Dating – Transgender Guide

so i’m straight (maybe only had one crush so dunno) and now FtM but id never want to date a straight girl??? [rant]

i love the LGBT community so much and i never want to leave you guys but also so far i’ve only liked girls (but maybe possibly a feminine boy i dunno) so that would mean i’d have to date bi, pan or straight girls. i’m fine with bi and pan girls, they somewhat might understand what we’re going through but straight girls never had to deal with coming out and all that ugh. also my only female friends fall under the LGBT umbrella except one and she’s a raging ally, so i don’t know what to do around straight girls!
fingers crossed my love of freckles spans over all genders!! 🤞🤞
sorry if this makes no sense it’s 1 am here and i should be in bed.
submitted by throwawayforasemigay to LGBTeens [link] [comments]

Friends

Any other trans (ftm) person have a hard time making friends with other guys especially cis men? I find myself making friends with women easier but then somehow I get treated like a girl/ friend regardless of them knowing my gender id. Then they flirt with me bc they are attracted to my masculinity even if they are “straight” and only date cis men but like I dont even want that. Or lesbian friends then flirt and come on to me but see me as a girl... and I have a hard time being in male spaces bc im not physically transitioned. I don’t want anyone to flirt with me I just want to have normal friends. Fuck.
Minor spelling edits..
submitted by ReyMundos to TransyTalk [link] [comments]

Looking for Sexuality Advice

Hi everyone! FTM here, looking for a bit of advice. (Warning: a bit of a long post; will put a TLDR at the end.)
As the title says, I'm looking for help with my sexuality. I'm not sure about what, exactly, it is. I've always had crushes on boys for as long as I can remember, but I've never had a crush on a girl before. I've thought about the concept of dating a girl, and I've come to the conclusion that I wouldn't mind it, not at all.
Still, I'm hesitant to label myself as Bi or enter Bi spaces. I'm unsure if I'm a 'real Bi', for a lack of a better word. Like I've stated, I have never really experienced attraction to girls? Sure, I find them pretty and I have friends who are girls who I love to spend time with, but I know that's not romantic attraction, not by a longshot.
Liking girls has always been seen as a 'masculine trait' whereas liking guys has always been seen as a 'feminine trait', at least, in my experience with society. During the period where I was first having my Trans EphiphanyTM in my early teens, I did see people make comments like, "Why don't Gay Trans men just stick to being Straight women?" and the like while browsing forums. I'm closeted IRL to pretty much everyone, so nobody has really said anything of the sort to me directly.
I guess my Internalized Transphobia and/or Homophobia has always been lurking around? I came to terms with my Trans-ness much, much earlier than I came to terms with my attraction to guys. The shorthand condensed version is this: I originally ID'ed as a Gay Non-Binary person. (Thinking about this makes me cringe a little, because by Gay, twelve-year-old me meant girls. Just extrapolate a bit and then you will come to the conclusion that I defined myself as femme-aligned. Yikes, dysphoria triggering much?) Then, I realized that I didn't ID with Non-Binary because I actually was (am?) N-B, I ID'ed with it because I was convinced that all men are evil and gross by Tumblr and I didn't want to be evil and gross, or be attracted to evil and gross people. Similarly, I was (still am) GNC and thought that gender expression = gender.
When I finally got over the shame that I felt over being, you know, male, I subsequently realized that I never felt attraction to girls despite my efforts at convincing myself I did. All the 'crushes' I wrote in my diary were all made up and attempts to feel more masculine and validated, if that makes sense. My identity as a MLM made me feel like a fake guy because of how engrained Heterosexual norms were in my mind.
While I'm still hesitant to reach out to anyone romantically, being pre-T and closeted and all, I've recently been giving more thought to my sexuality. But yeah! I know that was pretty long-winded, but everything basically boils down to: is my being open to dating girls just Compulsory Heterosexuality? (Side note: I don't know that many Non-Binary people IRL, but like with girls, I wouldn't not date one just on the basis of them being N-B.)

TLDR: I, a Trans guy who has felt attracted to guys, have never felt explicit attraction to girls before but am open to dating them. Would I still be considered Bi?
submitted by Dandy-Jasper to truscum [link] [comments]

AITA for how I reacted to my friend’s coming out?

Throwaway.
I’m catholic and will continue to be Catholic, but I don’t agree with the church’s view of the LGBT community. My logic is that, since in the bible they said you cannot add or take away any of the commandments, and “Thou shall not marry the same gender” is not a commandment, it’s not a sin. Even if it was a sin, it’s not my place to judge anyone.
My friend came out to me in 4th grade as Lesbian. Okay, great! I supported him (They’re FtM right now), and he got a 4th grade girlfriend (Just holding hands and hugging)
Then in 5th grade, he came out four times. he said he was actually straight, then lesbian, then bi, then FtM transgender(but only dating girls),then bi again before coming out as non-binary.
6th grade, he changed their pronouns 7 times and he changed his name more times than I can count.
Also, he laid down some rules when he came out as FtM trans for the first time. he told me who I can call them by their preferred pronouns in front of, and who I have to call them by “she” in front of (ex: call them “she” in front of parents, call them “he” in front of friends because parents “wouldn’t accept them” (Even though Dad is bi)). This gets confusing FAST. Once, I said that “she’s my best friend” in front of a random kid (he told me not to out them to anyone, and that I’ll know who knows and who I can call them “he” in front of.) Apparently, this person knew, and I was supposed to call them “he.” My friend didn’t talk to me for a month because they were “disappointed in how homophobic I was.” I know for a fact they’d do the same thing if I accidentally outed them to this kid, so I was stuck. (Calling them “they“ was also frowned upon as they thought I was “avoiding the acceptance of their new identity.”
As of now, he is FtM and pansexual, along with another new name (It’s the third name he’ll have this month) When he told me this, I said it was great, but I knew I’d have to go by his old rules. So, I decided to call him “he” in private and “they” in public. He is furious about this. He told me that I didn’t care about his feelings and he needs to find better friends who actually support his identity. I told him that, either I call him “he/him” all the time, or “they/them” all the time.
We ended the friendship over this, and they’ve been posting on social media things like
“My ex-best friend couldn’t accept that I was trans, so she ended the friendship.”
I don’t care if he identified as a Dolphin, but I can’t keep track of every single person and then mind-read who he’s already told. However, I’ve been told from some people that I’m the reason Catholics have a bad rep.
AITA?
submitted by CryptographerMaster4 to AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]

Am I a trans man in denial? where's the line between butch and trans?

Hey everyone. I guess I'm just posting because I don't really get where the line is between butch and trans (I know this is a common post lmao) and I feel like I've been straddling this line for years now. I used to identify as ftm in the closet, then I found gender critical feminism (which I do NOT agree with anymore btw) and decided to try and jump ship, and I've been flip-flopping ever since. I know that the basic difference between butch and trans is just whether you ID as a man or not but I feel like it's more nuanced than that, at least it certainly is for me? I have gender dysphoria in every sense of the word, with particularly severe bottom dysphoria, no surprise there. I also have both physical and social dysphoria, so I wish that I both had a cisgender man's body and I wish that people would refer to me as a man. My sense of self has always been male, something I definitely tried to beat out of myself during my TERF phase (yeesh). If there was a button that would make me immediately a cis guy I would press it without hesitation. and I know this sounds like typical ftm shit but something is stopping me from taking the plunge.
I know that I need to do something to alleviate my dysphoria so I don't go and try something stupid again but I think a fear of regret is stopping me. something inside of me just wishes I could just be a masculine lesbian or something and not have to go through with all this trans stuff. and maybe this is my TERF demon talking but I don't really understand all this gender queer blurring the lines shit; I really just want to be all lesbian or all straight guy if that makes sense. and most of the time, straight guy sounds way more appealing--for starters, I could date straight girls who were actually attracted to me as a man and didn't want to be with me, as a lesbian. And I know that pretty much no straight girl would ever want to date me even if I transitioned, but I'd rather date no one than date a lesbian. I'm not homophobic or anything but I really just want to be the man in the relationship. hell, I've only been in one relationship because I realized being with a lesbian is actually the worst thing ever for me lmfao. I think i'd be okay with a bi girl though. also, if I was a trans man, I could take testosterone and get top surgery and whatever without being stuck in this weird place between woman and non-woman. I know lots of butch women take T but if I was to take T it makes no sense why I wouldn't just present entirely as a man day-to-day. I would so much rather present, date, and just exist as a man but I don't feel like that's even viable for me.
I sometimes wonder if part of the reason I'm so hesitant is because of my "TERF demon". ie, I have this thought in the back of my mind that I'd be betraying womanhood and joining those statistics of the disproportionate amount of butch women transitioning and often detransitioning because of the fucken trans agenda or some shit :/
I guess I'm just wondering why the butches here with particularly severe dysphoria aren't trans? I'm sure there's some reason that's stopping me from coming out as ftm, but I'm just not sure what it is. I'm also curious to hear butch lesbians' experiences with surgery and T. I think I will likely get top surgery and maybe some form of hrt once I am financially stable just so that I can keep myself alive hahaha, but I don't know how far I can or should go while still being under the label as butch.
bonus question: have any of you guys gotten bottom surgery? My bottom dysphoria is so awful it honestly inhibits my daily function half the time, but I've never heard of a butch getting metoidioplasty or phalloplasty lol. thanks
submitted by butchthrowaway123 to butchlesbians [link] [comments]

Is internal homophobia normal?

Hey guys, just your average 16 year old I guess. I have a bit of a problem that I wanted to ask and it's:
Is It Ok To Hate Myself For Being LGBT?
Now I know that may sound weird but let me give context. Throughout my childhood years, I've been taught to obey and listen a lot. I've had to do unfair deals with my brothers to avoid fights, give some of my comfort away for others to be ok, and just emotional and physical sacrifices so that people around me felt alright. I've been taught this for years since I was a baby. Well whats the issue with that? Well... Now I don't like the idea of going against the grain, making other people uncomfortable, and sticking up for myself. It makes me sick to the bone and it feels so wrong to make others uncomfortable...
But what does this have to do with LGBT stuff? I'll tell you
For about a couple of years now, I've realized that I don't like women romantically. I've been trying to force myself to like women (hell I even tried dating and getting a bit romantic with them) and I was disgusted. I can't really handle the thought of wanting to do anything romantic or sexual with a lady. Now I'm starting to worry if something is wrong... And then I met Jared.
I fell for Jared instantly and although he is a FTM trans bi dude, I really loved this guy. I mean, he is one of the best people I have ever met my whole life and is fucking smile gets me. Well I noticed I had feelings and I proceeded to follow my heart. We talked for several months and I never really thought about asking him out because I just kinda wanted to be friends... Well one day I just kinda blurted it out and asked him out.
He said yes!
A WIN IN THE FUCKING BOOK BOYS!!! 4 MONTHS (and still going)!!!
Wait a fucking minute... Where does the internal homophobia come into play? Right now.
My dads side of the family is quite... Homophobic in a way so I never really planned on coming out to them. My dad is also a very traditional man so he has always kept pushing the idea of finding a girl, marrying and having kids. I didn't mind but about a month ago we had were having our usual talks and he brings up LGBT. Now I'm interested in what he has to say and to be honest... They're not the best takes. I felt really uncomfortable and I had to keep reassuring him that "I am totally straight! Yeah I love women" and all that fucking cringe.
Now I started feeling a bit of anger... Not towards my dad but towards my self. How dare I be into men? How dare I not be straight? Why did I have to be like this?
Now I'm constantly self loathing because if I ever were to come out, I would make others really uncomfortable and then I would feel sick. But if I don't come out... Then I'll have to live my life a lie for the rest of my days, probably break up with Jared, and pretend to fall in love with a woman.
I don't wanna break up with Jared though... I really love him and he loves me but just knowing that our relationship might weird out my family makes me hate myself for who I am. I can't break up with Jared in general because I would feel so bad and the excuse that "oh my family won't accept us" is such a shitty excuse to break up with him. I wish the best for him and sometimes I feel like he deserves someone who is out and proud of who they are. They don't deserve me because I have only complicated their life and mine even more.
I don't know what to do... I feel so horrible now because of the fact that I love this dude. I hate that I am into men... I am even considering trying to go through those horrible christian gay camps to try to at least make me straight in a way. I just can't deal with being myself.
So... Is it normal to have internal homophobia?
TL;DR: I hate myself because i've been dating a trans dude for 4 months but that will make my family uncomfortable if I ever came out. I also can't break up with my partner because I don't wanna hurt him over the shitty excuse that "My family won't accept us". Either direction and I'll be extremely unhappy.
submitted by Unknown4437 to askgaybros [link] [comments]

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submitted by blind27JJul to u/blind27JJul [link] [comments]

Does anyone else feel like it’s not worth it to even try sometimes, especially recently?

TW. suicidal ideation, transphobia whatever idk
Today I listened to my favorite musical, Spring Awakening, once again. It's a comfort show for me. Moritz is my favorite character--he struggles with depression and pleasing the adults around him. I relate a lot to him. I want to pursue a career in theatre and he is my dream role. I listened to the show again today because my mental health has been very poor. Moritz's signature song is called "Don't Do Sadness", and he laments about how he wishes he could just escape from the pain he is feeling. That he doesn't want to feel it anymore, to deal with it. I don't want to deal with my pain either.
I have struggled with severe gender dysphoria for the past 2.5 years but I do not want to call myself transgender. Ever since I was a kid, I felt that I had a boy's brain. That feeling won't go away. I want to escape it. I used to think I was ftm, but I began watching youtubers like Elle Palmer and Leoaica Motanelul, and I think I am actually just confused. I have pursued radical feminism, trying my hardest to accept my body as female. I lay in my bed and I don't cover up any of my female body and I accept the anger and sadness and dysphoria that comes with it. But no matter what I cannot be content with it. I will convince myself that I am content, but I look in the mirror or I go out in public and I feel like I am caving in. And I tried to accept myself as a butch lesbian—I dated a lesbian, tried to enjoy sex like a lesbian but no matter what, I can’t help the thought that I’m a straight guy. I feel like an imposter because I don’t think I am a lesbian at all. I keep finding myself accidentally referring to myself as male even when I try to accept myself in my natal sex. My “””gender””” is somehow hammered into my brain and no matter what I can’t be a girl. I read this article and thought that I will end up coming around like Claire in that article. We have a very similar story, except that I showed more childhood symptoms. I am 16 now and I have not come around. I still keep holding on to all this dysphoria, and no matter what I can't let it go. I hate myself for feeling like a boy. I should be proud of being female. I should be proud of what I have done. I have a great life--I am the top of my class, I am talented, I have great friends, I am healthy, my mental health is great… except for my dysphoria. I feel that my dysphoria has damned me for the rest of my life.
Just when I think I’ve figured out that I’m a cis lesbian I have another bout of severe dysphoria. Just when I think I’ve figured out that I’m a trans guy I go back to gender critical communities and change my mind. I’ve done this over and over. I’m so tired of being at odds with myself because I’ve been doing it for the past two years. I’m tired of it. I look at the kids around me and wonder if they understand how lucky they are to be normal. I would do anything to be rid of all these feelings around my sex. I don’t want to think about this anymore but I feel like I’m doomed to. I look at transitioners, detransitioners and radfems alike and they all have one thing in common and that is that they can’t escape gender. It’s an ever present influence in their life getting them down, whether they deny its importance or not. I want to ignore it. I want the stream of thoughts to stop. But it’s constantly there. I can’t help but feel that I ought to have been born in a male body. I always forget that I’m perceived as female and when I’m reminded of it I’m hit with a slap in the face. I’m constantly angry at the world, angry at myself, because other people don’t see my own self image which is that of a male.
The only answer I can see anymore is to kill myself. I will never have a penis. I will always have a female skeleton, female reproductive structures, female everything. I will always have been born incorrectly. If I take testosterone I will always be a woman who has taken testosterone. If I get surgery I will always be a woman who has mutilated herself. If I can’t accept the vessel I am in, whether that be after the influence of hormones and altercations or as it is now, what is the point of living in it at all? Maybe I’ll get reborn in a better body or with the right mind. Or maybe I won’t be reborn at all and I can forget I ever existed and forget that this world ever existed. It’s not like my life will ever improve anyway—to either transition or be openly gay would require me to forfeit any acceptance I once had. I would lose my support, my friends, my family, my hobby, my escapes, my school, everything. I was born into an environment where it is not safe and never will be.
I know exactly the type of comments I’m going to get posting this on this subreddit and I’m not sure what I want to even hear. honestly I just wish someone would fucking slap me in the face and tell me to stop whining like a bitch. I understand there is no point in worrying about this shit but I just want to know what fucking gender I am so I can get on with my life and my plans for my life, lmao.
I looked back at this and I realize it looks like a bunch of incoherent rambling. Someone please talk some sense into me lol.
edit: before anyone says anything I can’t get a therapist. Because of my family situation it’s not possible. I’m not allowed to see a licensed therapist due to religious reasons.
submitted by winterwindthrowaway to asktransgender [link] [comments]

Dysphoric afab here. I’m so sick of dysphoria but no matter how much I try to practice self acceptance it doesn’t stop, and I don’t know if it’s worth it to try

TW. suicidal ideation, transphobia whatever idk
Today I listened to my favorite musical, Spring Awakening, once again. It's a comfort show for me. Moritz is my favorite character--he struggles with depression and pleasing the adults around him. I relate a lot to him. I want to pursue a career in theatre and he is my dream role. I listened to the show again today because my mental health has been very poor. Moritz's signature song is called "Don't Do Sadness", and he laments about how he wishes he could just escape from the pain he is feeling. That he doesn't want to feel it anymore, to deal with it. I don't want to deal with my pain either.
I have struggled with severe gender dysphoria for the past 2.5 years but I do not want to call myself transgender. Ever since I was a kid, I felt that I had a boy's brain. That feeling won't go away. I want to escape it. I used to think I was ftm, but I began watching youtubers like Elle Palmer and Leoaica Motanelul, and I think I am actually just confused. I have pursued radical feminism, trying my hardest to accept my body as female. I lay in my bed and I don't cover up any of my female body and I accept the anger and sadness and dysphoria that comes with it. But no matter what I cannot be content with it. I will convince myself that I am content, but I look in the mirror or I go out in public and I feel like I am caving in. And I tried to accept myself as a butch lesbian—I dated a lesbian, tried to enjoy sex like a lesbian but no matter what, I can’t help the thought that I’m a straight guy. I feel like an imposter because I don’t think I am a lesbian at all. I keep finding myself accidentally referring to myself as male even when I try to accept myself in my natal sex. My “””gender””” is somehow hammered into my brain and no matter what I can’t be a girl. I read this article and thought that I will end up coming around like Claire in that article. We have a very similar story, except that I showed more childhood symptoms. I am 16 now and I have not come around. I still keep holding on to all this dysphoria, and no matter what I can't let it go. I hate myself for feeling like a boy. I should be proud of being female. I should be proud of what I have done. I have a great life--I am the top of my class, I am talented, I have great friends, I am healthy, my mental health is great… except for my dysphoria. I feel that my dysphoria has damned me for the rest of my life.
Just when I think I’ve figured out that I’m a cis lesbian I have another bout of severe dysphoria. Just when I think I’ve figured out that I’m a trans guy I go back to gender critical communities and change my mind. I’ve done this over and over. I’m so tired of being at odds with myself because I’ve been doing it for the past two years. I’m tired of it. I look at the kids around me and wonder if they understand how lucky they are to be normal. I would do anything to be rid of all these feelings around my sex. I don’t want to think about this anymore but I feel like I’m doomed to. I look at transitioners, detransitioners and radfems alike and they all have one thing in common and that is that they can’t escape gender. It’s an ever present influence in their life getting them down, whether they deny its importance or not. I want to ignore it. I want the stream of thoughts to stop. But it’s constantly there. I can’t help but feel that I ought to have been born in a male body. I always forget that I’m perceived as female and when I’m reminded of it I’m hit with a slap in the face. I’m constantly angry at the world, angry at myself, because other people don’t see my own self image which is that of a male.
The only answer I can see anymore is to kill myself. I will never have a penis. I will always have a female skeleton, female reproductive structures, female everything. I will always have been born incorrectly. If I take testosterone I will always be a woman who has taken testosterone. If I get surgery I will always be a woman who has mutilated herself. If I can’t accept the vessel I am in, whether that be after the influence of hormones and altercations or as it is now, what is the point of living in it at all? Maybe I’ll get reborn in a better body or with the right mind. Or maybe I won’t be reborn at all and I can forget I ever existed and forget that this world ever existed. It’s not like my life will ever improve anyway—to either transition or be openly gay would require me to forfeit any acceptance I once had. I would lose my support, my friends, my family, my hobby, my escapes, my school, everything. I was born into an environment where it is not safe and never will be.
I know this sub’s rules don’t allow suggesting transition so I know answers may be slightly biased but I’m really just stuck in a rut here. I’m so so tired of having to structure my life around my gender dysphoria. Im not allowed to get a therapist because of my family’s religious reasons and I don’t know what I should do.
submitted by winterwindthrowaway to detrans [link] [comments]

Stop asking if it’s okay to not date trans women

I’ve seen 3 of these posts in the last 2 days. Use your brains and shut up
submitted by Piratedykes to lgbt [link] [comments]

How does a trans man find a girlfriend?

So hey. I’m 16, and I started T 6.5 months ago. Ever since then I’ve come a long way. I’m way more confident now, my dysphoria is still bad at times but I think it’s safe to say that I’m ready for a relationship. But... the thing is... how? It’s hard to find a nice enough girl who would want to date a ftm. A lot of straight girls my age just want sex from a cis guy, not me and I want to find a girl who actually accepts me for who I am and doesn’t just want to use me. I know it’s going to be hard but I would just like some advice on how to go about this. I know that corona has messed things around a bit, but I’m willing to put myself out there as much as I can.
And please don’t tell me that I’m too young and that I shouldn’t date because I know I’m ready.
Thanks!
submitted by riejrjrjdjdjjddndjks to ftm [link] [comments]

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submitted by Bago26JJJulOly to u/Bago26JJJulOly [link] [comments]

Dating a ftm

Yep I'm a cis person but I would like to talk about my ftm boyfriend. When we started dating he used to identify as a girl but time passed and one day, when he came to my house, he told me about all his disphoric problems and how he wanna transition and it's important to say that I always imagined myself as a straight guy, but when he said this the only thing I could think is that I love him so much, I wanna protect him and make him happy. He is the love of my life. He has some problems with his fear of not being accepted, but I always try to help him (okay that I don't help very much). I learned so much with him! I was a little bit intolerant with trans people because of what people say about me and bad understanding of things, I was the type of person that thinks trans girls just wanna enter in girls bathroom but living with him and with his help, with this subreddit... I think I learned so much and I'm soo happy because of this! Thanks to my boyfriend and to you guys for making me more happy and a better person. And happy pride month :)
submitted by nickwrtdv to mypartneristrans [link] [comments]

Biggest oof I've ever been around.

I have a somewhat (he dated a trans person ftm, but is still unsure) pansexual friend and he's really cool! Very smart and pretty good looking, but really really introverted. Anyway, I tagged along at a school dance with him and his girlfriend. (She was ok, but definitely not the type of girl I associate with) We were horsing around and messing with each other. I don't know how it happened bet then it turned into a conversation about Lgbtq stuff. We have some gay and trans people in our group so we were just chatting. The girlfriend said "I'm not sure I could date anybody gay, bi, or pan. It would just make me uncomfortable. I'm glad (boyfriend) is straight" I have never felt such pain for another person before. I thought about opening my mouth, but he looked at me wide eyed and gently shook his head. This was after he had broken up with his trans boyfriend. I was one of the only people who knew. I could tell he was in agony for the rest of the night, considering he's already pretty antisocial. They later broke up, but idk if he ever told her. I'm completely straight, but I still feel honored that I knew before anyone else.
submitted by hayjaybirk to teenagers [link] [comments]

My big gay identity crisis

Here's some extremely long and unnecessary background, which you should feel absolutely free to skip:
Basically, I (late 20s F) identified as bi since I was 15. I had "boyfriends" that I never even felt comfortable doing more than hand-holding with, and because of my very conservative Middle Eastern upbringing, didn't want to date girls if it meant having to hide. At 20, I entered my first real relationship with a very sweet man, and while things were pretty good, sex never felt quite right.
It took a lot of epiphanies to realize that a big part of the issue was that I'm not bi, I'm gay.
After that relationship ended, for two and a half years, I tried all the dating apps, venues, and friends-of-friends set-ups that my very queer city had to offer, and the dating pool was still tiny. When I did find a girl who I was interested in continuing to date, she would never feel the same way, and there were so many dates where nothing clicked. But even though I was in despair over my dating life, I was finally coming to terms with who I am and what I want, and finding a home in the label after a lifetime of internalized homophobia. I came out to my friends and family. My whole life changed. I was alone, but at least I was certain about something.
There's a bug in one of the apps where it shows trans men to women who identify as lesbians. And when this guy's profile came up, it was clear he wasn't trying to hide anything; he was 100% upfront with being FTM. He was cute - I found him aesthetically attractive, he was clearly active in the LGBT community from his pictures, which is important to me, and what's the harm in swiping right? It was after a particularly rough month of getting ghosted by someone I was really into, getting frustrated by people lying in their profiles, and genuinely lonely. So I said yallah, let's try it.
We've been in a relationship for about four months now (including our month of Big C-induced long-distance), and it's been good. He gives me butterflies, and we have an incredible connection. He's cute, he's sweet, he's sensitive, we come from similar backgrounds and understand each other in ways that so many of our past partner's couldn't or wouldn't.
(Background's over, you can read again)
But here's the thing. Lesbian Day of Visibility on Sunday made me so uncertain and uncomfortable with myself. I have a boyfriend, who is a man, and who I only see as a man. In public, we look like any other straight couple, and that's a little scary for me, after doing all this soul searching to finally come to terms with myself as a gay woman, to find myself back in this closet.
He knows that I identified as a lesbian before we started dating, and he's okay with that. He's referred to me as bisexual a few times. But that doesn't feel right at all. I'm not attracted to men and women. I'm attracted to women, and one outlier. I know it sounds revoltingly transphobic to be dating my boyfriend when I would never date a cis man, but my bf and I are sexually compatible (he hasn't had bottom surgery, and he told me the isn't interested in getting it unless the surgical process changes) while I couldn't date someone with a penis.
Even though I have only ever seen my boyfriend as a man, I feel transphobic and terrible about myself for inwardly identifying as a lesbian. And I feel delusional at the same time, because I'm attracted to a man! Our relationship is completely heterosexual, and we have complete passing privilege. I feel like a fraud, too, and like I'm doing a disservice to all the other lesbians, because everyone who knew me as I was coming out as gay can now say that it was clearly just a phase, and that women always go back to men eventually.
And on top of that, I'm so scared that the new relationship honeymoon period will fade and I'll realize that he's just like any other guy, and that something is missing just like it was with my last male ex, and that I absolutely have to be with a woman.
Anyway, the relationship is fine, he's great, I'm a queer mess.
submitted by -lemonworld to mypartneristrans [link] [comments]

I wish I was reborn a girl

I wish I was reborn as a girl with all the knowledge I have now. I’d invest in Google, Facebook, Bitcoin, and cute dresses. I could get a date, a bf, or just a hook up anytime I want! All I have to do is be constantly underestimated and objectified and likely raped at least once in my life and have the government try to regulate my reproductive health. But... hey... I’d be a soothsayer, and cute.
I'd have immense social capital just for being a woman, that I'd KNOW I have and therefore I wouldn't take it for granted and I could use it to my advantage - because I was a guy and know what its like to feel expendable. I'd never have to ask anybody out on a date ever again and instead just do the picking and judging until I find a great guy with lots of money that I have genuine feelings for. Then I'll laugh at my male friends' Tinder profiles because I don't have to deal with that shit anymore, but if I wanted to, my inbox could be 999+ matches in a day if I wanted to. I can now afford to have higher standards because I have actual options instead of choosing between 5 matches that'll all ghost. So then I start saying terrible things like, "All men are pigs" and "Men are so simple and easy" and "I'm a queen".
Eventually, I'll forget my past life as a male and transform into a flirty tease that acts offended when called out for exploiting my looks for personal gain, rather than my intellect. And I can say stuff like, "The patriarchy can't hold us down! Fuck men!" and everybody will cheer and send their likes and comments on my IG profile for being so strong and courageous and empowering others.
Then I'll learn to hate myself because societal norms of acceptable/rewarded behaviors has eventually incentivized me to become the very thing I disliked about women when I was a man - a flirty tease and gendered asshole that talks as if all women are good and all men are bad. And I'll say stuff like, "Why can't men just... ...its so easy for them." I'll actively promote content on my IG about body positivism and empowerment but mix up sexual promiscuity for empowerment because that's what society has taught me I'm valuable for, to use my body to get eyes to sell ads to. I grow disgusted with myself and my life choices. Even on my best days, I'll have ingrained in me deep mistrust and automatically assume men to be guilty of something, unless they're cute, except if their creepiness outweighs their cuteness, but the cuter they are, the more they can get away with.
So, I get sick of it and I get gender reassignment surgery and treatments until I become a FtM transgender. Because the monkeypaw I used to be reborn the first time is now gone. Also, I own Google and Facebook now. Then I'll host Ted Talks about the emotional abuse and suffering of men but people won't really pay attention to it because the hot topic is women, always has been and will be. But eventually some bigot murders me in cold blood while I'm walking late at night because that's what statistically happens to a lot of trans people.
In all seriousness, I know being a woman isn't all rainbows and butterflies but I'd take that option in a heartbeat. Being a man is horrendously awful, difficult, lonely and degrading, and not enough people talk about it for fear of being labeled a misogynist or worse... a men's rights activist. It sorta reminds me of my vastly different experiences on Tinder vs. Grindr. As a good looking bi guy chasing after straight women, you feel like worthless scum, ghosted, 1 in a trillion, expendable. Female friends offer advice that never works because they have the luxury of doing whatever on Tindr and it just works. As a good looking bi guy on Grindr though, I feel like I'm prom King and I have my pick of the bunch for whatever I'm in the mood for and people just listen to what I have to say and act like its the most interesting thing they've heard in their entire lives.
I know women have lots of obstacles in life and etc. but damn, it would feel nice to feel like I have inherent value and to have people want to take care of me. Cis-straight women have no idea how good they have it and have been taught to believe that they're always the victim and everything is terrible for them and everything is fine for men. But the reality is that everyone has their own sets of problems and some groups have less problems than others - white women especially, why do you think there are so many entitled white Karens? They live life having everything catered to them. Though, I'm not saying that being sheltered and cared for is a fulfilling and satisfying way to live (probably why so many Karens are so bitter and petty, because maybe they know deep down that they're just trophy wives, I can't imagine somebody marrying a Karen for their personality). Then Karens' looks fade over time and the husband starts cheating with someone from the office that's uncomfortably younger.
I grew up with basically only female friends. The shit women talk about about in private (with me being like "one of the girls")... sometimes its just so disgusting and vile. Infinitely worse than "locker room talk", neither of which I condone.
In my experience, boy's locker room talk is like... "Damn, she was hot. I wanna smack that ass. Yeah. I'd totally give her Dirty Sanchez" vs. a female friend-group virtual hangout: "Yeah I liked him, but he's kinda poor and I want a guy with money. Plus, his dick was big but it was, like, weird. I dunno. It was shaped all funny and gross. I'd take a smaller dick for a richer dude. When he fingered me, it didn't feel good. Like.. it felt like he was a kid digging through his Halloween candy bag, looking for a Reese Cup" See the difference? "Locker room talk" is about posturing and preening. The female equivalent of "locker room talk" doesn't even have a negative label, but in them I've noticed that its not about posturing and preening to members of the same sex in a misguided attempt to show masculinity. Instead, its about judging and evaluating the worth of a person and making the person's identity a joke to be laughed at. Reminds me of the constant number of posts about couples arguing and the woman always goes and aims right for that thing that she knows cuts deepest into their bf's identity - like, "Maybe that's why your father never calls you". Like, why do women do that? Why do they always have to immediately go to the nuclear option and also bring stuff up from the past? And if you're winning the argument, they just start crying or stop listening to all reason and present an ultimatum? Its almost as if women in general are used to getting their way most of the time, and still act as if the world is out the get them. Its almost as if women in general have more freedom to say and do whatever they want without fear of repercussions, like when a tiny white drunk white girl tries to slap and claw the crap out of giant guy because she knows the punishment for him laying hands on her are infinitely worse, while hers are basically nonexistent. Abuse comes in many forms and imo women are the primary perpetrators of emotional abuse, going back to the age-old teen meme, "She asked me to change for her. Then left when she said she no longer recognized me". Women are demanding little monsters that stay that way because there's always men willing to enable and encourage that behavior. For them, its normal and they don't see the cognitive dissonance, which leads to things like the #MeToo movement losing steam when a bunch of male victim came forward and women treated them exactly like how female victims were treated when silenced. Thus exposing that many women in the #MeToo movement aren't actually against rape and rape culture, they're against female rape. Now, we're hearing "Let everyone's case be heard and evaluated" instead of "Believe all women". At this point, can't we just all admit that this whole women's empowerment thing has basically been sold to corporations to promote products; and to politicians to get votes; and to individuals so they can feel a sense of moral superiority without actually doing anything?
I'm just saying, I hate the gendered bias that women are good/valuable and men are bad/worthless. We can both be and act equally awfully. But given the gendered bias that exists and likely will never go away, I'd gladly take being a woman if that were ever an option. You have inherent value as a woman. Sure, everyone and everything will try to take advantage of that, but you'll have inherent value. Think about every single example of a woman who decided to venture in the male world, whether its a social experiment using Tindr as a guy, or a feminist activist disguising as a man for 18 months. A man can never know what its like to be a woman and vice versa, but its stupid how much women seem to assume that men's lives are easy, and its disheartening to me to see so many women being blown away to learn how difficult it can be to be a man.
I'm just saying... gender politics isn't as simple as man bad, woman good. But that's basically what everyone is promoting, whether they know it or not.
submitted by Pls_no_steal to copypasta [link] [comments]

Strange theater neck beard stakes me and friends

So I was watching one of my favorite Reddit YouTubers TimTamTom when I realized this guy who was in the play at school with me was a neck beard. So behold my neck beard encounter. So the players me (me), the neckbeard (theater beard or TB), my friend (z) and her little sister (little z or LZ) I had previously seen the neck beard in musicals when I went to school. I had always thought he was disabled because the teachers shoved him in the back of dancing routines, he never had any speaking roles and he was really bad at dancing and pretty awkward after the shows. So before meeting the neck beard I knew of his existence in my school. He wasn’t you standard neck beard he didn’t have a Fedora or trench coat. But he did have a fat belly and skinny extremities and a bunch of untamed stubble that past his chin on to his neck. You could smelly him from a mile away short dandruff filled black hair and blue glasses. He dressed like a middle school boy wearing athletic wear he didn’t need aka Nike shorts and shirt.
The story starts at the school play it was my junior year and I had decided to join the play because it was under a new teacher. I tried out and quickly got a role in Alice and wonderland as the dormouse. Z was in charge of costumes and LZ and TB were in the ensemble. Now I wasn’t aware that Z had been kinda stalked by Theater beard so when he came to sit with me and z I didn’t know much. Z uncomfortably introduced TB and me that first day we didn’t talk much. But soon TB was coming to sit next to me even when I had headphones on. One day theater beard was particularly putrid when he came over to sit by me this time when he sat down he sprawled his legs across my lap. Now I haven’t mentioned until now I’m ftm transgender but everyone still knew me as a girl. I slid away from him slowly and TB slid as well. The putrid sent of him almost eye watering. We I casually tried to make conversation about something any thing to stop the creepy silence with some random creep laying on me I bag an to talk not knowing what about until he interrupted me with “are you dating anyone” I responded with a yes because at the time I was dating my crazy ex. TB looks disappointed but only for a second “I am too she’s a petite freshman and I’m a senior. She keeps trying to fuck me but I don’t want a case I’m waiting till she’s legal.” He says with a smirk. I sit there utterly dumb founded that a complete stranger just told me that. Before I can get in a word TB changes the conversation to hentia that’s right fucking talks about having sex with a child than switches straight to porn. I mutter out a that’s cool and then excuse my self to the bathroom. I try not to sit in a place TB will see me because I was so disturbed by his conversations. Later Z and LZ came up to me and told me about of theater beard had been following them to classes and around the school. I wasn’t shocked but they told me the noticed theater beard had started talking to me and they wanted to warn me that he was creepy. I told them about his weird behavior and they sat with me during the play practices. Often TB would come up to us anyway so I took to hiding in the set room. Finally we had gotten a day off theater so I went to my second club GSA where I had never seen theater beard before but all of a sudden in walks TB asking if this is GSA. I’m petrified TB is staring straight at me and he starts to sit next to me I spend all GSA trying not to hear the crap about how bi girls are hot. We were having a coming out day and I explained how I came out as bi to my parents I was to afraid to come out as trans to anyone. The neck beard whispered to me more about how he like bi hentia and that me and his girlfriend should get together and how it would be hot. There’s no real end to this story the corona virus saved me from TB’s stalking and I won’t have to see him next year.
submitted by graffitidust to talesofneckbeards [link] [comments]

After six months, I find out she’s got a kid

So I’m really really angry right now. I’m a FTM about to turn 30. That being said I’m childfree because I had a hellish childhood, as well as the fact I’m selfish. I served 8 years in the marines, put myself through Med school. I plan to reap the benefits of my career choices as well as enjoy any free time I may have, hell spawn free..
I’ve always been very clear with partners that I am child free and there’s no changing my mind. Six months ago I meet a great girl on ok Cupid. She states on her profile she’s child free, does not want children. Ok great, we start dating and I get an opportunity to finish out my residency in my chosen field in a hospital a state away. At this point we’d been seeing each other a month or so. She still wants to pursue to relationship so the plan is due to her flexibility in her job she’ll come visit me Fri-Sun. Things are great, I’m wrapping up my residency and she was out here this weekend for a visit. I’m talking to her about how the hospital wants to hire me and I can see myself settling down here. I tell her with what I’ll be making plus her salary (she works in marketing) we could even afford a nice apartment in a new high rise here if we moved in together in a year or so.
Then she springs it on me, “well we’d need a room for “Tony” .” I ask her ok who is tony. He’s her 14 year old son. I honestly was flabbergasted, she straight up told me I’ve never had a child. I’m honestly devastated, I really like her but I’m not about to date someone with kids. I told her when she left it’s over between us but she’s blowing up my phone. Telling me he will be 18 in four years and that he’d probably live full time with her ex and just visit on weekends. I’ve blocked her but I feel so angry. Why couldn’t she just be honest?!
submitted by theklopekslivehere to childfree [link] [comments]

New kid on the block, looking for advice

Hey boys, whats shakin? Really glad this community exists. So I just turned 30 a couple of months ago. I’ve known/suspected that I was FTM trans as soon as I found out that it was a thing (~5 years ago). As a kid, I wanted to be a boy, called myself boy names, preferred masc pronouns. However, as I got older, my experience with dysphoria changed. Sometimes it’s been really jarring and hard to stop thinking about. Other times, I can go months or even years without experiencing any significant dysphoria. I don’t LOVE my body (particularly the chestal region) but I don’t hate it, and up until last year, I never seriously considered transitioning or anything like that. For some reason I felt that it wasn’t an option for me and I became an expert at repressing my dysphoria when it cropped up.
But, i do know that I’m either a guy, or genderqueer on the masc side. Sometimes I am very bothered by the fact that other people don’t know that, and use the wrong pronouns for me, and sometimes I don’t even think about it / don’t care. I wonder if because my gender struggles have never caused me significant trouble outside of my own head, that has kept me in the closet for longer. I am relatively attractive as a girl (not a brag, just trying to provide context) and have been in long-term relationships with men and women. All of these were ultimately unsuccessful, and looking back I’m wondering if they failed in part because I was not being my authentic self (particularly with straight dudes, who I know for a fact would not have dated me if I looked the way I actually am).
Anyway, I guess I’m just looking for advice on how you all decided to transition / not transition and to what degree. When I think about transitioning, I simultaneously feel super excited and really overwhelmed/scared. Part of me wonders if I should even bother since I don’t experience severe dysphoria constantly. It’s more like transitioning to look the way I feel would just be really, really nice. It would be a relief. However, part of me is scared that I will look significantly different in a bad way. As much as it pains me to admit it, I am kind of a vain ass bitch and don’t want to lose my hair or anything. And I guess the deeper fear is that I will regret it or something? Or maybe that I am not trans ~~enough since I have cheerfully lived large chunks of life as a woman, and didn’t have significant issues as long as I didn’t think about it too hard?
I’m also highly freaked to come out to my friends/family. I have an enby sib who is out to everyone but frankly our parents still have no clue what that even means. They also know that I feel male on the inside, but I have never asked anyone to call me different pronouns or a different name, and I kinda suspect that unless I’m actively mentioning it, they don’t think about it at all. Outside of my immediate family/friends, i don’t particularly care what people think, but the thought of eventually coming out to everyone I know is still......a lot. I am openly bisexual and it hasn’t been an issue, but coming out as trans seems like a bigger deal. I guess because if I decide to transition, at a certain point, I feel like I’ll HAVE to address it with work colleagues, etc.
I guess I’m feeling the pressure a little because if I’m gonna do it, I don’t think I should wait much longer. I know I’m the only one who can make this decision but I’m really interested in hearing people’s personal stories and advice if anybody relates to my experience. Thanks for reading guys, hope everybody is staying safe in quarantine.
submitted by miloisnothere to FTMOver30 [link] [comments]

have no clue how to title this but smth awful has happened

 So a little backstory i’m a gay ftm and have been friends with this person for a while. I had reason not to trust him but i decider there wasn’t enough evidence. I started datin this dude. So he and i were goin well or whatever but he treated me like i was a female. which i H A T E D. Long story short he cheated on me, left me few his ex a few times ect ect but that’s not important. The thing he’s, he calls himself straight. He’s only dated girls and pre-transitioned trans dudes. And i’m like what!? you dated me bc in your eyes i was a woman?! and now he’s datin some AFAB Nb person i’ve only talked to like twice. and i wanna tell them that they’ll do awful things but it’s not my place so all i can do is pray this’ll be different from me and the others. 
edit: nvm he broke up with them
submitted by SAFSHlovesTree to TransVent [link] [comments]

I really need some advice on how to come out..

I dont know if this is the ideal place to post, sorry in advance for any rambling/grammaspelling errors (on mobile). Also sorry if this offends anyone, over the years ive been as open and accepting as possible with my little sibling and would never purposefully invalidate them. First post.. Be gentle.
To preface: My little sibling and i were attatched at the hip as kids, my mom would also dress us as twins (even though im older by 3 years) due to this my sibling ALWAYS had to have what i had, do what i did, and play with whoever i was playing with too.
That being said, if i did something, they would always make it a point to do the same (and if possible, do it better). This applied to things like haircuts, games, sports, clothes, and later tattoo ideas and piercings. Honestly, at the time, i loved having a little clone even if they did outshine me sometimes (its hard living in a shadow!!) I always had someone to play with, talk with, and vent to.
In 2008 at the tender age of 12 i came out to my family as a lesbian. My younger sibling (then 9F) was the first to know and immediately told my mom and dad after that they were also a lesbian. At this time we knew them as a female. This was no issue because my parents were always open and accepting of the lgbtq+ community and had several gay friends.
In 2011 i came out to my little sibling again, this time as trans (FtM). This is about the time i also came out to my good friends and teachers at school. I cut my hair short, stared dressing more masculine, and went by the male form of my given name.
You can guess what happened.. Before i got the courage to talk to the rest of my family about it my sibling came out as trans(FtM) in 2012.
There was a huge amount of pushback from my parents and older sister. I was the only one in my family using my siblings preferred pronouns and new name. Even to this day my family refer to them as "she/her". This only made my sibling more determined to pass
Their coming out as trans was not a big issue for me at the time, as i had a feeling it was a phase (the lesbian thing didnt last very long for my sibling and after a year or so of dating girls they went back to having straight relationships.)
Even so, I closeted myself again, only telling my closest friends and my partner (now of 7 years) about my identity and passing in front of family as a perfect lesbian couple..
My suspicions of my sibling not being FtM have been proven true time and time again. My sibling looks to be in the process of detransitioning socially as they never medically transitioned. They now refer to themself as nonbinary with a preference towards femme looking clothes and they/she pronouns.
10 months ago they became pregnant with their boyfriend and had a beautiful and healthy baby. Now my sibling is calling themself Mamma and Mommy to their child, wearing dresses, make up, heels, growing their hair out. (Mind you, i know a lot of men who ADORE wearing womens clothes and rock the look and i have no issue with that.)
The purpose of this post is not to invalidate my sibling. I love them with all my heart, but this has affected me deeply and i was wondering if anyone has gone through the same thing.
Im going to start medically transitioning soon (After all this Covid crap) and dont really want to tell my family because im afraid they will give me the same pushback ive seen them give my little sibling. I feel like theyll say im seeking attention or copying my sibling. I know there are NOTICEABLE changes with Testosterone and ill have to come out at some point. Sorry for the rant i just dont know what to do. Any advice on coming out and what might ease/alleviate the stress of talking to a nonsupportive family?
submitted by axjoy2213 to ftm [link] [comments]

I (21M) am trans and my parents (58F and 60M) are very transphobic and as much as I've tried to back away from them for my own mental health, they are refusing to let me create distance from them.

I realised I was trans (ftm) at 14, but I went to an all-girls high school, so I didn't come out to my parents until a few weeks before my 18th birthday. They reacted pretty terribly, spending an hour and a half telling me how much I'd ruined their lives and how I would kill my grandparents if I ever told them. They told me I was not to start transitioning for at least a decade because I couldn't be certain I was trans. I intended to come out to my brothers, but my parents said I was not to tell my younger brother (15 at the time) because he was too young to understand and my parents' terrible response had me too afraid to tell my older brother. That means my parents are the only ones in my family who know. We have never been a family who talks about feelings or anything personal - no-one ever talks about anything intimate or personal and none of us have ever told each other that we love each other. That's just not how my family is and even before they responded so badly to me coming out, I have never trusted them. My parents' approach to parenting has more of a focus on telling us what we do wrong rather than being supportive (just as an example: my mum will tell us we look fat/ugly and when we respond by saying that's unkind, she says she has to tell us that because no-one else will and that's what mothers are for). A week after my 18th birthday, I moved across the country for university - I picked that university specifically to get away from them because I wanted the freedom to learn about myself.
Over the last three years, I have started hormone therapy, had my name legally changed, been diagnosed with GAD and underlying panic disorder, and seen psychologists and therapists. My parents have continued to pretend that I never came out to them, continued to use the wrong name/pronouns, and continued to put my old name on any legal documents they still have control over (e.g. health insurance, which I can't afford on my own as a student). I have always felt obligated to return to my parents' place for the holidays (my mum, 58F, always found out what dates my holidays were and booked flights for me) and every time, I have collapsed into an episode of anxiety when I'm faced with them referring to me by my deadname, she/her pronouns, or even as 'lady'/'woman'. The only part I miss about being at my parents' place is the pets - cats, dogs, and horses have been a huge part of my life and I have been missing them a lot.
I am at my happiest and my anxiety is best controlled when I have nothing to do with my parents. The friends and colleagues I have made across the country have always used the correct name and pronouns. Now that my voice has dropped and changes are starting to happen with hormone therapy, I feel like I fit in and my social anxiety has improved massively. But every time I get a text from my parents (or even grandparents) my anxiety comes straight back and I end up in a downward mental spiral. This is something I specifically went to see a psychologist for, but after four sessions he admitted he didn't know how to help me, because I was already using methods to manage my anxiety but the source of the anxiety (parents) is out of my control. I have enough money in an investments account to have a private double mastectomy (which I am so keen to have done) but it's something I don't feel safe doing while still in contact with my parents, or while they continue to be as unsupportive as they are. At the end of 2022 I will graduate from medical school - this will be a big deal, but I'm at the point where I don't want my family there because they won't accept my new name. As much as I'm disgusted by myself for thinking it, I'm actually hoping my grandparents will be sufficiently frail by that point that they won't be able to attend my graduation.
This year I reached a breaking point and decided to start backing away from my parents properly. I have no intentions to return to them for the holidays (even if it means I need to make something up about having placements to prevent them from trying to bring me home) and will take up a summer studentship so I only have to go home for a brief time over Christmas. I reduced contact via text, but this has been very difficult to do because both my grandparents and parents are sending me money to help me cover rent while I study. This is not something I have asked for - in fact I was hoping they wouldn't send me money this year (this is my fourth year of study, they were going to fund my younger brother's university study instead of mine, but he decided to take a gap year) because it makes me feel obligated to keep contact with them.
The reason I'm posting now is because, with lockdown, I feel like my mum is trying to keep me in her grasp more than ever. It has gone from her texting every couple of days (with things that are relevant or important, e.g. an update about pets/family or a question about my study) to texting me ≥4 times a day with nothing but links to videos, tweets, podcasts, or articles (and always ones that have felt irrelevant to me). In the past when she's sent me links rather than text, I usually don't reply because I'm at work/uni and don't open the links, but now I'm in lockdown so I have no such excuse. I guess I wasn't replying enough for her liking because she sent me an angry message about being rude for not responding and how I'd even upset my grandmother because I hadn't initiated conversations with her. She also said something along the lines of "me and dad are completely baffled by why you're not responding" (which made me think... really? you have no idea?) and said I've disappointed her. Since then she's been sending me link after link and gets irritatable if I don't respond or don't respond enthusiastically enough.
I'm no stranger to feeling as though I've disappointed them. I've obsessed over my study since I was 15 because that was the only way I felt like I could make them proud of me - I've never been social enough, good-looking enough, or female-enough for them. But the combination of trying to create distance from them, having them text me repeatedly throughout the day, and being told I'm disappointing them for my efforts to create distance has left my mental health spiraling downwards. I guess it's been a breaking point for me. I think my mum has realised that I'm trying to back away from them and that's why she's sending me so many texts. She made me join a family Zoom chat for my grandmother's birthday, which created extra awkwardness because my grandparents don't understand why my voice is so low (my brothers seem to just have dismissed that - I think my older brother (25) has clued into it, although he hasn't said anything, and my younger brother (18) just doesn't care, which suits me). I have tried to be direct with them in the past about the problems they have created but they always shut me down by telling me I have disappointed them or how I create more problems for them, and my anxiety just makes me back down, so I no longer feel that a direct discussion with them is an option. Even the thought of trying that creates overwhelming anxiety (this was something I discussed with my psychologist and he agreed that it may just create more problems). I'd love to go non-contact, perhaps with the exceptions of my brothers if I could build up the nerve to come out to them, but with their financial input I feel like that's not something I can do.
Sorry for the long post but I wanted to include everything I feel is relevant. I have every intention to take up my med school's offer of free counselling as soon as lockdown ends (it's currently phone-only, which doesn't work super well for me), but in the mean time I've resorted to asking Reddit for help. I guess what I'm asking is: does anyone have advice for how I can create more distance? Or even advice on how to deal with the anxiety they create?
Thank you in advance for any help/advice/support anyone can offer.
submitted by ThrowRA9187245 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]

*Why STRAIGHT Women DON'T Date TRANS Men* FTM: success dating a 100% straight woman! Q&A - What its like Dating a Trans Guy! Dating straight women as a transguy FTM Daiting Straight Girls

A straight-identified teen wonders if having an FtM (female to male transgender) partner means that she is a lesbian.Figuring out your sexual orientation is complicated for a lot of people, but for someone with a transgender partner, this can raise even more questions. You are not eligible to vote on straight debate. This debate has been configured to only allow voters who meet the requirements set by the debaters. This debate either has dating Elo score requirement or is to girl voted on by a select panel of judges. Con I dont think FTM's should be dating or girl sex with cisgender straight girls. A straight girl wonders what it means if she is attracted to an FTM transgender guy. Partly, that is because when we are attracted to people who challenge certain ideas we have about ourselves and who we find appealing, it can bring up different feelings. But being open to new feelings can be a really positive thing and can help you live a richer life. A dating, connection, and hookup site for trans* masculine folks. FTM Relationship is part of the dating network, which includes many other general and ftm dating sites. As a member of FTM Relationship, your profile will automatically be shown on related ftm dating sites or to related users in the network at no additional charge. For more information on how this works, click here.

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*Why STRAIGHT Women DON'T Date TRANS Men*

Me talking about what may occur or what I feel would occur to dating/coming out to a straight girl if on T or identify as transgender. Then of a bit of recent dating experiences and questions. A few months ago, I dated a woman who identified as totally straight, and she was into me to the same extent she'd be into a cis-man. In this video, I'm telling some of that story, and explaining ... FTM: success dating a 100% straight woman! - Duration: 19:53. TheSLOfox 8,889 views. ... FTM_2 years post Top Surgery_Periareolar - Duration: 6:21. Colton Ryals 824 views. Dating straight women as a transguy Ellis Island. ... dating a "quirky" girl - Duration: ... FTM: success dating a 100% straight woman! - Duration: 19:53. ... DC Young Fly & Karlous Miller Get Too Turnt With Their Squads 🔥😂 Wild 'N Out - Duration: 3:13. Wild 'N Out Recommended for you. New