Dating a Divorced Man? 14 Tough Truths to Make It Work

  • Dating a Divorced Man? 14 Tough Truths to Make It Work
  • Dating a Recently Divorced Man? Here's What to Expect
  • Dating A Divorced Man: Here's Everything You Need To Know
  • Beware These 5 Red Flags When Dating Divorced Men
  • Dating a Divorced Man - What You Should Know
Advice for dating a very recently divorced man

Some backstory, I (26F) met a guy (34M) via OLD who’s been divorced only a few months after a marriage which lasted just short of 1.5 years. He didn’t disclose this, but had his social (insta) account linked to his OLD profile and there are posts of him and his ex (34F) from their wedding, holidays, etc. up until Jan which is when I presume they ended the marriage. He seems like a decent guy and travels a lot O/S for work as he has progressed to a very senior role in an a large investment firm. I presume that his constant travel and crazy work hours contributed to the breakdown of their marriage (I noticed that his ex tagged him in photos on his insta where she would comment about him being away/ working for significant events/ anniversaries). Anyhow, our first date was dinner at a high-end place which was by no means my suggestion as I generally like to keep first encounters brief so that I have an easy exit if things take a bad turn. I also really struggled to find something suitable in my wardrobe to wear! I’m otherwise pretty low maintenance and don’t really spend my income on expensive clothes, meals, etc. I also can’t really afford it, but I’m OK with that and prefer simplicity. In the least arrogant way possible, I am objectively considered to be attractive (I’m petite/ athletic frame, 5’9 tall, typical Scandinavian features from my father’s side of the family). Although he seems nice and I’ve enjoyed his company so far, we have another date planned similar to the previous and he’s already started to suggest other things for down the track too like event nights and weekends away. It’s only been a few weeks. I’ve been single for years but I’m concerned with how quickly he seems to be moving things along. Is this a red flag for someone so recently divorced? I’m not sure if I should continue seeing him because I sense something isn’t quite right about this scenario but I just can’t pinpoint what it is yet
submitted by _CitrusJellyfish to Divorce [link] [comments]

Does anybody have advice for a 30 year old recently divorced man trying to reenter the dating field?

Here's a little backstory. I grew up in a small town and married the girl next door. We knew each other since the sandbox, started dating as teenagers and got married 2 weeks out of high school but recently divorced because we wanted different things in life. We are still on good terms and talk to each other from time to time and she is the one who is encouraging me to get out there and find love again but I've been having trouble with it. I've been with her for so long that I don't know where to meet women, how to talk to someone I know nothing about or even how to properly approach a woman. Any advice you can give me would be greatly appreciated
submitted by Direwoulf16 to dating_advice [link] [comments]

Dating Advice For A Divorced Man

Hey All,
Im reaching out to all the previously divorced men here.
What were the biggest issues you faced when you started to date again?
If you could have changed, avoided or wished for something to be different what would that have been?
Any advice is appreciated.
Cheers.
submitted by ref006 to marriagestrike [link] [comments]

What’s your best advice to give to a 29 year old man fresh from a divorce about getting back on the dating scene?

So I was just curious what you would advise about getting back into the dating scene in your late twenties/ early thirties. I’ve noticed everyone bemoans online dating, so what do you think works better? (About me- no hang ups about the divorce, no bitterness, career-driven, just trying to enjoy my life)
submitted by Bluebibliophile270 to AskMen [link] [comments]

Advice for dating a divorced man?

Hello over 30 make redditors!
Statistically speaking, more than a few of you are divorced. I’m here as a 30-something never married female dating a 30-something divorced (no kids) man.
  1. When is is appropriate to ask about his marriage? Of course curiosity has me wondering what happened. When to ask? Questions to avoid? (I have marginal details only that he was married for ~5 years and has been divorced less than a year)
  2. What advice, generally, do you have? I really like this guy - and I’d really appreciate a guy’s perspective on this (divorced or otherwise.) We’ve been playing it very cool, and as slow as we can for a while. I feel like I should let him dictate the pace of our “seriousness” - what do you guys think?
Tldr- Dating a divorced guy - when’s the right time to ask about a divorced guys ex? Who should set the pace in this kind of relationship?
submitted by Dishy22 to AskMenOver30 [link] [comments]

Me [40F] seeing [45 M] Dating a Divorced 45 year old man w/ kids. Advice needed, please?

After my fiancee' died, I decided to start dating again so I met a man on Tinder. He is 45, Divorced, 2 sons, job, etc.. We hit it off right away over text and even more when we met in person. We have been seeing each other 1-2 times weekly for 2 months now. And now, it just assumed that I sleep over. Which is fine, and I really enjoy his company and just being with him. He texts me nearly every day and if he doesn't reach out 1 day he is happy to see text first. He spends a TON of time with his boys. I have been a stepmom before (I don't have kids of my own) so I know how this is a very important part of his life, and I respect that. In the beginning I told him my situation and I was just dipping my toe into the dating scene again after 9 years. I NEVER thought I would meet someone so fast. We have things in common which are so unique and rare, it's like God sent him to me (not really, but ya know). We have some scheduling issues because I travel for work, he has his kids a lot of the times as well. I do know he was very burned by his ex (who is getting remarried in June) and just like me might have some trust issues. Here is the thing? I should have clarified in the beginning that I don't date multiple men or sleep with them for that matter. I just want to know if we are on the same page? But I do not want to come off as rushing anything or being pushy. Any advice from men or women who have been in this situation? I am very confident in my feelings for him.
tl;dr Dating a Divorced 45 year old man w/ kids. Advice needed, please?
submitted by jen122277 to relationships [link] [comments]

As a recently divorced man who started dating again, I've had to learn this advice the hard way.....

As a recently divorced man who started dating again, I've had to learn this advice the hard way..... submitted by redbirdrising to AdviceAnimals [link] [comments]

First time looking for some honest advice! I (25F) am dating a man (25M with kid) that my mom (45yo with a divorce she would love to tell you about) hates.

Hello! This is my first time posting something other than a cat photo and I'm hoping the wise people of Reddit can help.
I have been dating my boyfriend for two years and we have lived with each other for the past 6 months. We are both in the military and the sparks just flew the second we meet. My boyfriend has always gone above and beyond to make me feel loved including going on multiple trips, concerts, cooking etc. I've never genuinely enjoyed someone's company so much and I feel so lucky to be with someone that cares about me as much as I do them!
It was important to me that my mom and brothers liked him so he would go to every one of my family holidays. Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, and every birthdays. The house is about an hour and a half away from where my family lives and he would drive up for family dinners and helped my mom with moving as well.
My boyfriend has a darling daughter that I finally got to meet over the summer! I had never dated a man with kids before so I didn't know what to expect but to be honest I love the thought of having a blended family and seeing the way he is with his daughter makes me dream of a future with him and a future family of our own. However, this is not at all what my mom (45yo with the kind of nasty divorce that men are now the devil).
My mom has disapproved every man that I have brought home. I thought for the longest time that I must be bad at picking a mate but I'm starting to think it's her. My mom and boyfriend seemed to get along well until I told her about his daughter and things slowly started getting hostile between them. My boyfriend lost his job recently and I know it has been hard on him but he is diligent at putting applications out and utilizing resources during this time. Once she knew he had lost his job she really started pushing me to move back home and saying that I don't need his "baggage." It is at the point now where all she wants to talk to me about is leaving him and moving back home.
I know times may seem tough now with him loosing his job but to me it is a temporary situation. The bigger issue is what in the world do I do with my mom?! I'm sure I didn't list enough information about the situation but if you have above or questions please help!
submitted by SweetAA93 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

Advice needed on dating a divorced man

So, I unexpectedly tumbled into a relationship with a friend who is now divorced. We aren't 'official' or anything, just two adults and friends enjoying each others company. There are, however, times where I think about his ex-wife and compare myself to her. He still hasn't taken down the photos on facebook from their wedding three years ago, and I find myself comparing how he acts with me with their relationship when it was good.
We haven't planned anything, and while I am quite content with him, I feel like some advice/stories from women who have dated divorced men would calm my peace of mind. We live about six hours apart, so having distance between us helps with not getting too attached. He is actively in therapy to move on and is coming out of depression. He and his ex no longer have any sort of communication and there are no kids.
Any advice? Stories? Successes or failures?
submitted by ajlb29 to TwoXChromosomes [link] [comments]

What advice do you have for a young man attempting to date three years after divorcing?

submitted by jlnarvaez to askwomenadvice [link] [comments]

Dating a man that is going through a divorce. He's breaking my heart. Advice needed.

I don't know if this is the right place for this. This seems to be a very supportive community though and I need to get this out before it eats me alive. I'm sorry, I think this is going to be long.
I met a guy a couple months ago when I was visiting home. I live about 1000 miles away and was just visiting temporarily. When I was there I went to a bar with my friend. I met this guy there and we had this crazy connection. I never go to bars, let alone meet people at bars so this was crazy. He told me he was going through a divorce- they were together for 20 years, but they had been separated for about a year.
The next day he tried texting me. I ignored him for about a week before agreeing to go out with him because I wasn't sure if I wanted to date someone in that situation. I knew by the third date that this wasn't any ordinary connection. Spiritually we were identical, our chemistry was out of this world, and we could talk for hours like we were best friends.
So we started seeing each other. A LOT. Just about every day. He convinced me to move back to the area I grew up in for him. It was a difficult move for me. I've been through a lot in the last year and was finally feeling comfortable in my surroundings again with where I was at. I expressed a lot of doubt but he always reassured me that he was ready for this.
He told me several times that this is a once in a lifetime connection and he would give me anything I wanted if I would stay for him. He told me after some time that he had never felt the way he feels about me for anyone before. I felt the same. I still feel the same.
The entire couple of months we were hanging out, he was "unemployed". Not totally- he is self employed and lost a lot of his accounts. So he had a lot of free time for me. He has 4 kids with his ex, but we always worked our way around it so he could see both of us as much as we wanted. His ex is a real piece of work. She was very jealous of our relationship and constantly was texting him and trying to manipulate him so that he needed to be with the kids instead of me.
A week ago was my first real week in my new place that I started renting up here. Prior to this I had been staying with my parents for the time I was up here. It was REALLY rough for me. All of the moving, all of the emotions that came with leaving a place that had become my home, my comfort zone. I had a couple of anxiety attacks during that week. To top it all off, we didn't see each other at all. He started a new job, working 50 hours a week. The weekend came and we had made plans for a couple of the nights. He had plans with his kids too but we had split the time up. Suddenly he cancels all of our plans so he can spend time with his kids. He won't even come see me for a quick visit, even though he knows how much I'm struggling. I got a bit upset about this but after a little while I told him that I understand and that I'm sorry.
He says it's because he is stressed: His dad is in the nursing home dying. His wife is pressuring him saying that he doesn't see the kids enough and he needs to get on it or she's going to screw him in court. His new job isn't making him the money that he's used to. He is unsure of whether he will be able to afford the alimony and child support. He can't afford their mortgage and she will not chip in any of her paycheck into the joint account. He has a mediation in divorce court next week.
Because of all this stress he says he needs a break for 2 weeks where we would be just friends. I thought about it for a night and told him no. I told him that I was willing to give him space but am unable to be just friends with him. He says his feelings for me are still the same as they were but he feels like he's going to die from all this stress. I told him that I wanted to support him. He refused to even see me.
I'm going crazy from this. This all happened a week ago and we haven't spoken since I told him no to the break. Every time I go to sleep I dream about him. I think he is my soulmate. I'm just so tore up and heartbroken. I don't want to live here without him, I would just rather move back down to where I was.
He hasn't given me a real explanation of what the status of our relationship is or what's going to happen. I feel so far away from everything. I don't know if I should just leave it be, and let him come to me. If I should try to talk to him to get an explanation, or if I should just wait the two weeks that he asked and then try talking to him. I don't know how to support him through this when I'm struggling so much myself.
Can anyone offer me any advice on which way to turn?
EDIT: Thank you to everyone who commented. You guys really opened up my eyes to what's most likely really going on here. I'm going to step back and walk away. Thanks for looking out for me.
submitted by heartbrokenthrowawar to Divorce [link] [comments]

People of Reddit: What advice could you all give to someone who is dating a man (or woman) that has gone through a divorce? [Serious]

Do you guys have any advice, opinions or stories you could share that would give me or others some insight into this topic? Like expectations, warning signs, etc.
submitted by TakingALeapThrowaway to AskReddit [link] [comments]

ULPT: How to dispute medical debt the right, effective way. LPT deleted me because it's a "legal" thing but this is actually a life pro top with a shade of shady in here so I guess it fits better here anyway.

edit: stop giving me awards, donate your money to debunking flat-earthers or supporting lobbyists who are trying to fix this bullshit healthcare system.
edit: I'm giving silver to every comment that rocks and would be helpful so look for silver comments. i'm not an expert but there are lawyers and credit counselors chiming in so check their content!
edit 2: I kept getting asked questions about ambulance and I knew there was something I wanted to remember. I finally dug through the old training manual I had created and now I remember - Ambulance billing SHOULD work the same as those below as far as disputes etc.. The exception that I remembered was: the reason people were going into collections CONSTANTLY for ambulance visits, was because ambulance billing is different. They send the check for the ambulance amount to the patient directly, so the patient will pay the ambulance bill - and then the patients would cash that check, and never pay the ambulance bill, and then get put into collections. As far as insurance was concerned, they DID pay the ambulance bill and it's not their problem. But the ambulance company never saw the $ because the patient would spend it. So - before you cash a check, make sure it's really supposed to be kept by you.
I got looped into a thread about medical collections that started with a very inaccurate "tip," and saw that there was a FREAKING TON of misinformation floating around about what to do when you have medical debt.
So I thought I'd share the knowledge that I have on the topic from a few years as a trainer in a medical billing & collections agency.
Disclaimer: I worked for one agency that had multiple sites nationwide in the US. I am not a lawyer, I am NOT giving legal advice. I am just sharing what I know from a few years in the industry including a competitor study that we did to find out how our competitors handle the same situations. I will not share the name of the company I worked for; they were most definitely shady in some areas and I am not looking to dox myself either. If anyone has more knowledge than me on the topic, please chime in. I am also not looking for a "Healthcare in the US is broken" because yeah no shit Sherlock; this isn't the thread where we can fix that. Oh also I will swear sometimes in this post.
If you have medical debt, these tips may help you to negotiate down or get the debt written off, or to ignore bad advice from people telling you to do something that could have negative repercussions. I'll say "hospitals" below but this encompasses all medical providers as far as my experience goes.
OVERVIEW OF HOW THE INDUSTRY WORKS:
Your debt goes in stages:
  • Early Out - debt is still owned and usually managed by hospital; may be outsourced to an agency. This is the stage where they can fix any insurance issues as well so call as soon as you get the bill before it goes into collections! They're nice when it's still in Early Out; they have to be aggressive when it goes into collections. Some hospitals send their bills from EO to Bad Debt in 30 days; some wait years. So call right away when you get a bill because there's no way to know their timeline. Oftentimes if the amount is low, they will just write it off or take a small payment in the EBO stage. They will work with you. Once it hits Bad Debt aka Collections, the options can be limited. Additionally, the GENERAL rule in health insurance is that you have to resolve the claim within 1 year. Medicaid/Medicare/Tricare had different rules, but in general - getting your insurance to pay after 1 year is not going to happen. CALL WHEN YOU GET THE BILL!
  • Bad Debt Contractors - still owned by hospital but using collection agency for the work
  • Bad Debt Purchasers - sold off to very aggressive collection agency who has little hope to recover the debt.
There are 2 types of med collection agencies - I don't know if there's an official term for each type, but I'll make up my own.
  • Contract - the kind that I worked for, that has an active contract with the hospital and gets a small % of the collected amount.
  • And Purchasers - the kind that purchases the debts in bulk at a discount and tries to recoup that money and more from you. Facilities usually go through Contract agencies before Purchaser agencies.
COMMON MISCONCEPTIONS:
  • MISCONCEPTION #1: Your medical debt cannot go to collections because it's medical debt.
Yeah, right. I wish this was true. However, without the collections world, hospitals would close - so it's a reality with our current healthcare system. Know that if you were insured and didn't pay your portion, or if you didn't have insurance AND didn't attempt to get state coverage that would cover those bills, OR were turned down for state insurance....the debt usually lies on your shoulders. They can reduce it, do payment plans, etc. but they can absolutely put you in collections for your car accident, and they will often be forced to do so.
  • MISCONCEPTION #2: Medical debt cannot have any long-lasting affects on my credit or property.
Falsity false, boys. It sure can. The only reason a hospital may not choose to report to the credit bureaus, seize property, or go after your income is usually because it makes them look bad to the community and it's expensive to do the above. But they can and do report to credit if they choose to. Oftentimes it's the last resort after a certain time frame, but "Sir, this can affect your credit score if not paid" can be the last option they can use in order to get payment from repeat offenders or low-income areas where the hospital faces a risk of closing if old debts aren't resolved - hospitals have bills to pay too, y'all. At my facility less than 10% of our providers reported to credit, but many still did and it's common.
  • MISCONCEPTION #3: Just telling the agency that you want an itemized bill will close out the debt.
Oh god, false but COMMONLY spread misconception. Per FDCPA (Fair Debt Collection Practices Act), it has to pause the collection process (stopping it from reporting to credit & stopping phone calls while they order it from the hospital), but that may be all it does. Once the IB is sent, collection can continue.
On rare occasion, the hospital pulls up the IB and sees it was mis-billed or the insurance coding was wrong - but they don't go actively looking for problems at this stage, so don't expect that to happen just from your collection agent asking Sally Receptionist at XYZ Hospital to kick out an IB. You should have called sooner to get this resolved.
If it's a low amount, (for us $50 to $100 or less), it wasn't worth the admin cost of requesting an IB. If it was over that amount, we'd always send it if we couldn't convince the client to pay in installments. It's worth the postage and admin costs to get hundreds of dollars in payments.
You should know, though, that collection agencies ARE required to send you proof of the debt if you ask, and this is law per FDCPA. However, the statement that the collection agency sends technically counts as your 'proof of debt' because it will contain the date of service, provider name, facility name, and amount. It won't list out each service that was done. But the letter is technically enough to count as proof of debt.
That's not as good as the IB so you should push for the IB. They don't want to spend the $ on postage so they will try to avoid sending ANYTHING, but push for it!
  • MISCONCEPTION #4: Admitting the debt is yours means they've got you! Hanging up on them stops the process!
Bitch, please. They know it's yours; they have your address and social security number and they got in touch with you today, didn't they? The only thing you're doing by acknowledging the debt, is confirming that they got the right John Smith on the line. But they pay for skip tracing systems and can and will find you, at every address you register to, and they can call your family as well at least once to get a better address or phone number for you. We paid a team of people minimum wage to sit and skip trace people all day, 40 hours a week. They can find you. They will find you.
  • MISCONCEPTION #5: Sending an IB is a violation of my HIPAA rights or Collection agencies collecting on medical debt are violating my HIPAA rights! Tell them that you didn't authorize them to collect the debt, and they're violating your HIPAA rights, and you get off free!
Shut your stupid mouth. Every provider in the USA is required to have you sign something called a Notice of Privacy Practices. You prob signed your NPP in the giant packet before your first appointment. That NPP has very intentional language that lets them use any biller that they choose, and they are permitted per federal law (both FDCPA and HIPAA) to see the bare minimum of your medical info from the appointment in order to collect. They're not violating that law because they can be fined tens of thousands of dollars per violation. Trust me, the paperwork is ironclad. And if my company was any indication of the industry, most of our hospitals did NOT share the reason for the visit, diagnosis, etc. because that was not needed info for collections. We could infer the reason if say it was a labor and delivery provider, but we didn't know why you went.
  • MISCONCEPTION #6: My medical debt has no real consequences on me if I ignore it long enough.
Eh, maybe. If that hospital does not report to credit, and the second agency does not report to credit, and the agencies that buy the debt off don't report to credit, then yes - you may not have your credit score affected. There's no way of knowing what agencies they use and what future policies they may follow when it comes to reporting to credit, though. My agency could legally tell you no, we don't report to credit on THIS account, if we didn't. But then we'd give the account back at 90 days, or 1 year, or whatever, and then the hospital would switch the debt over to our competitor for 1 year, and those bastards did report. So don't assume it will never report. Additionally you can be prevented from using that office in the future if you have outstanding bills. Some of our providers even allowed us to garnish wages.
  • MISCONCEPTION #7: Telling them to stop calling me stops all collections for this bill!
Telling them to stop contacting you stops them from contacting you. If you say stop calling you, they cannot call you ever again. If you say stop calling this #, they can never call that # again. If you say stop contacting me, they cannot call, write, show up, send smoke signals, use a voodoo doll, etc. This is per FDCPA and you can sue them for literally thousands of dollars if they violate this so go for it! But - just because they can't call/write/etc you, that doesn't stop credit reporting, wage garnishments, etc. if those are in the pipeline of the debt.
It also legally prevents them from reaching out to you to let you know if they are offering a deal (we offered huge discounts during tax season, for example), it stops them from letting you know if you have future additional bills. Basically you're cutting off your nose to spite your face.
Now, if you know 100% beyond a shadow of a doubt that this bill and all future bills for this hospital will not ever hit your credit report, or if you have a 300 credit score and plan to live in your mom's car forever, then go for it. But again, you may also be prevented from seeing doctors as part of this facility's network forever as a result. (The ER is required to take you regardless of your payment history; nobody else is).
  • MISCONCEPTION #8: They are asking for my information when they call me; that must be fraud!
In medical collections, they are bound by HIPAA in addition to FDCPA. They are allowed to ask for your name and give you the address they have on file to see if it's you. They are NOT allowed to mention that they're calling about a medical bill, details on the appointment reasons, or amount until they have confirmed your identity. They cannot tell your family member anything unless it's your legal spouse who verifies your info. ID verification varies but typically it's name/address/year of birth. The agency's lawyer may not be okay with them reading off your YOB so they may ask you to confirm what's on their screen. It seems shady, for sure. But it's for your protection.
You can never be too careful. Ask for them to send a letter. Get company name. Ask them what their letter envelope looks like - the FDCPA makes it illegal for the letter to state "collections" on the outside of the envelope (for your protection) so it may look like junkmail that you threw out; they have to keep the envelope relatively generic. Ask for the rep's name. Ask to call back in and talk to someone else. Tell them you don't know if they're legit. If they are legit, they'll direct you to a website, a phone # for call-in, they'll resend a letter if you tell them you'll pay, etc.
Look up reviews for the agency. But, be aware that the ignorance around collections is widespread and 99% of the bad reviews are going to be people who think it's a scam. That's the nature of collections. But they should be legitimate. They should have a web presence. They should have ads on indeed and other websites to hire people (Collection agents turn over more often than a sex worker in a threesome with one really tall man and one short fat man).
  • MISCONCEPTION #9: If you tell them you have a lawyer, the call is over and collection efforts stop!
Maaaaybe. We asked for the lawyer's contact info, advised the consumer to have their lawyer contact us, and immediately stopped all communication to the client and reached out to the lawyer. That stopped all calls and letters and stopped any credit reporting. That being said, if no lawyer contacted us after a certain amount of time, it could begin reporting again in the future. So it's not foolproof.
If the lawyer you gave us confirmed that they do NOT represent you, we could legally reopen.
If you hung up after saying you have a lawyer, we were stuck waiting to hear from them and if you were lying, well... we're not going to call back...but that doesn't always stop the process.
I don't know the time frame on that because I wasn't in the Legal dept, but there was definitely a limit to how long we waited before reporting to credit.
LIES COLLECTION AGENTS TELL YOU:
  • You have to go through us to pay this debt. This may not be true, if the debt exists back in the Contracted stage. The hospital MAY still talk to you about this debt if you call them directly. It's always worth a try. They tell you to go through them because they want their commission if you pay.
  • I cannot take less than $x per month for this bill. Nah fam, that agent is simply not going to hit their monthly bonus if they let everyone pay $25 per month on a massive bill. Their boss is going to mad if they take a low payment amount on a big debt. But they absolutely can take your payment of whatever amount you'd like. That being said, it doesn't automatically stop it from reporting to credit just because you're making payments. When you set up a payment plan, ask if it stops the credit reporting process just in case.
  • "This is a binding contract; if you miss any payments on this payment arrangement, the balance in full is due." Bro, the balance in full is already OVERdue....you're in collections. Like, duh. They are just trying to lock you in to the payment arrangement. Now if you do miss a payment, it can instantly report to credit - so don't miss a payment. But don't think that your $5000 debt that you agreed to pay out at $200/month is suddenly going to go back up to $5000 due tomorrow if you miss a payment. You already owe $5000. They can and will set up your payment arrangement again. Just call them and ask them to move the date if you need to; they're more than happy to do it. Especially since the new collector could get the credit for the new payment arrangement which goes toward their bonus - hooray for them.
MAGIC WORD: I DISPUTE the validity of this debt. Oh hell yes, use this phrase. It stops all collection efforts, stops credit reporting, and basically creates a full system shutdown on this debt. The agency should ask the reason for the dispute, but you do not have to provide it. They will then kick out an itemized bill to prove the validity of the debt. However - oftentimes if there was a dispute, we just closed out the debt altogether and were done, with zero negative consequences. I used to teach my agents how to tell the difference between a real dispute vs. a fake dispute, but in reality if the D-word is said, it's a dispute.
Good, valid, morally and ethically positive reasons to dispute a debt: I didn't receive that service, the appointment was canceled, I never got a bill in the first place, someone else was supposed to pay (divorce or car accident), identify fraud, I was injured during this procedure.
Bullshit reasons to dispute: The doctor was mean, I'm racist and the doctor was X ethnicity, I don't want to pay, my insurance should have paid this.
But again if you say DISPUTE - they can ask more questions to see if it's a real dispute, but ultimately you CAN sue them if you tell them you're disputing it and they don't immediately pause reporting to credit while they investigate.
THINGS YOU CAN THEORETICALLY SUE THE AGENCY OVER: -If you say dispute and they don't stop credit reporting to investigate - HUGE no-no; report per FDCPA. -If they give out your health information to someone who was not confirmed to be you, per their verification process. HUGE no-no; report per HIPAA. -If they say it's a debt before confirming it's you that they have on the line - FDCPA violation, do not pass go.
What to do on every medical collections call: -Get the name of the agency and the representative you're speaking with; write down date and time. This may be needed in the future if they break FDCPA or HIPAA; it can also help with disputes or conversations with management later on. -Ask as many questions as you need to in order to help you learn if it's a valid debt. When was this, who was the provider, how much was my original bill, what insurance did you bill to, do I have additional bills in your system? -Ask what happened with your insurance. How much did my insurance pay, did they say why this amount was left over? -Call your insurance to see what happened if the agency isn't clear. There is a possibility that it can be re-billed even after it's in Bad Debt. -Be friendly and polite. Agents have a good bit of freedom to grant discounts and set up comfortable payment plans, and they'll only use those kindnesses if you're not a douche. Also, they're humans too, probably making $2 above minimum wage, and the job is really tough because people are mean and have heartbreaking stories. Be human. It helps.
submitted by gtfohbitchass to UnethicalLifeProTips [link] [comments]

Discovered 3 year affair in 10 year marriage

Names changed, throwaway account, obviously.
Very long story. All of this hasn’t been spoken to anyone, which is why I made this post.
So my wife, we’ll call her Karen, and I got married 10 years ago. We met Freshman year of high school. No kids, we’ve never wanted any.
A few months ago Karen told me she wanted to make a video of us. She was going away on a work trip (the first for a new contract job) in a few weeks and she thought it would be a fun thing to do. We had made one much earlier in our relationship, before we got married, but it was something I really liked doing so I was into it, so we did. She also finally, abruptly, got herself on the pill. She had talked about it for a while to make her periods not as bad. I had gotten a vasectomy several years easier.
Over the next few days here and there she asked a few times for me to send it to her (it was on my phone). One night she was taking a nap and I decided to get it set up for her. I grabbed her phone, which I knew the password for and tried to get her set. The video file was pretty big so I decided to log into her Dropbox to send it between us. There I found a thumbnail of her topless. She doesn’t ever send me pics like that so I opened it, it was a short clip where she said things that were way dirtier than anything she ever said to me. She had never sent me anything like that.
I knew she was going on a work trip with someone soon she had done some volunteer work with in the past, we’ll call him John, he had been married and divorced and was 15 or so years older than her. They had been friends for a long while and he had his own business in the same field. I had met him twice. I had helped her make him a website for his side business. She was out of work and he had gotten a job where they needed some extra labor doing some work she was very good at, and it paid better then her previous work. At her last few jobs she did great job but she wasn’t ever really appreciated and had shitty bosses. So having a good job, good pay, with a “boss” that she liked was a great situation for her. I was really excited things were looking up for her. She had gotten screwed out of a job she loved after 10 years of giving her all to the community, so this was a great change. I literally never had any worries about John. He was nice and supportive of her, and he never hit on her that I knew of like others did.
But now I was here, with a video I know she didn’t send me, and her phone in front of me, she was asleep. So I pulled up her text messages, and saw exactly what I feared. A very long text conversation with John. I read enough to know what I was seeing and woke her up, outraged, with a picture she had sent him. She insisted over and over that it was just conversations. Over the course of several hours of reading her graphic text messages to him, and his back she stuck by it, that it was just words, things didn’t actually happen. She felt terrible, and apologized over and over but insisted nothing physical happened. She did admit during that night that when she and John (and another guy) had went backpack camping John had pulled her hand onto him to jerk him off a little before she stopped it, but that was the only thing physical that ever happened. Her text conversations I read (they went back more than a year - she had gotten a new phone then, when her old screen broke) suggested two people who had sexual conversations, both text and calls, but nothing that actually suggested they had actually met up, it was all future tense about what they would do, never about what happened.
I wanted to believe it, it seemed so crazy to be adamant that nothing physical happened with everything that was said but it didn’t seem completely insane given what I could see.
But... I just couldn’t believe it. We got past it over the next week or so, coronavirus happened just as her mother stayed with us for a planned surgery recovery for a couple weeks, at the end of which Karen had her work trip. I had concluded that if I had any intention for my marriage to continue I had to choose to believe nothing would happen. She repeatedly insisted she can cancel it, stop working with him, etc. but I said no. That said during this entire time I repeatedly unlocked her phone to read her texts. She also called up John and told him it was over a couple days after I found out. He apologized through her and I said that this wouldn’t be talked about as it would absolutely destroy all our lives if this was known. I never spoke to him. So I had decided if I felt like I couldn’t trust her in this trip the marriage was over already, so I might as well not stop it. Karen, and through her John, repeatedly made sure it was fine with me if she went, and it was, so she went.
I believe nothing happened, and her texts afterward suggest that too.
But I still had doubts of course, but we had a lot of good talks, about how the things she had said with him were things she never felt she could say to me because I’m relatively quiet whereas he was confident and more aggressive, which she really liked. Also she thought I would judge her for some of the things she was interested in that she said to him. She said she felt I wasn’t interested, and frankly over the course of the last few years I had been reluctant to pursue sex much. Not because I didn’t want to, but because enough times I had been turned down that I just didn’t feel like being turned down again. She constantly reiterated how terrible of a person she felt she was and only shared so much because I insisted we keep talking more about it.
As a person she is known by friends and family as a rule follower. If I were to share with anyone, my family, hers, my friends, or hers, that we were breaking up. Absolutely every person would assume I did something wrong before they believed this happened. She is to everyone an extremely caring and kind person, who would never do anything wrong. Which is why all of this is so shocking. She is broadly considered a fantastic person by everyone we know, morally upright, kind, supportive, friendly. And outside this I’d agree. If you met her, I promise you would love her. She makes friends everywhere and has many friends and family that really rely on her.
But I had doubts, I kept digging, re-reading her texts - it was a lot - for anything to make me feel like my doubts were founded. She had asked me if I could set up her phone to have all the music she had on CDs, since our new car didn’t have a CD player, so I used that as an opportunity and did a dump of her text conversation. Which I then poured over every detail from more than a year.
There I found a few more specific lines, on bringing them up to her she admitted she had also kissed him during that event when they went camping, but nothing more. She said it was all words, that she liked being wanted and she felt like he didn’t really want to do anything since despite all their talk of things they would do he never actually followed through. I found him asking her to make a video giving me a blowjob, she said she would and they didn’t talk about it again. I didn’t tell her I had dumped her entire phone convo.
I left it, she kept working on her side job with John, our sex life improved quite a bit as it was clear she was into more assertiveness. I never was that way because I have a natural fear of inadvertently pressuring someone into doing something they don’t want. But being direct about what I want seemed to work for her, and so also me, so it was good. But I still had doubts.
So their first conversation on her phone was sexual so I couldn’t actually see how it all started. But one day my curiosity and doubt got the better of me so I rooted around for her old phone, and found it, busted screen as we left it years ago. I found a charger, and eventually called a phone repair company, they said that it was almost certainly just a screen issue and they can fix it. I brought it in, it was an old model so they’d need to back order and with coronavirus it would take a while. I said they can hold onto it.
Nothing happened for a month. Then I got a call the phone was ready. I tried to use a card my wife wouldn’t see the charge on but couldn’t so I used our regular one and told her it was to fix a work phone I had inadvertently broke.
I dug in, and immediately realized we had lost this phone a year prior (2018) as that was the earliest texts. So I thought this was a bust as my understanding is it didn’t start til after that. I spent several hours scrolling back through innocuous convos. This covered her losing a job she loved due to some bullshit, he was a very good friend throughout all of it. Probably better than I was a husband. So it made sense to me how their conversations could develop months later. They talked a lot, but she does with many of her female friends too. I was about to quit when I got to July 2017.
At that time she was volunteering for a professional organization where she was an officer and he was the president. It was helpful for her career. She was dealing with cleaning up a lot of financial bullshit and since he was the president he would have to work with her, sign things, etc. I knew at the time she would go over to his house to work on these things. I didn’t care because I’m not jealous, or suspicious, and never was of him in particular at all.
So I got to July. 19 months prior to any sexual word I’d seen, and she said:
Made it home, I just would like to say 1) I appreciate your positivity and helpful words. 2) I really enjoy your company, You bring a lot of joy and positivity. I’m grateful to be your friend. That was the best I have felt in quite a few days. 3) I appreciated you so generously sharing your time, 4) I seriously enjoy your dick. I hope I give you a faction of what you give to me.
I was devastated. Scrolling back it was obvious they had sex, several times. I eventually got to her earliest text, Feb 2017.
Her: Home. Thanks for having me over. Please don’t think badly of me.
Him: I am glad you are home. I am awake and I don’t think badly at all.
Nearly a day gap without any texts.
Him: Do it. No, don’t ever say anything to him about last night.
Her: I will work on that. Oh my goodness we speak of it to nobody, right?
Him: No one
I found this last text at 5p, she was due to leave work around then and she called me. I couldn’t hold off til she got home so we had much of the conversation as she drove home. She admitted she had slept with him.
She told me he had her over his house to work on things many times, he had some back issues and at various points she had said she gave a good massage. She does. One time he asked her to give him one, and went into his bedroom and laid down. She gave a massage as they talked about work things. He stopped her, turned and pulled him down to him to kiss him. She said she was caught off guard but she liked it. As they were kissing he just said “want to suck my dick”. She said it was so direct and so assertive that she wanted to and did for a bit. She said she stopped after a bit and left, and that was the first conversation I saw afterwards.
As the texts showed this kept happening, and less with the pretext of work. He’d specifically ask if she wanted to come over to get fucked and she would, telling me it was work.
According to her the last time they were together was in August where they also did anal. We had attempted once years ago (could have been around the same time) but it didn’t go great, according to her it was easier with John because he was much smaller than me.
I asked her why she didn’t tell me this when I asked her initially, she didn’t really have an answer but that she was afraid. I told her I need her to start telling me things about things that are uncomfortable, things she thinks I don’t want to hear. The anal info came from that, she offered it up and said that it might not have been clear when we talked that happened, but it had, and it was never explicitly mentioned in the texts. I told her I can’t just discover more things. I told her I hate my own feelings of jealousy and suspicion. I told her I dumped her phone conversations (on both phones), told her I kept unlocking her phone to check on her. Told her I read her google activity, Instagram, browser history, google photos archive, all of it. I hate that, I hate being that person. I told her to change her phone password, she did, but I figured out her new one and keep checking it. She again said she could quit her work, but nothing about that has changed, so I said no.
She told me they had sex several times over 6 months, then it stopped after that last time in August. She said she kept trying to kick it off again with him but he had started dating someone for real and he didn’t really seem into it so she stopped. She said that led to a long gap of nothing, no talk about it at all, until sometime during the period i can’t see she messaged him some sexual things and the conversations started. She insisted nothing actually happened during those conversations and she insisted that nothing would have happened during their trip even if I hadn’t found out. She insisted that the birth control had nothing to do with him. And also that the video we made wasn’t about him, despite her being way more into then she had before. She said she never planned to send it to him. It was for us, like the one we had made a while ago and that just gave her the idea. She also said she had never really enjoyed being with him, that he was selfish and never looked out for her, which is why when conversations picked up later she was fine with it just being words because she got what she wanted - the feeling of being wanted - without having to do more.
Ultimately, I didn’t break it off. We’re still together. It’s been two weeks since then.
I messaged John a week ago. Told him not to tell Karen I did. He agreed. I’ve never spoken more than a few sentences to him.
I asked him if me speaking with him would jeopardize him working with her. He said it wouldn’t. I asked him if he could meet in person. We will. Due to work schedules it may not happen for a few weeks. I already have a lot I want to say and ask him. But I don’t intend to do this conversation with him again. So that’s why I’m here.
I don’t know what I want. But I’m a man of information and I’m tired of being the least informed. I’ll take advice of course, and may provide an update later. But I really did this to get it out. I’m tired of being essentially alone with this, but terrified of the chaos of a world where people I know, know about this. I like my life, largely. This being known would blow it up.
Thanks for reading/listening.
submitted by ThrowRA-IsMe to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

Wife is planning to leave me/has left me for my best friend and they've already started trying to get pregnant

I guess I should call him my former best friend at this point, but it's hard to accept it's all gone just like that. You spend so many years with a person building a relationship, and one day it all turns to dust. I've know him since high school (~15 years ago). He was like a brother to me and like a son to my parents. When we were younger we were at each other's houses all the time. He was always coming with my family on trips and I did the same with his family. We've done so much together. He was the best man at my wedding and I would have been the best man at his wedding. Many trips and nights spent out together. Many times we helped each other. Many conversations about life, love and ourselves. He was always my go-to person in tight situations and when I needed advice. It's hard to say how much losing him hurts, because for whatever else he is he was always there for me when I needed him and a solid source of advice. He was a true friend, until he wasn't. It may be as big of a blow to lose him as losing my wife.
I've been married to my wife for almost five years, but we've been together for 7.
I remember when we first met. Love at first sight. She was gorgeous and had these really piercing blue eyes and a really infectious laugh. We hit it off and to my surprise she accepted when I asked her out even though I felt like she was out of my league. I fell even more in love with her as we got to know each other. She had such a passion for life and helping people. She was so kind and gentle with everyone, just a really warm person, and that made me love her more.
I loved being married to her, and I always felt our marriage was great, not even just good. I was not one of those husbands that let himself go. I took care of myself and ate well. I remembered all of our anniversaries and special dates. When she talked to me I listened and paid attention. I took an interest in her life genuinely because I loved her and it was important to me, but I also gave her space and avoided being too needy or clingy. I made sure to do my part around the house. I cleaned as much as she did. Our sex life was great, as far as I could tell. I did my best to love her and care for her the way a husband should and show her she was appreciated. I tried my best to keep dating her after we married. I can say without any doubt that I never took her for granted. I don't know what else I could have done. I have asked myself that over and over again, and I still don't know. I wonder if I did too much. Did she think I was too much of a pushover? Did she not respect me?
I'm not saying our marriage was perfect. We did have arguments, but they were never major ones.
The trouble started when my best friend broke up with his girlfriend. He was pretty upset about it and took it hard. I talked to him, but my wife asked me one day if I cared if she went out for a coffee with him to talk and give him a woman's view/opinion. I told her that was fine with me. She and my best friend were also friends. We'd done couples' trips with my friend and his girlfriend and she'd also hung out with him tons because he was around me so much.
I didn't think anything of it because their relationship never seemed inappropriate. I do remember him saying I was lucky and she was attractive when we first started dating and when I married her, but there were no inappropriate jokes or anything like that. My wife might have said he was handsome at some point, but that was it. I saw no red flags, and even after thinking about it more, I still don't see any. I never saw anything which made me think there was every a chance of them being more than friends.
When my wife came back from coffee she seemed a bit off. She was really angry with his ex and said that he deserved better. I remember telling her something like "he's young and he'll mend in time", and she seemed very upset by this. She said that he needed time and that whatever girl ended up with him would be very lucky and his ex was a fool to leave him. I may be misremembering parts of that conversation, but that was the basic gist. She was very sparse on details and very vague, but it didn't seem weird to me at that time. It seemed like she was being protective the same way I would be protective of him as my friend.
Her behavior started getting stranger after that night. She wasn't doing anything really overt or suspicious, but she was vague about what she was doing. She would say that she's going to see one of her friends or to run an errand. Stuff like that. I'm not a controlling person and she'd never given me a reason to doubt her, so I didn't make an issue out of it. And really at that time I didn't find it so strange.
I noticed my friend was being weird too, but I thought it was because of his split and him being depressed. I would invite him to hang out, and he'd turn me down which was unusual. He never had a reason other than he was "busy." I started seeing less and less of him, and when I did see him he was different. I would not say nervous but definitely seemed not to be comfortable.
He sent me a message asking me to stop by his house one day. He said we needed to talk about some things and he had to get some stuff off his chest.
I drove over there not suspecting anything. I knocked on the door and he came to answer. I tried to make some jokes and light conversation, and he completely ignored me. He asked me to go into the living room and there was my wife sitting on his couch. I don't know if I knew at that moment, but I did feel a sense of dread start to come over me.
She started crying almost as soon as I walked in and he jumped right in and told me that there was no easy way to say what he was about to say but he and my wife were in love and wanted to be together.
I stood there completely stunned. I felt like I wasn't even alive for a while. When I started to come back to my senses, they both tried to say how sorry they were and that they both loved me and regret it happening. They told me that this just happened and they never intended for things to turn out like this. They knew they were wrong but it didn't matter because they were in love. They both promised that they had not had sex and it was only an emotional affair. I'm not sure if that is true or not, but I don't know if it really matters.
And that is basically where we are now. Since that day I've gotten more texts from them apologizing and ones from my wife asking if I'm okay and telling me she's here for me and still cares for me, but I mostly ignore them. They aren't as frequent anymore either.
She decided to move out of our house. I didn't ask her where she was going, but a friend of mine told me that she moved in with my former friend as soon as she left.
That was only a few months ago. She stopped by the house a few days ago to pick up some things. I tried to avoid her, but then she asked me if I had a second. She told me that she and my former friend are trying to get pregnant. She wanted to give me a heads up so that we can deal with it as we go through our divorce. She also wanted to tell me personally because she felt like I deserved to know and hear it from her.
It hurt so much to hear how she's already moving on. We wanted to have children together, but she wanted to wait until she turned 30. Now he's going to get to be the father to her children and I'm going to have to watch her carry his child.
I am here looking for any advice you can give me. I don't know how to deal with her getting pregnant. I feel like that's going to be a struggle and source of pain once it happens. I feel so jealous of him because he is getting the life I wanted with her. I also know that her getting pregnant is really the end. Once that happens there's no chance we could reconcile. I have considered asking her to try counseling, but I haven't because I doubt she would be interested since she wants him and a life together with him.
I also don't know how to process all of this. I don't know how they could both do something like this or how I could not see it. I don't understand why she left when we were happy. I feel like I don't believe in anything anymore. If you can't trust your wife and best friend and a marriage doesn't last with as much effort as I put in then nothing is real and life is all one big lie.
Life just isn't fair sometimes.
Edit: a typo
Update:
First of all I want to thank everyone who commented and everyone who sent me messages of support. The last few days have been the best I've had since my wife left. I feel like I'm at least able now to think of what comes next. I really don't know how to thank you all, but just know that the support I've gotten has helped.
I don't have much of an update, but I thought you guys deserved to know about a few things.
1) I decided I am going to message my former friend's ex to see what her version of the breakup is. Nothing may come of it, but I think I have to at least see if I can find out anything else.
2) I had talked to one attorney but haven't really gotten serious about a lawyer. Next week I will start a serious look for one. My friends and family have given me some recommendations, so I will go through their list.
3) I don't know when I will start it, but I'm pretty sure I'll enroll in some type of counseling. I don't feel like my mental state right now is very good, and I don't think I have the tools to pull myself out of this. I need help.
4) I am thinking of writing to my wife and ex friend. A lot of you asked me why I didn't do anything to him when they told me, and that bothered me because I realized I never took the change to tell them how I feel and how they've hurt me. I feel like they need to know even if they don't care.
5) There were a lot of other suggestions about things to do to help deal with the situation. I'm going to make some changes around my house to try and make things more comfortable here until I can move. I will also try to keep myself busy, but in reality the hard part so far has been nights when I am alone and it is quiet like now.
submitted by Groundbreaking-Tie30 to survivinginfidelity [link] [comments]

Grand Theft Auto V: A Look Back at the Major Leaks

Here we go again. Buckle in. This post is a biggie, this time covering Rockstar’s latest entry in the series about grand theft…and auto, "Grand Theft Auto V". There were so many questions about what possible direction this franchise could go, with many rumours seemingly just spouting nonsense and seeing what gained traction, but there were some common themes amongst the leaks. Whether this meant that this was all genuine information, or whether they just all started copying each other, no one will know – although I believe in the latter.
Of course, naturally, with this being Rockstar’s biggest franchise and people desperate for just about any piece of information they could get, legitimate or otherwise, there were hundreds of rumours and leaks for this game, and I will do my best to sift through the endless supply of such and talk about the ones worth mentioning.
Let’s jump in, and here is a spoiler warning just in case.

May 4, 2010 – E3 Leak Reveals “Grand Theft Auto: Vice City 2”

Way back in 2010, Game Reactor shared the alleged lineup for 2010’s E3 event, detailing many games that are going to be revealed, including “Grand Theft Auto: Vice City 2”. Other interesting mentions in this “leak” include a new “Half-Life”, a sequel to “Bully”, and a premature announcement of “Kingdom Hearts 3”.
Outcome? Fake. Never trust E3 leaks.

26 July, 2010 – Is "GTAV" Heading to Hollywood?

VG247 shares with the world the first real hint that the game is headed back to America’s sun-spoilt West Coast. While the article linked does have the tease in a conversation format, it does make mention of Hollywood and that an announcement could be coming soon. Separately, it seems Eurogamer reached out to their own sources and were able to confirm that while Rockstar had been scouting out the Hollywood area, they were unable to confirm for what actual franchise it was for. This wouldn’t be the first time Rockstar has taken "GTA" to Los Angeles, with "San Andreas" already staking that claim.
Outcome? Confirmed.
As we all know, "GTAV" was set in Los Angeles, and this was our first clue to such.

February 28, 2011 – Rockstar Registers Web Domains

Courtesy of XboxAchievements, due to the original source being taken down, readers are able to treat themselves to a handful of domain names that Rockstar had publicly registered. While on the surface these do not appear to have any mention on the game, as correctly speculated in the article, these turned out to be related to in-game websites and businesses. The one’s registered were;
CashForDeadDreams.com - buy second-hand items from the elderly
SixFigureTemps.com - a job site to make money fast
HammersteinFaust.com - an employment firm business in the game
LifeInvader.com -the game's social networking service
The only one registered that doesn’t seem to make an appearance in the game is StopPayingYourMortgage.net, although typing this into an actual browser will take you to Rockstar’s "GTAV" site.
Outcome? Confirmed. As we can see, majority of these actually end up in the game, and I am sure I didn’t even have to provide proof for LifeInvader.

March 8, 2011 – Casting Call Leaked, Rockstar’s Next Game Codenamed “Rush”

GameWatcher reports that Rockstar have put out a casting call for an “interactive project”, which has been code-named “Rush”. The call seeks performers for the following roles;
Mitch Hayes – 38 yrs old – Annoying, wise cracking, highly successful FBI agent. In great shape. Does triathlons, drinks low cal beer, but still has a sense of humor.
Miguel Gonzalez – 25 yrs old – Young Mexican American FBI agent, caught between a few mob bosses. Very clean cut
Clyde – 23 yrs old – Moronic, almost inbred and creepy white trash hillbilly. Very naïve but in a creepy ‘it’s only incest sort of way’
Brother Adam – 50 yrs old – Welsh monk, cult leader, yoga teacher, very lithe, very into exploring your personal tension through gripping massage. Needs Welsh accent.
Mrs Avery – 48 yrs old – Neurotic soccer mom, home maker, anxious and addled on pain killers. Very angry at neighbor MRS Bell.
Mrs Bell – 45 yrs old – Swinger, and mellow Californian divorcee. Ugly but comfortable with self.
Eddie – 47 yrs old – Weed evangelist, guy who started smoking at 30, and is now a leading proponent of marijuana’s fantastic properties. White, awkward.
Ira Bernstein – 56 yrs old – publicist for an actress known as America’s newest sweetheart who just so happens to love animals, orphans, drugs and sex. He’s always trying to hide her latest indiscretion.
Kevin De Silva – 18 yrs old – Albert’s fat, FPS playing gamer son. Smokes a lot of weed, has anxiety issues and a card for a bad back, very soft, very opinionated. Into making racist comments while playing online.
Harut Vartanyan – 42-52 yrs old – Armenian car dealer, moneylender, would be Fagin and would be bully. Heavily connected to the underworld, but irritates people so much no one likes him.
Nervous Jerry – 48 yrs old – paranoiac living in the sticks, near Simon, completely paranoid, and terrified of Simon.
Calvin North – 55 yrs old – clapped out FBI agent who now mostly works offering advice on TV shows – whose only claim to fame turns out to be entirely false – but a decent guy in other ways. Badly dressed. Divorced. Putting on weight.
Jerry Cole – 53 yrs old – disabled IT expert and criminal information vendor.
Rich Roberts – 35 yrs old – English hardman actor, who acts tough but who wants to do serious work – the only problem is he can’t quite read the words.
Alex – 52 yrs old – white, loosie goosie hippy rich guy who has lost his money and is getting desperate but trying not to.
Scarlet – 45-52 yrs old – unshaven female spiritualist and hippy with a love of exploring the wilderness. Very into journeys.
Chad – 29 yrs old – pretty boy misogynist Beverly Hills party boy. Made money, but not as cool as he thinks he is.
Tae Wong – 39 yrs old – somewhat incompetent Chinese mobster, loves doing ecstasy, going to raves.
Taes Translator – 45 yrs old – VERY STRAIGHT LACED Chinese translator, terrified of his boss’s dad. Male, awkward. Needs to speak Chinese.
A big thank you to GTA Fandom for being able to compare the casting call with the game’s final release. Here is a table for those who want to see it;
Comparison between the casting call and the in-game characters
What else is interesting is that Trevor Phillips, one of the game’s main protagonists, was referred to as Simon here, while Albert De Silva in-game is instead Michael De Santa.
Outcome? Confirmed. Although the names have changed, you can definitely see the resemblance of many of the characters in the game, and that the majority did appear albeit under a different name.

March 29, 2011 – Stuntman “Typo” Places "GTAV" on his Resume

Declan Mulvey just might have made a typo when he placed "Grand Theft Auto V" on his resume, saying he did stunt work for the game. However, once eagle-eyed internet sleuths noticed this, according to Eurogamer he told CVG (which I cannot find the article), that it was simply a typo and meant to write “Grand Theft Auto IV”. What is interesting is that this was never corrected, and that he was never in the credits for that game - I think he simply made an oopsie.
Outcome? Confirmed. Definitely not a typo, as he is credit in "GTAV "and is not credited in "GTAIV".

June 5, 2011 - Play as a Cop in "GTAV"

As shared on GTAForums, one very controversial rumour regarding the game is that it would feature a story where you play as a rookie cop, working your way up in the ranks to either being the biggest detective in the city, or a cop-gone-rogue. I won’t post the whole “leak” word-for-word, but it sounds like it would have played a lot like L.A. Noire, Rockstar’s detective game also set in Los Angeles.
Based on the rumour, you would start the game as a rookie cop fresh out of the academy, named “Rock or Brock”, and as the story moves along, the player would find himself challenged by his partner who is working in the criminal underworld. The further you progress, the more you would find out that your partner is dirty, but you have a choice to either work with him illegaly or to investigate him - with the endgame resulting in either the player becoming the captain of the police force, or a “dirty cop Kingpin”. Post game, you would continue performing these roles, either abiding and enforcing the law as the captain, or selling contraband and performing other illegal tasks as a kingpin.
Gameplay wise, you would have to respond to dispatches over the radio, perform traffic stops, aid civilians, participate in car chases and even menial traffic tasks such as fining those with faulty brake lights, or speeding. The further you progress, the more involved you get with drug dealers, pimps, and organised crime. If a player wants to stray to the dark side, they can plant and steal evidence, beat informants, and sell drugs and guns.
Other minor details include the return of some characters from San Andreas such as “CJ”, being able to go through SWAT training, helicopter training, performing traffic duty, being able to carry a baton, mace, and taser, and being able to handcuff characters through rotating the analogue sticks.
Obviously, you will learn more details about this leak by opening the above forum post, but at the time this was not well received by all, some questioning why a game made famous for allowing players to commit the crimes they want, would now have them play on the other side of the law.
Outcome? Fake. Nothing turned out to be true, although it did “guess” that the weapon wheel from Red Dead: Redemption would return.

June 20, 2011 – 2012 Release “Pretty Likely” for "GTAV"

Sources close to Rockstar Games have confirmed with GameSpot that development is “well under way”, and that a 2012 release is looking pretty likely. Additionally, Gamespot reports that the final touches are being worked on now, such as minigames, and that the scale of the game is vast, saying “It’s the big one”.
Outcome? Plausible. As we know, the game launched in 2013, and it was a “big one”.

October 25, 2011 – Rockstar Announce "Grand Theft Auto V"

Rockstar Games announce "Grand Theft Auto V" on Twitter.

October 25, 2011 – Kotaku Confirm LA setting, Possible Multiple Playable Characters

On the same day that the game is announced, Kotaku is able to confirm that "GTAV" will be set in Los Angeles, according to their source who is familiar with the game. As well as talking about the setting, they have other sources that the game will feature multiple playable characters -something that was somewhat touched on with "GTAIV’"s expansions. Not much else to report here.
Outcome? Confirmed. The game, as we all know, features three playable characters and is set in Rockstar’s version of LA.

November 2, 2011 – "Grand Theft Auto V" Trailer drops

Get nostalgic here!

November 4, 2011 – Los Santos Map Leaked by Employee?

Thanks to iGTA5 we can see that an employee apparently shared a version of the game’s map on Twitter, which is viewable right here. It does show Los Santos and Vinewood, but we know that this map isn't an accurate representation of the released version - it could be an early version, but I doubt it. Shortly after posting, the account named “toronotoJack233” got deleted.
Outcome? Fake.

November 5, 2011 – UK Magazine Leaks "GTAV" Information

As reported on VG247, it seems that an employee of a Playstation-focused magazine has leaked some information about the recently announced "GTAV". There is quite a lot of information, but it basically comes down to;
  • A massive world pushing console hardware to the very limits, including more details in the world than ever before such as more NPCs interacting in the world, higher populated areas, and more scenery than any other game. Will also feature interior locations including a mall, college campus, police station, hospital, and underground sewers
  • Improved shooting mechanics
  • Climbable elements such as ladders and overhangs
  • Animals in game
  • Cars can be upgraded and repaired, but also have to manage fuel use
  • No dating aspect, phone only used for being asked to complete missions
  • Rupture a fuel line, then shoot the gas to ignite the fuel line
  • Mini-games such as bowling and darts are gone. Now there is basketball, weight training, arm wrestling, cage fights, triathlons, water races, abseiling, sky diving, rock climbing, canoeing
  • No children NPCs
  • You can use human shields in combat
  • There must be witnesses to a crime for you to get a wanted level
  • Skills are based on what you do, so for example, the more you ride a motorbike, the better your motorbike skill
  • Weather effects include torrential rain fall, sunshine, and even earthquake tremors should feature
It is possible that this is a legitimate leak, some of the points made are representative of some aspects of the final game. However, just looking we can see stuff like rock-climbing, canoeing, and abseiling did not feature, or neither did earthquake tremors. There also was no need to focus on refuelling vehicles, nor was there the ability to use human shields in combat.
Outcome? Plausible. It is possible that some of this information genuinely came about as a leak, although I don’t feel confident enough in the content to say a verified leak – especially as this came after the trailer.

November 8, 2011 – More “Leaks” at GTAForums

Another big pile of leaks, this time from a user called OpenSuvivor, and now on the GTAForums. However, the post had been deleted pretty swiftly by the forum moderators, so we will be using this reddit post as our source of information.
Another big list of stuff that I encourage you to read, even if just for old time’s sake. Some interesting notes though mention;
  • "GTAV" is landlocked, not an island map, expect to see heavy snow areas with tonnes of snowfall, and deserts
  • Bowling is returning
  • The story features Mexican drug cartels, and you will be able to cross the border into Mexico
  • The protagonist is a divorced male in his mid-50s named Ray, and has two children – Daniel and Skyler, who are both about 10 years old
  • The Yucca Desert is on the eastern part of the map, and is infinitely long
As we know, 99% of this list is just completely inaccurate, making it easy to determine the validity of this “leak”. Having said that, it’s still fun to read, and of course at the time there is just no way of knowing if it really is fake.
Outcome? Fake. I don't think it is coincidence that these recent fake leaks all came out after the trailer.

March 28, 2012 – Former Rockstar Employee Reveals Information

Another “insider” leak, this time coming from “a friend of someone who recently got sacked from Rockstar North for general misconduct”. While the original document is no longer viewable, it is possible to find out what was written thanks to Playstation Lifestyle. Straight away, looking back, we can make a pretty quick judgement about the validity of this “leak”.
Firstly, they mention that the protagonist “will be one character, and one character alone”. This character’s name is Albert De Silva, and he has a kid Kevin who is pretty much your typical gamer who smokes weed. Our protagonist is the man that we saw in the first trailer, and he will not die at the end of this game.
Next we know that multiplayer lobbies can hold 32 players on Xbox 360 and PS3, and that you will be able to form gangs that level up with reputation, rather than XP. There is an underworld that has a working economy, and the players can take drugs – which will have side effects.
We learn (again) that the map is five times as large as the "GTAIV" map, and that planes are now flyable in this game, unlike the previous "GTA" entry. Guns and cars will also be customisable in this game, allowing suppressors on weapons, and nitrous on cars. Gunfights are now meant to be more realistic, and shooting will be more difficult out of cars due to shaking cameras.
The most interesting piece of information is the mention of the game aiming to be released in May 2013. A release date hadn’t been formally announced at this point by Rockstar, but an end of 2012 release I believe was the consensus at the time.
Outcome? Fake. Some of these points are a mix whole truths and entirely inaccurate, while some also blur the line. For example, they got the main character part correct (as we know that Albert was Michael’s name in development), but they were incorrect in stating one character and that he will not die (for as we know it is possible he can). Multiplayer lobbies only held 16, and there was no underworld economy.

April 10, 2012 – Rockstar Employee’s CV Leaks October 2012 as Release Date

Character animation developer for Rockstar, Alex O’Dwyer, mentions on his CV that he had worked on "Grand Theft Auto V", and that it is expected to release during October 2012, as viewable here. Since this was spotted, it has since been removed, with no comment from O’Dwyer or Rockstar. What is interesting, is that if this is also a legitimate leak, it would have also confirmed a PC version of the game.
Outcome? Confirmed. While the launch dates did end up being incorrect, the mention of the PC version and taking into consideration that he did work on the game, I believe that it is possible that October 2012 was a launch goal internally at Rockstar – at least at one point.

May 15, 2012 – "GTAV" Vehicle List Found in "Max Payne 3"

A user on GTAForums had allegedly found the vehicle list for "Grand Theft Auto V" within the game files of "Max Payne 3", outlining the types of trains, cars, boats, helicopters, and bikes that players would be able to use. Vehicles of note included a cable car, a chair lift, a ski-mobile, and an APC. If memory serves me correctly, these are some of the vehicles mentioned that did not make it into the final game, while on the other hand there are dozens of vehicles that are not mentioned here that are in the game.
Outcome? Fake.

September 9, 2012 – Our First Gameplay Leak?

A popular video that I personally remember doing the rounds before the game’s release was this video here, which shows a car being driven through the incredibly detailed desert, before getting into a helicopter. The map shows an incredibly detailed mountain range, and a desert populated with scenery. It definitely seems like something that would be in the style of the "GTA" series, and one I somewhat believed when I first saw it.
Outcome? Fake. As it turns out, this was just a fan-made video, that has gone over multiple name changes throughout the years – I believe a comment mentioned that this title had once been renamed to suggest it was a "GTAVI" leak.

October 28, 2012 – Polish Site Leaks “GTAV” Promotion Material and Release Date

The promotional material and release date had seemingly been made public – not through Rockstar but a Polish site (a site from Poland…not that stuff you shine stuff with). The posters include Franklin and his dog (at the time I believe he wasn’t revealed), as well as characters preparing to rob the jewellery store (revealed days earlier, per Kotaku). The tagline on the posters suggest that the game is available in Spring 2013 – (March, April, May for us southern hemisphere-ers), which at the time seemed likely as it was pretty clear the game was not coming out in 2012. It is also interesting that “Red Dead: Redemption” was also released in Spring of 2010 – so it isn’t entirely unfeasible to suggest the same for “GTAV”.
Outcome? Confirmed. I believe this is a genuine leak, the artwork is too legitimate, as well as the release date being able to be confirmed by the following…

October 30, 2012 – Rockstar Announce Spring 2013 Release Date

Rockstar Games are “proud to announce that Grand Theft Auto V is expected to launch worldwide spring 2013 for Xbox 360 and Playstation 3”.

January 31, 2013 – Rockstar Announce September 17, 2013 Release Date

Well that was quick.

August 23, 2013 – “GTAV” files discovered on Playstation Store

As Venture Beat reports, users who had preordered “GTAV” on the European version of the PlayStation Store were able to download some files as they had become available on the 22nd of August. Users mined these details, being able to discover the game's soundtrack (here is a reddit thread about it), while the game’s main theme was leaked as well - video of such has since been deleted. Due to the nature of the files, the leaks were primarily audio files, and did not leak to any actual gameplay leaks.
A day later, Playstation provided a comment on the matter, saying;
Regrettably, some people who downloaded the digital pre-order of Grand Theft Auto V through the PlayStation Store in Europe were able to access certain GTA V assets. These assets were posted online. We have since removed the digital pre-order file from the PlayStation Store in Europe. We sincerely apologize to Rockstar and GTA fans across the world who were exposed to the spoiler content. GTA V is one of the most highly anticipated games of the year with a very passionate following, and we’re looking forward to a historic launch on September 17.
Outcome? Confirmed.

September 10, 2013 – Strategy Guide Leaks Map

The world were able to discover just how big the game was when the map for the game was taken from the game’s official strategy guide. The map was posted onto reddit for all to see right here, and many were impressed – one user liking the map to a “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle”. The guide was originally meant to release with the game’s release on the 17th of September, but it seems once retailers received their copies they were able to scan and share some of the information.
Outcome? Confirmed.

September 17, 2013 - Grand Theft Auto V Released

September 22, 2013 – Micro-transactions Discovered

Reddit user u/1880 seemed to discover why it was so hard for players to earn cash in the game and discovered a file that references “cash cards”, ranging from $100,000 to $1,250,000. A copy of the file was uploaded here. However, these "cash cards" were unable to be accessed – despite the game being playable. The original post is quite hopeful that it is just something that was scrapped in development as it “seems very un-Rockstar-y” to the poster.
Unfortunately, reddit user u/Nouveau_Compte was able to provide proof that it was only for online, shared on the same thread.
Outcome? A sad confirmation.

Closing Thoughts & Some Housekeeping

That was a big read, featuring a good mix or confirmed and fake leaks - hopefully giving you the hint to stay vigilant as rumours start to increase in frequency for Grand Theft Auto VI. Having said that, you'll never know what you read that does turn out to be true. Here are a couple other links that you might also find interesting, but didn't include in the post;
GTA V Location Teased in GTAIV Manual
New Casting Call for GTAV
It seems Rockstar games seem to have a high number of rumours, leaks, and just plain lies, given their reputation and the popularity of their games. I can also tell you, the next GTA game that I am working on a post for, already has more sources and "leaks" than I found for GTAV...but this post won't be ready any time soon.
Some other housekeeping notes, I just want to find out a few things;
  • Are you liking the long posts, or would you rather them split up over a Part 1, Part 2 type thing?
  • Would you like to see some games revisited, such as Destiny, and cover the post-launch leaks?
  • What games do you want to see?
Other things, these posts might start slowing down - but fear not! They are still being worked on, got a few more in the pipeline. I am also going to limit these posts to games that have only been released. For those who are asking, the idea of a video format is also being explored.
Here are some previous editions of this series;
Thanks for reading, appreciate any and all feedback.
Cheers!
submitted by timmmy8 to Games [link] [comments]

Corruption of the Shidduch System

I don't know if anyone on here has gone through the shidduch system, but I was in it for about 4 years and can attest to the fact that it's a horrible, dehumanizing, process. This was going around on the religious whats app chats I'm part of. I'm SO glad that this young woman put this out there.
Trigger warning for people who have been in the shidduch system!

Whatsapp Message:
This is from my sister's very good friend who is an incredible girl, early 30's. A Shadchan suggested a boy to her and when getting a yes, this girl asked the Shadchan what the young man's future plans were. This is how the Shadchan answered her. I'm posting this here because it should be a reminder for anyone who dabbles in shidduchim how to treat every single they meet with the upmost respect and to not put anyone down for anything.
—-
Just in case you wanted to know what I got whammed over the head with yesterday . A shadchan emailed me the following because I asked her what this boy's parnassah plan is and wouldn't just go on a blind date without a resume or basic info.
Sara, I've met a lot of nasty shadchanim but this takes the cake!!!!

The Email:
"You can choose your own set of priorities. but realize that from age 30, 50% of girls won't get married. as they get older, the number increases. I have made shidduchim of people who are bi-polar, have aspergers, etc. and they are B"H happy. Maybe that is your lot in life, that is what Hashem wants for you. No guy is perfect, and most of the FFB guys over age 30 have some sort of mental health issue or gay tendencies or something else severe. The issue is not "CAN" you live with it, but HOW to live with it.

Devorah Haneviya married a shlepper, but she respected him and built him into something great. We learn this straight out in tanach. Sara Shnierer married someone she didn't respect, divorced him, didn't re-marry for 20 years, and never had children.

I am suggesting a guy that you are not nixing because of mental health issues or other major things, but because you don't want to meet him and discuss his future plans...you don't want to build a plan for a future together with someone?

A girl who claims to be yeshivish but thinks she knows better than Hashem who He picked out for her to marry is a very big concern. You prefer to marry the guy who beat his ex-wife? cheated on her? embezzled money from a friend's business and put his friend into poverty? what is it you are willing to date. Every guy has a problem, the question is what can you live with. And if you don't know the problem up front, you will find it out later.

I think the girls today are lacking bitachon. Hashem picked out your bashert. He had Esther Hamalka marry a goy, Devorah Haneviya marry a shlepper, Rachel married Akiva who was not learned. Every woman has bechira...each one can say no. Hashem gives you the opportunity to MEET your bashert, and you can pass it up. I get that you are burnt out, but in 25 years experience as a shadchan, I know that usually it is not because girls have not met the right guy. It is not who they date, but how they date. If Hashem wants you to marry someone bipolar, you would rather stay single your whole life? or instead, meet with his doctor and figure out how to make it work in a marriage?

I am unaware of any mental health issues with Moshe. Or other issues. However, you are turning down your potential bashert because you cannot meet with him and talk to him about how the two of you could build a future life together? Honestly, it does not sound like you are burnt out. It sounds like you are scared to get married...so scared that you don't get advice on how to date properly but instead run and hide.

I do shidduchim as a chessed. I have a profession, but give my time because I feel bad that people are making such grave mistakes. B"H the bipolar guy I set up has 6 kids, his wife had no issues, and she sends me a thank you note every year (they are married 11 years). Remember, Moshiach does not come until all the neshamos have come and done their tikun. With every passing year, you are preventing potential babies from being born. I don't believe you have to go out with every single guy redt to you, but clearly either you are choosing the wrong ones to date or you are dating incorrectly.

Just remember, at 40, there is an 80% chance a girl will never marry. As a girl gets older, the quality of men does not improve. It declines. So if you are running away from a date because you are scared to meet a guy and maybe you will like him and actually have to discuss a future together, then that is a hashkafic issue, a serious one.

You should not even be thinking about his parnassah until a 5th or 6th date. First and second dates are only to see if you can have enjoyable conversation and enjoy talking to each other. Third and fourth are focused on personality (i.e. how he would be as a father and husband) and hashkafa. Finances, how you would live etc., only comes when the other components are there.

I do not get offended personally when someone turns down an idea...if there is a good reason. But when a girl over 30 is acting like she is 21 in her choices of who to date, it often indicates mental health issues - anxiety, fears, perhaps someone who grew up around people who didn't have a good marriage...etc.

This is not just about you, this is about your generation. Most good shadchanim don't want to help girls over 30 because the shadchanim have to invest more efforts than the singles. Stop trying to decide what parameters you are sure Hashem has used to decide your chosson. Embrace who it could be and figure out HOW to make it work for a happy future, not IF you should make it work for a happy future.

I feel bad that you are in a place of not being able to see with greater clarity the mistakes you are making. Not about Moshe only...in general. Go into every date saying - this is the one, and if I pass this up, I will stay single forever. I'm pretty sure if you had the right hadracha until now, you likely would have been married. Unfortunately, too many people who don't understand what is available for women are giving bad advice. Stop looking for what you want - he doesn't exist. Instead look at who Hashem is offering, and pick one of them. Or stay single...it's your choice. But after age 36, most guys under 41 do not want to even date, so keep that in mind. You'll have the 45 year olds as options if you let time get wasted.

Unless I hear otherwise, I will assume you are burnt out and not serious about getting married. I wish you hatzlacha
submitted by adarara to exjew [link] [comments]

My husband and I have been NC with his parents....but now I'm pregnant

Hey all,
This is super long, but it's been a long year. Please bare with me. I dont give any consent to the release of this information outside of this reddit thread.
UPDATE: There seems to be some confusion, I don't want them in my life neither does my husband. I was making a point that they are narcissistic. If anyone knows a true narcissist, they are master manipulators. I'm a very respectful person, and if my kid were having a baby I'd like to know. I was more asking if you thought I should tell them about the baby or not.
My husband (28) and I (24) have been together for almost 7 years, married for 3. We haven't been in contact with his parents for over a year now. My MIL is extremely controlling and Narcissistic.
At the beginning of our relationship, she didn't want me over for our first Christmas but my husband insisted. She told him she wanted "one last year with just the boys"
He convinced me to go even though I really didn't want to because I felt unwelcome. But we went and things were fine, she got us both gifts and said she really liked me. I didn't see anything unordinary except she had us on a schedule of when we would do activities during that time we were there. His dad wouldn't partake, he would sit on the couch and drink till he slept. Every holiday went like this.
As the years went by she would text me instead of my husband when she was trying to reach him. I didn't think anything of it at first, just figured she was trying to ask him something important. But every christmas she began asking us to stay the night on Christmas eve and wake up to open presents in the morning.
My husband would normally do this, it was their tradition. So we would stay. But a couple years ago his twin brother and gf said they would come but not stay the night. She went off on them both. Im not sure what was said to her but she was yelling over the phone.
I remember his dad saying they didn't want to go over because of their dog. Which isn't what they said. That's when they began their NC.
The twins gf is also my best friend. However, shortly after them going NC with the parents, she stoped talking to me as well. I tried for many months to talk to her because I had no idea what happened during the whole thing or what was wrong.
6 months later my husband and I bought a home and needed to stay with his parents intermittently between our new home and our apartment.
At the time I had 2 cats and 1 dog. My dog loves everyone, my cats are, well, cats. They told me we could live in the basement area of their house so none of our animals would interact. A week before move in date, she changes and says in order to move in, we could only bring one cat and the dog because we were no longer staying in that area and they already have 4 dogs, 3 cats. 2 dogs are smaller and are in their kennels for 18 hours of the day aside when she takes them to potty.. we were to stay in a bedroom only big enough for a queen bed....
We couldn't stay in that area anymore because his younger brother was having cosmetic chest surgery and would need to be close to a bathroom (theres a bathroom down there).
We didnt have much time advance so no where really else to go. I asked one of my friends to watch my cat while we transitioned.
We moved in. While living there I basically just stayed in the room because she would get into loud arguments with her husband and I didn't want to be around that. Every time I would come out I felt unwelcome or judged.
She began texting my husband when he was at work about things I was doing that she didnt like. I went to do the laundry and she would complain that I loaded it too heavy. So I did smaller loads. If I came out of the room before 1pm she would text him and say she "needs her mornings to clean and relax". I did the dishes one day and she asked what I was doing. "I'm loading the dishwasher, is that okay?" And she said "yes". Then she walked back to her room where her 21 year old son was (husband's younger brother who had chest surgery ended up staying in her room and the room we were supposed to be in was empty for the entire time we lived there.) And say things about me to him.
I had a good relationship with the brother, he's so close in age to my brother. Plus she would ask me to keep him company because he was basically bedridden from the surgery. He would always tell me what she's saying or how she felt because she would say them to him as if she were talking to me.
We were moving into our new house when I get a text from him about 10 minutes after we left their house, he told me she was complaining about me always being in the room and how she doesnt feel like she has her own space. Even though she never communicated to either of us that she wanted her own space in her room for a bit.
I immediately broke down. We came back for the night and I just wanted to sleep. I was exhausted from moving and crying. She comes into the room and presses me for a conversation while my husband is saying not now. They leave and go to the living room and i over hear her complaining about how I'm ungrageful and rude because I dont want a conversation.
I can't bite my tongue. I go out there and call her out on how she was behaving behind my back not only to my husband but to her other son as well. She denied it all and proceeded to the room where her younger son was and yelled at him saying "how could you tell her I said that stuff! How could you betray me!" I told her I'm at my wits end, always trying to make her happy. I asked her what she wanted me to do and if she wanted me to leave. She said "yes, get the fuck out and take your shit too"
So i left. I regret it a bit because it was dangerous to do considering the time and we didnt move heavy furniture to the new place so I had no where to really go. Eventually my husband got me and we got back in and went to sleep.
The next day I didn't talk to her. But later that night she came into the room and said she was sorry and she was just going through things. I said okay and tried to brush it off for the remaining few days we had left there.
After we moved out, I didn't talk to her until she asked us to come over for the 4th. I told her we could stop by for an hour or 2 but we were going to my parents house. She gave me an all or nothing reaponse of "oh well if you aren't staying then we are just gonna go somewhere else" I didn't talk to her again a couple days later she kept texting and calling asking to talk but I didn't answer them. She called my husband and was demanding to know whats going on.
I told her how I was feeling upset and wanted space. I had put my Facebook profile to super private so no one can see stuff on my timeline or any pictures. And she was set that I had blocked her, she wouldn't take no for an answer. She then started a tangent saying i was disrespectful, a b*, a c, brat, etc. So i told her to go f*** herself and hung up. She tried to call back to which I dont answer and I tell my husband not to answer either because her level of disrespect doesn't get an answer.
His dad then called and my husband asked if i was okay with them talking. I said yes since my issue was with his mom. Big mistake because his dad is drunk. My husband asked to talk to him later of the next day when everything is calmed down and his dad was just yelling at him about me. So he hung up. His dad texted him and called him saying he's not a man, he needs to control me, he's not his child, etc.
The next day we figured they'd text and apologize for everything. But instead his mom demanded to talk to him alone without me. He said no, then his mom called me white trash. He then blocked his dad and mom on his phone.
I posted soemthing on Facebook venting about the sithation, something like "i can't believe there are parents who treat their kids this way" and he commented a rant saying i was white trash no matter what family I married into, ungrateful, a leech because I don't work, that one day we will get divorced and he and his son will laugh at this whole thing.
We both went NC and shes texted a lot and given the good ole "im sorry BUT...." or "im going through things" trying to get us to talk to them or see them. I responded once because I sold her one of our cars so we could move (they still owe 1k more for it). She was asking me to sign the title and was trying to meet in person for it. Which I told her no and to mail it to me instead. (She still hasnt and its been months)
Well its been almost a year and a half since, but I found out that I'm pregnant. I feel bad if we don't let them know about the baby, but I'm also worried about them coming back into our lives. Any advice is appreciated.
submitted by Mew_OK to JUSTNOMIL [link] [comments]

I (26M) thinks my wife (25f) is or was cheating on me with her cousin.

TLDR- Discovered Wife's cousin sending sex offers to her, her story checked out, but I'm having serious doubts on her honesty now. UPDATE BELOW ORIGINAL POST
Alright it's a long one so bear with me, this situation happened about two weeks ago and I've gone from fully trusting her to deeply doubting her. My wife and I met when I was 19 and we fell in love quite quickly. She had a 4-month-old child from a previous relationship, that father hasn't been in the picture since I've known her. Ever since I was a kid I wanted to be a father, but I have a genetic disorder I don't wish to pass on so adoption was just great with me. Anyhow we've been just like your normal family everyday since then. We got married last year.
She was never super close with her family, but she did have a pair of cousins she was always kind of close too and I had lots of fun getting to know them and they seem like decent people. She did mention that 1 of them, Max we'll call him had when they were like 12 and 13 tried to kiss her but she ran off. I asked her if she ever told anyone and she said she chalked it up to him being a stupid kid. We see him on Christmas every year and he seems like a normal dude. I actually liked him as her family is a bunch of stuffed shirts and he's down to Earth.
Recently they've reconnected and gone to a few family functions. We own one car and since I needed it for work he picked her up and drove her to these things. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary about this, they are cousins after all. Her behavior really didn't make any obvious changes, however randomly as I was watching TV one night she came in and mentioned that I had friended a girl from my place of work. I accepted a friend request. We're a pretty open couple and things don't usually offend us. For instance she'll remark on an attractive guy and make some sort of lewd remark and I think nothing of telling her this woman was the new Office. She didn't accuse me of cheating but it felt like she was about to which has never happened before. The reason I mention this is because I've read cheater accuse their partner as a projection or something.
Anyway, these family outings were legit, the whole family posts pics on them on Facebook and the wife sends pics from the outings. There were two of these events and each time wife came home and was like a robot. Sex seemed normal if not quieter than usual but as she suffers from depression she often get's cold every so often and when I asked her if she was doing alright she chalked it up to that.
Well two weeks ago she leaves for work and as it was my day off I puttered around the house, dropped the boy off at school and came home to check my email. On facebook I saw that I had a message from her cousin. He and I had recently discussed going out to see a farm team baseball game and I thought he was getting back to me. The message reads "I'd like to see you on your knees." I was confused as hell until I realized that my wife was still signed in and it was her he was talking to. I wanted to kill him. I instantly rushed and read through their chat log and it's filled with him creeping on her, and while she is saying things like "But I'm married." and "No I'm married." These read like very thin no's like she is saying no because she has to not because she wants to. I'm disgusted and absolutely floored about it. But since none of them mention anything happening yet and she is denying him albeit kindly, I can't exactly say she's cheating.
Well when she gets home and our son is put to bed I confront her over the situation she instantly breaks down into hysterics and tears. Saying things like "I didn't do anything, I didn't know how to tell you. I was just hoping he stopped." Now she and I both suffered childhood sexual abuse from family friends, we've both went to years of therapy for it and for that reason we have very good communication skills when it comes to comfort and boundaries and how to express ourselves about unwanted advances. I love her, and I wanted to believe her and that he was just being a creep but the way she didn't tell me and acted seemingly normal leads me to believe something else was going on. I told her that I believed her and asked her if I could message him to tell him to back off and how disgusted I am that they are cousins or if she would prefer to tell him and handle it herself.
She first expressed that she would tell him that I knew and not to call her, but her resolve cracked as she was confident this would just stop. I was furious about that but didn't express it and told her that knowing she wasn't going to I was going to give him a piece of mind. This is my wife, if she's being harrassed I will end it, and if she's not being harassed she's cheating on me so I messaged him, he saw it but made no reply.
The Wife says I should have let her handle the situation, and I told her there was no way I was going to keep quiet in the face of this. She seemed to understand and expressed in the end that I was probably right to confront him because she didn't knowhow. All seemed to return to normal, but 3 days later I come home and she's crying. I ask her what's wrong and she said "It's Max, you should have let me handle it. I messaged him yesterday and he won't talk to me." We had the conversation again about me not sitting idly by when somebody is harassing my wife, she gave me a look, it wasn't much and it was only for a second, but it gave me the impression that she didn't consider it harassment. We end the discussion in agreement that I handled it how any man would handle it.
Two days later I'm coming to bed late like 2am as I was finishing up some work. I hear her on the phone with somebody kind of chuckling. This is not normal. Told me it was her Mom and had something to do with our kid's birthday which I didn't buy, but at this point, I've begun playing stupid so I can observe the situation from a place where she feels comfortable. The next day she is crying again and at this point I've really had it, she's been unstable for two weeks now. When I ask her if this is about Max again she says she tried to call and apologize for not handling the situation herself and that he still isn't talking to her. I admit it, I snapped. I told her that either he was abusing her or she was cheating on me and I caught them. One the couch tonight obviously. I wanted to believe her, but I'm not a moron. I'm essentially laying here with my finger on the button waiting for some solid truth because if this is what it's feeling more and more like, I'm about to go 95,000 megaton Nuclear on the both of them.
Sorry for the length, I just don't know what I can do from here on out.

Edit- Thanks for all the input. She goes to work in 6 hours. I will apologize for my outburst and ask her to sit down with me and talk tonight. It's Sunday and our son typically stays the night with my parents every other Sunday. I'm not proud of it, but I feel it's in my best interest to do a snooping. If I find nothing we will discuss what happened when it started, what I can do to help her, and what we ought to do moving forward. I love her, and the idea that she is being harassed by somebody who is supposed to love her breaks my heart. However, if I do find something sordid, or learn that she was complicit in any way, I am done with the relationship that instance. I don't believe in Marriage counseling in instances of infidelity and even if I did incest... there is no way I could look at her the same again. Will Update.
Update-
So I didn't sleep at all last night and when she woke up I made breakfast. I told her I shouldn't have blown up and that we should probably sit down tonight and talk about things. She agreed like she wasn't even upset, to begin with, and said she knew she had probably been acting badly. I told her that the sort of harassment she was dealing with was infinitely more difficult because he is a member of the family. She just seemed to agree with me.
I wasn't going to snoop, but so many people on here told me I ought to, and not wanting to be accused of not taking the advice I asked for, I decided to go through with and check her emails. With the way she was acting this morning, I had fewer reasons to be suspicious, but at this point what the heck, and did just that.
The level of disgust, hatred, and anger I feel cannot be expressed right and there will be a divorce. There was one Email entitled "Yummy" and upon opening it I found a picture of her cousin with semen on his face. The back and forths are him describing to her his encounters with random gay men. They make reference to past sexual encounters they've had together complete with one picture of a strapon Dildo captioned "I still have our old friend." Then I read some absolutely disgusting filth talk between them where she is behaving in a very dominating way and insulting his penis size. Looking at the dates I realize that this was from a year ago.
As I continue to read I'm able to figure out at least from how it reads that they used to hook up frequently but stopped after we got married... we were together for several years before we got married. Later she starts using the "I'm married" Excuse, but it's reading like that's just a kink of his, to be told he can't touch her anymore which he probably does. I'm raising her fucking kid and she does this to me. I've wasted the last six years changing my work schedule and not taking better paying jobs because I need hours where I'm able to watch him.
I went outside and sat on the front porch, called my brother over and after explaining to him the entire situation asked him to take my gun from me for the time being. I'm not a violent person, I never have been, but in the state I'm in now I'm fluctuating between wanting to kill him and wanting to kill myself. I'm not going to, but I feel like I'm headed for a breakdown and I can't trust I'll behave rationally. After this I'm packing up my clothes and checking into a hotel. These conversations have all been printed, I've sent copies to myself, and when I have time I'm digging for more dirt.
Bought a pack of cigarettes, stopped smoking 4 years ago. And joy I have to make an appointment at some STD clinic because according to these fucking vile back and forths, a part of his thing is having unprotected sex with these men. My soon to be ex-wife has a device and as such I've never once in all these years worn protection with her. So now I apparently have months of biting my fucking nails to look forward to as I understand aids tests take months.
I know his work schedule roughly because I used to work for the same company he does, so maybe before checking in and composing myself I'm just going to drive down to see his wife evidence in hand. There's no fixing this, there's no therapy, no hope, nothing positive and I don't care to even entertain an apology. I'm divorcing the whore and she will get nothing. I hate life right now. I don't feel depressed or sad, I haven't cried, I just have this hot ball of rage in my chest that the cigarettes only briefly cool. I can't be near her or him, I know I said I'm not violent, but man I really want to beat the piss out of both of them.
submitted by Illustrious-Fox8800 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

FFIL made a Facebook for the sole purpose of publishing his racist commentary and religious delusions. I’m brown and FFIL wants me out of FH’s life.

X-posted from relationship_advice:
Hi everyone, this one’s going to be QUITE long. My apologies in advance— there’s a LOT of background. Please read, if you can. I’m at my wits end and need advice.
FH and I are high school sweethearts who’ve been together for 5 years and have known one another for 7. Our relationship is a JOY, and we’ve decided to get married in 2021 for both love and practical reasons (part of this is increasing my chances of getting financial aid for law school). We’re an interracial couple— I’m half Filipino/white and identify as Asian, and FH is white.
When we announced the engagement in January, my family was thrilled. They adore FH. And his family was surprisingly fine with it.
Background: FH’s family is devout Catholic (and when I mean devout, I mean that literally every facet of his life has been tinted with catholic obsession). Neither parents work because FBIL (23) has substantial intellectual and physical disabilities, and is violent, so they’re his full-time caretakers (and they can do so because FFIL’s dad is an actual millionaire). FMIL does all the work— cleaning, cooking, feeding FBIL. FFIL mostly does oddball activities— watching movies from the 70s, selling his car and buying new ones, and almost daily (pre-COVID) meeting with priests. That, and going on YouTube to watch “Muslim concerts to catholic— heartwarming” videos and calling Muslims “sinful Islamists.”
FFIL and FMIL are brilliant on paper. They met in the University of Chicago’s MBA program. But FMIL’s role in the home is the “silent catholic wife,” and she nods along to the behaviors of FFIL. FFIL is what our therapists have speculated might be psychotic, or at least, delusional. He writes Nancy Pelosi every day, he thinks Princess Diana is his guardian angel, he thinks he’s unlocked the perfect way to pray, etc. He also thinks he’s in a grand conspiracy where he’s being targeted by some agency for being Catholic, and he thinks the cops are after him. He used to own guns but sold them all because he believed Obama would personally step in to take his guns away. Despite being very religious and having some right-wing beliefs, they’re really pro-immigration, adopted a Mexican daughter, etc. I didn’t think they were racist until recently.
When they met me in 2016, FFIL’s parents had a bit of a problem with me from the start. First time I met FFIL, he approached me while FH and I were playing board games at his house. He told me that he wanted me to know that I must be “pure and chaste,” and not “to do anything that will compromise the purity of the relationship with my son.” Then he pulled a medal with the Virgin Mary on it, and told me I must carry it with me at all times. The card listed “facts” about virginity.
At some point, they found out that my dad is catholic (ex) and my mom was loosely raised Protestant. FFIL went on a tirade at dinner, telling me that their marriage should have fallen apart because Protestants are basically heretics. I told him that my parents are indeed divorced. He went off about how I wasn’t raised right, that my parents would burn in hell, etc. I looked to FMIL and she smiled, nodding along in silence like she always does. I was 16 and immature, and I started to cry. FH was whisked away and told that “marriage only happens once, so don’t ever marry this one. She has some sins to be healed of.”
Over the years, I’ve been low to no contact with FFIL and FMIL. It was fine because FH and I were just dating. Still, I was disgusted by the once-in-a-blue-moon texts to FH from FFIL about how he should convert me, or how I’m sinful, etc. FH carried on a lie that I was attending catholic mass to keep the texts at bay. Once, FFIL attended a banquet I was at celebrating our debate team, at which I was asked to speak, and he pulled me aside and told me he wants me to get on a plane and “leave the country” for critiquing the DHS.
I wrote them off a long while ago, but now that I’m marrying their son, I’ve made an effort to be more cordial. Part of this, stupidly, was agreeing to have my wedding in the Catholic Church (something we just decided isn’t actually happening since we’re officially disgusted by how they’ve handled the pedophilia crisis, how they’re anti-gay, etc.). They were happy at first about our marriage, until I realized that FFIL had wrote on a form for the priest about our wedding that he thinks I may have “coerced” FH into marrying me with our cohabitation (read: sex).
Whatever. I rolled my eyes at that but I didn’t care enough. That was until he told us he recommended I check out the religious tips that he’s posted to his Facebook page. The page has no followers or friends.
Now here is where this post actually begins. We looked at the Facebook page, and it was full of racist garbage.
It was early June, when the protests over the death of George Floyd began. FFIL had both general nonsense (“Vote [FFIL] for president. Against abortion. For prosperity for all people.”) and racist BS. He posted about how he believes that BLM is calling for “the genocide of whites,” that under the Obama admin., “90% of jobs were held by non-whites,” that he thinks he was fired (he was fired from his job(s) in the early 2000s) 11 different times because of brown people who didn’t “deserve” his job, etc.
The term “white genocide” set us off. FH and I decided to comment, and we took a measured approach. FH commented things like, “Dear dad, I see you’re worried about the state of the country. I understand that the country is in anguish right now, but the term ‘white genocide’ is very serious. It’s used by Nazis, and I know how much you hate them, but they use the term as a talking point often to mean that they think interracial marriages and POC having children is disgusting. I know you don’t feel that way, so maybe you could use a different term.” FFIL deleted FH’s comments. I commented things in a similar tone, asking for clarification on what he meant, expressing that I am hurt by some of his comments, etc. Comments deleted again.
FFIL then began messaging me, telling me that racism isn’t real and that I should have more pity for HIM because he was bullied as a child by his sister (??). He then went on a rant about how brown people are taking all the jobs even though they’re universally unqualified. He said the same applies to my father, who is an engineer like FFIL used to be, then walked it back and said he “can’t know [my] father’s capabilities.” I told him, bluntly, that I find his words appalling.
Privately to FH, he let FH know that he will continue to use “white genocide” as he pleases, because he feels “hunted by non-whites,” and that FH should not marry me. If he did, “it would be the biggest mistake of your life.” The next morning, FFIL made a post calling me “the threatening non-Anglo” and another post about how we need the broadest access to self-defense measures possible in case “the non-whites try a Rwanda against the whites, which I fear is coming.” He also posted that anything racist he had ever said (we showed him YouTube comments he’d left once calling a Muslim a “sandmonkey towelhead”) were “ISIS hacks” into his accounts.
FMIL called us to tell us that FFIL doesn’t have a racist bone in his body, and that he “smiles at little black children” in public and he’s just “stressed by riots.” When we told her that it’s unacceptable how FFIL responded to me, she said that despite FFIL calling me a “mistake,” FFIL “loves and adores me so much.” FMIL says she believes that he’s such a good man that he never could possibly have called anyone a sandmonkey, so she agrees that he must have been hacked, if not by ISIS then by some agency targeting FFIL.
We asked for him to give us an apology, and days later, FMIL called us saying that FFIL is “fragile” and doesn’t respond well to “aggressive women” because his mother was an alcoholic, so I’m required to “forgive.” She wants me to apologize to FFIL for my “aggression.” She also expressed that she wishes I would convert to Catholicism. FH maintained the lie that I’m “considering conversion,” which makes my blood boil (but that’s a separate issue, I guess). FMIL also believes that FFIL didn’t use the term “white genocide,” and if he did it was defensible, and she believes this because FFIL said he never used that term.
FH expressed to FMIL that this incident, plus a long history of delusions, makes him worry for his father’s mental state, and that our therapists (who we started seeing because of this incident) think that he possibly is psychotic and possibly schizophrenic. FH wants to see if there’s any chance he’d be open to talking to a professional (even catholic affiliated counseling or faith based counseling) because he’s worried that the dad’s mental state is regressing as he ages as well. FMIL claims he has ADHD only but that she’ll try to get him help. She’s made no attempt to do so in the past month, despite gentle pestering from FH.
It’s been one month since this incident, and he blocked us on FB with the help on FMIL, who doesn’t think that it’s healthy for him to have access to a public platform, so she also restricted his account to “just me” in the privacy settings. With a few therapy sessions, we decided that little contact is best for us with FFIL, but FH wants to keep FMIL in his life, despite her defending FH’s racism towards me (even including her saying that calling me a “threatening non-Anglo”) was innocent. In the past two weeks, I’ve also learned that when FH was a kid, FFIL threw a hamster at the wall, has called FMIL “stupid” and “in the way of FFIL’s relationship with God.”
The final straw here is that last night, we realized that FFIL unblocked FH and I, and he’s made his posts public. Now he’s posting about how he thinks “white nationalism” is really just “patriotism” and he defends and stands with white nationalists. For me, that’s just too much to hear coming out of the mouth of FFIL, mentally ill or not. FMIL sees no problem with his behavior, and FH is upset, but wants to ignore it and just play nice with his mom. I’m supposed to pretend it doesn’t bother me that she defends his behavior and that FFIL is openly racist, and I’m supposed to smile, have them at the wedding I’m paying for by working four jobs (and having my brown family members at), and go on trips with them. We’re supposed to go fishing with FMIL and FH’s 7 year old nephew in a week, but I kinda feel like I’m just rewarding FMIL with my company and kindness if I were to attend.
I don’t really know what to do. I just feel like I’m in over my head marrying into a family like this, and FH loves me, but isn’t really willing to go no-contact because he thinks he can somehow “fix” his dad. The therapists have told him that it’s not really likely to work out that way. Still, he loves his family, and I understand why he wants to persist. But it does hurt me to feel like I have to accept the strange religious abuse and racist commentary and the gaslighting that FFIL “loves me” and “loves minorities and all religions,” which is almost worse than the abusive behavior itself. I don’t know what advice I’m looking for in particular, but if anyone has thoughts on what to do, please help.
Especially wedding-wise. I just wanna cancel the whole thing and elope, but FH wants a church wedding.
TL;DR: FFIL made a Facebook where he yells about how the non-whites are going to cause a “second Rwanda” against whites, so the whites need to literally arm themselves, among other racist musings; I’m brown, and wish we could go no-contact, but FH is determined to “save” FFIL from his mental illness.
submitted by UnlikelyMantisShrimp to Justnofil [link] [comments]

I stopped speaking to my mom and brother today...

Hopefully it’s just temporary. Hopefully my mom will realize she’s wrong.
When I (F/24) was 4, my parents divorced because my mom cheated on my dad with her ex high school sweetheart and got pregnant. My younger brother was the result of her affair and she ended up marrying her "husband". I refer to him as "husband" because he treats her terribly and is verbally abusive towards her but she's extremely codependent and will never leave.
My mom got custody in the divorce, so I lived with her and her "husband" until I moved out the day after high school graduation. I was maybe 4 years old when they got married, and he was wonderful to me before they got married and he had his own child. Afterwards, he literally became a monster and became verbally abusive and more than once threw me at things and demeaned me to the point that I'm still affected by it today. Through all this, my mom always took his side and he could do no wrong. He clearly had bipolar issues and his mood would change on a whim - I was so scared of him as a child that all he had to do was look at me and I'd burst into tears. He told me I was shit at every hobby I had and told me I was fat so often that I starved myself in high school. There was even a time when he threw me, I landed on top of my bent wrist and I was in pain for months. I told my mom and she told me I was fine, never took me to the doctor I assume because she didn't want to embarrass her "husband". My mom's entire extended family openly hates the guy because he's a terrible person.
I was a troubled teenager and went through some rough patches with my mom growing up, as most females do. I was never out of control or in any legal trouble, just boy crazy and mouthy towards my mom. Her "husband" took my house keys at 17 and I was told I was only allowed to come and go from the house whenever my mom left for work and came home. I wasn't allowed in the house between 6 am and 7 pm and he refused to let me in so I would sit alone in my car in the dollar tree parking lot until it was time for school. Needless to say, I moved out the day after I graduated and never looked back but still keep in touch regularly with my mom. I even tried to be the better person while I was in college and talk to her "husband" for the sake of everyone getting along. I was told that I needed to apologize to him for never "accepting him as my father". Obviously I refused. My mom told me that he's always hated me because at 4 years old I refused to call him dad. Because I have my own dad, and her "husband" never did anything to deserve to be called "dad".
My senior year of college I started dating a black guy (I'm white) and that's when all hell broke loose. My mom's "husband" threatened to divorce her because I was an embarrassment to the family and I wasn’t allowed to go to their house anymore. My own brother is so brainwashed from his dad that he doesn't talk to me anymore and has only texted me 2-3 times in the last 5 years. He constantly tells my brother bad things about me behind my back even though I haven’t spoke to him in years. My own mother started faking "panic attacks" over me dating a black man. I know they were fake because my brother was in walmart with her and she was just fine while texting me that she was having a panic attack. I've kept my distance since all of this, but I do still try to meet up and get dinner with my mom every few months just to see her. I've always been treated as the black sheep of the family, but the irony of it all is that I'm the only one in the family with a happy relationship and a successful career. My mom and her "husband" are both unhappy with their jobs, relationship, and life in general.
The last straw was pulled this morning. I've been planning for weeks to go to my brother's graduation and my mom told me I'd be able to come. His high school is holding graduation at a drive in theater, and each student is allowed to invite 1 car of people. I absolutely hate the idea of sitting in a car with that awful man for 4 hours, but I was going to do it anyways. I don't want to miss my brother's graduation. I never had any plans to stir up an argument with my mom's "husband", my brother's graduation is not the time or place and that would be incredibly selfish. I was even planning to take off work the next day and give him a good amount of money as a grad gift to help with college. My mom informed me this morning that my brother and her "husband" decided that I'm not allowed to come to his graduation because they are afraid I would start an argument. She wasn't even going to tell me, I had to repeatedly ask about event details before she told me. Fucking stabbed me in the chest with that one, that's my brother and I'm being excluded from watching him graduate. And what makes me sick is that I know my mom went right along with it like she always does. She has never once taken my side my whole life even though she'll admit to me that she knows it's wrong.
I'm just so done with that side of my family and the endless bullshit that my mom justifies her "husband" doing. I've never been treated as a part of that family, and as an adult I'm starting to realize I don't want to be part of it anyways. I'm cutting my mom and brother off, hurts like hell, but I think my life will be much happier without them.
EDIT: Wow this really blew up! I SO appreciate all the kind words and advice. Just to address a few things in the comments - I have a wonderful healthy relationship with my dad and stepmom. I have had zero contact with my mom's "husband" for the last 4-5 years. I've done some thinking and I'll still keep in touch with my brother. At 18 he's just a kid and isn't old enough to realize how fucked the whole situation is. I can't fault him for who raised him, and I hope that one day he'll be independent enough to realize how awful of a person his dad is.
submitted by NuttyNectarine to offmychest [link] [comments]

[FINAL UPDATE] My wife wants my permission to sleep with her coworker.

Link to last update: https://www.reddit.com/relationship_advice/comments/ho408v/update_2_my_wife_wants_my_permission_to_sleep/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
So everyone is probably going to be really happy or saying I told you so. To give everyone a quick background, I found my wife sexting a coworker. She ended up telling me that she wanted to meet with him and have sex. I agreed and even tried to accept it. They met up a few weekends ago and then met up again this last weekend. I tried to like it, I tried to be happy for her, and I tried to make her happy. She just kept showing that she really didn’t care for me. First of all, she would not let me set boundaries for them. I told them that I wasn’t comfortable with things and that they needed to stop or at least put a few boundaries in. She refused saying that it wasn’t for me to say what they can or can’t do.
This past weekend is what really did it in for me. She left Saturday morning without showing a care for me in the world. She made me take pictures of her to send to the guy before she left. She left without even giving me a kiss. At first she explained that she would be back that night. Nighttime cane and she was nowhere to be seen. The next morning she tells me that she decided to stay the night with him, without even asking or telling me first. That’s not even the worst part. That night he invited over one of his friends and she messed around with both of them. She didn’t even care to ask me about that first. When she arrived back at the house she told me all of this stuff. I started to get visibly upset. She laughed and said get over it and that it’s not manly.
I couldn’t put up with it any more. She obviously no longer cared for me. No spouse would say anything like this to their partner if they actually cared for them. I was just shocked. At no point in our marriage until the other week did I notice any signs that she would be this way. She had always been the most loving, caring girl that I had ever met. It’s like a flip switched when she met that guy and she changed into a different person. I didn’t know one person could change someone that much and that quickly. I’m 99% sure that she is going to end up dating this guy. She has spent the past few weekends together with him and even talks about him around me.
Last night I told her that if she doesn’t at least put in boundaries that I will leave. She said “ok” and laughed a lot. Without saying another word I packed up some bags and booked a room at the nearest hotel. I’ve told my brother about this situation and he has offered for me to come stay with him for a little while. No one else in my family knows yet. I’ve received many texts and calls from my wife but I have not answered them yet. My brother is going to help me seek a divorce attorney as soon as possible. This marriage is about to come to an end.
Thanks reddit for your comments and support. I should have listened in the beginning. I apologize for being so naive and stupid.
TL;DR - my wife continued to disrespect me and chose to continue to meet with her coworker so I left her.
submitted by flickachicka to cheating_stories [link] [comments]

DATING A DIVORCED MAN 5 Things You Should Know About Dating a Divorced Guy How to Date a Divorced Man  Understand Men 7 Red Flags When Dating a Divorced Man Dating After Divorce For Men  7 Transformational Tips!

Dating Advice, Relationship Advice; The Ups And Downs Of Dating A Divorced Man Dating with a divorced man In the dating world, it’s possible to meet men at different stages of their lives. It’s important to ask the right questions so you can know what you are getting yourself into. Relationships come with their fair share of ups and downs, and it doesn’t get any different when you’re dating a man who’s been recently divorced. As our lives are getting busier by the day, our relationships, too, are coming with an expiration date, if the rising number of divorces are anything to go by. But that doesn’t mean that every divorced guy is whole, happy, and ready for another relationship. In this video, I’ll tell you the red flags to look out for when dating a divorced man so that you don’t get hurt. After watching, I’d love you to leave a comment below and tell the community if you’ve experienced any of these red flags. Dating a divorced man could be the best decision you ever made! Ann says that just because a man is divorced doesn’t mean he’s flawed or damaged. Sometimes relationships end, even after marriage vows and decades. If he learned about himself and about relationships in the process, then he could be great relationship material for you. When dating a divorced man, he has a past he’s bringing into his future with you. Just as you undoubtedly have a past as well. Only, when you’re talking about a divorce the ex could still be in the picture, she could be long gone and he’s still upset, or there could be kids.

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DATING A DIVORCED MAN

7 Red Flags When Dating a Divorced Man Let's jump into the seven red flags to look out for when dating a divorced man. Number one is if he's using the word separated, that means he's still married. Dating a divorced man - 7 Tips You MUST Know - Duration: 17:14. Carlos Cavallo Recommended for you. 17:14. 7 Red-Flags You Should NEVER Ignore ... 4 Dating Tips For Newly Divorced Men - Duration: 13:26. Entrepreneurs in Cars 18,137 views. 13:26. Former CIA Officer Will Teach You How to Spot a Lie l Digiday - Duration: 47:47. What Are The Best Dating Tips For Men in Their 40s - Duration: 11:54. Entrepreneurs in Cars 137,508 views. ... 5 Things Every Divorced Man Should Do Before Starting To Date Again - Prague ... 5 Things You Should Know About Dating a Divorced Guy This video is all about dating divorced men. Now I happen to be a man, but I'm not divorced. Man, I wish I knew someone who is an expert on ...