977. Women’s increasing financial independence and entering the workforce affords them with more opportunities. All woman except for those at the lowest tiers have plenty of options in terms of sex and dating. So they adapt their mating strategies to what’s essentially a buffet. I’m still taken by some surprise when I learn that a seemingly wholesome, conservative-presenting peer is revealed to be a cheater, loose, or both. Women are negligibly different from the more reserved women of earlier generations in terms of genetics. It simply used to be the case that chastity, marriage, and monogamy were adaptive: conducive to getting married due to a mixture of financial dependence and a much higher religiosity. This simply no longer is the case, and that’s something we’re going to have to accept. Low-n women are now abnormal. It is a lot more adaptive to fuck around prior to and during marriages. Traditionally-minded men have unrealistic standards. There will be no pendulum swing or counter-movement championing a return to traditional values. Zoomers are as fucked or more fucked than millennials and so on with the succeeding generations. Guys are checking out and will be less invested in future generations because they’re not having kids. This is the new normal. We are not normal.
The NBA league office announced that all awards will be officially based on play PRIOR to the bubble. With that, the cases are locked, the campaigns are closed, and the voting will begin. While the media may focus on the MVP award and other prestigious honors, reddit has the distinct honor of awarding the LVP. The LEAST Valuable Player. It's a tradition that dates back to 2016-17, when aging Indiana SG Monta Ellis won the inaugural trophy and then promptly disappeared from the NBA forever. In 2017-18, Minnesota SG Jamal Crawford won the (dis)honor with some incredibly bad defensive numbers. Last season, New Orleans SF Solomon Hill won LVP by helping to sink a drowning team and accelerating Anthony Davis' decision to fly the coop. Before we announce this year's winner, let's review the criteria and caveats: --- Obviously, the worst players in the league are the ones who sit at the end of the bench and don't get any playing time. However, this award focuses on players who log a decent amount of minutes and consequently affected their team's play the most. Simply put: the more you play, the more damage you can do. --- And that actual "damage" is important. If you're on a tanking team, no one cares about your poor play; it may even be a positive. I'm also ignoring young players (under 21) who are still developing and can't be expected to be solid players yet. --- Similarly, we don't want to judge players within the context of their salary any more than the actual MVP does. We also do not weigh in injuries either. For example, the Wizards would have a hard time competing with John Wall on the sidelines (0 games played, $32M in salary), but we want to focus on players' on-court performance instead.
PG Mike Conley, Utah: 28.6 minutes per game, -0.80 RPM We're using Mike Conley to reiterate that the LVP does NOT factor salary into the equation any more than the MVP does. But if it did, Mike Conley and his $33M salary may be in trouble. It was a disastrous start to the season for Conley. Playing in a new role as a second fiddle to another guard, he could never find his groove. His assists plummeted (down to 4.3 per game), his free-throw attempts cut in half (from 5.8 to 2.9), and he only shot 42.9% from two-point range. That said, he still shot pretty well from 3 (37.6%) and played OK defense, keeping him off our official ballot. SF Miles Bridges, Charlotte: 30.7 minutes per game, -2.68 RPM Like Mike Conley, Miles Bridges seems like a great guy whom you'd hate to criticize. Alas, that's our exercise here. Caught in between positions, Bridges hasn't been able to figure out his rhythm on offense in the NBA either. He hasn't shot well (33% from three, 48.6% from two) and doesn't get to the line enough (2.0 FTA) to make up for it. The advanced stats get even worse from there (although to be fair, they get dragged down by playing in a bad starting lineup.) Fortunately for him, Bridges is spared by his youth. At 22, he's technically over our "21 year old" threshold, but it still feels unfair to pick on his growing pains as a sophomore. Perhaps in time, he can find a role that can take advantage of his athleticism and talent. But be warned: the clock is ticking. We're taking the kid gloves off soon. Bridges and fellow analytics-allergic Kevin Knox (-7.7 RPM!) will be entering Year 3 next season and will need to step their games up to avoid LVP discussion. SF Kyle Kuzma, L.A. Lakers: 24.6 minutes per game, -0.74 RPM Kyle Kuzma can score if need be, but his skill set never made him a natural fit to play third banana to superstars like LeBron James and Anthony Davis. He's not a 3+D player -- he's more of a no-3 (30% this year) no-D player. At the same time, the LVP is about negative impact, and it's hard to find much of consequence here. After all, the Lakers still finished with the # 1 record in the West. Kuzma struggling to find his way is like a tree falling in the woods or a person farting in an empty elevator – ultimately it didn't matter. SF Andre Iguodala, Memphis/Miami It feels like ancient history now, but this past offseason, the Memphis Grizzlies acquired Andre Iguodala in a trade (under the presumption he may be dealt again.) According to official reports, Iguodala and the Grizzlies MUTUALLY decided that he wouldn't play for Memphis and wouldn't even report to the team in the meantime. Okay. Fine. We'll go along with that. Still, that situation leaves a sour taste in the LVP headquarters. Memphis turned out to be better than expected, and could have used an extra rotational player. And even if Iguodala wouldn't have helped much on the court, he could have been a valuable mentor for their young kids. That's the least you can expect for a nice $15M in salary.
our official top 5 LVP ballot
(5) PF Anthony Tolliver (POR, SAC, MEM): 15.6 minutes per game, -3.60 RPM I've always had a soft spot for the wise ol' owl, Anthony Tolliver. He's reportedly a great teammate and locker room presence. He also started to develop into an effective stretch four towards the end of this career. But alas, the end of his career may have snuck up on us sooner than we expected. Tolliver disappointed for Minnesota last season, and completely flopped in his return to Portland. At age 34, he doesn't seem to be a viable rotation player anymore. He didn't play quite enough to merit LVP, but he still played more than he should have. There's a chance Tolliver comes back next year to serve as a veteran mentor and pseudo-assistant coach somewhere, but it's more likely that he retires. If he does, he'll have played for 10 different franchises in his not-so-illustrious but very respectable career. (4) SG Bryn Forbes, San Antonio: 25.1 minutes per game, -0.95 RPM The NBA is all about shooting these days, and Bryn Forbes can shoot. He's hit an even 40.0% from three during his NBA career so far, and wasn't too far removed from that this season with 38.8% on 6.0 attempts per game. As a result, his true shooting percentage (57%) was above average. The Spurs lacked spacers, and Forbes fit that bill. So what's the problem...? Turns out, basketball is more than a halfcourt game. And whenever the ball crosses that pesky midcourt line, Bryn Forbes starts to become a liability. At only 6'3", Forbes is undersized to play the SG position, which is where the Spurs played him 74% of the time (according to basketball-reference.) Partly due to those athletic limitations, he only registered 0.5 steals per game, and blocked a grand total of 0 shots in his 1579 minutes of action. The advanced stats get ugly; Forbes ranks near the bottom at his position in DRPM, DBPM, all the alphabet formulas that you can cook up. At the end of the day, LVP is about negative impact, and there's plenty here. Forbes is not a bad player in a vacuum, but he did not help the Spurs this year. In fact, their undersized lineup is a big reason why they're struggling so much on defense (25th in the NBA). As a direct result, they're on track to miss the playoffs for the first time in decades. (3) SF Mario Hezonja, Portland: 16.3 minutes per game, -2.79 RPM During the entire run of the Damian Lillard - C.J. McCollum era, Portland has struggled to figure out their wing rotation. That would be tested even more this season, with familiar faces like Moe Harkless, Al-Farouq Aminu, and Evan Turner slipping out the door. The trials and tribulations kept coming like Damian Lillard was Job, as injuries ravaged the Blazers' new depth chart. The team didn't need a star to emerge at forward -- but they needed somebody. Anybody. In theory, that player should have been Mario Hezonja, a former lottery pick and a live body with good athleticism and size at 6'8". Signed this summer for a modest price ($1.7M), Hezonja had the chance to jumpstart his NBA career with a major opportunity on the team. Instead, he flopped like Marcus Smart taking a phantom elbow. Hezonja's biggest problem is that, at age 25, he still hasn't found his feel on the court. He's not a good shooter (32.8% from three), and doesn't use his athleticism to find his way to the line (1.1 attempts per game.) He was a non-factor (5 PPG, 3 RPG) on a team that desperately needed him to step up. In fact, the Blazers were so desperate for help that they not only signed Carmelo Anthony, but they played him over 32 minutes a game. Again, we see a real "LVP" candidacy here with a direct effect on the standings. The Blazers' getting a big fat nothing from Hezonja was a major part of their struggle to get to .500 this season. (2) C Dewayne Dedmon, SAC/ATL: 17.6 minutes per game, -2.51 RPM We're not supposed to factor in salaries into this equation, but Dewayne Dedmon's situation merits a mention for context. The Sacramento Kings signed the big man to a head-scratching 3-year, $40M deal this summer (seriously.) Clearly, GM Vlade Divac thought his young Kings were only a few veterans away from making the playoffs, bringing in (and over-paying) Dedmon, Cory Joseph, and Trevor Ariza. Among the three, Dedmon turned out to be the most disappointing for several reasons. He didn't play well to start the season, and got usurped in the rotation by underrated Richaun Holmes. Rather than suck it up, take a deep breath, and take a relaxing dive in his new Scrooge McDuck money pool, Dedmon started to whine and complain and push for a trade. For a team that was struggling, Dedmon's headache became the last thing they needed. Ultimately, they ditched him back to where he came from in Atlanta. Now, being difficult and being a prima donna isn't enough to get you LVP honors. You have to stink on the court as well. And sure enough, Dedmon started to check those boxes. Billed as a stretch five after hitting some threes in Atlanta, Dedmon lost his shot in the SMF airport baggage claim. He shot only 19.7% from three for the Kings, registering a 47.3% true shooting percentage on the season. His defense is OK, but it's not good enough make up for his poor offensive play. He's not bad enough to get LVP, but he hurt his team this year. (1) PG Isaiah Thomas, Washington: 23.1 minutes per game, -2.75 RPM We've awarded three LVP trophies in the past, and a familiar pattern is starting to emerge. The most dangerous players aren't necessarily the bad players; they're the players who used to be good. Because of their prior success, they tend to get overplayed by their coaches and drag their teams down with them. It wasn't too long ago that Isaiah Thomas found himself in the MVP conversation for the Boston Celtics, as his incredible shotmaking helped make up for any defensive limitations he may have as a 5'9" player. That said, a small player like Thomas is always going to have a thin margin for error to remain a winning player. He needs to be GREAT offensively to make up for his defense. Unfortunately, his offense has not been great since his infamous injury. He can still make shots (hitting 41.3% of his threes), but he's not getting inside the paint and not getting to the free-throw line (1.9 attempts per game.) As a result, his true-shooting percentage lagged to 53.1%, well below league average. If Isaiah Thomas isn't making scoring efficiently, then what is he doing to help a team win? He's not a great distributor (3.7 assists per game.) He's a very poor rebounder (1.7 per game.) And yes, that defense is still a major problem. According to ESPN's RPM metric, Thomas graded as a -4.2 impact per 100 possessions, the second worst in the league at PG after Trae Young. Basketball-reference lists his "defensive rating" at 121. For comparison's sake, the worst team defense in the league still held teams under 116. (That worst team? The Wizards.) You can make an argument that there's still a place for Thomas in the NBA as a sparkplug scorer off the bench. Alas, that's not how the Wizards had been using him this season. He started 37 of 40 games for the team. Largely as a result of that, the Wizards' starting lineup was atrocious defensively. Fellow starters like Bradley Beal and Rui Hachimura ranked toward the bottom of their position in defensive metrics as well. When your lineup stinks defensively, a good coach may look in the mirror and say: hey, maybe we need a change here. Sadly, quick reactions are not Scottie Brooks' strong suit. He has the type of sloth-like speed that even frustrate workers at the DMV. The Wizards eventually dumped IT, but it took far too long to make that shift. To be fair, the Wizards' options at point guard were limited with John Wall injured. Veteran Ish Smith is mediocre right now, and Shabazz Napier arrived late in the season. Still, the point here is: almost any competent point guard (like a Napier) would have helped the Wizards more than Isaiah Thomas. He had become a negative for them. The cold hard truth is that: it's very difficult to win basketball games with Thomas starting. And given that, he is our official LVP.
A panhandler followed me through every city, convinced we were dating—When I went to stay with my brother, he came to “rescue” me.
Wendell was a panhandler near my college. I always gave him my change when I had extra. Usually I keep a hard rule not to give money to individuals because I give it to known local charities instead, where I can be sure the money is going to a specific cause. This one panhandler though, he always sang opera music. Quite beautifully, all things considered. Even though it was clear he was begging for money due to poverty and homelessness, not busking for tips, I always thought it was admirable that he was trying to perform a service in exchange for the money, and I don’t like carrying coins, so gave what I could (it wasn’t much. Barely a dollar each time.) I would occasionally strike up conversations with Wendell even if I didn’t have any money for him. He liked to make students laugh with funny impressions or jokes. He was a bit older (I’m an undergrad, he was probably 40s-50s) so we’d mostly have quick chats about the news or the weather or whatever. Nothing deep. Sometimes he’d randomly share something so intimate that I’d feel obligated to reciprocate with something at least superficially personal. (e.g., he’d blurt out that he almost went to college on a baseball scholarship but drugs ruined everything.) I’d be like... “Oh, wow. Sorry to hear that... I play volleyball. Not for a scholarship though. See you around, ok?” Once Wendell called me over while I was walking with a professomy advisor, and I didn’t want to be rude, so I went over just to say a quick hello and introduced my advisor. When we walked away my advisor was pretty clearly horrified and asked why Wendell knew me by name. I explained our little friendship. He said the homeless in this city weren’t like the homeless in my smaller town back home. I figured he was being elitist and I think he could tell I hadn’t taken him seriously because after we’d dropped the subject, just before I left, he reiterated that I shouldn’t forge friendships with the homeless population in this city or even give them money because the chronically homeless, (the ones on the streets enough that you could get to know them), tended to have criminal or addictive histories. I was surprised because my advisor is usually pretty progressive and compassionate so I appealed to him with “Wendell is a victim of a post-capitalist society,” and all the other things I’d learned in his very own classes, but he wasn’t having any of it, basically saying however Wendell became chronically homeless, now he was and I should act accordingly. So my professor strongly implored me not to continue even talking to Wendell at all. I kind of shook my head thinking “Ok boomer,” and if anything, felt fortified by the warning. Like it was a confirmation that I was a radical doing the right thing, leading a new path, breaking down barriers, bettering society. I got closer to Wendell and shared more about my life with him. But the very next time I talked to Wendell he was really irritable and distant and I wasn’t sure why. Until he said, “So your boyfriend, you two live together or what?” And I had no idea what he was talking about. I said, “What boyfriend?” And he said “The guy I met from yesterday you were walking down the street with.” And I laughed, explaining it wasn’t my boyfriend, it was just my academic advisor. Then all of a sudden he wasn’t irritable anymore. He was as chatty as he’d ever been. I probably should’ve taken that as a red flag, but I didn’t think about Wendell much at all then. I only saw him once or twice a week, and only for a few minutes. It was around then that Wendell started bringing me gifts. I’d pass him and he’d have a flower for me or a metal machine piece. I never refused, because I figured it was a means of preserving his dignity when accepting money, like with his opera singing. One of my roommates did remark on the flower once, and when I explained she said it was weird. I thought she was also just being elitist and that I was enlightened, bridging the class divide, and superior to her neoliberal paranoia. I mean, come on, it was just a flower. My advisor clocked all this so brought it up with me again a while later, saying he was worried I was being manipulated. I tried to tell him about Wendell’s opera singing and impressions and how he even almost went to college but then I remembered the reason he lost his baseball scholarship and I stopped short. Looking at it through that lens kind of made me reconsider the whole thing. I thought about what my professor had said (sparing the details, we did talk for like half an hour, and I finally connected the dots that Wendell did have a history of drug use, and he did sometimes mention how a previous girlfriend “overreacting” to something he’d done had derailed his life besides the drugs) so I decided maybe I should think about distancing myself a little. But very shortly after, the pandemic hit and classes went virtual, so to save on rent I went home to my parents’ house. Still in the state, but not near campus at all. About three weeks into being home I was watching a friend’s insta story when I heard Wendell singing opera in the background and I thought “Aww, I forgot all about him. Hope he’s doing alright.” And that was that, I kept watching different stories. Later that night, something about the story kind of stuck in my gut. It had popped into my mind a few times subconsciously and I’d ignored it, but it kept coming back, so I decided to go and watch it again. That’s when I realized my friend’s video wasn’t from our college town. It was from my much smaller home town, which is nowhere near my college. That freaked me out a little. But I figured, everyone moved around when the pandemic hit. My town isn’t that small. It isn’t that far from the college. It was probably a coincidence. I really wanted to mention it to my parents, but they had always warned me against talking to homeless people (besides, like, “can I buy you a meal,”) so I felt too embarrassed to explain the situation to them. Especially since it was probably a coincidence and I would sound so conceited if I were like “He definitely followed me because aren’t I just so great that he’s probably obsessed with me?” We have a type one diabetic in the family, so we took quarantining very seriously. I figured “I’ll never see him, anyways. I‘m not going out anytime soon. It doesn’t matter where he is.” And nothing happened. Well, one thing. A girl from my high school who also ended up at my college called me and, in summary, said “This is going to sound really weird, but I feel like I should say something. I was downtown and a beggar asked me about you. Like, specifically, you. He knew you were on club volleyball. He knew your major. I didn’t tell him anything. But I thought you should know.” I was pretty alarmed at first, because, how would he know I know this girl? But once we talked I learned she’d been wearing a sweatshirt from our college. So I thought about it and decided he probably saw that sweatshirt, figured she might know me from college since we were both from this town, and was just trying to find out how I was doing. I thought it was sweet. Also a little weird. But he was a little weird, that was part of his charm. I thanked her but told her not to worry about it. Besides, I wasn’t in town much longer anyways. I had decided to go live back near campus. It was impossible to get my coursework done with my whole family around all day. So I went back to campus a while later. Didn’t think about Wendell at all. Until I saw him back on the same corner just a week after I returned to campus. Ok, even I knew at that time that something was wrong. I stopped giving him money, stopped talking to him, but I was so humiliated by how high and mighty I had been insisting that nothing was wrong and everyone else was being paranoid and elitist, that I decided not to tell anyone what I had noticed. I was already barely leaving my apartment, never going on campus, and his usual spot was right by campus. I felt bad about potentially hurting his feelings or reading too far into the situation, but I figured he’d get the message, and better safe than sorry. After finals I decided to visit my brother. In a different state. His roommate had moved home, leaving an extra bed, so I drove up to his place to celebrate the end of the year and get away from it all. About the ninth day in, I was woken up way earlier than usual (when my brother isn’t working or in school he sleeps until noon) to the sound of my brother talking at the door. I got up to see what was going on, because we weren’t seeing anyone, we stayed totally quarantined, his state was being hit hard. My brother was talking nicely to someone outside through a crack in the door, but when he turned he looked royally pissed at me. He turned back outside and said, “Hold on here.” Closed the door, despite the other guy protesting, but I couldn’t hear what he said exactly. My brother immediately got in my face and, whisper-yelling, said, “Mom and Dad are gonna kill you!” I had no idea what he was talking about, but my first thought was the cops had come to arrest me for something. It was the only logical thought I could generate first thing in the morning. The only thing I could imagine being arrested for was my fake ID (which I only even use to get into concerts, and obviously none lately) so I was really in shock. But my brother was still going, as best I can remember because I was panicked at this point, he was saying, “And I’m gonna kill you! This is so not cool. You didn’t even ask? I wouldn’t have said yes anyways. But you didn’t even think to ask?” I realized that didn’t align with being arrested so finally I was like, “What are you talking about!?” And he said, “You’re dating a 40 year old guy? Older? 45 maybe? Of all the people out there, I mean, Jesus. Dad’s gonna kill you and then have a heart attack and die. Which will kill mom. And you invited him to my house while we’re supposed to be social distanced?? You two can go to a hotel, because he isn’t coming in here. I wasn’t a dick to him, out of respect for you. But if he doesn’t leave now, that’s gonna change.” So, I had no idea what he was talking about. None. I hadn’t connected any of the pieces yet. Because, you’ve got to remember, Wendell was such a small part of my life until this point. I almost never saw him or thought about him. My whole world had been turned upside down by a pandemic in the preceding few months. He was background noise. Faint background noise. Compared to all the other stuff I had going on. So I just said the first thing that came to mind. “Dude, I don’t know why you’re getting so mad at me. I don’t have a boyfriend. I don’t know what you’re talking about. Someone’s got the wrong house.” My brother looked like he was ready to rip my face off. He said “We’re adults, come on, don’t fucking lie to me. I’m not Mom and Dad. We can’t deal with this if you’re going to lie to my face.” And I said I wasn’t lying, and I think he could tell from my expression and tone that I genuinely was serious. So now he was as confused and irritated as I was and he was like, “He didn’t just vaguely say he was here for his girlfriend. He used your name, he rattled off a ton of very exact info... I think he said you... uh... Yah. He said you guys had a fight and he was here to work things out?” Now, I’ve been looking for a boyfriend for a long time, so I was half thinking, “Huh. Maybe dreams do come true. Might as well see who it is.” But I was also starting to feel a bit sick, in the pit of my stomach, because it would be one thing if this happened on campus or back home. But I had changed states. My brother moved to this state for school and I don’t know anyone here but him and his friends. So I finally did the obvious thing and looked through the peephole. I almost didn’t recognize him at first because he had showered, shaved, and changed into clean clothes, for the first time since I’d known him. But sure as shit, it was Wendell standing on my brother’s doorstep, hundreds of miles from his original corner. I was so scared I couldn’t speak. My heart was pounding like I was slipping under deep water with my legs tied. I just backed away from the door and sat down on the couch and tried to collect myself. My brother thought this was my affirming that there really was some secret older boyfriend who had just made himself known, so it took a minute for him to cut off his ranting and his dramatic “What will grandma think?” Stuff. Finally he realized I was tearing up and he sat down, calmed down, and apologized and said we’d figure it out, and I whispered, still out of breath, “No, you don’t understand. He followed me here.” My brother still didn’t get it. “What? You didn’t want him to come here? What was your fight about?” He asked, still thinking the guy was my boyfriend. I managed to repress my panic enough to explain the broad strokes to him. But I don’t think he fully grasped how creepy it was in the moment, because he was like, “You’re shitting me. That’s hilarious. I’ll take care of this.” He went to the door and called from behind it, “Yo, just checked, she’s not here. Must’ve packed out this morning. You should do the same. I’m taking this social distancing real serious.” And winked at me. That’s when, as my brother says when he tells this story, it got real. Wendell said “You’re lying. I heard her in there. Tell her I’m sorry. I don’t know why she’s been avoiding me but I got cleaned up for her and I’ll take her anywhere she wants to go. Tell her that. Tell her. And don’t lie. I’ll know if you lie.” That rubbed my brother the wrong way, and he said back, “Bro, you’re not taking her anywhere, now get off my deck before we have a problem.” And Wendell sounded like he was walking away, but instead, he was going over to the window. When I saw him staring, he looked different than I’d ever seen him. Even than a few seconds earlier when I’d glanced through the peephole. His clothes were clean, but they didn’t fit or match. Eyes bugged out of his head, white stuff caked on the corners of his mouth I hadn’t noticed at first, shaking, just kind of disconnected from reality. He started banging on the window shouting things like “That’s my girlfriend, you can’t keep her in there. You little bitch ass! Let her out you bitch ass! Let her out! Let her out! I’m coming baby! I’m coming!” I couldn’t tell if it was meant as a threat or a reassurance. I was so scared, I was too scared to run, or even move. I think my brother was almost as surprised by the sudden outburst. He was rolling up his sleeves like he was preparing to go out there, and I was trying to make my voice work to beg him not too. But I was so anxious, scared, embarrassed, and sad that I had missed all the signs leading up to this, all the opportunities to prevent it, that our friendship was never the wholesome thing I thought it was (though of course that’s something I had already begun to grapple with before this day), and had so many thoughts swirling in my head, fear being chief among them. All I could do was scream. Not words, just, “Aaaaaahhhhh!” And cover my ears to drown the whole situation out. Before my brother could charge out the door (he’s an athletic guy, but I don’t think he’s ever actually been in a physical fight) Wendell punched through the window. Nothing actually happened when he punched through, and there was an eerie moment of silence where nobody moved, I think even I stopped screaming. But when he pulled his hand back, all hell broke loose. A fair amount of blood started spurting out when he pulled his hand back through the glass. The things he was shouting started to make even less sense—along the lines of “Look what you did to me! This is a test! I told you I couldn’t be stopped, bitch ass!” And the look in his eyes got even more distant. I think the sight of the blood, which has always made my brother really squeamish, made him realize this was real, and he finally yelled “Damn it Sis, call 911!” While he leaned against the door which Wendell was now repeatedly running into (even though he was nowhere close to breaking it down.) I don’t even remember making the call, but apparently I did, because within ten minutes the police arrested Wendell without resistance. He kept trying to tell them his girlfriend was trapped in the house and he’d come all this way to save her. My poor brother was even momentarily handcuffed and had to explain he hadn’t taken me hostage. Probably one of the most haunting memories of the whole event is, as they carted Wendell away for arrest, he started singing opera music. I’ve learned a lot of important common sense and life lessons from this saga. But most of all, Wendell, let’s not meet.
A GIRLFRIEND WON'T MAKE YOU HAPPY! LOSING YOUR VIRGINITY WON'T, EITHER!!!
I see too many guys doing this to "get a girlfriend" or to "lose my virginity" This is wrong. You do this to improve your life and to get it back on track. You do this to reduce the consumption of porn and help the world become a better place. You don't do this to get a girlfriend. Trust me, if you do, the bad habits will come right back when you do "achieve your goal". You'll settle for the first opportunity that comes (Like I did, three years ago) and it would become a really negative and toxic relationship that was initiated for the purpose of sex, or for the wrong reasons, generally. This is toxic. Sex won't make you happy. If you come to it from this angle, where sex will make you happy and solve all your problems you'll just be, like others said, still fapping, but using another person to do it, which is worse. Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying sex is worse than fapping. What I'm saying, is that looking for sex or for a partner as an end-all-be-all source of your happiness - is worse than fapping. Happiness come from within. If your happiness relies solely on another person, it will crash and burn as soon as that person is out of the picture. And it will be worse than it was to begin with. A partner might make you happy, yes, but that's a bad starting point to a relationship, in my opinion. If you're unhappy with your life it will rub off on the other person, and will slowly make them miserable, while making you happier. Like a parasite. They will either get sick of it or slowly lose themselves by being your emotional tampon. The relationship will end. You will lose your crutch and you will be back right where you started. I would go further and advise you to STEER CLEAR and stay away from any kind of serious romantic relationship (Dating is fine, practice is good and you might really find a person you like and connect with, but only in that case, it's fine. You should, actually, go on dates and try different people until you find what suits you, but only if there's a real connection, should you enter a serious relationship.) until you got your shit together, at least to a point where you can be happy on your own and share your happiness with your partner. Like I mentioned. I made this mistake. I've been dating around and I settle for the first person that showed extremely high attraction towards me. It turned out an emotionally unstable relationship where both of us suffered extremely and after a bit under two years I brought myself to end it. Sure, there's the off chance that doing that will yield different results, but why would you take that chance? Bring yourself to a point where you got your life on track, you're a pretty happy guy and you've got a purpose in life. That point when you're at least a pretty happy person and you can share that happiness with whoever tags along. Your role in a relationship is to give, not to take, and so is your partner's. Now, I've seen this repeated in the comments a few times and I don't see why's it so hard to understand. I'm not telling you to not go on dates, or not to have sex with women, or whatever. What I'm saying is, that if your life is messed up by porn and you masturbate 7 times a day in your parents' house and you're trying to quit but "I just couldn't resist having a peek" Or maybe you're a "22 year old virgin with a streak of 30/40/95 day streak and wondering if I should break it because I still didn't get laid" You should get your shit together. If you're on the right track, by all means, explore your sexuality, live your life, share your happiness and your gifts with the world! Excuse the rant. Keep going strong, re-evaluate your reasons for doing this, and have a great day! Edit: Some grammar and a few more points. Edit 2: Thanks for the gold :) Edit 3: Formatting + expanded on some points.
Summary of accusations and events: 11:03 am 18 June 2020: Username Beanie posts on twitter about an encounter as a minor with a 22yr old adult later identified as Cry. Her account detailed behaviour indicative of grooming which continued till her 18th birthday at which point things intensified. The tweet also claimed Cry was "messing around" with his best friends girlfriend. Beanie later revealed she was referring to Russ' ex, Red. 21 June 2020: cry posts a cryptic video on his YouTube channel where he mentions offhand cheating on his allegedly abusive ex-girlfriend (Cheyenne) with "people who he didn't even realise were underaged". The video links to an unlisted recording of his 31st birthday stream where he appears to breakdown. In an edit he later states there was no physical contact between himself and anyone underaged. 5:53 am 21 June 2020: Cry responds to a tweet stating that the victims don't deserve malice. 10:29 am 21 June 2020: Cry posts a tweet where he says he will still be streaming that night with LNC after "talk[ing] to the guys". This is met with backlash. 10:47 am 21 June 2020: Cry recinds his previous tweet and states no stream that night. 1:26 pm 21 June 2020: Cry tweets that his recent video was impulsive and to give him time and keep an "open mind" so he can give a "more accurate" response. 3:07 pm 21 June 2020: Scott Jund claims in a tweet that he Russ and Snake were not aware of the "new information" about cry. 3:36 pm 21 June 2020: Cheyenne replies to the above tweet claiming that they all knew. 4:22 pm 21 June 2020: Scott clarifies in a tweet that he "didn't know the severity of one of the situations." 7:56 pm 21 June 2020: Cheyenne tweets a screenshot of a conversation from when she was 16 where 23 yr old Cry claims he loves her. 8:48 am 22 June 2020: Cry releases a full statement claiming his previous video was made in a "manic" state and that he will give a proper explanation in a few days. 22 June 2020:u/normemes resurfaces Cheyenne's tweet from January claiming her ex (cry) was cheating via skype sex with minors. 1:05 pm 22 June 2020: Russ tweets that he is devastated by the situation and that he and cry "have not been friends for a very long time". 4:41 pm 22 June 2020: A response to Beanies original tweet highlights previous allegations that were brushed off. Including screenshots of a conversation between cry and an underaged fan. 22 June 2020: Scott Jund streams during which he makes some comments on the matter. He states cry did "way more" stuff than he was initially aware of. 3:50 am 23 June 2020: Bubblegumpompom posts a twitter thread saying she met cry when she was underaged and was one of the individuals he had "an affair" with. She confirms their conversations didn't get sexual until after she turned 18. 5:25 am 23 June 2020: Beanie supports statement that Jund joined skype calls with victims and cry and knew thejr ages. EDIT: Assumed redacted as Beanie is now posting in full support of Scott. 6:22 am 23 June 2020: Bubblegumpompom provides evidence of things getting explicit once she comes of age. 7:23 am 23 June 2020: Scott Jund claims that cry didnt "physically interact with red". 10:56 am 23 June 2020: Bubblegumpompom states she'll be streaming more details tomorrow 9 am EST. 11:09 am 23 June 2020: Cheyenne claims Scott Jund threatened Cheyenne with faking chat logs in order to cover up what Cry did. Scott Jund adamantly denies this. 23 June 2020: Snake does a Q&A stream on twitch where he answers several questions about the matter. He states he didn't know about the underaged girls and that he and the rest of LNC aside from jund were never really friends. Snake states some of the things cry has done are "illegal" and that he is now aware of 14 cases of cry "being innapropriate" with people (not all of these were minors. As the stream continues snake claims hes received 3-4 additional victim accounts making the total known alleged victims 17-18. 3:24 am 24 June 2020: Snake makes a twitter post clarifying the relationship between himself and other LNC members. He finishes by saying playing games once a week doesn't require a high level of friendship. 24 June 2020: Bubblegumpompom (auri) does her stream in it she states cry has read the lolcow forums. She also shares her opinion that Cry isn't intellectually capable of coordinating being purposefully manipulative. She is not personally aware of any minors he's been sexual with. She has never had any contact with any member of LNC aside from Cry. Edit: Twitch has removed the vod but there is a transcript available. 9:25 am 24 June 2020: Russ tweets a full statement about his history with Cry, his lack of knowledge of any romantic relationship with Cheyenne prior to her turning 18, and other key details involved in the accusations. Russ reveals Cry was dishonest about his relationship with several of Russ' romantic interests. 10:17 am 24 June 2020: Angel posts a statement on twitter about her relationship with Cry and announces she will be indefinitely stepping down from streaming.she states she was aware of rumours regarding minors but was told it was untrue by cry when she confronted him on the matter. Mid-day 24 June 2020: Russ streams an emotional account of his feelings about the situation. He discusses Cry's abuse of power over him and says LNC is dead and this stream is its funeral. "What he did was absolutely illegal and immoral." He states he was not aware of the minor situations. 24 June 2020:u/doyoucarethat uncovers a deviantART post from a minor posted in 2012 which reveals a flirty conversation which took place between Battlestar and the poster. 24 June 2020: The above story was proven by this YouTube video. 10:59 pm 24 June 2020: Ocean posts a skype text chat log which alledges that Ziegs was aware of him being a minor when he engaged in unknown explicit acts with cry. The chat log shows Ziegs requesting that Ocean keep quiet about the act to prevent legal action against Cry. 11:47 pm 24 June 2020: Beanie releases a tweet containing a screenshot showing a chat message from Ziegs where she appears to be admitting she and everyone in LNC knew about Cry's involvement with minors. 12:17 am 25 June 2020: Snake replies with his own screenshot to the beanie/Ocean tweets above. The screenshots suggest only Ziegs was aware that Ocean was underaged. 12:40 am 25 June 2020: anonymous victim releases screenshots of a conversation with cry. 7:10 am 25 June 2020: Scott Jund tweets that a timeframe for Cry's statement has been imposed and he should be releasing something tonight. 1:28 pm 25 June 2020: Beckyrallens releases an account of a sexual situation with cry from only two days ago the account is between two consenting adults and is intended to show that Cry's behaviour may have improved. Cry is respectful of boundaries in the account. 3:56 pm 25 June 2020: Another twitter user (they have requested to be kept anonymous please don't spread their name) claims they were manipulated [LINK REDACTED] (as an adult) into a sexual relationship by Cry. The thread contains screenshots and other additional information. Once it is taken down I will NOT be including archives of the tweet. Thank you for respecting anons privacy. 4:13 pm 25 June 2020: Auri (Bubblegumpompom) does another stream to discuss the issue. It is mostly a casual chat about the situation from a victims perspective. 5:28 pm 25 June 2020: Beanie tweets a screenshot of a discussion presumably about the cryaotic situation. The screenshot suggests Cry began to speak sexually towards her whilst she was still in Junior year of high school. 8:45 pm 25 June 2020: Auri (Bubblegumpompom) posts a video of discord DMs from Cry. 2:26 am 26 June 2020: Beanie makes a twitter post claiming that Cry has been privately dming victims and blaming his behaviour on Angel. 3:11 am 26 June 2020:Beanie posts a screenshot of a conversation between her and cry note these screenshots are before the first video he made, and not in reference to the one hes making now. Here is the second screenshot. 5:00 am 26 June 2020: Snake releases a statement about how he and the rest of LNC intend to prevent this from ever happening again in future. 5:01 am 26 June 2020: Scott Jund releases a statement with evidence from LNC, Cry, and the victims that suggests he knew of no illegal acts between cry and others. 9:16 am 26 June 2020: Suspicions about the legitimacy of Auri's account were posed. Here is a final summary of how this was effectively disproven. 11:20 am 26 June 2020: Ocean tweets that they were one of the anons referenced in Scott's statement. 2:16 am 27 June 2020: Ocean reveals that he has now put in a request for the Snapchat chat logs between himself and Cry. 7:37 am 27 June 2020: Beanie posts a thread containing someone elses (not beanie) experience. The person reveals their relationship with Cry, and how he felt about the accusations. 8:17 am 27 June 2020: Russ posts another tweet. Mostly saying that he'll be taking a break. 10:17 am 27 June 2020: heychrisfox provides screenshots as insight into Cry's mindset. 11:54 am 27 June 2020: Chris reveals a conversation with cry which alledges his mindset towards the victims is one of amusement. Note: Cry's claims of doubts about Auri's identity in this screenshot have already been effectively proven false (see 9:16 am 26 June 2020). 11:10 pm 27 June 2020: Update on Ocean's attempts to recover Snapchat logs. Ocean is advised by Snapchat to contact law enforcement. 9:56 pm 28 June 2020:Statement from another person who had sexual contact with cry. 12:56 pm 29 June 2020: Ocean clarifies his claims Ocean states that Cry sent explicit pictures while Ocean was underaged. 30 June 2020: Ziegs makes a claim that Cry has a shotgun he threatens to use for self harm. 2:35 pm 30 Jun 2020: Michaela Laws claims Ziegs tweet isn't true. 2:36 pm 30 June 2020: Jund says Ziegs most recent tweet is not accurate. Roughly 1 July 2020: Ziegs now deleted tweet claims that they were hacked and did not post the self harm tweet. 1:53 am 1 Jul 2020: Mephistophilles tweets that they can confirm Ziegs did not post the self harm tweet. 4:05 pm 30 June 2020: Michaela Laws states her opinion that Auri is lying. Michaela has not provided any evidence at this time. 8:58 am 1 Jul 2020: Michaela Laws publically apologises for her above tweet. 1 Jul 2020: Someone has created a transcript of Michaela Laws VOD on the situation. 2 July 2020: An imgur post of screenshots of cry's sexual roleplay with an adult. 6:38 am 4 Jul 2020: Scott Jund replies to the existence of claims about possible sexual misconduct on his part. 3:48 pm 4 Jul 2020: Midnite_circus comes out about her alleged experience dating cry, contributing to the pattern other victims have established. 1:17 pm 5 July 2020: Cheyenne tweets she has been advised to be publicly quiet this is most likely in reference to the Cry accusations. 4:32 am 11 July 2020: Snake states he has made a report but has not yet heard back. 10:00 pm 5 July 2020: Further testimonial from Lucius about the tendency of Cry's conversations to get explicit. 4:32 am 11 July 2020: Snake states he has made a report but has not yet heard back. 10:35 am 16 July 2020: Cheyenne claims FBI involvement. DISCLAIMER: None of the above is intended to represent my opinion on the matter. This is only a collation of accusations and comments on the matter from persons of interest for posterity and reference. Timezone used for timestamps: ACST To the victims: Thank you for your bravery in sharing your accounts. You have coming forth has given us the opportunity to ensure this never happens again. If you don't want your information included here or would like me to delete or alter parts of the post, please let me know and I will do so ASAP. Self care: An overwhelming amount of people have told me they're not taking proper care of themselves in this time. Here is my favourite self care quiz. Please use it. u/Grassedia has kindly compiled the resources for mental health that snake has shared if you're feeling distressed please use these resources. To those giving me awards: I'm very appreciative and thankful, but please consider donating to Blue Knot Foundation for survivors of childhood trauma or your country's equivalent.
TLDR at the bottom, but I wouldstronglysuggest reading the post in its entirety. This is not some bullshit "feelsgoodman" post. I'm not here to tell you that I love you, nor am I here to tell you that I, without having seen you, think you're super cute. Those posts are nice, but do very little to actually help. This is what I'm here to tell you: no, the fuck, you are not ugly. I'm tired of seeing this self-deprecation everywhere; a user will make a comment "haha at least you don't look as bad as me", someone responds "wanna bet?", and the circlejerk of who can insult their appearance the most ensues. Sure, jokes and memes are great, but I think that we both know many commenters do genuinely feel that way about their appearance, and many others, even if "joking", are commenting from a place of deep-rooted insecurity-- an unfortunate fault of the human experience. I'm going to start off with an anecdote, so that you have context about the individual telling you about this novel idea. This is not a flex, this is not me stroking my ego, and it is most certainly not anything beyond what I'm going to convince you is a beacon of hope applicable to pretty much everyone here. I got my first girlfriend due to some very simple advice-- advice that, at the time, I believed to be a steaming pile of bullshit: fake it 'til you make it. Sounds dumb, right? Some cliche saying that appeals to the masses and belongs only in some teenage romcom. Here's the thing, though-- it actually works. Confidence is very, very easy to fabricate. Stand straight. Speak with purpose and certainty. Being left on read (is that still the lingo?) is usually a genuine mistake. It's far more likely that they didn't hear you as opposed to genuinely ignoring you. The list goes on, and on, and on, but gist is this: displaying confidence will make you more confident. You may not notice it, but people will begin to treat you differently, and it will change your self-image. Now that I have explained that, back to 15-year-old closbhren. You know how you're feeling about yourself right now? Lonely, depressed, hate what you see in the mirror, no self-confidence, etc? Yeah, him too. Really fucking shit feeling, right? I was very confident that I would commit suicide within the next year-- I'd begun considering how I'd do it, debating who to leave my note to, what it would say... you get the idea. I had nothing left to lose. I hated life. But it all changed one day... nah, it didn't, just kidding. What did change, though, was my solitude. I came semi-clean to an adult friend of mine, and she handled my confessions in about the best way possible: she listened the entire time, she expressed past related sentiments, and then she offered advice. Advice which included the above: fake it 'til you make it. Like I said, I had nothing left to lose. I didn't give a fuck. But she made it sound oh-so-convincing, so I decided to try it; if it did manage to change the monopoly that hatred had on my life, then maybe it'd be worth it. Maybe. The process begun. I started standing straight; I started to let being left on read go (sure, I'd freak out about it, but no one needed to know that); I started to brush off jokes about myself and my appearance (didn't feel good about them, but no one needed to know that); I started to wait for convenient opportunities to speak in a group; I started to differently express my paralanguage (everything about speech but the words themselves); I started to smile more; I started to use people's names more; everything I could possibly think of that might convey confidence. And lo-and-behold, it worked. People became more obviously excited to talk to me, people were speaking to me more, I even started to get slightly popular (over the period of a few months, this didn't happen in a day). My self-image changed as a result. I started feeling better about my body and face. I realized that no, I am not some fucking ogre. I'm not some worthless pile of garbage. Generally... life might be worth a second chance. Then my year-long crush, who I was close friends with, started getting a little flirty (and yes, she is the girl I referenced above). Where the fuck was this coming from? What changed? She'd been single for awhile. We both know the answer: me. I'd changed. So what the fuck does any of this matter to me you might ask? Here's the idea: confidence is attractive. Yeah, you've heard it a billion times, but what does that actually mean? It's rather simple: the better you show yourself, the better others feel about you, and the better you feel as a result. It's the opposite of a vicious cycle-- a loving cycle? When you aren't secure enough about yourself, human nature dictates that we turn to others' perceptions of us and use them to judge. The above is how you can take advantage of that. Now to tie it all back to the title: what does this have to do specifically with me being ugly? I'm objectively ugly, you might say. For starters, no, the fuck, you are not. If you think you can judge yourself objectively you're delusional. We are always far more critical of ourselves than others. It's easy to find imperfections in your own features and focus on them, while ignoring the good things. I'm a straight guy, so I won't speak for my thoughts on other men, but the amount of gorgeous girls who feel that they are unattractive is unreal (I know you know these girls, and I know that you're jealous of them-- but you'd be surprised at how many are jealous of you). Of course everyone isn't a 10/10, but with that being said, the amount of just generally pretty and attractive girls who think that they're ugly is even more unreal. It is incredibly rare to come across an objectively ugly girl, and that can easily be made up for with her personality-- and of course, this all goes for guys as well. The vast, vast majority of people who think that they're ugly are not anywhere near ugly. Most are even attractive. What makes you think differently is your unfair evaluation of your own looks and your dependence on others' opinions about you. And that is something that you have the power to change. It may not feel natural, and it may feel weird as fuck, but the most challenging gauntlets oft yield the most meaningful of rewards. And now I'm going to ask a few things of you.
Look in the mirror and find one thing that you genuinely like. It doesn't matter how big, it doesn't matter how small. Maybe you do actually have a little bit of a jawline. Maybe your nose is perfectly sized. Maybe you have pretty eyes. Appreciate one, singular thing about the way that you look. Start there.
Smile. This one is two-pronged. Firstly, smile at yourself. Smile whenever you see yourself. Smiling does actually make you happier (source), and you will begin to associate that feeling with seeing yourself. Secondly, challenge yourself to smile more. See something that makes you even mildly happy? It's okay to smile. You should smile. See something cute? Smile! Seriously, this will make a difference.
Stop calling yourself ugly, and stop making so many damned self-deprecating jokes. They are usually both crutches to hopefully get other people to comfort you, begging a positive perception from them. You don't need that, and neither will help your confidence, or others' perception of your confidence. You are strong. You don't need either of them.
Fake it 'til you make it. Yeah, you knew this shit was coming. Saving the best for last, baby. Start off small, look for opportunities to follow the advice I mentioned above. Show people that they want to be around you. The easiest, by far, is to walk with good posture. Straighten your back, keep your head up, you know the drill. Go from there.
What do you have to lose? It can't hurt to try any of this. The worst that could happen is that you don't notice any change (but believe me, you will). I'm nearing 19 now and have done a complete 180 on my perception of life, along with my experience of it. Being popular isn't that hard, nor is dating, nor is liking yourself. There's a lot to like about everyone, and yeah, I mean fucking everyone. You just aren't quite able to appreciate that... yet. I could go on-and-on, but this post is long enough as is. Hopefully my boomer (yeah, at 18, I get called a boomer, crazy right?) advice gets through to a few of you. Please ask for any clarifications in the comments. If anyone reading this needs personal advice, someone to vent to, or has any questions, my inbox is open. Hope this helps. Peace. TLDR: You cannot objectively evaluate your own appearance. The vast majority of people are not at all ugly. Fake confidence until you find yourself to be confident; yeah, it works. Dating and popularity are not hard, you just aren't yet equipped to recognize that. Confidence will change that. Edit: this got a little more attention than expected. I'm trying to take the time to give a genuine response to every comment and DM, but it's going to take awhile. Thanks for all the kind words, I'm glad that this has helped so many. Edit 2: it's 5am for me so I'm going to bed but I'll continue responding to every comment when I wake up. Again, thanks for all the kind words. Edit 3: just woke up to 300 comments and 40 DM’s. I’m going to prioritize the DM’s and unfortunately won’t have time to respond to every comment, but I’m going to read them all and try to help those with specific questions. Thanks for all the support, know that, even if I don’t respond, I have absolutely read your comment, and most definitely appreciate it.
People think being a born-in JW is just being dealt a bad hand but no it's actually much worse than that. It legitimately stunts your childhood development which is something you have to deal with well into your adulthood.
From the moment you can form complete sentences you are obligated to dress up in a suit or a dress every single Saturday morning knock on doors for 2+ hours and talk about something your young mind can barely comprehend yet you have to talk about it like you have complete mastery over it. you're told as a young child that if you don't do this god views you the same way as those who commit murder. Most of your childhood is surrounded by adults at the kingdom hall and because you're not allowed to have "wordly" friends and participate in "wordly" events you don't develop the skills on how to interact with people your own age. You become a mini adult. A 6 year old kid is supposed to be silly, rambunctious and enjoy childhood not giving talks about the world powers and what they represent. You cannot date until you are old enough for marriage when in reality most kids get their first significant other around in high school. So now not only are you a mini adult who doesn't know how to interact with people socially you don't know how to interact with people romantically either because you never went through that dating phase where you discover what you like in a relationship or don't like. That stays with you into adulthood. No wonder you see so many JW couples who are separated. You're not even allowed to celebrate your own birthday. A day that is supposed to be all about honoring yourself and celebrating the fact that you made it one more year on this planet is forbidden. Why is it forbidden? To keep members self-esteem down. Hence depression is rampant in the organization. And because you basically skipped your childhood that childish part of you has to come out somehow leading to grown adults in their 30s and 40s acting the most childish I have ever seen in my life. All I'm gonna say is that if you're not a born in thank god that you're not. Be grateful you didn't have to endure life as a JW child.
Hey everyone, long time lurker, first time poster. You know the drill. Also, I'm on mobile. I thought I would share a funny dating experience with you all, maybe some people will get a laugh at my expense. Enjoy! Also, buckle in, cause' this isn't a short story. I (22f) went on a date with a guy (25m) a few months ago (pre-Covid). He seemed nice enough over text, and we had some similar interests, so I agreed to a date pretty quickly. I suggested a quick coffee date for a first time, but he was really insistent on "taking me out for dinner, on him". I'm a laid back gal, so I said, sure, let's go. We sit down at this Mongolian restaurant. Waitress comes by, and I order soup. As this is happening, he is talking OVER the waitress trying to take my order. At one point, the waitress literally stopped speaking to me, turned a full 90 degrees, and just stared at him with her lips together. I don't blame her. He laughed like it was a joke (?), THREW his menu up in the air for her to catch, and said he was ordering for me. She caught it, cause she's a great waitress, and simply turned back to me to take my order. Wanting this date to end already, I just order a bowl of soup (I hoped I could eat it quickly, pay, and get the heck away from this man). At this point he's ordered, although he said that his ex was "the kind of bitch that can't take a joke." I have no idea if that was a dig at me, his ex, or some combo of both... THEN, he starts going ON, and ON, and ONNNN about his ex. He called her every colourful name in the book. I don't mind swearing, but I do mind the use of the c-word in a crowded restaurant filled with children. I asked him to stop swearing so loudly, and he basically blew me off saying I was "being ridiculous". The angry eyes of the other diners didn't strike me as ridiculous, but okay. My soup finally arrives (let's be real, it had probably been 10 minutes, but every minute was agony). At this point, he hasn't done any of the following: A) introduced himself in person; he just sat down with no introduction B) asked me anything about myself C) Stopped his monologue about his ex long enough to breathe I use my food arrival as an opportunity to cut him off, and to change the subject. I ask him about our common interest - video games. I hoped maybe he would answer, then I could answer, but instead he stands up, and tells me we're going on a walk. I point at my soup, which is hot, but growing colder by the second. I ask if I can at least, finish part of my soup before it gets cold. He denies this request, and holds out his hand for me to grab (what a gentleman eyeroll). So, I call our extremely patient waitress over and ask to get it packed up. Keep in mind, his order is still somewhere in the kitchen, so I don't understand why he wants to leave without it. My BS-senses are tingling, so I tell him I have to use the washroom. Before he can say anything, I literally SPRINT to the ladies room. I call my best friend, and tell her to call me in 3 minutes with SOMETHING, ANYTHING, to get me out of this date. She's chucking a little, and I can't blame her. I'm a grown, adult woman standing in the toilets of a Mongolian restaurant begging my friend to get me out of a situation I put myself in. When I get back, his food has arrived and he has now, apparently, decided to stay (?). My soup is a bit chillier now, but tasty. He speaks super briefly about video games - but then goes right back to talking about his ex, what games they used to play, and, of course, what a bitch she is. I gently stop him and say, "Hey, I'm uncomfortable with this line of conversation. I understand you dislike your ex, but surely you have other interests?". He takes this as an opportunity to tell me about how his ex stalked him, and apparently stole something from him (?). At this point, the clouds part, and an angelic voice in the form of my ringtone sings out across the restaurant. It's my friend, telling me she... Oh no! She what? Broke her ankle falling down the stairs at her house? Oh god! I, of course, being the good friend I am, rush to help. I tell him I have to leave, it's an emergency. I stand up, but so does he. He says something about me trying to "escape the best date he's ever had". I chuckled, and tried to move around him, so I can get to the exit (and my car). He stops me with his arm on mine. I pull away, but I'm pretty small, so I'm not even sure he noticed my attempt. He tells me he NEEEDDSS a ride home, that he lives on the other side of town, and could I please drive him. At first I'm saying no, that I have to go, that it's an emergency. I even offered to give him a 20$ for a cab (anything to get away!). Then he points out we are in a bad part of town (he's right) and if I want his "dead, lifeless body" on my conscience. Ugh, fine. I agree to drive him home, against all better judgement. The drive is quiet, for once. I've resigned myself that I will not be able to get a word in edgewise, but he seems to realize he's being ditched. I don't really care, he isn't a very nice person. As I pull into his driveway, I put the car in park. I turn my head slightly to look at him, asking if he has everything (I do not want this man to have any excuse to contact me again). Keep in mind, my body language is screaming that I don't like him. I'm leaning away from him, despite facing him, and my face has morphed into a nasty scowl. This FUCKER had the absolute balls to try to kiss me! Read the room, buddy. I shove him back but he pushes against me anyway, kissing me on the lips. I bit him, hard, and told him to get the hell out of my car. He calls me a "fucking tease" but leaves. Thank god. I did make it home, and yes, my friend made a MIRACULOUS recovery. The story ain't over yet folks. About two weeks later, he's been texting me non-stop (I'm talking 3am, 4am, 5am texts). Finally, I simply text back that I'm not interested. Well. He first starts insulting me, THEN he apologizes (keep in mind, I'm getting about 30-40 texts all within 5 min during this convo). Then he starts trying to BARGAIN with me to sleep with him. He says things like "I'll never bother you again, but I really want to f*ck you". And "Please, just have sex with me. Please?" I tell him to, frankly, get bent. I now realize that he's a "NiCE gUy" to the extreme. I blocked his number. Well, that's my worst date ever! One for my history books, at least. So, pro-tip to any would-be daters out there - maybe don't talk about your ex the entire time?
Who are the Andersons? or: Faithful World Baptist Church - an organised hate group (TW: Upsetting content)
I originally had about 10 pages in word for this so AMA if you wann know more. I hope all the links lead to the correct source, because my collection of data was a hot mess and sometimes I forgot to put the link down. I know it's a sub rule, so it shouldn't need to be stated again, but absolutely do not contact them on social media. For them being hated is a sign of godliness and even if you managed to show them proof that they're wrong, they'd probably believe you're just part of the worldwide shadow government that made that statistic up. Seriously, they are really into conspiracy theories. I sectioned this post into the following topics: The family - What they are known for - Their religion - Their homo- and transphobia - Their anti-Semitism and Holocaust denying - Raising the children - Gender roles - Home-schooling - Modesty/Dating/Marriage - Reproductive rights - Racism and Slavery The family Steven and Zsuzsanna Anderson have 11 Kids: Solomon (18), Isaac (17), John (15), Miriam (13), Rebecca (11), Anna (9), Stephen (7), Boaz (6), Chloe (4), Peter (2) and Eva (born September 2019). Steven and Zsu met in 1999 when Steven (then 18) was trying to convert heathens in Germany. Zsu (then 20) was not a believer, but since Steven was handsome they wrote each other for months. On July 28th in 2000 she visited Steven and was promptly converted. They married on August 13th that same year and instead of finishing her college degree (cultural anthropology/journalism/political science) she moved to the US in September. Steven is the pastor of Faithful World Baptist Church, a new independent fundamentalist Baptists (NFIB), KJV only church that is listed as an organised hate group by Southern Poverty Law Center. What they are known for Steven Anderson is banned from South Africa, the UK, Botswana, Malawi, Jamaica, The Netherlands (and thus the entire Schengen Area), Ireland, Canada, Australia and New Zealand because of his homophobic and anti-Semitic hate speech. The bush fires in Australia were God’s revenge for him being banned from Australia. In one of his sermons, Anderson publicly stated that he’s praying for Obama to die. This was supposed to happen due to brain cancer, so he wouldn’t turn into a martyr. Secret Service was worried enough to contact him. The three eldest Anderson boys (Solomon, John and Isaac) were part of a group chat that included girls as young as 13. There they shared their fantasies of choking, raping, beating and sodomizing these girls during sex. Solomon shared pictures of himself. There was talk of grooming the girls and they wanted to pay hookers with church funds to have sex with after praying for them. Anderson claims to have handled the punishment at home and banned both the families of the affected girls and church members who brought the topic up. He says it’s a private matter and the boys should be forgiven. When the Josh Duggar scandal broke, Zsu had different reactions: Paedophiles deserve the death penalty, there was no forgiveness for Josh and it should not have been kept private in order to protect other potential victims. A family that raised Josh is not allowed to pretend to be a moral upstanding Christian family, and bad parenting is the reason he turned out that way. Zsu once stated that she’d stop socialising with her children if they were gay or child molesters or mass murderers. Solomon had a courtship with a girl called Saer but I don't have a sourceBy 17 Solomon was engaged to a girl named Saer, thanks u/maggiemazz29. From what I have gathered, her parents used to be involved with the porn industry before getting saved, which was apparently the reason the relationship was broken off. However, on their blog there are still many pictures of the two of them together. Solomon seems to have been interested in Saer from when he was 14. There’s a blogpost about him liking a girl and wanting to marry her and she’s described as a good friend. Saer is called his BFF around that time. Their religion Despite the fact that they are fundies, they do divide the bible into biblical teachings and stories, the latter only record people doing things without saying they are right, so you don’t have to follow them. Earth is 6254 years old, give or take 25 years. Salvation happens through faith alone, no need to repent for sins, though it's nice if you do. They don’t believe in the prosperity gospel, but they don’t have a rainy day fund as God has them covered. The chain of command goes God -> husband -> Wife -> children. Created to be his Help Meet is a good book. They are part of the quiverful movement and believe God should decide how many children you have, even if having more kids might kill you. Evolution and the big bang theory are the same thing and are wrong, and dinosaurs and humans lived at the same time. Their homo- and transphobia Steven Anderson celebrated the Orlando nightclub shooting and expressed sadness over the fact that unlike in the past the victim’s families were not ashamed to claim their dead family members. He wants the death penalty for LGBTQAI+ and ministers that perform same-sex marriages should be stoned to death. AIDS is God’s revenge and will be cured by killing every single homosexual person. Gay people are paedophiles. IVF is used by the LGBTQAI+ community to have children to prey on. Homosexuality is Zsuientifically proven to be a choice and those “sodomites” recruit through rape and molestations in schools and day cares. Once you turned into an animal by choosing to be gay you can never be saved. Steven Anderson once held a Make America Straight Again conference and another time he told a gay reporter he hoped he’d die of brain cancer. Gay people run the US (but depending on who they hate more any given day, sometimes it’s the Jews/shadow government). Transgender people are an abomination. Their anti-Semitism and Holocaust denying Once, Steven Anderson tricked Holocaust survivors into appearing in an anti-Semitic and Holocaust-denying Film. Jews are not God’s chosen people, they are some of the most immoral people in the world. Dark forces were responsible for the founding of Israel While at one point Zsucifer acknowledged that the Nazi regime had murdered 6 million Jews, she later stated that there were no trains full of Jews brought to extermination camps and that there were no gas chambers. According to that statement, only a fraction of 6 million people died indirectly due to being mistreated during WW2, a mistreatment that was necessary and normal for war. Raising the children To Train Up A Child is unnecessarily tough is it breaks a child’s will. You are supposed to spank your child from at around age one (a guesstimate by me based on different posts). Zsu claims she dislikes spanking but is really blasé about it, casually mentioning that Isaac had a sore bum after trying to strangle John as a child. If they are out and the kids misbehave they get tallies put on their hands and spanked according to those at home. Zsu seems to feed her children a healthy amount of organic food, but the diet is quite carb heavy and their fridges and freezers are locked between meals. Sister mumming is done by both girls and boys and Solomon is Anna’s favourite parent. You should not teach your kids to share, because that teaches them to be communist. The child that has to share gets taught that stealing in form of taxes is okay, the one that gets to share will turn into a welfare recipient. Gender roles Women should not have the right to vote, to seek divorce or to work outside the home. It’s okay though for Zsu to work multiple jobs from home. In order to write a cook book, Zsu actually got a woman to move in with her and take care of the kids, but they are totally not affected by her working. A man’s work is much more important than a women’s. If your husband is abusive or threatening to kill you, you have to stay with him. It’ll teach your kids to make a better choice If the chores get too much, just have your kids do them. Once Miriam was brought on vacation with Zsu and Steven just so that she could mind the baby.In the words of Steven:
„If my wife asks me to do something like take out the trash, I tell her to have one of the kids do it. I didn’t sire nine children, so I could take out the trash or pick up after the family dog."
If your husband does something that falls into your jurisdiction you better make damn sure to thank him and don’t you dare criticise him for doing it wrong Girls should never become preachers, judges, police officers or military personnel, they should get married, have kids and be a stay at home mum. Dads and big brothers are there to protect a girls virginity, and Steven goes out on one on one dates with his daughters. Steven thinks women shouldn’t view it as their duty to have sex with their husbands but they need to help him avoid temptation by „being available to meet [their husband’s] needs“. Steven compares the relationship between husband and wife to that of employer and employee Home-schooling Day care/schools/counselling/Sunday schools are all run by paedophiles and child abusers; they are also full of drugs, alcohol and bad peers. Day care causes SIDS. You should not leave your children out of sight, but it’s okay to use church goers to look after your children and clean your house for free. For Steven, the avoidance of those institutions seems to be about control, as he can’t control what’s being said there. The bible commands you to home-school your kids. Traditional school work should be limited to 40 minutes a day and subjects the kids don’t like don’t have to be covered. There’s a three month break whenever a new baby comes along. Once your children are able to read you don’t have to actively teach them anymore College is overrated and worthless. Anything taught at college can be learned through apprenticeships and reading. If you do want to have a job that requires a degree, you should go to a private college without “diversity training” Modesty/Dating/Marriage Skirts only (PJ pants seem to be okay), shoulders may be shown. Modesty means you should blend into society. Girls have to have long hair and boys have to have short hair. Kids get to choose their own partners from a pre-approved pool. Zsu once mentioned she thinks it’s nice for girls to wear purity ring. Courting and dating are the same thing and unmarried couples should either be supervised or dating in public spaces. Their rule of thumb for what is okay before marriage is if you wouldn’t do it with someone of the own gender, don’t do it with the opposite gender. There should be no physical contact except for normal, everyday gestures. You should be in love with your partner prior to marriage. There are diseases that are not STDs, but are unheard of in virgins getting married - unfortunately Steven Anderson doesn’t name those. It’s okay to sleep with a few people if your spouse dies and you get remarried. However, sleeping with hundreds of people is wrong, because our bodies were not created to exchange bacteria with that many people. Reproductive rights A Zsucientifial Study proves that 90 % of OB/GYNs are male, 100 % of those are perverts, so 90 % of OB/GYNs are perverts. OB/GYNs only choose that career in order to prey on victims. But essential oils are the amazing. Abortion is the American Holocaust (though since the Holocaust didn’t happen according to them that leaves me a bit confused). Abortion includes IVF and birth control. IVF is perverse because you are getting impregnated by another man (a doctor). NFP is wrong because it defrauds your husband and he would have to abstain for longer than the bible allows. Condoms are unbiblical because they prevent husband and wife from becoming one flesh. Birth control is the reason for high divorce rates and leads to you choosing the wrong partner. Zsu doesn’t seem to believe in infertility, as in the bible every single woman that prayed for a child had one in the end. They openly admit to only care about unborn lives as Steven is in favour of cutting financial support for drug addicts and “whores”. He has to work for endless hours to pay “every lazy whore who lives on welfare” and “her bastard children” that obviously all have different fathers Racism and Slavery In the words of Zsucifer:
“People in Africa live like animals and sleep with everyone and everything that moves.“.
White people are not the dominant society in the US. POC are the racists. Black activists teach black people to be dependent on the government, they should just tell them that everyone has to work hard to make a living. POC should not hide behind being less privileged, believing in God would give them all the privilege they need. POC should accept that we can’t all look like God When one of Zsu’s readers told her it’s offensive to call Native Americans Indians and she should refer to them as „First People“ or „Native Americans“ she played stupid and said she didn’t recall Adam and Eve being Cherokee. Slavery is good, because the bible says so. If you have a slave, you should beat your slave. Slavery is better than sending debtors to prison. Their love for slavery might be the reason they hate Abraham Lincoln.
Okay, so here’s the wedding story as promised: There’s a significant backstory to the couple, but to make a very long story short, long-time friend (groom) was awesome guy dating awesome girl, they break up due to her not wanting kids but he does, friend rebounds and dates the most obnoxious wannabe “influenceblogger,” she pulls pregnancy trap 1 year into dating, gets friend to propose, after wedding, she admits she’s not really pregnant. So on to the actual wedding! We are all coming from literally all over the world for friend’s wedding. On the invites, the venue (and place where we were all booked to stay) is listed as a hotel out in the middle of nowhere. Closest airport was 2 hrs away. We all arrive to hotel (about 150 guests), only to be surprised with shuttle buses. Turns out, the hotel isn’t the venue. Actual venue is a farm even farther (further?) out in the middle of nowhere that required a 30-45 min shuttle ride. Many of us said we would prefer to drive ourselves. Are told we are not allowed to, as the ‘roads are too narrow and there is no parking available’ at the venue. We are assured that the shuttles will take us back any time we want to leave (this turns out to be a lie). Also, the farm had ample space for parking and the roads were not narrow at all getting there. I think they just wanted to ensure attendance as the bride was IG’ing her wedding live and wanted to make sure there was always going to be a crowd for the photos. It was a record hot summer and we are left waiting outdoors for the ceremony with no refreshments and little shade for almost 2 hours. Finally, after enough complaining, bride’s family begrudgingly allow caterers to serve us water, while the wedding parties and the immediate families were all in the air conditioned farmhouse that no guests were allowed in, getting ready for the ceremony. Every so often someone from the families/wedding party would come out with a glass of champagne or canapés to chat with us lowly guests and then skitter back off to the farmhouse when they got too hot or wanted more refreshments. It was the most bullshit thing I’ve ever experienced at a wedding. It was pretty clear that anyone outside of family/wedding party were second class guests. We were basically moving scenery for them. Ceremony finally set to start, we are ushered to the seats, not enough seats for everyone. About a quarter of about 150 of us left standing. Luckily, ceremony is under an hour, but we are left to stand out in the heat again, with very little shaded area, for a cocktail-absent ‘cocktail hour,’ while wedding party and families are having photos taken. All of us are sweating our asses off in black tie wear, and all the ladies’ makeup is melting off and our hair is all ruined. Finally, we are allowed into the venue, which is a giant barn. It looked super weird having a string ensemble, harpist (from the ceremony), singer, and DJ, with crystal decorations and flowers covering everything in a freaking barn. Barn is decked out like The Plaza, basically. We are choked out on the overwhelming stink of lilies. The centerpieces were so large, you couldn’t see the people across the table. We are all seated for the meal, but just as everyone gets their meal placed in front of them, the father of the groom gets everyone’s attention to give a speech, and specifically asks everyone to put down our forks and stop eating. We do. The speech he gives is at least 40 minutes. How do I know it was that long? I started timing it after it droned on for a long time already. It was the most rambling, incoherent ‘speech’ that did not mention the bride or groom at all, and only talked about WWII, his ancestors, Wall Street, Donald Trump, “The Jews,” and other random politics. To wrap up the speech, he asked us to donate to the GOP. (I’ve been texting a friend who also attended, and he said there were actually people from some republican group there trying to harangue people for donations.) When he finally finished, the entire room was silent in shock. I guess no one else wanted to do speeches after that so we all awkwardly started eating our cold meals. The mother of the bride gets absolutely shitfaced. She wore what basically looked like a wedding dress to the ceremony (long, mermaid cut, off-white lace) and then changed into a tight black rhinestone-embellished mini dress for the reception. The dress was so short, that even the slightest bend forward would flash her bare ass at you. I don’t know if she was commando or if it was a thong. It basically looked like she was wearing a too-tight shirt and she forgot to put on her trousers. Didn’t help that mother of the bride was also about 100lbs overweight. MOB turns into one of those emotional crying drunks. She was all over the dance floor, cry-dancing. After she threw up next to the DJ booth, the MOG had to take her away to the farmhouse for a while to get her to compose herself. At this point, it’s about midnight, and most of the guests have had enough and wanted to get back to the hotel to shower and sleep. So a group of us go to the shuttle buses, only to be told they were only going to make one trip, and that was scheduled at 2a.m.! Mind you, this wedding has been going on since 5p.m.. It was the worst wedding I’ve been to. This is already too long, but there’s other things that happened involving the bride and her whole awfulness. She was the one that thought it was so funny to have the beat up groom cake topper, and couldn’t stop pointing it out and telling everyone how ‘true’ it was. It wasn’t even on the groom’s cake. It was on top of this gorgeous, 5-tiered cake that none of the guests were allowed to eat, as apparently, it was just for the families. The guests were given what looked like grocery store cupcakes. They didn’t even make it a full year before divorce, and the entire marriage was just drama. It’s safe to say all of us that were friends with groom were pretty annoyed at him for our treatment at his wedding. To be fair, he was pretty depressed at this point and was pretty checked out and didn’t involve himself in the planning, but still... Edit: I’m writing up the Bridezilla’s shenanigans and the subsequent divorce for part II. It’s only fair to show the full extent of how awful this bride was, even after the wedding. She was such a terrible person that whenever anyone behaves in an astoundingly moronic and entitled manner, my husband calls it ‘pulling a [bride’s name]’
Whether you just left a bad marriage, or have been in the dating world for decades, it makes sense to feel like it's your turn to find love. “Singles over 40 often have an Amazon Prime mentality when it comes to dating,” says relationship expert and founder of Smart Dating Academy, Bela Gandhi. “They want to check off a few boxes and have Thinking dating hasn’t changed. Getting back in the dating game after decades of marriage is a challenge for even the most practiced flirt. After my divorce at age 40, I fantasized heading out A lot of the guys who contact me looking for advice on dating after 40, have found themselves single again after 10 or 15 years of marriage, or many years in a long-term relationship. A man may have been away from the dating scene for practically half of his life and will often terrified or depressed about having to get back out there and find That means your 40-year-old dating field could have more players looking to get hitched, and if that’s the case, don’t enter into a serious relationship hastily, says Kelly Campbell, Ph.D, professor of psychology at California State University, San Bernardino. “Marrying in your 40s, especially if it’s for the first time, means you have fewer years till death do you part, so this really Online dating is another option. Of course, no matter how attractive you look at forty, it won't do you any good unless you leave your house to date. When using online dating services it's important to put safety first , just as you would in any dating situation. After this, choose a site that best meets what you want in a potential mate.
5 Dating RED FLAGS Every Woman Over 40 Should Know BEFORE they Get Involved - Duration: 53:50. Last First Date 14,258 views What do we need to know when dating men over 40 or 50....? I have sadly disabled comments to this video. I don't have time to monitor the crazies.... Please subscribe! I'm writing a novel on ... How to begin dating in your 40's and 50's; Getting out there in mid life! - Duration: 3:53. Marie Dubuque Recommended for you. 3:53. What to do on a first date, Dating tips, dating advice for women of all ages, Dating mistakes, dating advice for women over 40, top mistakes you are making with men, dating do’s and dont’s ... Enjoy the videos and music you love, upload original content, and share it all with friends, family, and the world on YouTube.