Dating Agencies for Asperger People - Autistic adults

Entitled Mom Cancels Adoption That Would Better Her Son's Life

Let me start this off by saying that my family has kept this quiet for a VERY long time. It is buried deep down in our roots and has greatly influenced who we are today. It hurts us to talk about, but I think it is time to finally come clean about what happened eight years ago when we decided to go through with adopting a child.
Anyway, here is a little background. Eight years ago, my parents had been thinking about adopting a child and finally decided to suggest it to my sister's and I. We were looking to help change a little boy's life. We hadn't really begun to process what in the world was going on before my mom met a woman we will name Ann. Ann was a nurse and was super sweet, a classic southern bell. Our two families had met in a moment of tragedy, she had miscarried, and my mom's best friend was consoling her. When my mom met Ann, they instantly bonded and became amazing friends.
We met Ann and instantly liked her, and there was a surprise in store. Ann told us that there was an addict mother struggling to raise her eight-month-old child, and she was looking for a good family to adopt HIM.
It was too late. We were under this, let's call her Mary, spell. And we hadn't even met her yet.
When we met Mary, it was an instant hatred. We knew she was struggling with addiction, which is a really horrid disease. She seemed to be very cautious around us. We understood, though. She explained that she got pregnant when she was in college and under the use of drugs. She cut the drugs as soon as she learned about her child but immediately relapsed when the father of her child left her and the baby homeless.
This was after the baby was born, so he was born healthy, thankfully.
When we put eyes on him, we are going to call him Ryan, it was all over. He was so small, sleeping in a little carrier as he suckled his thumb. My entire family shared a look of, this is the one. Mary seemed very open to letting us adopt her child to, in quote, "give him a real home." She was very open to giving us a few nights with him to see how this would work out in a real-life situation. We were happy to do this in a few weeks when we had the proper equipment to care for a young child again (my siblings and I were all long past that age).
A few weeks later, we had constantly seen Ryan, and every time we saw him, he felt more like a part of our family. He especially connected with my middle sibling who has Asperger's syndrome, a disorder on the autistic spectrum. So she struggled to really connect with people.
We all had started to connect with Ryan and started to understand Mary's situation a little bit better. Maybe she was just a struggling mother caught in the ropes of addiction. We were very very wrong.
We took Ryan home for a few nights as a test run to see how things would happen if we did adopt him, and things fit in so well. It was like it was meant to be this way! It makes me tear up to this day thinking about it.
We talked to Mary about our decision to go through with the adoption, we absolutely fell for Ryan. He was the perfect child. A healthy, playful, happy, tearful, child.
We were switching days on and off with Ryan as we went through the adoption papers and stuff like that, and I remember my mom, sister, and I went to a restaurant one time for a meeting with Mary. This is when we first learned something was REALLY wrong. Mary came in very loopy, and we instantly knew that she had been doing something that she shouldn't have. She had the baby, and my mom, being very protective, pulled the carrier out of Mary's arms and asked, very fiercely, what the hell she was doing with a child in the state. I, as the oldest, was ushered to grab the carrier and my middle sibling brought him to the seat not very far away.
Mary made a scene. She started to holler about how we are stealing her baby, and that we were strangers and that we were going to have the police called on us for child kidnapping. This was a huge scene and my mom tried her best to calm Mary down, but Mary glanced to me and pointed a threatening finger to me.
"You," she snarled. "Where is Ryan?" I was frozen in fear, this lady looked like a rabid raccoon trapped in a cage. As a terrified little kid, I shakily lifted a finger to the carrier fight where my sister was, glancing nervously in our direction.
"I can't believe you bastards would STEAL my precious baby! What monsters are you, taking a mother from her child!" My mom was stunned, everyone in the restaurant was looking at the commotion as staff members tried to figure out what the hell was going on. I was crying, my sister was crying, my mom was getting ready to scream at Mary. But she had to remain calm or else something bad was going to happen.
"You are not taking Ryan in this state!" My mom hissed, catching Mary off guard. Mary seemed to awaken from her high or whatever she was on. She apologized to everyone on there, claiming bipolar (which I have and is nothing compared to this). We eventually left the restaurant in embarrassment and Mary admits that she was upset because her cat died. The cat was sick and her family had to scrape pennies and quarters to take it to a vet. This is being literal, they scraped pennies under the couch and searched the entire house, according to Mary.
We ended taking Ryan that night with a sour taste in our mouths.
Fast forward a few months and more strange occurrences keep on happening, but, at this point, we are so far into the adoption papers that there is no backing out, we wouldn't anyway. We loved Ryan and absolutely despised Mary.
By the time that we learned the date that we were to receive Ryan, we continued to get more excited. Every day was one day closer to getting our little brother!
However, as the days went on, the more we dug up about Mary's past. She had manipulated multiple men for money and drugs.
Finally, the day came. We had Ryan in our care that night, and at noon, Mary and we would be meeting to finalize the documents and officially finish the whole adoption. We met and things did not go as planned. Mary came with her parents, two older people, and they both looked so sad to put up with their daughter's shit. What happened next surprised us. Mary tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and sat down in front of my parents.
"I'm canceling the adoption." Wait, what? It was horrible, this was the day of his adoption, we had one hour before this was our little brother! One fucking hour!
"You can't do that, Mary," my mom whispered brokenly as my dad stared blankly to her parents, slightly shocked.
"Well, I am. I decided that he is better off with me and that I don't feel comfortable with you guys having him. I'm sorry, but that's just how I feel."
"What about all the baby stuff we got him, all the hours we cared for him, everything we did for him for these past months. My daughters have found their little brother, you can't just do this." My mom started to sob as my dad grabbed her hand. At this point, my siblings and I started to cry. Everyone around us started to turn heads, but everything else was otherwise calm. Until now.
"I can't help you did that! He's my child! I do what I want with him!" Mary snapped as my mom's tears started to turn into loud sobs. Ryan was sleeping quietly, but if only he knew what was going on.
"Please," I whispered, "don't do this." I was little, maybe ten, but the look Mary gave me was a wicked one. It was so evil.
"We does it matter to you? This is adult stuff!"
"And he's my brother!"
"No. He's. Not!" Mary shouted at me as I started to cry frantically. My dad grabbed me and my sisters away as my mom and her backup, Ann, showed up to help calm the situation. My dad took us away to the car and told us that everything would be okay. But it wasn't. I remember seeing Mary leaving with the carrier and that being the last time I ever saw Ryan.
My whole family hurt, it felt like a death in the family. This was our little brother, and, now, we could no longer see him.
What happened next was even more disturbing. Mary decided to give Ryan away to her paralyzed brother who already had one of her little boys, which, after a lot of crying and thinking, we decided was the best situation. She entered rehab and we never knew what happened to her.
TW: Ryan's uncle (the new dad), a year later, killed himself. Ryan then lived with his stepmother. The stepmother remarried but didn't want the children, so she gave them to a cousin and that is where Ryan is now. He is nine or so now, and I am sobbing thinking about it.
I had to get this off my chest. I haven't seen or heard about Ryan in a long time because it is too painful to think about. My middle sibling has pushed it past her, but every now and then I can see that it still haunts her to think about. I remember the yelling to this day.
I wish I could speak to Ryan and Mary one last time and just ask why. I would give Ryan a big hug and tell him that he is loved and that there is a family out there that will always have him in their hearts forever. I would confront Mary and ask her how she could be so selfish. Ryan will always be my little brother.
There's one last thing. Every since this fiasco happened, I knew I would see adoption sometime in my future. I am too young and only now entering college. This past year, I learned that I am infertile. It was beyond devastating, but something in me guessed that maybe this was all part of a bigger plan. If I ever have children, it will be through adoption. It might be four-legged children or two. I don't know. I just know that there is a plan for me with adoption one way or another.
Thank you for reading.
submitted by AriDreams to entitledparents [link] [comments]

I don't feel like an adult woman despite being in my 30s

I am in my 30s but I don't feel like an adult woman. I don't know how to explain it in a way that people understand but it just feels like I'm stuck at around 13-14 years old and never really progressed past that age.
The things most women my age like I don't like. I find myself drawn towards what teenage girls are wearing or styling themselves rather than 30 something women styles. I don't like drinking alcohol and I feel I have nothing in common with women my own age. When I talk to women my own age it feels like they are miles ahead of me and that I am talking to my mom or something. I feel incredibly uncomfortable looking or feeling too mature, it feels like some kind of dysphoria, like my mind doesn't match my body. I have never had a career or a job above entry level, I have kids but my husband is the more mature adult and supports me and I feel like a teen mom, to the point where people often think I am one and I can't make mom friends because I have nothing in common with them other than being a biological female and a parent. I am functional practically, I can do just about any daily task, I keep my house clean, my children are safe and physically cared for, I can cook meals, I can navigate and organize trips out . I just feel socially and emotionally impaired and like I'm stuck in the past.
My husband truthfully feels like my guardian as well as my husband. I feel like he has to make decisions for me and be in charge otherwise I don't feel secure. For people from his cultural background this is normal for women anyway and women have lower authority than men, which is probably why he is accepting and isn't abusive or abnormal. I tried dating white American men and they either abused me and were into perverted things that they wanted to involve me in so I had to leave or they hated the fact that our relationship wasn't equal and found me strange. The ones who didn't want to prey on me weren't interested. I'm actually happy that non violent men who are willing to be in charge from cultures like my husband's exist otherwise I would just remain a spinster.
The thought of being a middle aged woman, looking like one and having to live up to social expectations of being a middle aged woman really distresses me, to the thought where I just want to pause time. I know it will happen one day and I will probably end up as an embarrassment to my kids.
I was diagnosed with aspergers as a child and haven't really given it much thought but I wondered if this was why and if any others feel the same way.
Posting this was uncomfortable and I'm aware I'm likely going to get negative judgement which I will ignore . If a comment seems negative I won't continue reading it and I will instantly block whoever made it. I'm not looking for those type of comments. They don't add anything to my life.
submitted by Cool-Company-210 to aspergers [link] [comments]

Grandma wants me to live 30+ years in the past and thinks im stupid

My an undiagnosed Paranoid Schizophrenic...when I was younger it was horrible as she’d go off on the smallest infractions to her rules. She verbally and emotionally abused my mother as a child and this is why my mother has no contact with her. I have ADHD and Aspergers so I’m the only one in the family that can put up with it but now my patience is between thin and nonexistent.
So i have an amazing bf, he’s sweet, smartass, likes gaming and enjoys cuddling me. All in all he’s a damn good man.
Well my grandma while she wont admit it believes women should dress up all fancy and shit for dates. So everytime my bf and I go out she almost always comments on my outfits. Saying i should dress up nicer, nit wear shirts etc. This blows my mind because due to the lockup NO ONE CAN GO ANYWHERE NICE ENOUGH FOR THAT. The most recent example is last wednesday, I put on my more colorful clothes since usually i go dark and somber. I had on gorgeous golden orange dangly earrings, a pair of shorts and a ruffle style short sleeved shirt with flowers on it in light pinks, blues and greens. I get ready to go out and she has the balls to talk to me.
Grandma: You should wear something nicer. Me: I literally have on the nicest shirt i own, earrings, a necklace, and lipgloss. We’re going drinking at his buddy’s house. Why the crap would i bother getting all dolled up for that? Stop trying to get me to wear things like has changed. Us ladies do not need to wear uncomfortable dresses and skirts with a pound of make on our face. Now I’m going because he’s already here.”
She started to say something but stopped and i just went on, drank with my bf and his buddies, we all had a lovely time! I understand that I live with her but this woman lets me walk around the trailer at night with no top on and just shirts or panties like its no big deal, but expects me to wear ‘nice clothes’ when going on a casual more gathering type date than anything. WTF?
Now here’s where she thinks’s I’m stupid....I’m limited on cooking yes I’m aware. But that doesn’t mean I don’t know how to clean. I know how to mop and all that shit. She knows i know how to do this shit! Yet she told me today....before she laid down for a nap, to make sure to rinse out the mop water when it got dirty. I gave her the blankest most ‘do i look retarded to you stare’ and flat out told her I’m well aware of how to mop. I worked closing at every job I’ve had. Mopping is part of it, so is dusting, and dishes, and vacuuming, and sweeping. I then proceeded to go fill the mop bucket and worked.
Sometimes i wonder how someone so fucking idiotic and incapable of common sense has made it this far in life. Like yeah i totally worked closing at four different places and did nothing while the manager counted down the drawers and stuff. Then she wonders why i hide in my room all day.
Well Kathy if you don’t wanna treat me like an adult and someone that has common fucking sense along with cleaning knowledge then why should i bother being around you?
submitted by Haybuggy21 to entitledparents [link] [comments]

How to deal with a mentally ill aging parent?

A little background. I've always believed my dad was a bit "off"... maybe Asperger's but never diagnosed. He is very intelligent but has almost no common sense and doesn't understand abstract concepts at all. Also not an emotional person, he never hugged us as kids. He and my mom divorced when I was very young, he is now 77 and never remarried.
About 20 years ago he began obsessing about his age and looks. He was always a bit shallow and into how he looked, and wouldn't date any women who wasn't much younger and very pretty. Naturally that gets more difficult to do as one ages. For the past few years, he has become depressed and anxious about aging. All he cares about is how the people around him look and make him feel. It's all about him, and really always has been... but it's more concerning as he's much older now.
He retired last year and has a significant amount of money, and way too much time on his hands. He began supporting a woman in her 20s last year, and she ended up stealing money from him. I was able to cut that off, and get rid of her. He was also making bad financial decisions all around so I was able to convince him to let me manage his finances. Thankfully, he won;'t be able to do any financial harm to himself anymore, but the other issues about his mental health are really difficult to figure out.
I was able to get him to a psychiatrist; he had been on a light anti-depressant for many years, and clearly it wasn't working. I sat in on the session, and was blown away by how my dad charmed the doctor into thinking things aren't all that bad for him. It's like he was on a stage and performing. He would make funny comments to lighten things up, and change the topics with stories that weren't really relevant to the questions she asked him, and by the time you knew it the hour was up. In reality, he lays on the sofa for much of the day, cursing himself for being unhappy, saying everything sucks and he can't stand it anymore, and essentially scaring me and anyone else around him. He has had episodes of screaming (not sure how else to describe it, just a loud SCREAM). Physically he is in excellent shape because has taken such good care of his body - really all he ever cared about was how he looked, so he eats well and exercises to some extent, and it;'s very deceiving because he can fool doctors very easily.
He doesn't live with me, but everytime he visits, he lays on my sofa and goes into chat rooms on his phone. He has several women with whom he talks to overseas, and he chats with them all day long. I am not super concerned about scams because he isn't able to send money to anyone without my approval but the more he talks to these strangers, the more depressed he actually seems afterwards. It;s like he needs to connect to someone all day long. Ironically when I ask him why he spends his day talking to strangers overseas he tells me "I have no one else to talk to" . That is bullshit- there is me, and my 3 adult children. All 4 of us make time for him as much as he would like. But he won't engage with us for more than an hour over dinner, and then it's back to his phone and chat rooms.
At one point, I took him to a neurologist to rule out dementia (that was in fact ruled out) and the doctor pulled me aside and said "things with him will get worse as he gets older" meaning my dad's emotional state. Yet as a neurologist, he wasn't really qualified to dx anything from a mental health standpoint- he was just giving me a heads up that I am in for some rough years with my dad.
I guess I am not sure what to do... or maybe there is nothing to do. I have suggested everything under the sun to my dad. Volunteering, a companion, making new friends, etc etc etc. I actually arranged for a companion for him thinking he could take walks with this person, she was about 50 years old and in great shape, I thought maybe she could motivate him. Instead he purposely no-showed the first time they were to meet, even though he had told me he was ok with trying it out. He's done this before. Allowed me to set things up, then canceled or just no-showed. There is always some drama in his life - he has had 5 or 6 cycling accidents in the past few years, and I am not saying he falls on purpose, but I do think he likes the process of getting seen by the doctors and getting this kind of attention. He is always saying his stomach hurts or he's very tired ,and literally every day there is some issue like this that he seems to want to believe is an actual health problem.
I have been dealing with this for a while now, and that said, I do have clear boundaries and I don't wear myself out... I have my own life too, and I did learn that I have to disconnect from his issues, so that's not a problem thank goodness. I just hate to see a person like this, so miserable, and yet so unwilling to help themselves with meds or making different choices that could lead to a happier life. He could live another 20 years or so. I am just not sure what -if anything- I can do.
submitted by nevadamba to AgingParents [link] [comments]

I (17F) want to break the “friendship” between me and my Asperger “friend”, (20M) but I don’t know how, because there’s a good chance he’s going to kill himself afterwards

Rough title, but please let me explain from the start.
The time I (17F) met “March” (around 20-21M) for the very first time, started in a very simple way:
He was a guy who liked theatre, I was a girl who liked theatre and we both enrolled in our High school's drama class to continue our interests.
March was a bit older ( around 2-3 years ) and very, very eccentric. The best I could describe I would have described him back then, was that he was acting a lot like a character from story of “Alice in Wonderland” - the March Hare to be more exact. A bit of an out-of-the-norm oddball, with a particular fashion choice and unique behaviours that would throw off most people. Things like asking a person “Do you think yellow is a secret colour?” or talking about how “maybe there are tiny lizards living in that lamp” without any context, explanation or thought process were the norm. Ya know. Weird, but in a charming, funny way, henche the nickname here.
The way we connected were mostly our club’s practices. It was a wonderful time with our little “family” lead by our “mother” aka our drama teacher, which would also result in meetings beyond school, like birthday parties and trips to small restaurants.
Now comes the problem:
Even before I was diagnosed with ASD –autism spectrum disorder- aka Asperger one to two years later, March and I were often put together as an “eccentric couple”. In a platonic way I mean; like the Mad Hatter who is drinking tea with the March Hare. In the beginning I had no problem with this –he was part of my family after all – and hey, as he also had ASD, we could maybe even stick together better, right? Well…not exactly.
As time passed, I felt like people started to expect me more and more to “take care” of March and his antics. Now, okay, this is a phenomena that has generally happened a lot in my life; people coming to me with their problems, expecting them to solve them even though I have no qualifications for the job (Maybe I just look like the person that has her act together?), however this time it started bothering me a lot - and March was NOT a big help.
It was about 1 ½ years before his graduation, when he started…spiralling out of control.
Again it started simple: A “hello” on WhatsApp here and there, a small conversation over text and maybe even a cute picture of his cat…till the nudes started. Mind you: Not nudes from HIM or another girl, but rather from other guys HE was interested in. Send with an absolute weird timing, like 3am on a school night. In most cases these guys were boys he would be texting & sexting, in other cases they were random pictures he found on the Internet. No matter the case; he’d always end up wanting to “discuss” the pictures with me. He’d ask if I liked them and if he should like them. Like literally: He asked me if he liked what he saw, which, as a person who is on the asexual spectrum (aka I don’t get excited by pure meat) never knew how to answer to.
And it sadly didn’t end there. He continued. Again during the weirdest parts of the day he would randomly message me about either random stuff (“Do you think frogs fly at night?”), current problems about his daily life and his… life again. Problems I was never the right person to solve by a mile. Example: When I was around 15-16yo, he asked me how to quit his apartment & move to another one. What should I say? “Idk, click on “cancel subscription”? “ Or when he told me that this new guy he hooked up wanted to do bondage with him and if he should try it. HOW. AM. I. THE RIGHT. PERSON? (Answer: I am not and was not.)
But okay, I started to ignore most of his Mumbo Jumbo and everything started to go smoothly for a while. However, while the Mad Hatter slowly left, it became more and more apparent that the March Hare would remain stuck in the same tea party. In the same seat. Frozen in the same time. After a while he probably started to realise that. And as you could expect he didn’t take it well.
His messages started to become very self loathing. Message after message he would talk about how terrible he was. How much of a parasite, how he didn’t serve to live etc. I was very shocked at these messages and…as naïve as I was, first thought he would just have a depressive meltdown and tried to build him up again. Again and again, but it did not end! When I tried to ignore his walls of text (which became more and more melodramatic by the minute) he send me more and more and more till I replied. At one point, he straight up talked about suicide. About how he wanted to kill himself, how he didn’t want to live anymore. He also stopped replying. When I tried to cheer him up he would straight up ignore me and just continue talking.
It was torture. Not only was I –AGAIN – the wrong person for this case (there’s a reason therapists went to college first), but I was also dealing with my own heavy depression which is why this topic made me break down even more.
During these times I had no one to talk about March. In our theatre family and even outside I was passively seen and even partially expected to be his “caretaker”. “Oh, don’t be so harsh to him, he just has no one to talk to”, “What do you mean he is weird? You are also weird?”, “He’s just sensible and looks to you for guidance.” Every time I tried to explain my problems, the role of the play were presented to me. No one cared that I was also a person who had Asperger. No one cared that I was a person with problems, or with a limited level of sanity & patience.
No, it was him who was pitied. He was treated like a poor, vulnerable puppy that had crawled onto my doorstep and had nowhere to go. Only that he was a near grown-up man who would go off to university and live on his own.
The only time I had someone to remotely talk about March, was when he decided to also message another girl that was in our theatre-family and which is when we finally got him to seek professional help (though I don’t know if he’s actually in therapy atm).
After he graduated, I luckily heard less and less about him. There was still the occasional birthday party, but the messages stopped.
Or so I believed.
Now I was the person who was about to graduate and as you can imagine; I was (still am) stressed as hell. My final exam, having to apply to university, applying for my driver’s liscence, advancing my interest in filmmaking and even though I had finally gotten help for my depression (basically had myself committed after a heavy breakdown), the transition from teen to “responsible adult” weighed heavy on my shoulders. It was the only and first time in forever when I managed to stand up to March. In a passive aggressive tone I told him how much I didn’t need his nonsense right now, to which he was first taken aback. Afterwards, he immediately turned on the pity-show, apologizing for being such a bother and stopped talking to me for weeks, which I really needed.
However, even after all that I never thought about cancelling our friendship.
Or well…”friendship” in quotation marks.
March was never really a real “friend” for me to begin with. He was part of our family. Like don’t get me wrong; I didn’t hate him or anything, but to me, he was never more than a friendly acquaintance. A good guy with admirable acting skills, a good acquaintance, a good colleague to work with –those things, but never did I ever felt a friendship-like connection to him. However, thanks to influence from outside and partially inside, I kept suffering slowly. Drowning slowly in this pretty much parasitic relationship.
Because he kept coming back. Back and back.
So what was the thing that broke the camel’s back? Well, it was actually very simple.
It was a few weeks after the written exams. I was preparing to take my CAE, aka my English Camebridge exam, aka basically the exam for non-native English speakers to register their level in a certain language. To reduce the stress, I went for a C1 (second best, needed to study abroad) instead of C2 (native speaker level) and started studying extremely hard, when –you guessed it, March slipped into my dms.
I wasn’t surprised. He messaged me regularly during my exams week in an…surprisingly “normal” tone, so maybe I let my guard down a bit too much. He basically asked if we could meet up to “do sport” (the only big sport I do is jogging?) and I told him alright, but only after this whole ordeal, because I’m currently very stressed and can’t take anything rn. He acted like he understood and wished me good luck.
Two hours passed.
He texted me how much he was a plague to the world, how nobody likes him, how he has nothing to do with his life yadda yada Etc. The usual.
And you know what? I had enough of it! Just a few hours ago, I told him how stressed I was! How I was not the girl to comfort him and to remind you: I’m STILL not a professional to deal with this shit! So, after a long talk with my father about it (only person that I can partially talk to, because he’s neutral to the shit, though he hates to get involved in other people’s problems) and the help of a video “Things about Relationships I wish someone told me about” (a video about the different aspects of relationships from Jaiden Animations), I figured it was finally time to break it off.
The relationship I had with March had turned into a one-way parasitic relationship. Because he couldn’t deal with his life. Because he was afraid of making decisions on his own and failing in making relationships he had started to cling to me in every way possible.
Just yesterday he asked if I could study with him. I –a high school graduate – with him –a university student.
However, I just don’t know how I should start it. I don’t just want to block him, because that wouldn’t solve the thing, but I also don’t want to play pretend. Furthermore I worry about his mental health. Sure, I know that if he decides to off himself it’s not per se my fault. I’m not responsible for anyone’s happiness and need to tend to my own little ecosystem first, before I can engage with other people’s problems.
But I also don’t want to go all out and basically crush everything he has.
So, does anyone know how to end this mad, mad tea party?
submitted by Lionoras to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

Husband continues to lie about strip clubs and hiding money

My husband [28M] and I [28F] have been married for 2.5 yrs, dating for 7 years. Within the 7 years (that I have full proof and know of) he has cheated on me once, gave me chlamydia, talked to ex gfs behind my back, and gone to strip clubs on several occasions even when we didn't have money to pay our bills. I would be working 2 jobs + going to college and picking up round the clock shifts to get us by while he was getting lap dances not coming home until 3-5AM on a weekly basis. It got so bad that in 2016 we formally split, I kicked him out and things started getting better. 6 months later he said he'd been to counseling, didn't want that lifestyle and wanted to be a family. I let him move back in because I thought he had genuinely changed. We got married a year later.
Since we were married there have been several occasions where he has gone out again until 2-5AM with his friends, all of which are recently single/newly divorced. His phone magically turns off every time he is out with them and he uses Cash app and 2 credit cards I don't have access to view the accounts to hide money.
Last night at a party his friend's wife was tipsy and made a joke about them going to strip clubs (I guess she's comfortable with her husband going). My husband overheard and I immediately knew that the previous incident he gas lit me about was actually 1000% true and there was no denying it.
We fought badly. He finally admitted that he went one time. He refuses to admit he's been more than that but I know from the missing money, the turning his phone off to go out, and him coming home drunk at 4AM this wasn't a one time thing.
He tries to justify it by saying he didn't want to go but he was being supportive of his single friends dealing with bad breakups/divorces (true birds of a feather). His friends cheated on their exes all the time too, but if the wives/gfs in the group told each other we were all gas lit as "starting drama" and "not minding our own business". It's always an excuse like it was torture, he didn't really want to go but he got dragged there against his will to PAY to get a girl to twerk naked in his face all night.
I rarely drink--I'm a recovered alcoholic who does the 2 drink rule now or just remain abstinent to be on the safe side. At the party I felt super uncomfortable around his friends, so I drank a whole bottle of wine and a few beers. At first I wanted to just loosen up, but once I start drinking socially it's hard for me to stop. When I heard the strip club joke from his friend's wife, it's like an atomic bomb dropped in my stomach. He overheard our conversation and pretended to be asleep, so I took him aside privately, shut the door, and we started fighting.
After the fight and paying $60 for an uber home (he left me there bc he couldn't stand being confronted), I got home and continued the confrontation bc he kept pretending I was being ridiculous about the accusations. He started gas lighting me again just like before. I was so angry that he kept lying that I let it all out in a flash of rage and started hitting him. Hard. I slapped him so many times and so hard that I have bruises on MY hands when I woke up this morning. I've never hit him before intentionally, but at the moment it was like an out of body experience I wanted him to just TELL THE TRUTH and he was acting like he had done nothing wrong which just made me even more angry to the point that I started hitting nonstop. I couldn't even see where I hit him bc I was crying and screaming "TELL THE FUCKING TRUTH, JUST SAY IT YOU FUCKING LIAR!"
I didn't realize until after about 5 mins and him throwing me off of him what I had done. I feel ashamed. Like a viscous monster who can't control herself. But part of me feels incredibly hurt we've been through this so many times. The same lies the same routine. I keep taking him back, which is my fault and I'm not only furious with him I'm more furious with myself letting it happen again. It's a wound that never healed and each time is a fresh dagger through the heart, with a new twist. Instead of apologizing for anything, he finds a way to make it my fault for being "controlling". As if I should be ok with his bad behavior. Or he changes the subject to say how bad of a wife I am bc all I do is make him unhappy, like I deserve to be cheated on.
We had a miscarriage last year from stress. Between panic attacks waiting for him to come home and the pressure of finishing school I became so stressed the baby lost its heart beat. Since then my sex drive has been low to nonexistent bc I'm afraid of getting pregnant again. I don't want to have sex with him bc I'm afraid of where he's been and feel repulsed when he tries to be intimate after being gone all night. These are all my fault as well.
Obviously he is disrespecting our marriage and what we've agreed is appropriate for what we're comfortable with the other person doing. However, everyone I've talked to about this says I'm overreacting by setting these arbitrary boundaries about strip clubs and being upset that he would rather spend money on strippers than putting it towards our home finances or even taking me out once in awhile (we never go anywhere just us, only out with his shitty friends).
Obviously I feel horrible, disgusted, and ashamed of being physically abusive. I know that his toxic behavior and years of emotional abuse doesn't make it right, but I also feel like he backed me into a corner and kept pushing me to stand up for myself. Since I usually just cry and have doors slammed in my face, silent treatment, or walls punched because everything is "my fault" I think I just let my emotions get out of control from all the years of stifled rage.
I want a divorce. I've told him that about every 6 months since we've been married. This isn't the first of these strip club fights. Aside from me being obviously wrong for physical abuse, am I wrong for being angry about the lies? I imagine that the strip clubs are the tip of the iceberg and I'm terrified of getting more STDs or who knows what if he got a girl pregnant, etc. On top of all that it's downright humiliating that everyone else knows he does this to me and is perfectly fine with it in his group of friends. Like I'm the crazy jealous woman who's super controlling because I expect him to not lie or hide money? And I'm selfish for not wanting him to spend time with his friends?
Right now I don't know what to do next. Since I'm finishing my final semester in college I've quit my job to keep up with the heavy course load, so I'm 100% financially dependent on him and it will take me awhile to get a job and on my feet again. Our home is in both of our names, but tbh I want to just run away if possible. I can't stand being around him I get triggered by his presence and he's already threatening to cut me off financially just to prove a point that I need him. I don't have family/friends I can stay with either. I'm very scared and not sure what I can actually DO to get out after finding a job since it will take at least a month to save some money for my own place.
I think the only reason he pretends he wants to be with me is because he's using me for immigration. We just started the process last year and have spent thousands. Tbh it's the only reason we got married married. We'd been engaged 5 years before that, but we were worried with Donald Trump he would lose his legal residency.
I'm worried after a week or two when the fighting has cooled down he's going to be Casanova to get me back again like every other time. And like every other time I was so alone and wanting love that I will fall for it again. I've been in love before and I know what it feels like when someone truly loves you vs. when they're using you. This is use and emotional abuse. I kept thinking things would change and the patterns keep repeating. I feel emotionally defenseless and vulnerable because I never know what to expect hence the panic attacks. Sometimes I wonder if he's a sociopath but that might be extreme. Who knows. Anyways, this relationship is the quicksand of my life and I'm trying to claw my way out and desperately need help.
TL;DR: my husband has been lying about going to strip clubs (and God knows what else) for years. I caught him red handed AGAIN and I'm ready for divorce. This fight got especially nasty, I was physically abusive and released years of pent-up rage. We've agreed to get a divorce, but I'm not sure what to do to protect myself financially/legally since I'm a full time student without a job (getting one asap to save for a new place) and he is dependent on me for his immigration status as a legal permanent resident in the process of getting a green card. It's a catch 22 of toxic dependency both ways. I need advice what to do next besides getting a job and lots of therapy. How can I protect myself from more emotional abuse/trauma??? Should I feel guilty about divorce and him losing his immigration status?
Any advice? Thanks in advance❤
Edit: I'm already in weekly therapy for emotional counseling and clinical psychotherapy every 3 months for adult Asperger's (ASD)
submitted by mercikillinz_tv to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

My son and boyfriend don't see eye to eye, and I'm lost.

Hello. Cross posted this, but I like to get much more insight. Maybe if I make it clearer this time...
For starters, I'm a a man that had my son at a young age. I was a teenager, basically, when he was born, but I had wanted him, nonetheless. I had custody of him because of his mother's inability to be apart of his life, so I raised him alone, with the help of my older brother and his wife, until he was 5. Custody issues arose then, and I had been in the military, so my schedule and unavailability was basically a clear road for my ex to get him back. To say the least, she had isolated him from me, and I hadn't been apart of his life growing up. After leaving the military and getting a steady job, I got full custody of my son when he was 16, given his mother had taken quite a dark path. It's more personal than not, but this is just background information that's needed.
My son is almost 20 now and he had gotten into a serious accident with his abusive boyfriend before Quarantine. He had been staying with me and my boyfriend, who I had been dating for a few months, while he healed and picked himself back up. I was overjoyed to have him back, since he had been living away from home, but he had been back since the Universities shut down from the pandemic. My boyfriend, however, hadn't been as thrilled.
For starters, we had been dating for a little over a year. He hadn't been around my son a lot due to him being away for Uni and generally not being around as often when he did visit. My boyfriend has a lot of trauma and mental disorders that hinder him, such as Asperger's, PTSD from his parents and other situations, and I think he also has Alexithymia. He doesn't like to talk about his problems a lot, but he has mentioned this before- we just don't focus on it. I know he has trouble attaching to people and expressing or even feeling his emotions, and this includes my son. My son was such a wild child and is quite loud, and my boyfriend just doesn't find him enjoyable. He never voices this to me, but he makes himself scarce when my son is around. It's not that I don't understand, but problems arose from this.
I had tried to introduce them to each other in a way that would try to appease to my boyfriend. My son had learned to stop being so brash and clingy when it came to him and tried to give him space when he needed, but also tried to ease into my boyfriend's daily routine in ways that would be cautious of upsetting him, as his routine is very important to him. My son will try to bond with him, but my boyfriend shuts him down completely. It's gotten to the point where my son says that he leaves him alone completely when I'm at work- even going as far to leaving the house to visit his best friend because he just can't stand being around my child.
My son has some lingering mental effects from his abusive relationship, such as feeling of unworthiness and he absolutely can't stand being alone. It sends him into a panic. I've tried to talk to my boyfriend about this, but he didn't seem to comprehend why I was upset. To be truthful, because of his failed relationship with his parents ( they were horrible people in general, so pushy and strict to him, but he didn't attach to them as a child from what he's told me of never feeling one way or another towards them other than rage ), he doesn't understand my need to be around my son, even now that he's an adult. He feels I might be too doting, or something of the sorts.
I will admit that I have been distancing myself from my boyfriend. Ever since my son's accident, I had been at unease with being apart from him. I like to spend some of my time with him and it seems even splitting attention upsets my boyfriend. He doesn't talk to me about it, but even if I ask, he changes the topic. He's really good at hiding his emotions, since he barely recognizes them. He did try to comfort me over my son once, but I had felt bad because he had never experienced me in a horrible depression rut ( I had bouts in my younger years, but we hadn't been dating at the time ). He had been taken aback in seeing me in a way he didn't recognize, and I just have trouble burdening him, since he has so much to deal with mentally himself. I just don't know how to explain to him that I feel like a failure to my son by not being able to protect him in a way that he understands. We had a long talk about it before, and he didn't seem to get it, only dismissing it in a way so I would calm down. Any other time I understand him, but I can't figure out my words with this.
In the meantime, my son had enough of living with me. He decided to go live with my best friend- who he's known since he was very young- for the remainder of Quarantine. I visited him until social distancing didn't permit it anymore, so I stuck to FaceTiming him often. Randomly, the other day, my partner left the house to stay with his best friend. It only hurt me further because it was during a time where I needed him, but I knew he couldn't be mentally there for me. Having his presence was more than enough and I believe I had been splitting my time. Sometimes, when I would get home from my friend's house, I'd sleep on the couch because the mental burden was too much to go up to bed.
To make matters worse, his best friend would text me making sure I knew I was the cause of my boyfriend's ( ex's? ) steadily declining mental health. Apparently, he felt unwanted and that I hated him because sometimes I wouldn't go up to bed. Maybe it was lack of communication, maybe I wasn't reaching out enough, but I feel like I was an asshole and lost my priorities and duties to him and my son. I feel like I didn't understand enough.
Yes, due to previous comments, I will be looking for therapy, but I wasn't in it before.
It absolutely breaks my heart because I've wanted so hard for this work out. I don't want to see my boyfriend in a bad light, but it hurts, because I'm in love with him so terribly, but I know my child comes first as my duty as a father. I don't know what to do. I just want to know, from your views, if there was even a running chance? Or some insight on the situation. I guess I'm just here to see what anyone has to say, if anything is to be said at all.
I apologize that this was long.
submitted by THROWMINNIE to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

I (24F) have never had sex or a relationship, and don't know how to start now.

Apologies for the English, it's not my first language. I am so bad at redacting, so advance warning this is going to be TL;DR.
----------------------------Next part is long so skip to last paragraph if you like-------------------------
So. I never thought much about wanting a boyfriend, I just kind of thought it would happen one day. Enjoyed being single just fine. But now I'm 24 and have never had a relationship, or even casual fling.
Lately I often think, wouldn't it be nice to have a nice boyfriend to spend time with. To have the type of bond that you can't get from your friends alone. Someone to talk to and cuddle with each day....(Yeah I know, reading that back it sounds pretty immature). I also do want to settle down and have children one day in the future.
Background: I am a pretty normal girl. My friends just think I am private about my sexlife. They would be genuinely surprised to hear I'm a 24yo virgin. I do have mild autism, but I actually have good social/interpersonal skills, and general "street smarts". Not saying I'm so great, just to explain that I am not like e.g. Sheldon Cooper or the asperger stereotype (don't mean to offend anyone, I'm not sure how else to describe).
HOWEVER in the romantic domain I feel like I just didn't mature so fast as my peers did, and am like ~15yo on the inside. Awkward. I didn't know how to talk to men until I was an adult, which probably didn't help. But mostly, I feel like I never became a sexual being, so to speak. I feel like an outsider to the whole world of sexuality. I'm not sure if am asexual? The label doesn't matter much to me anyway. But I have never been "thirsty" (lol), had erotic fantasies, wanted to watch/read porn..., etc. etc.
(NEXT PART POSSIBLY TMI) Neither had I ever masturbated, I just never had the urge. But during lockdown I discovered masturbation (yes, at 24...) and how to make myself orgasm. I've done it lots of times since then. I do enjoy the physical feeling of course, though on one hand, at the moment I feel like it wouldn't bother me that much if I never had one again. So whether I am asexual or just a very late bloomer, either way I would like to have a sexual relationship and have experiences, at least to see what it's like...
My romantic experience is very limited. I have only kissed 2 men. One was just a stranger who flirted with me up at a student party, I was really drunk, you know it goes. When after a while he (respectfully) tried to get a bit more touchy I felt awkward and disappeared. Not so much because I strongly didn't want him doing that, but because I had no idea how to respond to it. It just doesn't come naturally to me.
The other man I met on Bumble, he was a really nice guy and fun to hang out with. We had quite a few dates over about 2 months last Fall, never got serious though. There were times where we would have a makeout session on my bed and it definitely could have gone further, he was on top of me, etc. But I would overthink how I am supposed to be acting, get nervous and tense up and even nervously laugh. So definitely not sexy. Of course he would take it as a sign to back off, and would kindly tell me, don't worry, we don't need to do anything you don't want, etc. and go back to just making out.
It didn't go anywhere in the end. But made me realise I can't be this awkward forever. I kind of feel the only way I could relax would be if we were both really drunk ( In fact that's how all our best dates were...) But that is obviously not sustainable.
TL;DR: Basically I don't want to be Forever Alone™. I am worried that most men my age understandably wouldn't want to be with someone with 0 experience. I also don't really know how to date or flirt with men, and am really awkward in most romantic situations. I'd like to have a relationship, but don't know how to date, nor how to "be" sexual.
Is it too late for me?!
Especially interested to hear from people who had a similar experience, but any advice or anecdotes would be appreciated, if anyone had the patience to read it all!
submitted by throwra_whatgoeshere to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

Undiagnosed Autistic having lightbulb moments galore here...

... hi. I’m asking the internet for advice please. I’m a child type woman in her 40’s who very recently is beginning to realise that autism is what I have. Ive been living with the diagnosis of Social Anxiety disorder with depression and agoraphobic tendencies, for all of my adult life. And going through all of the associated meds and therapies with little results. What has helped me somewhat, to function in the world has been benzodiazepines. I’m currently just over half-way through a (nother) Valium taper, which is exacerbating all of the symptoms. I feel I need to be assessed and diagnosed. I’m ‘high-functioning’ in that I was above average academically and insightful. But the social aspect of the world leaves me dumbfounded. I’m more or less totally socially isolated, living alone with my two cats. I’m struggling to trust those few people who I have in my life (my mother and a couple of friends). Btw; I can’t be with even these people at the moment not unless I have alcohol in my system. I’ve been reading lots about Austin and Asperger syndrome and consequently having lots of light bulb moments where; oh my word, all of my life is beginning to make more sense. I’m in the UK, and yesterday rang up an NHS autism assessment / diagnosis centre locally. I have the form to complete, as soon as my brain allows me some clarity to do that. I’m scared and relieved by the thought of being assessed. Hopeful though, that I may be offered support and help tailored to me rather than an out-dated diagnosis I received in the late 90’s. My main question right now is, do I make the centre aware that I’m in withdrawal from Valium ? The obvious answer is yes, or I’ll not be assessed properly. But, I’m also aware of something a key worker at a local drug and alcohol centre told me about his journey. He told me that when he was in the process of coming off benzodiazepines, he lied to assessment services in order to get the urgent support he needed. Or he thought he needed. I’m not a big fan of lying. And wish to be as transparent as I can. However, I’m also suffering in silence alone and feel I need to communicate with someone who has experience of the autistic spectrum and how to begin to manage my brain and behaviour. This is the first time I’ve talked about autism. What do you guys feel is the best course of action?
Thank you !
submitted by catchitmike to AutisticAdults [link] [comments]

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My fiancé and I he's white I'm African-American (my parents emigrated from Sierra Leone 35 years ago) he's 29 and I'm 27 have been engaged for two years. His family HATES me. They call me handicapped and unstable are racist and ableist. It started back in September 2017 when I met them in person when they came up to RI from SC. They're both Trump supporters and don't believe that racism or ableism exist. More on that in a moment. My fiancé and I are both social democrats who backed Bernie in 2016 and 2020. They came up to visit and cooked us dinner. I was wearing a BLM shirt. At this time we were friends on fb and they could see everything I post mostly news latest Trump happenings. I'm aggressively anti-racist. So when they settle in we talk about the weather etc pleasantries, Hurricane Maria... I like talking about current events so I brought up aid for PR and my future FIL goes "you can't blame this one on Trump" loudly and defensively... I was like ok??? So my future parents in law are functional alcoholics. On the 14hr car ride up his mom had a VOS waterbottle filled with Vodka. So my fiance and future FIL went to pick up some wine from the liquor store. Where my future FIL mentioned that I was pretty but should not wear that shirt because people will think I'm part of a terrorist organization and that he wouldn't hire me because of my political posts on Facebook my future in laws both mentioned to me that they like all music but rap and hip hop. So we're eating dinner together and his mom is two bottles deep at this point loudly asks about my abusive mother we try to change the subject but she wants to know what I have against mothers and if I'm sure my mother was abusive because she was a good mother. Then I mention to them that I have cerebral palsy in passing not a huge deal and tell them how it affects me. So after that draining 5 hour experience we're glad they left. So the next morning we sleep in and his mom is livid! She tells us the plans for lunch and my fiance checks if I'm good with them. FMIL starts screaming that she asked him not me and that he shouldn't let me control him. So we go out to lunch and then take a walk on the beach but I don't feel like walking so I sit on the bench my fiance not wanting to leave me alone joins me... I didn't ask. The next day my fiance had a D&D game which his mom didn't like so she choked him while taking him that surely the game isn't more important than his mother who drove 14 hours. I'm livid and dumbfounded. But I go back to my apartment at this point. So my fiancé takes a half day off work to spend with them on their final day here. They tell him he shouldn't date someone with a handicap (keeping in mind he has asperger's) ask why my parents haven't bought me a car yet, and ask him if he's sure he wants to take on this burden.
July 2018 My FIL decided to rent a beach house in NC for my fiance and I, his parents and brother and sister in law. So we're excited to go and think it's going to be great. While making conversation, I share about an experience I had where a pharmacist suggested that I belong in an institution because I can't use a pill cutter MIL asks why I'm not mad at the pharmaceutical company for not making a pill that doesn't need to be cut. His parents also found it intolerable that I cared about paid family leave since I didn't have a kid His parents brought up how everyone in Greensboro got a car when they turned 16 they either worked or their parents bought them one so I asked what if they couldn't work... she kept responding that they work for it... how when their parents didn't sign a work permit so I lost after a year asking why my parents hadn't bought me a car they're like everyone magically gets a car.
The final incident happened on July 4 2018 I'd had it with making everything worse so I hid in the room for 2 days so I don't bother them. My fiancé brought it to a head to try and fix things. So I ask what are safe topics of conversation and FMIL is like you can talk to us about anything so I'm not going to tell you she repeated this over and over. So I asked what I could do to make things better... ske tells me that I need to act like a human being. When I confront her on this she lunges at me and tried to attack me. My future FIL is like you can't get upset because we don't agree with you... keeping in mind we agree on transportation and its importance because my future SIL and fiancé both got cars when they were 16. So I confront FMIL about the fact that she doesn't think I'm human and my future FIL standing a foot away is like no one said you weren't human... We planned to get engaged on this vacation so we did on July 4 and right after my fiance's mom gave him a 45 minute lecture on why he shouldn't marry me asking about how he knows my mother is abusive since he didn't grow up in an abusive home. Asking him about why he chose someone who is handicapped etc so we leave a day early. I graduated with my master's in May 2018 and we officially moved in together. We also made plans to move an hour north to be closer to larger metro area for my job search. My dad had been working with my fiancé to get me a car. The deal was the car would be in my fiancé's name but I would make the payments. So his parents found out and in October of 2019. future FIL told my fiance Rumsey he was going to take care of the loan they needed a car anyway... so the plan was future FIL would get the money together and my fiance wouldn't tell me until I noticed my car missing and then he'd tell me his dad bought it
January 2020 His mom sent him an email demanding answers.
I know that you don’t like hard questions and you don’t like giving hard answers. The answer to any of these questions is not “Wow, how about that sports team?” We should have had a more thorough conversation with you when you visited at Christmas 2018, but 2020 seemed an eternity away and we felt we had ample time for conversations. Well, 2020 is here and the time for easing into tough conversations has passed. It seems that you are intent on marrying (me). From the outside looking in, this seems to have nothing to do with love, commitment, shared interests, etc. It looks from the outside like you want to “rescue” (me) and make her better. I disagree that marriage is the way to do that, but you are over 21 and an adult. Marriage is ultimately a merger between families. Relationships take time and effort. Our interactions with me have not been positive to say the least. We have had no conversations with her since July 2018. Our impressions have not changed, but truthfully, she had made no effort to change those impressions. Forgive our skepticism. 1. Please forward to us the contact information for (my) Mom and Dad. If we are going to be family, we would like to take responsibility for creating this relationship. 2. Please provide wedding details: a. Venue with address b. Number of guests c. Schedule for rehearsals, parties, ceremony, etc. d. What you expect us to provide e. In what events are we expected to participate f. How formal is the wedding g. How long do you want us in Michigan 3. Please provide the name and address of my work. If we have a family emergency and can’t get hold of you, we will need to contact (me). 4. Exactly what is her diagnosis? Both physically and mentally? Is she on medication for any of these things? As potential support for you during her illnesses, we need to know. 5. Are you going to reconcile with your sister and brother in law 6. Have you thought and discussed with you superiors the ramifications of your job and potential for advancement if you marry someone with mental illness who is a first generation citizen? 7. Do you know for certain exactly how much my student loan debt is? Have you seen the paperwork? Once you get married, if I have had income based payments, your income will affect how much those payments are going to be. Also, if those payments put you in a bind, it will affect your ability to retain or achieve a higher job. You know our feelings on this, but they in no way affect how we feel about you. We love you beyond measure.
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submitted by 27JJulbarium to u/27JJulbarium [link] [comments]

The Self Deprecation of Frankenstein Girls Made Me A Better Person (And You Can Too!)

Frankenstein Girls was definitely one of the most, if not the most, influential albums for me growing up. When my retarded friends and I decided that we were to fulfill our upper middle class suburban white kid birthrights of starting a band, it was this album that was the blueprint for how a band should present themselves. The songs were short, they were catchy, the melodies aggressive with lots of Atari-marinated hip hop beeps and blips. But above all else, one of the striking themes of that album was making fun of oneself.
Coming from a place of mall Hot Topic teenagers at a very preppy school we weren’t ‘bullied’ but we were different. The football kids never picked on us or called us ‘freaks’ like in many schools around the country, we would still hang-out after-school if we were neighborhood friends and kill it in Mario Kart, Smash Bros and laugh about movies. But we weren’t the best of buddies. The jocks stuck with the jocks, the few black kids at our school joined forces, same with the Japanese and Korean kids. There were the popular girls and a few clicky unidentifiable friend groups (my wife happened to be in one of those at my high school and we met in Home Economics class, super cute RIGHT?). And since we were in such a small number the goths, skaters, and nerds all sort of joined into a megacollective.
But we were still different.
We were definitely the least adjusted of the kids at school, relying on one another to fill emotional roles that we didn’t get from familial exchanges and were very tightly knit. But this band that was brought into my life changed my attitude and outlook on life. It was okay to make fun of yourself. This fundamental part of Frankentein Girls was short lived, but I think it was the reason that that album skyrocketed among the Hot Topic and alternative scene in general. Because finally there wasn’t a band coming out being angsty and YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME, there was a band coming out and saying “we’re fucking dweeb losers who suck” and it rang so hard in my soul. It turned me away from a depressed and funky hormonal 14 year old to a very accepting (I know it doesn’t show in this board, but you kids are just too fun to toy around with) adult.
When my terrible band moved from being an inside joke to pirating a copy of Fruity Loops and abusing adderall to learn the software, I had a running theme in my own songs. I wasn’t from a musical background and was kicked out of band in 5th grade for not understanding how to read sheet music (and refusing to practice) what I would do would just watch the trombone player next to me, copy where his arm was and pretend to blow. It was only after we did individual things that my BS was discovered. I still hate trombones (and trombone players) to this date. So without a musical theory background or any knowledge of instruments I would just put random shit on the piano roll until it sounded good to me. Every song was shitty and I recorded audio with the band that came with Rock Band. It sucked. It sucked, but I knew it sucked. So the theme of many of my songs was simply that we did suck and were hard to listen to.
We had songs like “Bad Music” with the chorus going “boo me off-stage so I can go home and write some more bad music” and “I’m Well Aware” with some of my favorite personal-shots against myself “hey I’m back / another track / and yo guess what? / I still can’t sing. That’s a fact, the odds are stacked / super high for little me / looking up I can’t see the top because I’m so far down / can’t match pitch or melody or make a decent sounding sound / what the fuck is ‘harmony’? Am I singing sorta flat? / I’m a sharp? What’s the difference? / Where am I even starting at?”.. “And. All. Of. My. Friiiiiiends… HATE MY MUSIC”
In fact There you go. Have some self promotion from 15 years ago. Truth be told I only had sex with one person by the time that song was recorded and release, now I’m up to one and a half (if you count my mom).
The point being, It was those shots at myself that were influenced by Frankenstein Girls and growing up with that album allowed me to deflect blows from people making fun of me, strangers on the internet and video game lobbies, and frankly, helped me take career advice from coworkers or work in high-pressure situations.
Faggot, being that dreary and dreadful word to be called by those tough kids at school was given new power with “Faggot”. It sort of pulled a ‘nigga’ (aaaaand there’s the downvotes) on us, letting us reappropriate the word. We were just a bunch of prancy little faggots in our dark clothes and gaudy stupid jewlery. Whenever I make fun of one of you on here, let it be known I am doing it with a proud smile about your attitude. You’ve got beautiful quarks, but recognize that they’re weird as shit.
Backmask began with the anthem of the album ‘WHEN I SAY WE. YOU SAY SUCK. WE (SUCK) WE (SUCK). I know that the audience at the time were Korn kids adamantly hating on MSI for wearing pink fairy costumes at the metal show, but shit, at the time I just thought they were typical MSI fans playing along. We were sharing a laugh at his expense and we were INVITED to. Holy Shit to a lesser extent feels self-deprecating, with ‘I’m fine, then I die” but for the sake of this essay Scarclaw won’t read, I won’t get into detail about it. I know he's too busy gargling an Olympic-sized swimming pool of cocks (no Portuguese ones though because he's racist)
Keeping Up With the Kids is all about how he’s too fucking old to be doing what he’s doing for the high-school market that is infatuated with him, and I love that he recognizes the people he has influence over. He is doing that now-a-days, albeit with a more mature direction and I don’t approve of it. Right now the current Jimmy/Chantel eTherapy Podcast seems to just be about acceptance, love, and not letting the haters hate on you. Back when I got into MSI I had the exact same message but it was presented in a way that let you dig out your own flaws and present them proudly to the world rather than be ashamed by them. It made our skin THICK and that’s what’s lacking from the modern elderly Jimmy’s message. Now it’s about how everyone should be nice to you and other people because everyone is different. Fuck that, if you act like a little faggy bitch, I’m going to call you out on it. You can either cry about it, or laugh it off because you know you’re fucking weirdos.
Last Time I Tried to Rock Your World is a slamming track about him putting out a track to blow you away but it was garbage. Love it. That’s what my entire band is about, it’s so relatable and I can appreciate it from my leathery emotional shell because I recognize some MSI tracks are straight-up shit, and I love them for it.
Ready for Love deserves it’s own fucking post. That song is so hardcore that it ruined pictures of breasts for me. But the end of that song, that outro of “you thought it be good, you thought it might rock, but your friends were right, I suck big cock / but I fucking suck” THAT RIGHT THERE IS PERSONALITY-DEFINING GOLD FOR LITTLE ME. Motherfucker, that shit got my dick harder than Ascension Level 20 Slay The Spire.
Royally Fucked too, but now my baby is awake so I’m just ending this post abruptly. Moral of the story is that Morningwood fans have Aspergers.
SCARCLAW SECTION: The following songs are why I’m never killing myself: Backmask, Faggot, Holy Shit (kinda), Last Time I Tried to Rock Your World, Ready For Love, Royally Fucked
submitted by Tanto628 to MSI [link] [comments]

How to Date an Aspie  Patrons Choice Dating Advice for Adults With Autism 5 Aspergers Dating TIPS to Help YOU! (Are You Making these mistakes?) Dating Tips for Aspies Dating Advice For People With Asperger Syndrome

Not sure if this is the correct place to post this but .. My son is 38 , diagnosed with Aspergers at age 20 . He has a very limited social life but is so wanting to find a girlfriend and has been joining various well known dating agencies online ( and spending quite a bit of money to do it ) but he is finding it hard to accept that his aspergers may put people off . All romantic relationships have challenges and require some work. Being in a relationship with someone who has Asperger’s syndrome (AS) can create an additional challenge, according to For many adults with Asperger’s even dating for the first time seems like an insurmountable obstacle. Generally, this is because interacting socially is the most difficult part of having Asperger’s. When it comes to dating, not only is it hard to meet someone you might want to date but when you do it’s even harder to know what it takes to One online option is Aspergers and Other Half, a support group for women whose partners have Asperger’s. Asperger Syndrome: Partners & Family of Adults With ASD is another community for men and Dating with high-functioning autism isn’t easy, but it can be done. ___ There are two things you should know about me: 1. I have autism. 2. I am fascinated by dating culture.

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How to Date an Aspie Patrons Choice

A program in Calgary is helping adults with autism learn social skills to navigate the world of dating. »»» Subscribe to The National to watch more videos he... Aspergers dating tips for you to help with the mistakes you could be making in your relationships. Chasing Digital Excellence BOOK: Dating someone with Asperger’s can be ... 7 Signs of Autism in Men (DSM-5 Symptoms of Autism/Aspergers in High Functioning Autistic Adults) - Duration: 14:15. Aspergers from the Inside 273,709 views 14:15 As a woman with Asperger’s/high functioning autism, I talk about dating and what has helped me have successful relationships. Follow my new Instagram, @thatoneaspiepoet. Dating Advice for Adults With Autism - Duration: 10:09. CBC News: The National 76,814 views. 10:09. The Truth About Asperger's Syndrome - 1 - Eye Contact - Duration: 10:58.